A/N: I own nothing!
First of all I want to give you all chocolates for the reviews. Everyone who is reviewing, and even the ones who are too lazy to review but still read, you truly rock. But the ones reviewing rock just a little bit harder.
And I just want to say that I know it's getting pretty frustrating that they haven't even freaking kissed yet, but it's coming. And it's not ten chapters away. Soon. I promise. Hold your horses, people. The story isn't M rated for nothing ;).
EPOV
Bella left me alone after our conversation, claiming I should be alone for inspiration to come. Actually what she meant was that she needed to go get dressed and she would be back later, so we could go have lunch together.
I felt pretty shitty. Because while she was reading the new chapter I found a stain of blood on the sleeves of Bella's nightshirt, which had been probably been put there by me on the previous night, and she probably didn't notice. When I was about to tell her, something inside me stopped me. Because, in a crazy, psycho, weird way, it felt like she had part of me with her, and I didn't want her to throw it out. I figured that made me a weirdo, but I shrugged it off. I was honestly more worried about other things that had been said.
Even after Bella and I became friends, I had never ever intended to tell her why I didn't like her – or that I didn't like Jacob. Somehow I was slowly losing control when it came to Bella, and I didn't enjoy it. Why had I told her I was starting to believe there was someone special out there? At first I thought I was only saying it to comfort her, make her feel good about not having had a real kiss yet, but I wasn't so sure anymore.
And being the dickhead I was, right after telling her it was good she was waiting for someone special, I lost my head and leaned into her to kiss her. I leaned in! What kind of sick ass was I? She must have thought I was the world's biggest hypocrite. Come to think of it, by the look on her face after I did it, she did think that. I couldn't honestly say what had come over me. It was all the talk about kissing and the lack of sleep and the newfound friendship between us, because I wasn't attracted to Bella. Bella wasn't attracted to me, either. Absently, I scratched my head, unsure of who I was trying to convince of what I was saying. I was attracted to Bella. I mean, of course I was. I had been attracted to Bella when I thought she was a backstabbing bitch – but at that point I thought it was part of her charm. It wasn't a big deal. Every man found Bella attractive, I was sure. I'd seen Jacob leering, and Mike and, hell, even Hugh and Jack thought she was hot. They were mistaken, though. I had been mistaken for a long time, as well. Because she wasn't hot, or attractive. She was beautiful. Exquisite. The little things she did playing with her hands when she was nervous, the way she blushed so easily, her smile, her eyes, her hair. Everything about her was hitting me like a brick wall since she had arrived, and it was becoming harder and harder to not act upon it. Particularly when she touched me, accidentally or on purpose. Or when she was close. Or just when she breathed, in general.
Sighing, I ran a frustrated hand through my hair again. It would be sticking out pretty badly by now, and I needed a freaking shower. I was glad we just moved on to another subject like I hadn't just been about to kiss her, and not dwelled on it.
Remembering Jacob, I winced involuntarily. That had been the sad asshole who had kissed Bella and not even tried to sneak his freaking tongue in. I had wanted more details, especially dealing with how it happened, who started it and who ended it, but Bella's face clearly signaled it wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to, so I let it go. Plenty of time to find out about that later.
Trying to concentrate on chapter four of my story was useless. I just couldn't get Bella out of my head. It infuriated me. I wasn't a guy who got caught up in his head or who you would expect would get imprisoned by his feelings for a girl. There was no doubt in my mind why this was happening, either. It was all the closeness. Me and Bella were being practically thrown in each other's direction. We spent most part of everyday together. And we found something new to fight about every day. First day was because we didn't like each other, then yesterday it was because Bella was worried about me and I didn't want to tell her the reason I got into a fight was her. How very heroic of me, to get into a fight because someone was saying things about Bella, things that could have come out of my mouth not even a week before it happened. I rolled my eyes in annoyance at my behavior. I deserved to have gotten my nose broken, and my ass kicked for good measure. Remembering my nose, I pressed on it softly, tentatively with my fingers, to test the damage. Painful, but not nearly as much as the previous night.
I didn't know how Bella felt about me, but I was certain of something: I wasn't fucking good enough for her. I had managed to mess up in one way or another every relationship in my life, even the non-romantic ones. I firmly believed myself to be incapable of love, and Bella was pure and innocent and beautiful. I didn't freaking deserve her, and I wouldn't make a move in spite of being attracted. I wouldn't make her into one of my afternoon fucks, even though I knew that was what would be expected of me by some people. I valued her, and our friendship enough to know she deserved a lot more than someone who was just attracted to her. She needed someone who put her on a freaking pedestal and protected her. And loved her. A description which pretty much put me out of the picture.
My thoughts were interrupted by Bella's beaming smile behind me, calling me to lunch. She did look heavenly sometimes, I mused. Right off the shower her hair was still wet and a much darker shade of brown than her natural color, and it fell neatly almost at the middle of her back, making me want to play with it for hours. But that wasn't the only thing different. Here's the thing about Bella: she's pretty low-key. So her clothes consisted of baggy things which don't show off a lot, and – trust me on that – left much to the imagination. Not today. She was wearing a blue fitted shirt which was showing off just a hint of cleavage, with her usual blue jeans. On anyone else it would have been common. Even demure, maybe. But on her, it had made me gawk at her for seconds before I trusted myself enough to pronounce a sentence.
I wondered if she had dressed up for our lunch, and cursed at myself for not having showered yet. I was officially a pig. Wondering if it would be proper to tell her she looked beautiful, Bella interrupted my thoughts while we headed for the kitchen.
"Guess what?" She asked excitedly, nearly bouncing up and down in the kitchen. She didn't give me time to ask "I'm going to the movies tonight. You're fine with heating some pre-cooked food, right?"
I nodded, distracted. Well, there went the theory that she had dressed up for me. That was a huge pride crush. Certifying my face showed nothing but excitement for her, I started setting the table for two. "You're going alone?"
She was standing by the microwave, setting the timer with our food inside and I saw her shake her head inattentively. "With the guys from La Push." She turned around to look at me and bit her lip adorably. "It's not a problem, is it?"
I muttered a 'of course not' which made Bella go back to her lively state. I liked to see her happy, I just had no idea she was so eager to leave the house. I could have taken her to see a movie in Port Angeles if she wanted. "So everyone from La Push is going?"
"Just Sam and Jacob. And Leah."
The word double date filled my head and I had to bite my tongue not to ask. I wondered if she would even tell me the truth if I did. Deciding not to give up too easily, I decided to give something a shot.
"Mind if I tag along?" When she nearly stumbled from turning around so fast, I almost laughed. "I don't have any plans for tonight. Besides, how can you drive to Port Angeles on that ankle?" I was prepared to use all my weapons on this. I did not want Bella going on a double date with people who hated me. I had done something similar and ended up home bleeding. Also, I didn't know how recent this chaste kiss was. What if he invited her to try again? What if he was already her boyfriend and he just didn't know how to kiss Bella properly? The scenarios only worsened in my head as she remained quiet, probably wondering why the hell I wanted to go. To be completely honest, I wasn't that certain myself. Stubbornly, I kept my eyes stayed fixated on Bella, waiting for her reaction.
"But…" she said finally, "you don't like them."
"I didn't like you three days ago, either." I shrugged. "What you mean is, they don't like me. Now that we're friends shouldn't we make an effort to hang out with each others' friends as well?"
She narrowed her eyes, but she didn't deny it. "Well…I just don't think it's a very good idea."
***
I won. After half an hour discussing the pros and the cons, and of Bella suggesting I call my own friends, the ones I had just beat up, to have a friendly get together, or write or listen to music , I finally made her see, by making her drive around the block, that she was in no condition to drive. Besides, with me there, she could come back whenever he wanted. Or, if things went badly, I would leave and she'd catch a ride with Sam.
The thing was, I was not going to let Bella go out with Jacob. Not in the blue tight sweater. I knew it was shallow of me, and way too controlling, but this was Bella we were talking about. There were probably a million things that could happen to her on a night out in Port Angeles.
After I convinced her, she called Jacob. Who, after long moments of silence, I heard claim 'he was fine with it if I was'. Asshole. I had told Bella I wanted to get along with them, but that had been quite obviously a lie. There was the distinct possibility I hated him even more now, after I found out he had Bella's first kiss.
I wasn't looking for trouble, though, in any way. But really, we were going to the movies, so most of the time would be spend quietly in the dark. And with Bella right by my side so I could make sure that asshole's mouth stayed well away from hers.
Bella reluctantly agreed to let me go, and I convinced her to go in my car and we'd meet them there, so I would have the chance to assure her I wasn't planning on ruining her night, or theirs, by any means. Honestly, I just wanted some time spent with Bella outside of the house and to keep Jacob away from her. It seemed innocent enough in my mind. I excused myself to have a shower and get properly ready for going out.
It wasn't like I paid much attention to what I wore. Actually I never did. And it was pretty stupid to start now because there was still bruising in my nose and the side of my face, so it's not like I would ever look great. But in tribute to Bella's sweater, I picked up a shirt of the same color and some jeans, threw them on, and went downstairs where Bella was already ready and waiting for me.
"Ready?"
She gave me a nervous nod and I nearly felt bad for putting her in this situation. Nearly. I walked in front of her to my Volvo, running to her side to open her door for her and smirked at the reaction in her face. Clearly the chaste kisser had never opened the door for her. Striding calmly to my side, I caught a glimpse of Bella's anxious face before I entered my car.
Worried that maybe she didn't really want me to go and I was intruding on something private, I entered the car swiftly, and stared at her until Bella looked back at me. "Do you want me to stay?" I saw the glint of doubt in her eyes. "Just say yes and I'll go back inside and I'll see you when you get back, Bella. No hard feelings. It's probably not too late to call Sam and have them swing by to pick you up. Or I can drive you there."
She thought about my words for a while. For too long, actually. But when she spoke again, she spoke firmly. "No. You're my friend now, Edward. You're coming out with me tonight."
I nodded, happier with her answer than I thought I would have been. Starting the ignition, we headed to Port Angeles to meet Sam, Leah and Jacob Black.
When we had spent about five minutes in a comfortable silence, I decided it was time to start prying for answers.
"Bella," I said, keeping my eyes on the road. "I just want you to know I won't do anything to ruin your night. It's not why I came."
"Why did you? To watch my ankle?"
"I've been a little…curious about your relationship with Jacob since you told me about it."
"You knew we were friends. You told me that's partially why you didn't like me"
"I knew you were friends, I didn't know you were friends with benefits." I saw from the corner of her eye that she was opening her mouth to protest, so I corrected my wording before she got mad at me. "I meant that I didn't know you kissed him, Bella, nothing offensive."
"We don't. It was just that one time," she said quietly.
"When was that one time?"
Bella kept answering me quickly, unemotionally, to the point. I had a feeling she was behaving like she was testifying in court or something. "Last time I saw him, about two weeks ago."
My mouth felt suddenly too dry to speak. Two weeks ago. And Leah and Sam were dating, or at least they were sucking on each other's face every time I saw them together. The word double date haunted me again, even though I was trying to push it to the back of my mind.
"Wow," I exclaimed after too much time for it to sound natural. "Is that going to be weird? You two going out again so soon?" We could always go back home and catch a movie by ourselves.
She smiled sweetly. "I don't think so. We talked about it and it's not going to happen again."
I gulped, preparing myself for my next question. "Do you like him?"
When she nodded, I wondered if she would be able to hear my heart beating. "I do. Just not like…that," she concluded sadly.
Wincing, I realized I was gripping the wheel so tightly in my hands my knuckles were screaming in pain. Probably not smart to grip something that hard within twenty four hours of beating someone up. When Bella answered, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and smiled.
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"Look," she said, sitting up on her seat. "We're here"
I took notice of where the exit was and went to park the car, and suddenly I noticed the La Push people were all already there. Taking a long, deep breath and patting her arm lightly, I got out of the car and braced myself for what was about to happen.
