D: What are you?!

W: A idiotsandwich


W: Why aren't you wearing a shirt?

D: Cause it's hot

W: It snowed yesterday


: You follow Satan on twitter?

D: You don't?

D: Assassination: a nation that is sassy

W: No-


W: My heart says yes but my bank balance says no

D: Do you even have a bank balance?


D: There are seven wonders of the world and I am three of them


W: American but Amerishouldn't

D: The election is ALL READY OVER


D: I swear to god Italy is the cutest thing

W: What are you talking about?

D: At least Germany agrees with me


W: I guess there are some problems that can be solved with the power of fashion

D: You're damn right- now shut up and work that runway


D: I am here with the stunningly beautiful...

D: Myself


W: FACT: Adding '3000' to anything make it 200 times cooler

D: Wally3000

W: ...

D: Hm, nothing changed


D: I am putting a ribbon in my hair to raise awareness of me looking so cute


D: Stop being so defensive I am just trying to hit you with weapons


W: A baby's laughter is one of the most best sounds you will ever hear.

W: Unless it's 3AM

W: And your alone

W: And you don't have a baby


D: I'm at that age where I only have one thing on my mind

W: Guys?

D: Homicide


W: Lets play a game called you bring me food and I eat it


D: I once killed a man in his sleep with his own mustache and a grape


W: Last night I had a dream where scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove that humans are closely related to goats and I was so insulted when I woke up

D: Have you watched the news lately?

W: No, why?

D: No reason


D: I'm cute as hell, which is incidentally where I came from


W: I may act like I'm tough but if your mean to me there is a 900% chance I will cry


D: If I ever got the power to turn invisible the first thing I would do is go to France and beat up a mime

W: They would think he was the best performer of all time

D: And I would get to beat up a mime


W: My 9 year old cousin got a bad burn on her hand and as she was crying she placed her hands over my heart and goes "ahhh, so nice and cold."

D: I want to meet this child

D: Now


D: My eyebrows are the source of all my power

W: I thought that was your ass?

D: No, my ass is the source of all the power


D: I'm not a bitch I'm the bitch


W: Who needs April fools when your entire life is a joke


D: Puppies are touchable happiness

W: Someone needs to get you a dog


W: Dick?

D: What?

W: Where's my uniform?

D: What?

W: Where. Is. My. Uniform?!

D: I put it away

W:WHERE?

D: Why do you need to know?

W: I need it!

D: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off and doing stupid shit with James and Hartley! We've been planning this dinner for two-weeks!

W: The city is in danger!

D: My evenings in danger!

W: You tell me where my uniform is, Dick! We are talking about the greater good!

D: "Greater good'?! I am your best friend! I'm the greatest GOOD your ever gunna get!


D: Do re mi fa so done with you

W: Did you just tell me off through a musical scale?


- Special guest apparence from Roy -

W: What has four letters and is hard

R: Rock

D: Dick

R: Math

D: Life

W: That got real deep real fast


D: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other humans?

W: Are you talking airplane tickets, prostitution, or the movies?

D: Glasses


W: 6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9 but why did 7 eat 9?

D: Because your supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day


D: If I make you breakfast in bed a smile and "thank you" will suffice, none of this "How did you get in my house?" Stuff. So rude.


W: Do you feel guilty?

W: Like- at all?

D: I don't have time to and neither do you


D: I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong


W: Where is death when you need it?

D: On vacation

D: Lazy bitch


D: Anything that requires more than 6% effort

D: Dickie ain't gunna do it


W: We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?!

D: Actually it's more like eight

W: Oh, sorry I wasn't specific enough!


D: Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?

W: Oh god, we're going to die aren't we?

D: It's a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself

W: You absolutely do not


W: Your forgot me

D: It was an accident


D: Hey, I didn't kill anyone today!

W: What do you want, a gold star?

D: What? No, of course not

D: I want a victim


W: Why are you so much better at drinking than I am?

D: Lets be real, I'm better than you at everything

W: You have a point


D: Oh, look at all the pretties!

W: Can you please stop talking about assault rifles the same way you talk about kittens?


W: I'm getting really tired of watching you get thrown off of high places

D: How do you think I feel?!


D: You know, no one bothered me this much when I was dead


W: You-you are-

D: Beautiful, a genius, immensely talented-

W: Dangerous


D: I am either going out for ice cream or to commit another felony

D: I'll decide in the car


W: I never stood a chance did I?

D: That's the sad part, you did- once