Jeez. What an evening. Holy crap.

I barely know where to begin.

I guess it all started after Bea and I got back to the car. We just got done with what we'd wanted to see in town and I swore we were getting ready to leave. Next thing I know, Angus's car is pulling into the parking lot! I had to pinch myself at the time, and I still can't fully grasp it now. Gregg and Angus are right here with us, in Bright Harbor! I've gotta admit, they gave me a bit of a fright. I almost jumped out of my skin when the two of them came rocking up out of nowhere. It was like coming face-to-face with a ghost.

But now that I've had some time to think, I'm beginning to make sense of it. Some things have become a bit clearer since they showed up. At least now I know who Bea's been on the phone to this whole time. No kidding – it took me a while to piece together what'd happened.

It looks like word got out that I was unwell. I remember Bea messaged them about it before we left. Even so, I can't say I ever expected them to come all the way out here on my behalf. It was so strange to me that they'd do this – I just couldn't take it at face value.

Anyway, they decided they wanted us to do something together. We considered heading back to the mall, but it was already getting dark and the shops were beginning to shut. We ended up going for food at some pasta joint downtown – Gregg and Angus's recommendation. They already know the layout fairly well, so Bea let them lead the way while we tagged along.

The whole way there, I was almost completely speechless. It felt like a dream. I had a million and one questions rushing through my head all at once, but I couldn't get a single thought out. Still, I figured getting dinner would probably help to get things flowing between us. And I gotta say, the food at the place we went to was really good. It was no Pastabilities – there will never be another Pastabilities – but it wasn't a bad substitute at all. I've bookmarked it for next time I'm in town.

When we arrived, we got a table together. It got me thinking back to our times at the Clik Clak. Just the four of us – just as it should be. It was like we were taking a trip back to those golden times. And for a while, I was so happy.

Still, I knew this wasn't the same as one of our usual meet-ups. There was something else going on beneath the surface. Angus was in good spirits, but Gregg seemed off. He spent most of the time huddled next to Angus, just sorta smiling weakly. And he was quiet – really quiet. Totally un-Gregglike behaviour. I knew something was up right away.

Angus agreed to fill us in on what's been going on since we all last met up together (which could've been, I don't know, a year ago?). But before that, he apologised to me. He said he felt really guilty about what'd happened to me and that we're still friends and he hadn't meant to come across like he was cutting me off. To be honest, I couldn't understand why he seemed so concerned, or why he even felt the need to apologize. What's there for him to feel guilty about? It doesn't make sense to have other people apologise for my own messed-up head. Honestly, as heartfelt as his apology was, I almost blanked while he was giving it. In the end, I just told him not to worry about it.

He then went on to explain what he's been through since we last saw each other.

What he told us, I hadn't expected to hear. He really hasn't had a good time of it.

Roughly a week ago, he had to take another trip out to visit his douchebag relatives. Turns out, the experience ended up being maddeningly stressful for him. He didn't go into great detail about it (in fact, he barely said anything) but I can tell he went through some shit. The day after he got back, he was struck down by a fever – probably something he caught while he was out there. He said it's the lowest he's ever felt, and the stress just made everything worse. He came back in such a state, he had to take time off work – a lot of time. He was slipping in and out of illness constantly. Whenever he thought he was starting to get well, he'd be bedridden the next day. He even started to think he'd never get better. Poor guy.

His sickness put Gregg under a ton of pressure. He had to care for Angus the whole time he was ill, as well as keeping up with his dayshifts at Snack Falcon. He didn't have any choice about the job – if they'd both stopped working during that period, it would've endangered their plans for next year. Between caring for his boyfriend and work, he had no time for anything, or anyone, else. And it's pretty clear to see – I could tell what Gregg's been through just by looking at his face. He looked super, super tired, like someone who hasn't slept properly in a fortnight.

At first, I didn't know how to properly react to what Angus was saying. The truth completely shocked me. All this time, I'd been so frightened that they were trying to shut me out of their lives, when in actual fact they'd been suffering, too. I felt like a total asshole for how I treated him and Gregg – the thoughts I'd entertained about them leaving me to rot. The mere fact I'd thought that about them made me feel sick and ashamed. Yet, at the same time, I was just so overwhelmed to see them both again. It was a really messy conflict of emotions.

I thought I was gonna burst into tears in front of them. All I wanted to do was cry, and the effort to hold it back was unbearable. I would've cried, I reckon, even though it's been, what, how many times in just over a week? My throat was like a dried-out riverbed and I could feel the tears welling up in their little underground streams. I was more than ready to drown that place.

But then something changed. Out of nowhere, this image of Angus entered my head – just him trying to recover from his fever after me and Gregg turned their flat into a Winter wonderland. He's passed out on the sofa in their living room, with the Christmas lights we'd stolen twinkling away and heaps of that stupid, fake snow piled up on the floor around him. On top of that, he's wearing that green cardigan he's always got on. It makes him look like one of Santa's elves who decided to take a nap, only he's already such a big guy...

Something about that image just tickled me in a way I can't describe. So instead of crying, I laughed. I howled like a damn hyena. I think I almost died. I don't know what the others thought – or anyone else eating in that place, for that matter. They must've wondered if I'd lost my mind. We're lucky they didn't kick us out.

I shared the image I had of Angus with the others. I don't really know why. I guess I could hardly keep the reason for my sudden outburst hidden from them. I don't know about Bea, but Gregg seemed to find it funny. He said that's exactly how it'd looked. Even Angus laughed a little bit. Thank God he laughed. If he hadn't seen the funny side, I don't know what he would've thought of me. Angus is such a good sport, going along with my dumb jokes.

He only offered one caveat: he suggested that I should leave interior decorating to him from now on. Fair enough. I'm willing to let that one go. Decorating has never been an area where my talents lie.

After we'd eaten, Gregg asked me to come outside with him. He wanted us to have a proper chat about stuff from home – just me and him, mano a mano. We left Bea and Angus sitting at the table together. We agreed it was probably for the best to give them some time to discuss things between themselves. I still got a few sour looks from some of the diners as we headed for the door.

Once we were outside, Gregg announced that he wanted to find somewhere secluded. I didn't really question it, even though we weren't far from the pier and the sea breeze meant it was effin' cold outside. It was already dark too, the steel street lamps casting their hazy glows to light our path.

After some searching, we found a suitable back alley nearby. As far as alleyways go, this one wasn't so bad. No gangs, no-one trying to sell you anything. No coffin-shaped dumpsters. I've seen worse neighbourhoods, that's for sure.

Gregg was a bundle of nerves. I could spot all the tells right away. He had a pack of cigarettes on him and immediately lit one up as soon as we were out of sight. I even saw his hands shaking while he was fumbling his lighter. I mean, I won't pretend that the cold wasn't getting to me, but I can recognise nerves when I see them. Not to mention that, under normal circumstances, he barely ever smokes. Angus hates it.

He seemed even more on edge when he started talking. When he spoke to me, he'd periodically give this strange, reflexive jolt. I don't think it was his nerves, but more like his body was trying to keep him from dozing off on the spot. Like I said, he looked seriously effin' tired.

On reflection, I think I knew what I was in for before he even started talking. He'd been quiet for most of the day – but I knew there was something he desperately wanted to get off his chest.

He told me about how he'd found us here. Looks like this whole 'visit Bright Harbor' idea had been his idea, not Bea's as I'd first thought. He said he'd desperately wanted to pay me a visit at home after Bea had messaged him about me falling ill, but he'd had his hands full, what with Angus falling ill and being cooped up at Snack Falcon all day.

When he'd finally found a chance to visit, we were already out of town. Apparently, Bea hadn't told him about the roadtrip, or where we were heading. And he couldn't reach her on her phone without a signal. He actually had to use Angus' car to drive out to Donut Wolf in the middle of the night, without Angus knowing about it, just so he'd have signal to speak to Bea. I can't actually believe that was his solution. And this fool doesn't even have a licence! If they'd caught him like that, he would've been in deep shit.

Still, at least it was his boyfriend's car. Gregg's the sort of guy who would've tried to hotwire someone else's car if he had no other option. So it's probably just as well that it didn't come to that. I still find it funny that they never bought a landline for their place. It might've saved him a lot of trouble, but I guess that wouldn't be keeping it real.

He almost crashed the car on the way out, too. Said he saw his whole life flash before his eyes for a moment. I'm not supposed to tell Angus about any of this, by the way.

As if all of that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't even get through to Bea the first few times he tried to ring her. I think this was the night where we stopped in the middle of nowhere. He had to wait it out in the parking lot until the very next day. He was camped out there, all on his own, living on nothing but donuts until he could finally get through to her. He can laugh about that bit at the very least, but he's still worried about how Bea reacted. He said she's incredibly, unbelievably pissed off with him. Frankly, it's something I'd already noticed. When they arrived, I saw the way she was eying Gregg. She was acting really distant towards him for a while. The first time he tried to speak to her, she immediately gave him the cold shoulder. It was kind of brutal to watch.

I suppose I kind of get it. He ruined her plans for a roadtrip and made her drive all the way back to Bright effin' Harbor of all places, when I reckon she would've been happier as far away from home as possible. But it's not just that. I think she's also angry at him for what'd happened with me and how he'd stayed away when I was ill. It's not something she ever spoke to me about while we were travelling together, but I think that's what it is.

Still, she changed her tune when she heard about the situation with Angus. She hadn't known anything about that – same as me.

This whole thing has all been one big, dumb misunderstanding.

That's when Gregg got really kinda serious – maybe more serious than he's ever been. He just looked me straight in the eye – the first time he'd done that since he got here – and I could see something troubling going on behind his own eyes. He wanted to know what I'd thought when I was struggling on my own, when I ran off for the woods by myself. He asked me if I'd believed that him and Angus were really trying to get rid of me this whole time.

I didn't know how to answer him. I said I was confused. At the time, nothing had made any sense to me. It's not something I'd wanted to believe. But things had happened so suddenly and for some reason, my mind defaulted to the worst imaginable possibility. Honestly, it was more my fault than anyone else's.

Things went downhill fast after I admitted that. I was hoping an honest answer would've helped. Not in this instance.

I don't think I've ever seen Gregg cry properly – he's not a big baby like me – but he came damn close tonight. I'm unsure if there was something he's been suppressing or holding back, but it all came out at once. It could've been anything, really. Maybe it was the stuff with Casey coming back to haunt him. He hasn't gotten over that, either – same as me.

He was in pieces, full-on freaking out. I've never seen him like that before. It had me scared. He said he felt awful that he hadn't come to visit me when I was ill – that he'd betrayed me, somehow. He kept saying that word, 'betrayed', over and over. He'd had to make a choice, he said, and the fact he'd 'chosen' to stay away had made him sick with guilt. His decision had been driving him insane, keeping him up all night with anxiety.

Oddly enough, I almost felt like I was the one who was freaking out the most over this. The way he was acting was bringing back my own feelings of anxiety. He had me sweating bullets and I thought I was going to get the terrors again. He had to stop. I just desperately wanted him to stop beating himself up over it. He's the sort of guy who'll beat himself up over things – I mean really beat himself up. It makes me worried he'll go overboard when he acts like that.

I don't think it's right or fair that he's thinking about it that way, or that he's suffering for it, but I could see the truth in what he said. The idea that his best friend thought he was ditching her really seemed to torment him.

I don't want to sound like I have a heart of stone when I say this: I'm touched that he feels that way about me, but it doesn't change the fact that his reasoning is a load of BS. I told him to knock it off – tried to get him to stop, but he wasn't listening. He was totally inconsolable.

For a moment, I almost seized up completely. I knew I had to say something, anything, to try to calm him down. No-one was going to come to help – it was just me and him together in some backstreet in the middle of nowhere. But I'm usually terrible at this kind of stuff, and I was almost certain that anything I said would just make it worse. It felt like the worst possible time for this to be happening.

All the same, I couldn't just stand there and watch Gregg like that. He was suffering on the inside, and it hurt me to witness it.

It was like when Bea and I were together, when I was freaking out and she was there to calm me down – only now the roles were reversed, and I had to play her role for Gregg. It felt like I was standing in Bea's shoes. I finally needed to try my hand at being responsible.

Well, I did my best. I just told him that I didn't feel like he was 'choosing' to get rid of me. I just don't see it that way, and neither should he. We're still besties – nothing's gonna change that. Even after they move away, we're gonna still see each other. What he thought was a 'choice' is just something that happens – it's normal. Everyone has things that're important to them, after all. It's not about sacrifice – it's about doing what's best for you. As long as you hang on to the things that matter to you, they'll never disappear.

I don't really know if I was speaking from experience – I don't have a lot of that. It's more to do with the way I feel, even if it's a little idealistic. But that's what I said to Gregg, and it seemed to work to calm him down. I think he understands. I think.

Ugh, what a rollercoaster of an evening. I'm dying for a shower.

Anyway, I think the moment's passed. It's a big relief that Gregg's cooled off for now, but I know he's still thinking about this stuff. He's worried that Bea doesn't want him hanging around with us anymore. He's being silly – I know that's not the case. Bea's not like that. She'll forgive him, for sure.

As we were heading back to the diner, we got chatting about some other things. Nothing important, really, but it helped to clear the air. Things were finally starting to wind down.

Then, like a complete idiot, I apologised for almost calling him a coward a few days ago after I ran out of the Snack Falcon. Literally, I apologised for almost calling him a coward – that thing I'd wanted to say at the time but hadn't said, only to write it down and blurt it out one week later. I don't know what I was thinking, or why I thought it needed an apology. No-one wants to hear apologies for things you almost said.

I knew I would regret writing something like that down. Writing things down keeps them fresh in the mind, just so you can blab about it later like a moron. That's how it works, at least in my experience.

Things were looking bad. I could tell he was kinda shocked at first and I was sure I'd messed up big time. I really didn't want to set him off again.

But he surprised me with a pretty decent comeback:

"Too bad you didn't actually call me a coward, so I could punch your lights out."

I have to admit, he really got me there. Not bad form for a guy who was losing his mind just a few minutes before.

It's just too bad the council didn't mistake him for one of their Christmas lights, hang him outside Town Hall and run 10,000 volts through his skeleton.

Love you, Gregg.

Once we got back to the diner, Bea and Angus were ready to leave. Angus even picked up the bill for us – his treat. What a nice guy.

There's a place not far from here where we're staying for the night. I think we were all sorta tired from the mixture of food and drama, but none of us were ready to turn in for the night just yet. We ended up sauntering down to the pier together and found a good spot to chill out on the wharf. The whole area is massive and stretches out for what seems like miles. We perched ourselves on the edge of the seawall, looking into the bay area and out towards the ocean in the distance. Surprisingly, there was barely anyone else around. We probably weren't allowed to be there, not that I particularly care about that.

I'm actually kinda stunned at how pretty it was. There was a ton of mist rolling in from the sea, though the water was fairly calm. The night sky was so clear, with the moon dancing in the water of the harbor. The way the light reflected off its surface, it seemed to make the world glow. And of course, the stars were out again tonight. They were stunning, though I couldn't help but think of home as I watched them sparkle. It reminded me of the past when we would go stargazing on a clear night up on Possum Jump. Nothing will be able to beat that – but this definitely wasn't a bad effort.

We had this long moment where we just sat there together, staring at the stars. It was dang cold and pretty uncomfortable but no-one felt any need to move. Nobody said a word. It was like we all had our own things we were thinking about. Or maybe we were all thinking about the same thing?

For what it's worth, I know what I was thinking. There's something about a night sky that just makes your mind open up. Looking at those stars, my head was filled with so many thoughts and ideas and endless questions. But riding above them all, there was one question that stood out in my mind:

What's next for us?

Are we going to be able to stay together like this forever, or will it all come to an end some day? And if so, what'll take its place? With so much changing around us, what does the future hold?

I've been asking myself these questions ever since I got done with college. The aftermath of Fall only got me thinking about it more. Even now, it's something I wonder about all the time. But as I looked at that sky, things started to make a lot more sense.

I think I finally understand why I was so nervous about coming here – why it felt so dangerous. I thought it was kinda strange at the time but all this time, I'd been trying to hide the answer from myself. It's 'cause this is the tipping point. I knew it, even before Angus and Gregg showed up. This town was gonna make me face up to the future – that's what this all represents.

I also believe that's why Bea and Gregg brought us together here, even if they don't know it. Trust me – this sort of thing doesn't just happen by chance. This shit was preordained.

Now, I have a decision to make. This is where I decide how I want the future to play out. With the stuff going on around us, I was starting to worry that I was powerless to influence things. But the truth is: I do have a choice. That's what this place has been trying to tell me.

We're planning to head back tomorrow. I don't think Bea can afford to take any more time off than this. That's fine. I think it's time to go home, too.

It's gonna be strange to go back. There's still a lot to clean up, and I ain't just talking about my room. Things are going to stay strange for a good, long while. But I'm not scared of going back anymore.

This was worth it. This whole trip has been an eye-opener for me. I'm sure it's the same for Bea, too. We both needed this. And honestly, with everyone back together again, I'm happy. This is the happiest I've felt in weeks. It's magical.

I think I'm going to look back on this little excursion in a few years and I'll be able to recapture some of the happiness I feel right now, so long as I can remember at least some of the details (but hey, that's what this is all about, right?).

I'm glad I wrote this.


Goodbye, Bright Harbor. You were kinder than expected.

And see you soon, I guess.

We left town roughly an hour ago after getting food and having another quick look at the markets. We all woke up hungry this morning, so we went out and got pizza first thing. I think we ran out of ideas and no-one complained about the suggestion (my suggestion, of course). Besides, we all know that breakfast pizza is the best. Incidentally, I plan on proposing an amendment to the pizza scale, factoring in all pizza eaten at unconventional times of day, and leftovers. I've thought way too hard about this so I expect it to be welcomed with unanimous agreement.

Pizza was great, by the way. I know I mentioned it plenty of times already but holy cow, the food in this place is amazing! They have almost everything. We even bought a bunch of these homemade quesadillas to take back with us and they look incredible, even if it's sort of a cheese overload…

Ok, I'll stop. I'm not turning this thing into a travel guide – or a draft for some kind of weird food blog.

Gregg's holding up fairly well. No more outbursts. After his escapade with the car, he's been on his best behaviour. Maybe he's just following suit from yours truly (it's not likely).

I didn't mention Casey to him. There's no need to reopen that can of worms right now. I'm going to speak to him some more once we get back home. We'll decide what we're gonna do about it. It'll be tough but I think we're going to be fine.

Speaking of which, I had another dream about him last night. Casey, I mean. They're usually pretty frightening experiences for me – I won't go into detail here. But this wasn't the frightening sort of dream. It was sorta peaceful, in a strange way. I don't really know what to say about it. Maybe it's a sign of better things to come – whatever the opposite of 'omen' is.

I'm in Bea's car for the trip back. Angus and Gregg are following just behind us. We can't be more than a couple hours away from Possum Springs. There's a lot of stuff we need to catch up on. First order of the day when we get back: band practice. We all agree it's been too long since our last session. I'll need to borrow Gregg's bass again, but that's fine – I'm more than used to that old beast already. I've even got an idea of what song we can play.

So… yeah. I guess this is really the end of our road trip, huh?

It's funny. On the face of it, I've gotta admit the trip was pretty lame. We only got to visit two of the main locations we planned, and we didn't cover that much distance. Save for Bright Harbor, we barely even left the state. All I'm saying is that this wasn't what I was expecting.

And yet, this is just fine.

I've been thinking more about this diary stuff. I might take a break from writing for a while. I'm getting the sense that it's time to move on. Reflecting on the past has helped, I think. But now, I need to look to the future. We need to look to the future. So it may be a little while before I do another one of these.

It's crazy to think that we were all struggling with our own problems. We all believed we were isolated in our own way. Fate did its best to drive us apart. But now, nothing can stop us. The crew are reunited and we're taking on the world, together!