Chapter 10
Fear.
Usually people feared spiders, the dark, or falling. I was scared of being touched, of being taken advantage of. I was terrified of my father and Destiny. I'm not scared of what normal people are. I had always let fear rule my life. It was why I never stuck up for myself or fought back. Normal people didn't fear their friends or their crush. I was afraid of everything and anything, and I was terrified to let him kiss me.
But I wanted to. I wanted him to lean down an inch more and touch our lips together. But I was scared of what would follow. Would he stop the kiss, or keep going even if I didn't want to? Or would he let me have control?
I had no idea how to kiss someone. I had read a lot of books, but this was the real thing. It would be our first kiss when we hadn't even gone on a real date yet. But how do you learn when you never practice?
My chest was aching and my breathing never calmed. I had never had this feeling before. It hurt, but at the same time it made me feel good…an emotion that I had never really known. I hated that I loved it. I wouldn't mind feeling like this forever. And that meant being by Josh.
But I couldn't kiss him. I just couldn't. All my life fear chose the way. I couldn't just change all of a sudden. I can't. I couldn't. No, I just—I couldn't do it.
I opened my eyes to find him unmoving, his eyes closed, but his jaw tight. Strands of brown hair hung in his eyes. I could still feel his hot breath on my lips.
I found myself closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and standing on my tip toes. Our mouths crashed harder than I had expected, but nonetheless, I felt him smile as he pulled me closer by the waist. I stood there awkwardly, not knowing where to put my hands to what to do. He pulled away momentarily and took my wrists in his gently. My eyes widened as I stared up at him in shock. To my surprise, he led my fingers up towards his neck.
"Kiss me back." He breathed, his eyes flooding with emotion.
I blushed harder than I ever had. "I don't know how." I confessed, wrapping my arms around his neck.
He smiled, biting the corner of his lip slightly. "Try, baby." He replied, placing his hands on the small of my back and catching my mouth with his again.
Fear bubble up inside me as his mouth moved against mine. I was too embarrassed to do anything. What if I messed up? What if I wasn't a good kisser? What if he didn't like me anymore?
I was tired of being scared or worrying about the consequences whenever I did something. For once, I wanted to do something and not be worried later. His hands gripped my waist a little tighter and pushing me back a step at a time until my back hit the wall. I should've been scared; I should've been terrified that I was trapped between him and the wall. But his hands stayed where they were. His body pressed closer to mine, his tongue running across my bottom lip. He smiled when I did nothing. "Danny," he breathed. Imagining everything I had read in book, I parted my mouth slightly and curled my fingers in his hair, pulling slightly. He moaned as he kissed me again, exploring my mouth.
A knock suddenly sounded on the door. "Will you two lovebirds hurry up?! We need to see that dress on Danny!" Coffeeblue yelled from the other side of the dressing room.
Josh pulled away and groaned, leaning his forehead on mine. He scoffed, the corner of his lip lifting up in a smirk when he saw me trying to catch my breath. He lifted his head and pressed his lips to my forehead. "Alright, Coffeeblue!" he replied loudly, and sighed once more, burying his face into the crown of my hair.
Without warning, he pulled away, turned towards the door and slowly opened it up. Coffeeblue and Iya stood on the other side, Coffeeblue with her arms crossed, glaring at Josh and Iya giggling into the fabric in her hands. "Shut up." Josh said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Oh my goodness." Coffeeblue breathed, her mouth parted open as her eyes scanned the length of my body.
"Wow." Iya copied her voice and stopped giggling long enough to study me.
I stepped up to Josh slowly, red painting itself across my cheeks as he wrapped his fingers around mine. "It's perfect." He said, but somehow I got the idea that he wasn't talking about the dress. Fingering the rose on my hip, my hand brushed a card. Mindlessly, I glanced down at it, seeing the price. My eyes widened and I bit my lip. I didn't want him spending money on me, but I knew there was nothing I could do or say to make him change his mind.
"Definitely." The sisters agreed, and then shot each other a glare. I stepped back, wringing my fingers from Josh's and retreated back into the dressing room, the lock clicking soundly.
"Oh! Oh! I saw the best necklace that would go great with her dress!" Iya squealed, and I could almost see her dragging Coffeeblue out of the room.
"Danny, are you alright?" Josh called from the other side of the door.
I sighed, leaning my head against the door. "I don't want you to buy this dress." I confessed and bit my lip, dreading the answer I would get.
There was a pause, and I wasn't quite sure why. "Don't you like it?" he asked, confusion dripping in his voice.
"Of course! It's beautiful! I'm not used to people buying me things. I'm not used to trying things on and people telling me that I look good." I said, closing my eyes tightly.
"You look amazing no matter what you're in." he said, and I detected a hidden meaning in his words. He continued after I didn't answer. "Just don't worry about it, Danny. Iya and Coffeeblue will never let you live it down if you don't get that dress. It looks amazing, trust me."
"But—" I started.
He cut me off. "Danny." He said strictly, as if putting an end to the matter. "There's no problem with money."
"Alright." I sighed, deciding to drop it. I let my eyes scan around me, settling on the mirror. I don't know why they all thought I looked good in the dress, or why they would even think about buying me it with their own money. But now that I think about it, Josh's family was obviously very well off, but his father was a rancher, and I don't think his mother worked. There was obviously his aunt and uncle, but that doesn't mean they were help paying for mortgage and everything else. There was no way they could have as much money as they obviously do. They had to have another source of income.
I shook my head, clearing my head of the stupid nonsense and took off the dress. It landed in a heap on the floor, leaving me in only jeans and his sister's undergarments. I shivered from the cold, knowing that only a thin piece of wood separated me and Josh. Quickly, I pulled on the shirts, hating the uncomfortable feelings sprouting in my stomach. I'm not sure whether the ache in my chest was good or not, whether they meant good or bad or our… 'relationship'.
I closed my eyes and shook my head furiously, ridding my head of the meaningless thoughts. I chewed my lip as I straightened my shirt, fixing the little fly-away strands of hair. I picked up the dress, hanging it up on the hanger and draping it over my arm. I left the other dresses hanging up, not feeling like putting them back. I opened the door to see a smile spread across Josh's face. He held out his hand, opening and closing it. "C'mon, let's go pay for that, and whatever else those two have decided on."
Clearing my mind of everything I was thinking, of every fear that was running across my mind, I took hold of his hand, loving it when he pulled me closer to him. I took that extra step, placing my hand on his shoulder, standing on my toes to capture his mouth. He was surprised at first, but it wasn't long before his hand rested on my hip. He pulled away before it went too far, smiling widely. "You should do that more often." He said, squeezing my hand.
I slid my other hand off his shoulder, swinging our entwined hands back and forth. "I'll keep that in mind."
His eyes glanced down to my lips. "Oh, you better." He threatened, his eyes narrowing and a grin pulling at his mouth.
I punched his chest lightly, smiling, but trying to hold it back. "Don't threaten me, Joshua!" I scolded, beginning to say something, but his lips cut me off.
When he pulled back, I kept my eyes closed as a smile crept up. "Don't make a habit of interrupting me w—" but he was already claiming my mouth as his own.
"I can't help it." He breathed after the short kiss. "I love the way your lips move as you're talking. I love the way you bit your lip without even knowing it. It makes me want to kiss you, and ya know… I just have to."
I smiled, red shading my cheeks as I studied his eyes, as the force of what he said really hit me. "Fine, but you can't do it every sentence I say."
His eyes were grazing my lips again. "What?" he said, his eyes snapping to mine as he realized that I had spoken.
I chuckled, shaking my head in slight disappointment. "Never mind."
He stared at me for a while, but shrugged. "Iya and Coffeeblue are probably waiting for us. Let's go before they come in here." He raised an eyebrow, smirking.
I frowned, not even realizing I was. "Fine." I said, pouting.
He smiled, leading me out of the dressing room. Immediately, Iya and Coffeeblue came running up to up, Coffeeblue holding a stone necklace. "Wouldn't this go great with her dress?!" she exclaimed, slightly jumping up and down with excitement. "Oh, and we have the perfect shoes you could wear! This is going to be so much fun!"
Iya grabbed Josh's other hand. "C'mon!" she practically screamed. "Let's go pay for everything!"
"Us?" Josh said, reluctantly following them. "More like I'm going to pay for everything."
She shrugged. "That's not our problem. You're the one who wanted to practice with the budget and stuff." She said, sending him an innocent smile.
His eyes narrowed. "It's my job. I'm gonna do it later anyways. Why not know how to do it?"
Coffeeblue glanced over her shoulder at him. "Exactly. So stop complaining, silly!"
He stuck his tongue out at her briefly, glaring. His eyes immediately softened as soon as we approached the counter. He put everything on the desk, glaring at the two sisters. "This is all for y'all. I hope you're happy."
"Nuh huh!" They protested. "Some's for Danny, too!" Iya argued.
A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. "Yea, but I'm happy to be buying stuff for her."
Iya glared at him, sticking out her tongue. The two exchanged childish gestures for a minute before the cashier coughed, drawing Josh's attention. He glanced up at him, and then shot a glare at Iya. "Sorry. She's very immature." He said, pulling out a credit card. The boy smiled, taking it.
Iya punched him in the arm. "I'm immature?" she said, glaring at him. "You were doing it too!"
He flashed a grin at her, hardly flinching. "Maybe, but you started it."
"But you went along with it!" Coffeeblue interjected.
Josh gave her a weird look. "What? I did no such thing!"
Coffeeblue gapped at him, punching him in the arm also. "You buttface!"
Josh rubbed him arm as the cashier watched, chuckling to himself. "You're officially an adult…" he said and then muttered, "Sadly," under his breath. "You should be more responsible!"
Coffeeblue glared. "I hate you. Hey, where's Cormac?" she said, looking around and completely changing the subject.
Just then, he burst out of one of the clothes aisle, tickling her waist. She screamed, jumping away from him and then turning to give him a death glare. "Don't DO that!" she growled.
He pulled her into a hug against her will. "Aw, c'mon, sis! Ya know ya love me."
She stood there, in his arms, staring off into space with a blank expression. "Get off me, Cormac." She said calmly.
Cormac rocked them side to side, while Coffeeblue still had the same expression. "Cormac." She warned again, her eyes narrowing dangerously. I giggled, trying to hide it while tightening my hold on Josh's hand. "Three…" Coffeeblue threatened. Cormac still didn't move. "Two…" She continued, her jaw clenching. Still, Cormac was immovable. "One…" she said, opening her mouth, her high pitched scream echoing across the mall for a split second before Cormac clamped his hand over her mouth.
"Coffeeblue!" He growled, his eyes narrowing in warning. She blinked innocently, staring up at him with his hand still over her mouth.
"Itwoldutwowetgo." She mumbled behind his hand.
He shook his head, confused, and removed his hand. "What?"
She placed her hand on her hip, glaring at him. "I told you to let go. You can't say I didn't warn you."
I pulled Josh down so that my mouth was level with his ear. "They act like an old married couple." I whispered, enjoying the deep chuckle that sounded from his chest.
He turned, his lips brushing mine before they were at my ear. "You shoulda seen it when Coffeeblue got her first boyfriend. Boy, was he jealous."
I chuckled as he pulled back, turning to the twins. "Hey, you two, do you mind if I stop your little quarreling so I could, you know, pay?"
Both of them shot him a look as he took the credit card form the boy, signing a receipt. "Cormac, since you seem to be very energetic today, why don't you carry the bags?"
Cormac glared at him. "I hate you. Why can't you?"
Josh smirked, holding up our hands and making me blush. "My hands are full."
"I think you only need one hand to carry groceries." Cormac said smugly.
"And you have two!" Josh replied, letting go of my hands and wrapping his around my waist.
Cormac rolled his eyes, but snatched up the bagged dresses. "You're horrible."
"Let's go eat!" Iya suggested. "That way Cormac will have to carry those longer." She said, flashing a grin his way.
"That's perfect!" Coffeeblue shrieked, patting her brother on the back, making him groan.
"Alright, ladies, where are we going?" Josh said, ignoring Cormac's silent protests as he started towards the exit.
"Let's go through every single store!" Coffeeblue grinned, her eyes gleaming with revenge.
Cormac and I both groaned; I was finally feeling his pain.
I leaned my head on my boyfriend's shoulder as soon as we sat down in the fast food restaurant that I hadn't bothered to look at the name. My feet were aching and my legs felt like they were going to fall off. I closed my eyes as he slung his arm over my shoulder. My first day shopping in almost my whole life and we had gone through every store Iya and Coffeeblue felt like. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet.
"Danny, honey, did you want anything?" he asked, pulling me closer to him. My eyes fluttered open, looking at him. I sighed, shaking my head.
His eyes narrowed. "I'm getting you a milkshake and we can share some fries, alright?" I groaned. There was no arguing with him, so I just nodded. He returned his gaze to the waitress, who, as I glanced at her, was amazingly pretty. There was a stabbing feeling in my gut as I watched Josh order. "Two chocolate milkshakes and a large plate of fries, please." He said, glancing up at her before averting his brilliant eyes back to me. I smiled as his eyes twinkled, snuggling deeper into him and closing my eyes again.
After a few minutes, Iya spoke up. "This dance is going to be so awesome!" she shrieked. "Coffeeblue, you got a date yet?" she asked.
"No. Cormac's making me go with him." I peeked to confirm that she shot a glare to her twin.
Iya groaned. "Cormac!" She whined. "You guys are eighteen. Coffeeblue should be allowed to date."
"No, she shouldn't. Anyways! Josh, you know Adam's planning on going, right?" Cormac said, changing the subject. The name struck a bell, but I couldn't place my finger on it.
Josh stiffened. "What? He's a freshman. He can't go!" he protested, his hold on me tightening. A frown twitched at my mouth, wondering who this guy was and why he pestered Josh so much.
"Well, he's going anyways. He didn't say why, but you know Adam. He's always got somethin' up his sleeve." Cormac replied, suddenly serious.
Josh growled, his chest vibrating. "This is not goin' to go well." He groaned.
"I could talk to him, if you'd like." Cormac sighed.
"Nah, Adam doesn't listen to anyone but the little voice going around in his head. He's gonna cause some serious trouble if he doesn't back off."
"He's gonna ruin our night!" Iya whined. "Jooossshhh! Ya gotta doooo somethin'!"
"Yea! Plllleeeaaassee! Ya gotta do somethin'!" Coffeeblue joined in. "I was plannin' on leavin' this boso over here and actually get a date!"
"Hey!" Cormac protested.
"You're the one who insisted on going with me as my date. So shut up, boso."
"Yea! And I was gonna go with Connor! He's gonna ruin it! He's such a jerk." Iya groaned.
"Here ya go, guys." The waitress said and I heard plates being set on the table. "Wow. You two are a cute couple."
Red stained my cheeks when I realized she was talking about us. "Thanks," Josh replied, pride laced in his voice. After a few moments, when the waitress was gone, Josh nudged my shoulder. "Danny, sweetie." He said.
I moaned, turning me head so my face was buried in his shoulder. I breathed in his scent, smiling. I couldn't believe he was mine, and I couldn't believe he actually liked me. Suddenly, something cold touched above my lip, making me pull away from Josh, gasping. The whole table burst out in laughter as Josh licked his finger, gleaming at me. I glanced at the table, his chocolate milkshake open. I groaned, trying to lick it off of my lip, but the table was still laughing. Finally, Coffeeblue handed me a napkin and I wiped it off, glaring at Josh.
Josh picked up a fry, dipping it in the milkshake, chuckling. "I told you to get up." He said, smirking.
I stuck my tongue out at him, grabbing my milkshake. He laughed, taking a bite of the fry and grinning at me. I glared at him as the others laughed, and then I glared at them which only made them laugh more. I picked up a fry and threw it at Cormac, but he ducked and it hit the person behind him. I gasped as the others burst in laughter again, but luckily he didn't turn around. I turned and smacked Josh on the arm. He raised an eyebrow. "What was that for?" he asked, still laughing. I glared at him, pressing my mouth in a firm line. I picked up a fry and flung it at him swiftly. It hit him in the shoulder and fell onto his lap. He chuckled. "Pitiful," he said, lifting it and flicking it towards me.
I scooted away from him, smirking as his smile fell. He leaned over, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back towards him. "Where do you think you're going?" he growled huskily. I pulled away slightly, grinning at him. I kicked his foot with mine, raising an eyebrow. The corner of his lip picked up in a smirk as he took a sip of his milkshake. I blushed, staring at the fries I was eating.
"Ok! Cut it out, you two! Get a room. Geez." I glanced up at Cormac, my smirk growing. All three of Josh's cousins had a fake disgusted look on their face. Cormac's eyes grew wide as I turned, catching Josh off-guard as I captured his lips. His hold on me tightened immediately, pulling me closer to him. I pulled away before it got too far, leaving Josh smirking at me.
"Nice," he said, chuckling as he turned to the three across from us.
Cormac rubbed his temples. "I think I'm gonna be sick." He muttered, closing his eyes.
"AWWW!" Iya screamed, immediately making me blush.
"Iya!" Josh scolded. "Public place? No screaming?"
"Oh, take your own advice!" Cormac groaned.
Coffeeblue leaned forward, placing her head in her hands as she stared at us. "Sooooo, when did you guys 'officially' start dating? Huh? Huh? Huh?" she badgered. What did I just get us into?
Josh raised his eyebrow at her. "Uhh… I don't know. Yesterday, I guess?" he said, but he sounded unsure. I wanted to hide my face at it got redder and redder.
Coffeeblue was literally bouncing in her seat. "Aw! When was your first kiss?!" she shrieked.
"Coffeeblue! Why do you care?" Josh asked, but his mouth was set in a forever smile.
She frowned. "Cuuuzzz. You're my wittle cousin! I get to know these things. Kyler isn't interested in girls yet, and Cormac's too interested in me to go out with anyone."
"Hey!" he protested. "I've had plenty of girlfriends!"
She turned to give him a questioning look. "Name one."
"Uh…" he began, the gears in his head turning as smoke rolled out his ears. "Daisy?" he said, giving her a hopeful smile.
"You just made that up." She said, smiling in victory.
"I object!"
"We're not in court, Cormac!"
"I still object!"
Coffeeblue ran her hands down her face, but ignored her twin. "So?! When was it? Was it romantic? Cute? Well?"
I looked over to see red appear on Josh's face as he ran his hand through his hair. "Coffeeblue, just leave it." he muttered. I kicked his shoe again, receiving a look from him. I smirked, biting my lip. He groaned, turning away from me and burying his head in his hands. "Don't do that!" he complained. I settled with smirking and chewing contently on my fries.
"So? So? So? When was it?!" Iya squealed, mimicking her sister.
Josh instantly shot her a glare, but sighed in defeat. "Inthedressingroom." He muttered, making me blush and stare at my shake as I sipped it.
Coffeeblue leaned over, poking Josh in the shoulder repeatedly. "What was that? Hm?" she simpered, biting her lip to keep from laughing.
Josh shrugged her off, groaning. "Inthedressingroom." He mumbled again, lower.
"Jooossshhhyy." She said just to annoy him, continuing to poke his arm.
"It's Joshywa." He corrected, staying in his position. Smirking, I brought my hand below the table, running my fingers up and down his thigh. He stiffened, growling seductively. He turned to peek at me out of the corner of one eye. "I suggest you not do that in public, sweetheart." He said under his breath, his voice low and thick with emotion. When I raised my eyebrow, biting my lip, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, scooting closer to me so that our legs were touching. "You're goin' to be the death a me." He told me, his eyes darkening slightly. A shiver ran through me at his smoky voice, and I couldn't help but lean into him more.
"Can you two at least wait until you're in private?" Cormac groaned again.
Josh grinned, locking eyes with him. "You're just jealous you haven't gotten a girlyfriend yet, and you're older than me."
His eyes narrowed. "Am not. Just disgusted, that's all."
"You're jeaaallloouuss!" Coffeeblue teased, laughing as she elbowed him.
Cormac blushed slightly, shaking his head. "I am not jealous!"
"Only a jealous person would say that." Iya piped up, smiling evilly at him.
He shot her a dark look. "I am not! It's not my fault I haven't found her yet." I didn't know who her was, but my mind went blank as Josh rested his hand on my thigh. I tensed, shooting daggers at him as I took his hand and returned it to his lap.
"Now you know how I feel." He whispered. I stuck my tongue out at him, and immediately he followed suite. Gradually, he leaned down to kiss me.
"Own! Room!" Cormac protested.
"Jea-lous!" Josh replied immediately as he pulled away, making the word stretch out.
His eyes narrowed. "I don't get you two." He mumbled.
Josh slung his arm around my shoulders, leaning back in the seat contently. "You'll understand once ya find her." He said, flashing a smile my way. I rolled my eyes, wondering who the heck they were talking about, but I grabbed my milkshake, taking another sip as I melted into Josh.
Cormac rolled his eyes. "I doubt it." he scoffed, shaking his head.
The other two girls snickered, but Josh smirked at them as well. "I wouldn't be talking, you two. Us guys have to fall for someone." He said, nudging my foot. I glanced at him, a smile playing on my lips.
Iya and Coffeeblue glanced at each other, smiling. "Yea, but we actually want a ma—boyfriend." Coffeeblue said, stuttering at Josh's glare. She grabbed her drink, sipping it while she looked around as if she hadn't said anything. I shot a glance Josh's way, but he ignored me, string at his shake as he twirled the straw around.
"Anyways…" Cormac said, referring to the sudden silence.
"How are you guys doing over here?" the waitress said, coming over, popping her hip out and smiling at us—well, at Josh and Cormac. I frowned, my chest tightening as I slid my arm through his and leaned up against him, placing my other hand on his upper arm. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, the corner of his mouth picking up in a huge smile.
"We're fine, thanks." Cormac said, staring at me in confusion.
The waitress faked a smile. "Alrighty then. Let me know if you need anything. Can I get you guys a refill?" she asked the girls. They both nodded and the waitress left without another word, and I relaxed.
"Little jealous there, Danny?" Cormac scoffed, leaning on the table.
Josh immediately turned towards me as red painted my cheeks. "Jealous?" he scoffed in disbelief. "Why?" he asked, his eyebrows coming together.
I blushed, beginning to turn away, but his foot wrapped around my leg, making me stay in place. The girls were staring at him, their mouths agape. Cormac laughed, running a hand through his hair, leaning back in his seat. "Dude, you're serious? That waitress was totally checking you out. Danny sure noticed." He said, smirking.
I blushed, burying my face in his shoulder. "She was?" he asked, his voice unsure.
"Dude!" Cormac said again. "You didn't even notice?" There was a pause before Cormac scoffed. "Wow. Man, it's only been a day, and you are so whipped."
"Cormac!" All three of them said at the same time. "Rude." Coffeeblue stated, scoffing. "You need to apologize to Danny."
"What?! What did I do?" Cormac complained.
"You embarrassed her." She said, as if it was obvious.
He sighed irritably. "Fine, Danny—"
"Don't talk to her." Josh joked, his chest rumbling with a chuckle.
"Whhhhaaaattt? Oh, c'mon, that is so not fair!" Cormac groaned. Iya and Coffeeblue laughed. "I'm tryin' to apologize for somethin' I didn't mean to do, and her stupid, overprotective boyfriend won't even let me talk to her! That's. Messed. Up." He confirmed.
I lifted my head slightly to glare at him, my mouth pressed in a firm line. "See? She doesn't think I'm stupid." Josh smirked. I turned to him, scrunching up my nose. He sighed. "Well, sometimes. Stupid? Sometimes. Overprotective? Maybe a little." He said, the corner of his mouth picking up. I scoffed, gazing up at him with my eyebrow raised. He pouted. "Fine. Maybe a lot." I gave him a smug smile and nodded once.
"Looks like she's on my side." Cormac said arrogantly. Immediately, I shot him a glare. He slinked back in his seat. "Ok. Maybe not."
"You're definitely still carrying all the bags." Iya said, an innocent smile playing on her lips.
He groaned, mumbling something like, "Not again…"
"Get out! Get out! Get out!" Josh shooed everyone out of the car, pulling me out. "Cormac?" he said as his cousin tried sneaking away.
He growled under his breath. "Yeess?"
"Bags?" Josh ordered, casually pointing to the back of the car. I snickered as I watched Cormac pile the bags in his arms, surprisingly making it in one trip.
"I'm impressed." I said as soon as the front door had closed.
Josh shot me a dark glare. "You little tease."
I looked up at him innocently. "Me? I'm sorry. I think you have me confused with someone else." I smiled at him, turning on my heels to go to the passenger seat. "Besides, I have no idea what you're talking about." I swung my hips as I walked, getting in the car slowly.
He leaned in the car, smirking. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."
I pretended to study my nails. "Oh, Josh? I think I left my clothes in the bathroom." I said, giving him a sly smile.
"Horr-i-ble." He said, stretching the words out into syllables. "I'll go get them and your books." He sighed, pushing off the car and starting towards the house.
As soon as he was gone, I sighed, hanging my head in my hands. Why was I acting like this? This wasn't anything like me. I'm not a flirt. I don't tease guys; that came on so suddenly, like I had no control over it at all. It was him; I knew it was. I should be disgusted at the mere thought of all this, considering what I've been through.
I jumped as he slid in the driver's seat. He eyed me wearily. "Something wrong?"
I frowned, sighing. "I feel like such a hypocrite." I mumbled, my eyes trailing off.
"Why?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.
"Because," I said, playing with my nails. "A couple of days ago, I wasn't talking to you, let alone letting you kiss me. But now it's like everything's changed in just a couple minutes. I mean, I got jealous when that girl started looking at you. We haven't even been… dating… for a day yet, and already I'm becoming an overbearing girlfriend. I don't even know what came over me when I… uh… touched… you, but then when you—" My voice cracked and I closed my eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath.
He reached out, brushing my hair away from my face. "Danny, it's alright. I was just playing with you. I wouldn't do something like that. Not now. Not when you aren't ready. This isn't a… normal… relationship, alright? That protectiveness? The need to be touching all the time?" he sighed. "I feel it too, a thousand times worse. It's normal, I promise."
I stared at him in disbelief. "What?" I brought my eyebrows together. "But… this isn't like me. I'm obviously not the type of girl to do that. I just—I don't know. I feel different, and I'm not sure whether I like it or not." I confessed, letting out a breath.
The corner of his mouth picked up. "Don't worry about it, alright? Just don't get mad at me when I get all protective of you, or cross the line, and we'll be fine. Just tell me when I go too far."
I smiled, nodding as I sighed slightly in relief. "So you really mean that you're feeling all this too?" I asked, my breath catching in my throat. I wasn't used to talking about my feelings. This was all new to me. No one ever cared before.
A glint appeared in his eyes. "You have no idea."
"I have a few." I scoffed, glancing up at him.
He laughed, closing the door. "I'm sorry to say that I think it'll only get worse."
"You think?"
He shot me a look as he started the car. "I haven't done this before."
I scoffed again. Somehow I didn't believe that. "You've never dated a girl before?"
He frowned. "Yes, but none of them seem to matter now."
"I bet you said that to them too." I said before I could stop myself. I clamped my hand over my mouth as Josh stopped the car before we were even out of the driveway.
He turned in his seat, his jaw clenching. I sat on my other hand to keep it from shaking. His eyes narrowed. "No. I didn't. You're different. Tell me you don't feel a connection with us and I'll leave you alone. I'm not leaving you until you order me away. This isn't just some fling, or a week long relationship. I know it hasn't been that long since we've met, but this, us, is different. This is real."
I stared at him in shock. Real? He… he wasn't just… playing with me?
His face suddenly softened. "I just hope I'm not scaring you off." He said, his eyes flickering back and forth, studying my face.
Slowly, I took my hand off my mouth. "Are you going to explain why you keep saying our relationship is so different from other ones?"
He opened his mouth, and then closed it again. "I will. In time, I promise. I can't right now." He told me after a few minutes, his eyes sad.
I reached out for his hand, which he took immediately. "Alright." I said, but I frowned, glancing up at his eyes. "And you're not scaring me off, I think. But you'll have to bear with me through this; I've never done anything like this. I've never had a boyfriend or someone to really care about me. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not like other girls. I've been broken and no one's fixed me yet." I said, squeezing my eyes shut as my cheeks went hot with embarrassment.
His hand tightened on mine, and the other one clenched into a fist. "What are you talking about, Danny? What do you mean 'broken'?"
I cursed myself. Why did I let myself go that far? He can't know. No one knew about my home life, and I'd like to keep it that way. I shook my head vigorously. "Nevermind. Forget I said anything." I mumbled, staring out the window.
He didn't press, and for that I was glad. He just looked at me, knowing I was hiding something, and drove out of the driveway without saying another word. Normally, when we were silent, it was more of a comfortable silence, but this… this was just awkward silence. I watched him as he drove; the blush never left my cheeks. He was drumming his thumb silently on the wheel, staring straight ahead, his brows pulled together in thought. His mouth was pressed in a firm line before he sighed, shaking his head of the thoughts. He glanced at me momentarily. "Ya know, we haven't even been on a date yet." He said, his mouth smirking at me.
The blush just got worse. "I, um, I've never been on a date before. What would, um, be, uh… classified as a, um, date?" I whispered, mindlessly picking stray hairs off my jeans, not wanting to look up into his eyes.
He squeezed my hand, laughing. I turned to glare at him. "Don't make fun of me!" I said, pressing my lips together.
He shook his head. "I'm not. I was just wondering how I got so lucky to be with you." I blushed, but chose to ignore it. "I don't really know how to explain that, but I can show you." he said, the smirk never leaving his face.
I bit my lip. "How?" I asked, looking up at him through my lashes.
His gaze shifted to my lips. "Tomorrow. After church, of course, I can take you somewhere." His smirk turned into a smile. "By the way, did you still want to come?"
I sighed. "I do, but the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that my father won't let me go."
He mimicked my sigh. "Well, the least we can do is try, right?"
I frowned, shrugged, but nodded half-heartedly. "I guess so." I said softly. Needing to change the subject, I quickly asked, "So where are you taking me?"
"It's a surprise!" he replied, sending me a smirk.
I pouted. "But Joshywa!" I whined, using Hanna's nickname for him.
A corner of his mouth lifted higher, but he rose up his hand from the wheel for a split second to zip his mouth shut, shaking his head as he took hold of it again. I stuck my bottom lips out, widening my eyes as I looked up at him helplessly. "Pwweease?" I had no idea how or why I was doing this. I really didn't. This wasn't me. But I kind of liked the impression I was having on him.
He shifted uncomfortably, but he shook his head. He made a disapproving sound, smiling down at me. I continued to pout, crossing my hands over my chest, refusing to talk to him. He groaned. "Not this again!" he exclaimed, making me smirk for a split second before returning to a fake frown.
Seeing the corner of my street, I froze. I didn't want him coming to my house. My father would freak out, and I'd get a worse beating then I knew was coming to me. "You can stop here!
I said hurriedly, and I relaxed as the car slowed to a stop.
He pulled his brows together, taking the car to the side of the road. He turned in his seat, facing me. I sighed, staring at my books, but I didn't feel like leaving quite yet. "Why?" he asked. "You don't have to walk, I can take you—" he began, but I cut him off.
"I don't want you to." I said, gaping, not believing I had just said that. He frowned. "I, uh, I didn't mean it like that. I, uh, um… I've got my reasons. But it's not you, I promise."
He sighed. "Alright. So I don't get to walk you to your door. Do I still get to kiss you goodbye?" he asked, his whole face brightening up.
I turned in my seat, putting my elbow on the side table and leaning my head on my hand. "I don't know. Do you?"
"Mhm…" he said, leaning down to claim my mouth for a moment before I pulled back. He frowned. "Hey!" he protested. "I wasn't done."
I giggled, brushing my hair behind my ears. He leaned forward, but I clamped my hand over his mouth. He frowned, pulling his brows together. His tongue shot out, licking my hand. "EW!" I screamed, wiping my hand on my jeans frantically as Josh chuckled. I shot him a glare before studying my hand to see if it wasn't infected.
"Yuck," I muttered, wiping it off again. "About, um, today, during lunch… I'm, um, really sorry. I won't do it again." I murmured, tilting my head forward so that a veil of hair hid my blush.
He took my chin in his hand, turning me towards him so I would look him in the eyes. The back of his hand brushed my cheek, pulling my hair out of my face. "Why are you so hung up on that?" he breathed.
I looked down, but he took my face in his hands, making me look at him. "You growled at me." I whispered as low as I could.
He chortled. "Danny, that's what I do. I wasn't angry; I was messin' with ya. It's one of those, uh… not… normal things. Don't take it personally, alright?"
I smiled weakly. "Alright." He returned the smile, but his was stronger, and bent back down to kiss me again. I smiled against his lips, wringing my fingers from his to wrap them around his neck. One hand rested on my arm, while the other on my knee, sending lightning strikes up my and around my body. I curled my fingers in his hair as his tongue trailed my bottom lip. I granted his entrance, opening my mouth, and he immediately took advantage. I pushed him out of the way, taking his bottom lip in my teeth, biting down.
"Ow!" he exclaimed, his breath rushing over my face as I laughed. He pulled away promptly, rubbing his lip. "What the crap was that for?" he whined.
I raised an eyebrow. "What? You can't handle a little nip?" I said, batting my eyes. A new glint showed in his eyes and I groaned, breaking the moment. "I'm sorry! This isn't like me!" I grumbled, hanging my head in my hands. After a moment I added, "I don't know why I'm acting like this."
He grabbed my wrists in one hand, pulling them away from my face. I glanced up to see him smiling widely. "You're growing more confident, Danny. It's a good thing, trust me. I know I'm lovin' it." he said, the twinkle in his eyes brightening.
I pursed my lips. "But…" I started. I wasn't confident. I knew that. I accepted that. I was very self-conscious. "Gosh! I can't believe I bit you!" I exclaimed, covering my blush with my hands.
He chuckled. "Neither can I. That's why it caught me by surprise."
I grabbed my books and clothes, groaning. "Goodness. I should go now." I said, flashing him a smile before opening the door and getting out.
"Hey!" he protested.
I turned, raising an eyebrow.
He did the same, pouting. "Goodbye?" he said, making it sound more like a question.
I rolled my eyes, leaning back in the car to connect our mouths briefly. "Goodbye, Joshywa." I said, pulling back and closing the door.
Just as I was walking away, he rolled down the window. "Danny?" I turned, smiling. "By the way, I can handle a 'little nip'." He said, smirking as he wiggled his eyebrows once. I blushed deeply, burying my face in my free hand.
What have I gotten myself into?
