Dean clung to him like he was his lifeline and couldn't stop the tears falling slowing down his cheeks in warm streaks. He felt slim fingers trail into the softness of his hair and he shut his eyes praying harder than he ever had. Castiel felt a warm dampness on his neck and t-shirt from Dean's tears and bit down on his bottom lip attempting to soothe him. The curtain drew back and Dean tore away from him moving to the doctor and gripped his shoulders.

"How's my baby? Lucas, how's Lucas?"

"Mr Winchester, am I correct?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm him"

"Lucas is going to be fine, it's nothing more than early stages of an ear infection" he said pleasantly when Dean shoved past him and to the bed where Lucas was being treated. Castiel closed his eyes breathing out in relief whilst Dean exhaled and looked down at Lucas with a small whimper.

"Are you sure? 100% doc? Because I swear if I leave here and he has fucking…leukaemia or shit I swear I will hunt you down and…"

"Mr Winchester, there are no signs of leukaemia or anything else serious" he responded in a soothing voice. "Lucas is going to be perfectly okay, is your son younger than six months?"

"Yeah, um, he's…nearly six months"

"Yes, well I have prescribed some acetaminophen which must be in given in two tablespoons and must not exceed dosage of five in twenty four hours, do you understand?"

"Yeah, yeah" Dean said holding out his hands as the nurse handed back Lucas sleeping soundly and still a little warm.

Castiel pulled out his phone to see six missed calls and three messages from Chris. He frowned pocketing and walking over to Dean who glanced over with warmth and comfort in his eyes when he raised a hand stroking Lucas's hair and stepped back.

"Can he come home doctor?"

"He sure can, it's just an ear infection so the fever will soon disappear and if pulls on his ears or you see discharge then they are only side effects"

"Thank you" Castiel said gently placing a hand on Dean's lower back and indicating at him with his head to follow him.

"If the effects do worsen then I would suggest you see a doctor straight away"

"We will do" Castiel said with a nod of thanks as they went to reception to sign papers and get out of there.

"Did I overreact?" Dean whispered to Castiel as they walked out into the cold air and Dean clutched Lucas close to him.

"No, Dean" he said shaking his head. "We had no idea what it was and no doctors are open right now to even go there"

"I feel like I overreacted" he whispered shakily and handed him over to Castiel who shushed and stroked a hand into his soft baby hair.

"Are you sure you're up for driving, Dean? You don't look too good"

"I'm fine" he said with a tight swallow sliding into the passenger seat and starting her up. Castiel hummed concerned and sat down carefully listening to Lucas breathe deeply and slightly shakily in his ear. Dean doesn't say a word the whole drive back and stares simply stoically forward when they arrive back at the house. Castiel follows after him as they enter the cold house.

"Cas, can-can you do me a huge favour and move the moses basket into my room?" Dean said taking Lucas back off him. Castiel nodded moving to collect it from the living room and took it upstairs placing into Dean's room and stood back waiting for Dean who placed him in and shushed him when he whimpered. Dean stared down at him when he snuffled in his sleep sucking hard on his pacifier that was placed in and stretching out his legs and feet.

"He's like me when he sleeps" Dean murmured closing his eyes and feeling exhausted. Castiel swallowed moving towards him and placing a gentle hand on his arm to guide him over to the bed and looking up in the darkness to see the faint illumination on his eyes.

"Dean, Dean, focus on me" he said pressing a hand to his cheek. "What do you want to do? Do you want to sleep or…"

"I need to lie down" Dean murmured looking down and stepping back to undo his jeans. Castiel averted his eyes looking over to Lucas till Dean was in a simple t-shirt and boxers. He didn't think twice as he pushed him down on the bed and made sure he was laid out on the covers. Dean breathed out shakily closing his eyes and turned curling in a ball trembling. Castiel looked over him and nodded shrugging out of his jacket, toeing off his shoes and moving to the other side of the bed placing his phone on the side. He hopped on the bed and moved over to lie next to Dean.

Dean blinked surprised to see him lying there next to him and pulled his head back to look over him.

"What are you doing?"

"Dean, you are one shake away from a nervous breakdown so I'm here" he said with a shrug. "You need to sleep"

"I can't"

"Yes you can" Castiel whispered moving a hand up to stroke it into the short hair and enjoying the softness in between his fingers. Dean closed his eyes with a shaky exhale and blinked tears filling his eyes.

"I thought he was going to die, Cas, I thought I was going to lose him to some…crazy, fucked up, disease that would kill him" Dean whispered with a shake of his head. "I've never ever seen him like that and he was acting weird all week and now…"

"Dean, he's okay now and he's going to get better" Castiel whispered pressing closer and looking into his eyes through the darkness. "Every baby and child out there gets this, Dean, they become sick and every first time parent has a major meltdown because they have no idea what's happening"

Dean let out a small sound of distress looking over his shoulder to the moses basket containing Lucas and back to Castiel.

"I'm glad you're here, I'm glad I have you" Dean whispered flushing red but knew Castiel wouldn't be able to see in the darkness. "Where were you when I called?"

"I was at Chris's apartment"

"Oh" Dean breathed averting his eyes. "Sorry"

"Don't you dare apologise for calling me when you needed me" Castiel whispered shaking his head. "I will always come when you call"

Dean sucked in a soft surprised breath opening and closing his mouth. His eyes shut close at the feel of those fingers slipping in and out of his hair gently soothing him and he moaned gently pushing half of his face into his soft pillow.

"Sleep, Dean, just sleep" he murmured watching him breathe in and out deeply. Dean couldn't despite how much he tried and lifted his head to see Castiel staring back at him.

"The first time I held him was the single most terrifying and surreal experience I have ever felt. I had this tiny…tiny little baby completely dependent on me and there was nothing I could do. I cut the cord and I separated him from Amanda and…I had never felt so happy" Dean said staring at the curve of his neck. "Then I saw Amanda and she was gone, she was dead and so still that it scared me. I was thrown out of that room like I was nothing and I sat in that corridor…I heard him cry, I heard Lucas cry and it killed me. I don't know how long I was sat in that corridor but then this nurse came out carrying him and handed him over like he was a grand prize…Amanda was dead"

Dean shook his head and moved to lie down on his back staring up at the ceiling. Castiel held his tongue and listened closely still trailing his hand into his hair.

"I was tiny, Cas, I had never felt so small in all my life. I was holding onto this little baby boy who was so small and I was all alone in the world. No one cared about me and I had just lost the mother of my child…" he said and exhaled shakily feeling old tears and old heartache peak inside of him. It didn't bother him because it felt so good to speak out.

"Dean, you don't…" he said and was cut off by Dean shaking his head frustrated.

"I knew from the moment he was placed in my arms I was changed, I was a dad, and he was my life now. I said goodbye to Amanda and he was it, Lucas was mine. I promised myself I would never ever let anything happen to him. Lucas is my baby and without me and the family we had us he would be dead" Dean said looking over to him. "Then there was you"

Castiel blinked surprised at the declaration and simply watched as he turned on his side to look at him.

"Literally like a little guardian angel and you swooped in without a care in the world"

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Really good thing, I couldn't have done this without you" he said honestly and closed his eyes feeling the waves of exhaustion hit him. "Lucas adores you, Cas, and I'm glad you were here because I don't know what I would have done…"

"I know, I know, you need to sleep Dean" he crooned softly and moved a little more forward till only a sliver of space was between them and rubbed a hand up and down his arm. Dean blinked heavy eyes at the sudden movement and gentle touch feeling a shiver run up his spine.

"Thanks for this, Cas" he murmured into the air inhaling the warm smell of his aftershave, wind, and fabric softener. It soothed Dean to no end as he burrowed into his cushion letting his body relax feeling Castiel's hand move into his hair and down his arm cupping his knuckles, playing and intertwining their fingers before letting go and stroking his arm.

Eventually to Castiel's relief Dean fell into a heavy sleep letting out soft snores and he exhaled letting his head fall back on the pillow feeling his own exhaustion. His head turned and he picked up the phone to see 16 missed calls, 9 messages, and 5 voicemails all from Chris. Castiel frowned reading the messages.

Castiel, what is going on?! X

Can you ring me? X

Castiel, please can you ring me? X

What's going on? Why did Dean call you? X

Why won't you ring me?

Why is work more important than me right now?

Was it something I said to you?

Castiel, please?

I'm going to bed now. Ring me tomorrow, please?

Please?

Castiel swallowed pressing down on the shutdown button and tossed it on the side with a snort. Chris didn't understand and right now, no he wasn't important. He looked over Dean sleeping but a frown in his forehead like he was concentrating hard. Castiel disapproved letting his fingers reach out and smooth his fingers down the lines shushing Dean gently. His eyes went over to the little baby boy he had grown to deeply care for and if he wanted to he could call it love. Castiel let his head rest on the pillow and shut his eyes listening to Dean breathe next to him and felt content. Lucas was okay, Dean was getting there, and that was all Castiel needed at that moment.

~0~0~0~

Lucas's cries at 6am startled both of them out of their sleep as Dean gazed at Castiel confused and sleepy. Dean noticed the closeness between them, his arm thrown across Cas holding him lightly, their legs locked together and he couldn't care less.

"I'll get this, you sleep" Castiel whispered with a nod to Dean who looked around the room with narrow eyes and nodded head falling on the cushion. He smiled faintly at him before moving off Dean to Lucas kicking his covers and wailing. Castiel smiled sadly and picked him up patting his back and shushed him gently.

"Oh poor baby is your ear hurting?" he murmured taking Lucas out of the room and into the nursery to change his diaper. Lucas stared up at him uncurling and curling his little fists staring at Castiel.

"Surprised to see me? I bet you are" Castiel teased tickling his tummy and blinking when Lucas smiled up at him. He changed the wet nappy and changed him into a set of clothes bringing him out and peeking in the bedroom. Dean was strewn out across the bed snoring and away from the world. It made Castiel smile as he patted Lucas who babbled and kicked his feet against his chest.

"For someone who is sick you are very lively" Castiel said peering at him to see slight discharge in his ear and frowned in concern. He placed him in the high chair and set about making his milk and turned toward him when it was ready to see his curls ruffled and his dark green eyes bright.

"You're so adorable" Castiel murmured picking him up and taking him in the living room to feed him.

Upstairs, Dean slept on undisturbed till 10.30am when a shriek of laughter downstairs startled him and he pushed up looking around and at the time in shock.

"Lucas" Dean breathed scrambling out of bed and hurrying downstairs to see Castiel lying on the floor next to Lucas who was on his mat. He breathed out shakily staring and swallowed hard till Castiel turned and flashed him a small smile.

"Good sleep?"

"The best, um, thanks for this, Cas, really" he said looking at him and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "You didn't have to do this"

"I know but I did, coffee?" he said flashing him a smile and walking into the kitchen. Dean watched after him and nodded with a small smile.

"I could get used to this" he murmured more to himself and dropped down on his knees next to Lucas who looked over to him with a wide smile.

"Da"

"Hey" he said with a smile scooping him up and pressing gentle kisses to his cheek and forehead in sweet relief that he was in fact going to be okay. "How's he been?"

"Little restless but that medicine is working so we have that to be thankful"

"Thanks for last night, Cas, I don't know what…" he said and trailed off shaking his head flushing with embarrassment.

Castiel simply held up the steaming mug and watched him walk over and take the mug handing Lucas over to him.

"I wanted to help, I wanted to stay, and I'm here"

Dean sipped the coffee and nodded slowly watching him give him his small smile and circle around him. He closed his eyes and let the relief flow through him like a drug. It felt good and it felt even better to wake up to a warm bed this time. He remembered the gentle touch of his fingers in his hair and on his arm and felt heat pool downwards. Dean glanced over to him and smiled softly watching him tuck into the corner of his couch with Lucas in his lap.

The morning and the afternoon was bliss for Dean who sat back and watched Lucas interact and play with Lucas who responded with sounds and laughs that warmed Dean to no end. It was comfortable, easy, and something Dean wanted more of. Work had called Dean about his absence but after explaining the situation they were more than fine to give him the day off.

Castiel was well aware his phone was upstairs still switched off and he bit down on his bottom lip. He left Dean with Lucas as he climbed the stairs for the toilet and retrieved his phone turning it on to see four new messages.

Hey, are you okay?

Cas, can you call me? I feel like I've done something wrong.

Fine. Call me when you want.

I'm out tonight.

Castiel threw back his head and closed over Dean's door dialling his number. It rang four times before he answered with a dull "hello"

"Chris, I'm so sorry I haven't called you back but Dean called me because Lucas was sick, very sick, and I had to stay"

"Oh, is he okay?"

"It was an ear infection thankfully but they needed me, both of them, and I wasn't about to leave him when he needed me"

"I know, I know that, are you still there?"

"Yes"

"You…you stayed there the whole night?"

"Yes, Chris"

"In his bed?"

"Yes, but-but we didn't do anything and like I said he needed me" Castiel exclaimed rubbing his forehead.

"I see" Chris said with a nod.

Castiel sighed deeply and turned to look out of the window. "You said you're out tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm going out with a few friends from work"

"Okay"

"Right"

"I'll, um, call you tomorrow?"

"Sure"

"Chris"

"What?"

"Are you angry with me?" he said softly hearing the sharp tone.

"No I'm not angry with you, Castiel, how can I be angry with you when you were just doing your job" he snapped. "I'll see you tomorrow"

Castiel blinked when he hung up on him and shut his eyes. He returned downstairs to see Dean holding Lucas's hands as he stood on the floor with wide eyes like it was the best thing in the whole entire world.

"I better get going"

"Oh really?" Dean said scooping him up and standing to face him. "You don't have to leave just yet"

"I need a change of clothes" he said picking at them and smiling at Lucas. "I'll call for updates though"

"I'll answer" Dean said with a grin.

Castiel moved over pressing a gentle kiss to Lucas's forehead and met Dean's eyes who sparked meeting his.

"I'll speak to you later"

"I'm counting on it"

Castiel turned away collecting his jacket and hurried out of his house.

~0~0~0~

"…next to me, ooooo, next to me, you will find him, you will find him next to me" Gabriel sang in his kitchen and jumped out of his skin when a cough interrupted him.

"That was…surprising" Castiel said when he flushed embarrassed and glared at him.

"How did you get in?"

"Spare key"

Gabriel rolled his eyes and turned looking him up and down. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed a stiff drink and a talk from my brother since all the others are busy"

"I am just simply the best"

Castiel smirked shaking his head when he poured him a whiskey and handed it over.

"Tell your big brother everything"

"I'm…I'm fucking everything up"

"How?"

"Dean called me last night in a wild panic over Lucas, he was sick and had a high fever which scared even me before we took him to the hospital together. I comforted him, I let him cry on my shoulder, I took him home and I slept in the same bed with him…"

"What?!" Gabriel cried shocked shaking his head. "You had sex?"

"No, no, no, nothing happened…I just laid there with him till he fell asleep, Gabe, he was highly strung and he needed me"

"Does Chris know?"

"Yes and no, I ran out on him last night and it bothers me that I can climb into Dean's bed so easily but I have yet to have sex with the man I am dating"

"What-what you two haven't…you haven't had sex" he said astonished and leaned back shaking his head. "You must have the self-control of a fucking god, Cassy, he is a sex god"

"I just…can't and I've spent nearly all day with Dean and Lucas feeling at home but then a part of me realises that I'm dating Chris who is lovely, he's kind, he's smart, honest, and he respects me"

"Dean doesn't do that?"

"I can't be with Dean!"

"Don't I know it" Gabriel murmured knocking back his own drink and coughing at the burn. "Look, you still have feelings for Dean and we both know this so that's why it's easier but…if you sleep with someone else and become intimate then the feelings for Chris might take over the feelings for Dean"

"Really?"

"Maybe, I-I don't know, Cassy, but you can't just drag him along with you whilst you pine for another man because it's not fair on him or you"

Castiel moaned knocking back his drink as well and slumping into the cushions. He wished he didn't feel for Dean. It would make his life so much easier and he wouldn't be wondering what Dean's reaction would be if he slammed him hard against his kitchen wall till the plates shivered and he devoured that pretty mouth. His eyes shut and he imagined the ferocity, the passion, and the needy little sounds escaping them. It drove his desire into overdrive as he opened his eyes to see a tent in his jeans.

"Whatever you're imagining, stop it right now!" Gabriel said with a nose wrinkle of disgust.

"I am so screwed" he whispered and whimpered into his hands. Gabriel sighed moving off his own seat and dropping down next to him.

"It'll be okay, Cassy, everything happens for a reason" he murmured rubbing a hand up and down his back. Castiel sighed dropping his head on his shoulder.

"I hope you're right or…I'll kick your ass for being wrong"

Gabriel snorted with laughter and simply rubbed a hand up and down his back as they sat in comfortable silence with Gabriel thinking about the latest season of Buffy soon to be shown and Castiel thought about his circumstances with a sad sigh. It just wasn't going right.

A/N: Hehe! I liked writing this. Anybody getting frustrated yet?

Thank you for the reviews!