Part 11

As Rachel was walking up the stairs, her heart almost stopped on the third step, when she looked up from the cup she was balancing. Lindsey's door was open by an inch. Rachel forced herself to take once step at a time, not to spill her coffee, to walk calmly, not to succumb to her instincts telling her to run.

When Lindsey came back from the bathroom and entered her room, she hesitated for a moment, as she was about to close the door. Her hand was firmly gripping the door handle, but came to a halt mid-movement. What was she waiting for? She knew Miss Mason was downstairs. She had deliberately waited for that to happen before she had left her room. She didn't want Miss Mason to see her. Did she?

Rachel approached the door, holding her breath. Had Lindsey left the door open for her to enter? She grabbed the door handle, ready to push the door open.
"Lindsey?"

But as Rachel was able to peak into the room, she saw that Lindsey was standing right there, her pale face was staring at Rachel out of the shadows through the small door crack with big, frightened eyes, which showed clear signs of hours of crying.

"Lindsey", Rachel said again, her voice soft, but full of concern.

Lindsey had frozen on the spot. She could not escape the fighting of conflicting desires in her head, which were entangled in a deadly feud. Part of her wanted nothing more than to let Miss Mason in and to be held. Part of her was scared to death of any human contact. Both parts where sending furious commands to her hand on the door handle. Pull! Push! Pull! Push! The shouting in her head grew louder and the two voices became less distinct.

"Please, let me in." Rachel was almost begging.

Seconds passed. Both were fighting parts of themselves that wanted them to move forward. Rachel knuckles were turning white on the door handle. Finally, she couldn't control herself any longer and gave the door the tiniest, invisible push forward. But Lindsey felt it in her hand on the other side, and it released a surge of panic. The frightened part won. She pushed the door shut, overcoming Rachel's resistance by throwing her whole body against it. The part that was craving to be held let out a wretched cry of defeat as she sank to the floor.