Chapter 11: Matt/Elena, 3X11
"I can't lose anyone else that I love," Elena says, and all Matt wants to do is protect her.
Hiding out with cake and booze, with Elena and Bonnie and Caroline, it feels just like ten years ago (except for the booze, of course). It reminds him how he was always the protector, always the king in the castle during imaginary games, always the one to hold the rope while the girls swung from the branches. He wishes he could be a protector again, but he doesn't know how, doesn't know how he could possibly combat all the bad that's drowning all of them.
So he does the only thing he can. He opens up his arms. "Come here," he says, and Elena crosses over to sit beside him on the bench, to lean her head against his shoulder. Her shoulder blades are so sharp under his hands, like she hasn't been eating enough, and her breath is hot on his neck.
"I'm sorry," she says, and her tears are hot too.
"Shh, it's okay," Matt says, knowing that it's not him she's apologizing to. It's just everyone else.
"Everything's so confusing, and I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel, much less what I actually feel," Elena says, her words tumbling and rushing and slurring just a little bit at the ends of sentences.
And then Matt laughs, because of the way he just watched Caroline go off with Tyler and he knows he's not over her. And because of the way holding Elena feels so warm and so familiar that he could maybe forget about things being confusing for a minute.
He leans his head down and kisses her just to the side of her eye, then kisses down her damp cheek.
"Matt," Elena starts to protest, but her voice is quiet and he hears her breath catch and then Matt is at her mouth, lips pulling, and Elena's hands are wrapped around the back of his neck.
She pulls away soon, too soon, but she smiles. "Thanks," she says, laughing a choked little laugh. "And sorry."
Matt rubs the back of his neck and stands up. "Don't be sorry," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say.
Elena stands too, looks out the door. "We should probably go find Caroline," she says, and Matt can't help feeling a tiny unsettling feeling begin in his chest as he follows her out the door.
