CHAPTER 10:
WHY SO SIRIUS?
Sirius Black was still not sure whether this was real, or some hallucination induced by a decade's worth of exposure to Dementors. He had been released from prison, that rat Pettigrew had been caught, and Dumbledore was apologising ridiculously profusely. Oh, and his godson was in the care of a mostly-insane computer who used humans as lab rats. Said computer, using a frankly smoking hot robot body, had been the one to actually start asking the questions that led to his release, questions that Barty Crouch Senior would doubtless be feeling very embarrassed by.
Still, he could see the funny side. Barty Crouch Senior got owned (GLaDOS's words, not his), a lot of wizards had to eat an entire banquet's worth of humble pie, and Moony was making overtures to being his friend again. Sirius was willing to forgive Remus: the werewolf had been suspected of being the spy as well. It would be far longer before he could forgive Dumbledore. The old fool should have known better. But even the wisest man can fall prey to suspicion and prejudice, something Dumbledore wholeheartedly admitted.
It was Boxing Day, and Sirius had been allowed to stay in the guest quarters of Hogwarts. It had been a whirlwind couple of days, and while he would have to go back to St Mungo's for further Dementor exposure-treatment (paid for out of the Ministry's pocket, and rightly so!), he had been declared safe to come here, as long as he was being supervised.
Sadly, his chaperone for the day was Snivellous, though at least a détente of sorts had been established between the two men. It seemed that Harry had managed to get on Snivellous' good side, and considering that Harry was the son of James Potter, one of the many people on Snivellous' shitlist, it was an impressive feat. It probably helped that Harry was in Ravenclaw and not in Gryffindor, and had Lily's eyes.
As they walked to the Great Hall, Snivellous said, "I swear that Potter is at times as insane as his great-aunt. One cannot deny his intelligence, though, any more than you can deny hers. At least he makes a refreshing change from the dunderheads I usually have to teach. He and the Granger girl will certainly go far, although the Granger girl's prospects in our world with the premium placed on blood purity is in doubt."
"Hey, Lily managed to get into the Unspeakables," Sirius said. "If this Granger girl is anything like Lily, they'd snap her right up."
"True," Snivellous said. And there was another possible sign that the universe was edging towards insanity: Severus Snape, albeit grudgingly, agreeing with Sirius Black! "I wonder what the Department of Mysteries would make of Aperture Science? I daresay they would find it both insane and intriguing."
"They'd find any dangerous place intriguing. I'm sure if they thought there was something new to learn about Dementors, they'd send a bunch of Unspeakables to Azkaban." Sirius shook his head.
The look Snivellous shot him strongly suggested that he would prefer it if Sirius was still in Azkaban.
They soon made it to the Great Hall, where Harry and Hermione were having breakfast at the Ravenclaw table. Sirius, meanwhile, was escorted to the Head Table, and sat between Flitwick and McGonagall. "Sirius, I'm sorry for…" McGonagall began.
"Save it, for the moment," Sirius said. "All that matters is that I'm out now. Nobody believed me then. Nobody gave me the chance to be believed." There was no actual bitterness in his tone, just a sort of hollowness.
"We failed you," McGonagall said. It was more of a statement of fact than anything else.
"Yeah. It took a half-crazy Muggle computer to figure it out," Sirius said. The laughter that wormed from his mouth was bitter. "Irony abounds."
"What were you thinking of doing once you've finished your treatment?" Flitwick asked, trying to change the subject a little.
"Well, I think my priority is to make sure Harry's all right. I mean, he seems pretty good, so GLaDOS must've done something right. But I want to be a part of his life if I can. And I want to catch up with Moony, mend bridges and all that. Beyond that, I have no idea." He looked down at his plate, and began to eat. After swallowing the first mouthful (which was the best food he had had in a long time), he said, "For all of it sounding dangerous, Aperture actually sounds interesting. And GLaDOS did give me a standing offer to join Aperture. She's researching magic, or Will-based Transmogrification Force as she calls it." His mood lightening a little, he then said to McGonagall, "By the way, Sniv…I mean, Snape said that the Marauders have some successors here, in Gryffindor of all things."
"Yes," McGonagall said, her lips pursing in disapproval. "Fred and George Weasley. Can I ask that you don't encourage them? I have enough grey hairs as it is."
Sirius merely grinned at her in a way that was meant to be the complete opposite of assuring.
Fred and George Weasley suddenly felt some strange sensation. As if God or Merlin or some deity or legendary being had suddenly come amongst the students, and said being had their attention on the Weasley twins. And with it was the feeling they were about to have a wonderful experience.
As one, they turned to face the Head Table, and found themselves meeting the eyes of Sirius Black, who was grinning.
"Forge, why do I get the feeling we will be bowing to Mr Black before long?"
"I dunno, Gred. Maybe we should have taken Divination after all…"
"WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY!"
Harry and Hermione had their heads on the table, laughing and thumping the table at the bizarre sight of Fred and George Weasley bowing down before Sirius Black. Funnily enough, Sirius had gone up to them and whispered something, which he would later say was "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good". He then told them he was Padfoot. Neither Harry nor Hermione understood exactly what that meant, but the Weasley twins' actions were funny, even when taken out of context.
"So, why did the Weasley twins act that way towards you?" Harry asked Sirius when breakfast had finished.
"Your father and I, along with two others, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew," (Harry didn't fail to notice that Sirius Black spat that last name out like someone would spit out a particularly vile-tasting lump of food), "were part of a merry band of pranksters known as the Marauders. As it turned out, they happened to have one of the old magical artifacts we created back in our schooldays. They agreed to let you have a look at it later, as it's part of your legacy. I told their younger brother I'd get them an owl as an apology for losing his rat." On their looks, Sirius explained, "Pettigrew was a Rat Animagus."
Hermione's eyes widened. "And he's been the Weasley's pet for all this time?"
"Since he framed me. Magical rats live for quite a while longer than normal ones, so it wasn't that strange. When GLaDOS managed to get me to speak to Amelia Bones and Dumbledore, it was Dumbledore who remembered a rat with a missing toe. GLaDOS had also seen him, in pictures you sent home of Ron, Harry. They had McGonagall test him discreetly, and confirmed he was a rat Animagus. McGonagall managed to get a hold of Pettigrew just before Christmas Eve via Percy Weasley, and now, he's in a special Animagus-proof cell in the DMLE. Bones had Fudge order my immediate release. I'll have to go back to St Mungo's, but when I first went to them, they were amazed that I wasn't affected as badly as someone who's been in Azkaban for as long as I have."
Harry nodded, but darkly attractive images in his mind of Pettigrew being subjected to a number of the more lethal tests sprang to mind. "I wonder if GLaDOS will petition to have Pettigrew made into a 'special' test subject," Harry muttered darkly.
Sirius looked at Harry, before nodding. "In exchange for my helping point out a few security flaws in Azkaban(1), Amelia Bones is considering letting GLaDOS have him. She's also invited me to Aperture. Frankly, I'm considering it. Hell, I'm considering using some of the family fortune to fund it. That'd make my mother turn in her grave, to fund a Muggle organisation!"
"Was she a blood purist?" Harry asked.
"Well, she was no Death Eater, but she followed their views. And she was pleased when my little brother Regulus joined Voldemort." Sirius shook his head. "But enough about her, what about you? How's the life of my godson been?"
Harry laughed. Where could he begin?
Thankfully for Gordon Freeman, the mildly poisonous oral lubricant GLaDOS used was easily dealt with, with some mouthwash and a couple of pills. He was mildly disconcerted to find that his urine was purple for a time, but he had left micturition of stranger colours in the toilet before, usually after a binge (like that time in Austria, where he had woken up naked and had to fashion crude clothing out of garbage bags(2)). And thankfully, it hadn't interacted with the alcohol he drank last night.
He found GLaDOS' gynoid body, that damned annoying blue-ball…wait, scratch that title, blue-eyed ball Wheatley, and the schizo Rattmann in one of the laboratories. They were working on a tank of some kind. Well, GLaDOS' construction apparatus were, under her supervision, while Rattmann looked on pensively, and Wheatley offered his usual nuggets of dubious wisdom.
"…So, what you're saying is, that we may not just have a Rattmann, but a Rat Man here?" Wheatley asked. "I…I dunno whether you should have them in close proximity. Just in case the universe collapses on itself or something."
Rattmann groaned. "We're not talking about the Blinovitch Limitation Effect here!(3)"
"I do hope that that was one of your attempts at humour, little ball," GLaDOS said with a roll of her eyes.
"Um, yes, yes it was! It was all a big joke. Eh heh heh heh…" Wheatley said, his tone and choice of words suggesting otherwise.
"Good. That was one of your better ones. Another one would be, 'what starts with 'W' and will be writhing in pain if he says the wrong thing'?" GLaDOS then turned to Gordon. "Ah, Doctor Freeman. Soon, we will have a new lab rat to play with, somewhat literally, part of the time."
"Sorry, what? I feel like I just came in in the middle of a lecture," Gordon said.
"Not exactly. At the moment, it was more at the 'Inane Small Talk Over Coffee' level," GLaDOS replied. "We are currently in negotiations with the wizards to retain the services of one Peter Pettigrew, aka Wormtail, aka Scabbers, as a test subject. Pettigrew was the betrayer of Harry's parents, and had framed Sirius Black for the crime. While this is more than enough for him to receive the Kiss, I have asked for him to be brought into my custody."
"The Kiss? Are we talking Mafia-style kiss of death? Wizards are weird. Is it on the cheeks, or are we talking tongue?"
"We're talking about the soul being sucked from the body by a hideous monster, leaving the body a virtually brain-dead shell. Capable of breathing, urinating, and defecating, but little else. So, not much different from the rest of the human species."
"Wait, wait, wait, rewind a little. Did you just say the soul sucked from his body?"
"Your powers of short-term memory and listening do you credit, Doctor Freeman," GLaDOS said dryly. "However, the Minister for Magic, as well as Madam Amelia Bones of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, are considering acceding to my request that he be sent to me. He will become a test subject in very specific areas of study involving Will-based Transmogrification Force, namely those involving transforming into an animal. He can change form into a rather pathetic specimen of Rattus norvegicus, better known as the Brown Rat. Wizards and witches who can turn into animals are known as Animagi. From Harry's remarks, his Transfiguration teacher is a Cat Animagus, and Mr Black has admitted he can turn into a massive dog that resembles a Grim, a bad omen in Magical Britain. If I do receive him, he will be placed in this tank, and I will try to induce his transformation, and monitor it."
"Wow. Should I feel sorry for him?"
"He betrayed two of his closest friends to their deaths, by all accounts, and condemned a third to prison with monster guards who suck the life and happiness from their surroundings more than the average corporate manager."
"…I guess that's a no, right?"
CHAPTER 10 ANNOTATIONS:
Sorry for the long wait for another update. Inspiration was lacking since the Christmas update. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the above.
Review-answering time! perfectshade: It may be to a degree, but I'm commenting more on the slapdash nature of what Aperture did, especially under Cave Johnson. As for the romance, well, it's an unconventional one between GLaDOS and Freeman, and is played more for laughs than anything else (I think, in retrospect, GLaDOS was basically like Asuka when she kissed Shinji for the first time in Neon Genesis Evangelion: she does it out of boredom, and, well, it goes wrong). I do intend to ship Sirius with Chell, but that'll happen later on. Glad you enjoy it.
davidteague3950: Ricin is not an element. And that selenium/arsenic thing is, AFAIK, just confined to the movie Evolution.
Have a Little Feith: I sort of knew about them partly thanks to South Park (which I watched years ago), and partly because something like an electrolarynx was used for the Cybermen's voices in Doctor Who for a few stories. One of the most bizarre and sad things I ever saw was Michael Moore (for his series The Awful Truth) assembling a choir of people who needed electrolarynxes due to smoking-related illnesses, and he brought them outside either some tobacco company or health organisation or company, and had them sing Christmas carols.
Zekedavis: Heh heh heh. Yeah. Still, having them sing carols is probably novel…
Celestia's Paladin: I'm not an American, so I'm not up with the finer points American geography, though frankly, in retrospect, it was a pretty stupid error. Anyway, reality, to quote Douglas Adams, is frequently inaccurate. In-story? Illinois claimed Aperture as part of its state, hoping to get some of that revenue. Michigan allowed it so that Illinois would get the liability and lawsuits.
Princess Asuna: Well, here's the update. Don't beg me for another one, please, as refusal may offend. Glad that you like it, though.
1. It may not be made clearer later on in the story, but Sirius is telling Amelia about the fact that the Dementors couldn't sense him as much in his animal form.
2. As mentioned in Episode 35 of Freeman's Mind. A mostly-amnesiac post-beatdown Gordon believes that waking up in the trash compactor is actually better than Austria.
3. A law or set of laws of time and space in Doctor Who. Amongst other things, when two versions of the same person from different points in their life meet, there's the possibility of an energy discharge, shown spectacularly in Mawdryn Undead, when two versions of the Brigadier meet. The resulting explosion gives the younger version amnesia, and knocks them both out (as well as saving the Doctor's life accidentally).
