Disclaimer. I own only the concept. Everything else belongs to other people.

Trigger warnings. Child abuse, rape, self harm, attempted suicide. Possibly others. This is rated M. I tried not to be too explicit. (I hope to be past the worst of it.)

Note. This story is about Jade, but contains information she might not ever know.

:}

Jade was wazzed off. 'How could she.' echoed through her mind. Jade knew that Tori was trying to help. She was always trying to help. Why else did Jade go to her when she needed to get Beck back the first time. In a small way, Jade was grateful that the Pop star cared enough to try and help her. But the frustration she felt at having her brother show up unexpectedly, confirming her fears that he'd hate her, needed an outlet and for now, Tori was it.

That brought on the guilt. Jade wasn't used to people caring about her. Tori only wanted to help. Jade knew that much. So her anger was focused on the wrong person, and her guilt about it intensified the feelings of frustration that led to the anger.

For the first time, Jade felt that maybe, she understood what her parents were feeling, on a truly emotional level. That the guilt was so dense and dark that hating the one you loved became easy. It wasn't that her parents didn't love her. They just allowed her to be the focal point of their frustration, and the guilt they must have felt over it caused them to face a choice. If they admitted to the guilt, it made them bad people. But to ignore the guilt, deny it's existence, then they had to have an outlet for their internal conflict. Jade was the outlet. They had to keep blaming her, even after Richard, or they would feel worse. In the end, it was the best thing for them to do, if only to spare Maxwell from the same experience. The pain of understanding was still pain, an emotion Jade was far too familiar with. The anger, however, was still there.

Jade danced from one emotion to another, feeling like chiz over what she'd been feeling. Then there was another dark specter that hid deep in her conscious, her memory of kissing Tori Vega. Just outside of her awareness, those memories had returned. Each call from the singer drew those memories just a touch more towards her conscious thoughts, drawing out the confusing feelings she used to have. It was a dangerous thing for the girl who had avoided any type of romantic entanglements for the last three years.

Jade didn't have much time to ponder her feelings. She was busy, working, studying, and just trying to make her life happen. Of course, emotions and the thoughts that come with them don't just stop, and just under her conscious thoughts, they kept circling, building, adding pressure until something broke.

It took her four days for the frustration to break down. Naturally, it was during therapy, Jade admitted to everything that happened then broke down. Once the let herself go and screamed it out, Doctor Bowers talked her through it and helped her process. Jade had been in therapy for a while now, and some things could be dealt with more quickly than others. The whole session was dedicated to constructive venting, followed by forgiveness. Jade forgave her mother, her father and Tori all in the same breath.

Doctor Bowers knew that Jade only really let go of some of her pain, but it was still important. Jade would never completely let go of her past, but each piece she did would make that which remained easier to carry. The most important part was Jade forgave Tori, letting go of her frustration and a small portion of the guilt that built up for the damaged girl.

Jade made it home after therapy, again thinking about how much easier life would be once she had her scooter. Riding the buss was a bitch, and while she bought a bike three months ago, the scooter would be both safer and give her more freedom. The bike took less time than the bus, only because the bus schedule was pretty broken up and Jade could ride her bike at any time. The bike had become her main method of going to and from school. Thinking about how much better her life would be with a scooter didn't have the feelings of joy it used to have for her, however. Her mind too caught up on other problems to focus on feeling good about her next planned purchase.

Jade walked into her apartment to find Aggie and Sophie talking to Max and some guy she didn't recognize. Jade stood there, trying not to hope for anything as joy and fear spun together like a tornado in her heart. Barely above a whisper, she uttered one word. "Max?"

"We need to talk." Max said. He sounded serious and just a little distant. His eyes were looking past her, not able to look her in the eye just yet.

"Okay, Talk." Jade felt this was a private conversation, but was too scared to move it into her room. She'd had enough heartbreak for one week.

"Not here. You still have your license?" The younger West asked.

"Yea, I keep it up to date. Sometimes one of my friends lets me drive. Why?" Jade thought she knew where this was going. Ty had been the one to take her to her last drivers test when it was time for her to renew her licence. He'd let her drive his car as a reward. Now, she was waiting to see what Max wanted, and fearful it would involve that car he kept talking about.

"I'm still on my learners permit, and I need a licensed driver over eighteen in the car. You fit, so lets go for a drive." Addressing the other guy. "Dave, could you stay here for a bit? I'll be back soon." Max looked at Dave, a powerfully built young man with an easy smile. The big guy just nodded his approval and got back to flirting with Jade's roommates.

Jade and Max walked to his car, a restored cherry red 1995 Ford Mustang convertible. Jade didn't care much about the vehicle, but knew a muscle car when she saw one. She didn't get much of a chance to admire it. As they got in, she noticed her brother couldn't look at her for more than a few seconds at a time. Obviously, the drive was to give him something to do while they talked. They were soon on the road, and it wasn't until they were on the freeway that Max was able to start talking.

"He raped you, over and over, for years." Max had so much venom in his voice. The young man didn't need that kind of hate. All Jade could do was react, answering her brothers question.

"He beat me first, from when I was eight. And he wouldn't feed me, made pay for my own food. I got good at busking just to eat. It beat begging." Jade said it so neutrally, as if reading from a book. Inside she was thinking 'He knows. My god, how much does he know.' She could have denied it, but somehow he'd found out, and it felt like the time for lies was over. Besides, she knew that the truth could help them come together, as long as it stayed away from certain subjects.

"How could mom let this happen? How could Dad not notice?" Max said, his voice breaking, the anger replaced by anguish. "I mean, they had to know.."

"How could they?" Jade snapped. Her own voice breaking his questions with an echoing urgency. "There was no way they could. Look, Max, I don't know if it's true or not, but I'm choosing to believe that they didn't know. Not that there weren't clues, but that, in order to be good people and care for you, they had to choose to ignore those clues. And they had to pretend that what they were doing was the best for me as well." Her brother wanted to speak, to scream at her that this wasn't right, but instead chose to focus on driving. He was grateful for the distraction, as he squeezed the steering wheel tight

After five minutes of silence, Jade continued. "He hurt her. Mom. Richard would hurt her if I didn't follow his rules. It's one o the reasons I couldn't tell anyone. When I tried, he'd hurt her. He was such a monster..." Jade tried not to cry. She failed, and Max continued to drive, to ignore the anger that was welling up inside him.

After another few minutes, after Jade had regained her composure, Max moved to to speak again, but Jade quickly cut him off. "You need to understand, for whatever reason, they couldn't be there for both of us. One of us had to take the blame. I think it was easier for them to have you as their golden child. Lord knows if I had to chose, I'd have done anything to spare you even the first four years I had with Richard."

"Why? I could have taken it? You didn't need to suffer..." Max said, his words again cut short by his sister.

"Because I'm your big sister. I was already damaged by that point. There was no need for both of us to suffer. Besides, I love you. I wasn't going to let anyone, any thing hurt you." Jade said sharply, her voice drifting towards pleading. "If I didn't have people telling me otherwise, I'd keep you away now, just because I'm worried that I still might hurt you." Inside, she continued, words she didn't want her brother to ever hear her say. 'It's all I'm good for now.'

It took Max another few minutes to digest what Jade had just said. He let the silence take them, only talking to ask little questions about what she went through. As they talked, Jade giving small accounts of how Richard controlled her, and Max continued to process everything his sister was telling him. Jade was shy on details, still wanting to spare Max as much as she could.

Jade had long ago realized they were going somewhere, but was afraid to ask. Max was hurting, and he needed closure on this new wound to his childhood. Finally, he pulled to a stop in front of a house Jade knew so well, but hadn't visited since she was fourteen. Even in the dark, after all these years, she'd recognized the neighborhood. Disbelief had kept her from objecting until they were there.

"We can't do this." She said, her voice once again neutral. Max finally looked at her. His eyes were hard, but the tenderness under them told jade what he was feeling. His anger was back, mixed with pity and just a touch of love.

"He's going to explain to me why he cut you out of my life!" Max said.

"I told you. He cut me out because he wanted to protect you." Jade shot back. "Maybe he didn't want to believe me when I told him what a monster Richard was, and maybe he couldn't."

"You told him, and he still sent you back?" Max almost screamed.

Jade just forced the words through. "It dosen't matter why he did what he did. He could see I was damaged. He didn't know what to do. If he believed me, what I told him, then he was wrong about Richard. That was not a choice I was ever going to win. You see, It's how con men work. They make you have to choose between your pride and the truth, and the truth often looks suspect before they're done. Richard was very good at making people like him. I was Dad's bad child. Who do you think he was going to believe."

Max looked at her with such disbelief on his face. "So that's it? You're going to just let him go on believing you're responsible? Jade, he's our father. He needs to know the truth." Max almost shook from the frustration.

"Not this way. If he's ever ready, he'll come to me. Mom knows where I am, so he can just ask her. I'll make time to see him, but not if he's just going to continue blaming me." Jade said almost coldly.

"But it's stupid for him to keep blaming you..." Max was once again cut off.

"It's stupid for people to pretend that science is wrong, but so many do just because it's easier than admitting that they were wrong." Jade said. "Max, Dads a proud man. It won't be easy for him. Later, once I make something of myself, then maybe we can find some kind of closure to our problems, but it will have to wait until I've change how I live. Changed a lot of things. I need some success before I see him again.. He'll have to be able to see that I'm no longer the problem child he believed I was. And I need to be in a place where his rejection won't hurt me any more. I know, if he dies or something, then I'll miss out, but there is no way he's ready to have a relationship with me. I'm not that hard for him to find, so I know he's not ready."

Max looked at his sister, frustration still evident on his face. "So now what?" He asked.

"I give you my email, and you friend me on Spashface. We get back in contact. Mom will be visiting me Christmas Day, so you could come by as well. I just need to be at work by five." Jade smiled, trying to offer the olive branch. "For now, take me home. Let your friend Dave get away from my roommates, and lets just focus on fixing our relationship. Your almost sixteen, you're bound to have secrets from Mom and Dad. I guess I'll be one of them."

"I don't want my secret relationship with a girl to be email with my sister." He said, but let go of the push to have her confront their father. It was going to happen, sooner or later, and she would do better if she was living on her own, instead of off assistance.

Max started the car and they drove back to her apartment. He didn't like it, but knew Jade wasn't going to back him up in confronting his parents. Not today. So he drove her home. Along the way, Jade asked about his school, his girlfriend, and other basic things she so wanted to know. Max in turn asked her about her life. About half way through the ride, Jade asked a strange question. "So Max, how did you find me?"

"As you said, you're not that hard to find." Max said. He felt nervous, suddenly worried that his sister might find out about who he asked for help. He suspected that wasn't a subject he wanted to cover right now.

"It's easy for mom and dad. They can find me until I'm twenty five, or I go off Dads insurance. Since I take it neither of them spoke about me, that leaves the question, how did you find me?" Jade asked again.

"What happened last June?" Max responded. Jade looked just a bit shocked. A second later, she almost paled.

"You're avoiding the question." Jade said.

"When I looked up Mister Mathews arrest record, I found out that something happened to you last June. If you want information, you give some. What happened?" Max asked again.

"Did Tori tell you about that? God, that girl just can't keep anything to herself. Max, it was just Richards friends trying to finish what he started. It's okay, the police found me before they hurt me too much. I'm in therapy, and I'm fine." Jade blurted, almost trying to gloss it over. Max pulled the car off at the next off-ramp and found a parking lot to pull over.

"I talked to the arresting officer from when Richard was first stopped. He let slip that something happened last June, but not what. So tell me, or you'll never know how I found you. Besides, you know I'll find out sooner or later." Max held his ground, hoping Jade wouldn't just call a friend to come and get her. A lot of what he was doing was bluffing, but he needed one victory today.

"I was abducted by slavers who tried to break me. I was raped and flogged. It was bad, but someone saw and followed us, so the police were able to get the men responsible. I was still in therapy from everything that I've endured from before, so I continued to see my therapist and added this shit to my list of things to try and recover from. It's just another part of the fucked up whole, the life I've had upto now. Now how did you contact Tori?" Jade said the last part like he didn't have a choice.

"Wait, what? Raped and Flogged? Like a whip? God, are you all right? How bad are the scars? Maybe some surgery can hide them, help you forget." Max rambled.

"I'm over it." Jade said, even as inside she knew that was a lie. "Now tell me how you contacted Tori?"

Max considered lying, he considered not telling her, but in the end, thought better of it. He mad another demand. "So how is it you're letting Mom and Dad off the hook so easily? I'd be pissed. Does it have to do with therapy?"

Jade pulled her cell phone out, and hit a couple of buttons. Her phone rang as she put it on speaker phone. Max sat there in the car, confused as to whom she could be calling.

"Jade? Hello? My god, do you have any Idea what time it is here?" Tori's voice carried through the car.

"Lets see, its about nine thirty here, so it's what? Ten AM over there?" She said, smirking.

"Try six thirty in the morning. God Jade, stick to our schedule please. It takes the nine hour time difference into account." Tori sounded frazzled, but not too upset. "So what required you to call at this ungodly hour? And why am I on speaker phone?" She'd heard the distant sound when Jade spoke, a dead giveaway about being on speaker phone.

"I need to know how you got into contact with Max?" Jade asked.

"Again? I told you, I had nothing to do with..." Tori started. Unfortunately, Max also started speaking.

"You have her on speed dial? I thought we were supposed to keep this number secret?" Max didn't hear Tori deny everything.

"Did you hear that Tori? Max just admitted everything." Jade said triumphantly. Of course, Tori didn't hear. Far too many cell phones can't hear while the user is talking.

"He did? He's with you? Does that mean you've made up? My god Jade, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. This means you'll be able to spend Christmas with your family and maybe put all the chiz you've been through behind you." Tori sounded genuinely excited.

Jade ignored her, focusing on her brother. "Okay, how did you contact her?"

"How can you just let go of what mom and dad did to you? Even with everything you've told me, I still don't know why you're not pissed." Max said.

"This sounds like a private, West family moment. I'm going to go back to sleep." Tori said.

"Don't you dare hang up. I want answers. I know you were the one to get my contact info, but why did you tell Max?" Jade asked. She was getting frustrated, and Tori knew she was bound to do things everyone would regret if she got too angry.

"If you want to know, tell me how you can let Mom and dad off the hook so easily?" Max said again.

"Just tell him so I can get to sleep." Tori whined.

"I didn't do it for them. I read somewhere that holding a grudge was bad for you. So I strive to forgive and move on as soon as I can." Jade turned to the phone "Yes, Vega, I've learned to forgive. I think I always wanted to let chiz go. That's why I was so big on revenge. If you recall, after I got my revenge, life could go back to normal. Just look at how Cart and I used to be. If I held a grudge, we'd never have been friends." Jade said, feeling exasperated. "Your turn." She shot back towards Max. He scrambled for another delay.

"Last June, at the Hollywood Arts fundraiser, I was signing autographs to help raise money, and he introduced himself." Tori started to explain. "He asked my help in finding you. It's sorta how the ball got rolling. I'd been busy, so when the video incident happened in July, I hadn't had a chance to find you yet. It took until November for me to get everything, including a brief description of what you've been through." Tori's voice changed, sounding somber. "Please don't hate me."

"I don't hate you. I know you just wanted to help. It's okay. Everything worked out fine." Jade sounded defeated, tired. She knew all her anger and worry had been like a weight, and now that it was off her, all she could feel was the exhaustion from carrying it. She just wanted to go home and rest. "By Vega, get some rest. A lot of teenage boys will be abusing themselves to your poster tonight." With that, Jade ended the call before Tori could give a retort.

Max would later chuckle at the statement, but he was too drained from the whole evening to do much more than drive. He took his sister home, picking up his friend who would dive back to Hollywood for the evening. Jade hugged Max, exchanged information, and said her goodbys. The girls had made good use of the burly boy, and now every room in the complex that needed something moved had been rearranged. But it was time to get rid of Dave. He was still a boy, and they wanted men.

That evening, lying awake waiting for slumber to take her, she reviewed how her day went. Max was back in her life, Tori was becoming a friend again, and she only woke up with nightmares about being a slave or raped once a week now. Things were definitely improving. Jade even allowed herself to be excited about Christmas again, but now for more than just the expected scooter she was going to buy. Her mind was at ease for the moment, and she was happy. Inside, she cringed. Bad things always happened when she allowed herself to be happy.

Miles away, Tori was wazzed off. She hadn't been able to get back to sleep. She instead got up and got ready for the drive to her next destination. It was still early, but she took her shower anyways, inwardly fuming at Jade's closing comment. In an act of revenge, Tori started touching herself in the shower. She'd meant it to be in defiance of Jade's comment, but instead she used her extra time and a longer shower to slowly move herself towards release. It would feel so good to just let the tension of the tour go for a moment, lost in the warmth of the shower and her fantacy. Images of Jade danced in her head as she climaxed.

Swimming in the pleasure of release, a single thought pushed through her mind, a thought that described her emerging mood. 'Shit'

:}

Hints of Jori danced through their heads.