I've been very busy lately due to the birth of my sweetest niece and I didn't have time to write since I can't stay away from the little baby. I'm so happy that I think I'll create another character that will bear her name, jut to have her closer to me. Of course I have to debate whether or not I should introduce a new character to the story because I don't want to spoil the future events and obviously I need this new possible character to be a positive one.
Besides this I have the bad habit to lose interest in something after I thought about something else and now I'm in such a situation. In my mind has begun to bloom another idea and I'm afraid I won't finish this story, but I'm trying hard not to stop and make time to write as much as I can. So…I can't wait for certain chapters that will come and I hope I won't shorten the chapters just to get where I want.
Chapter 11: Explanations
Despite the anxiety that was dragging me down to my knees and tearing me apart, somehow I managed to stay in one piece and not break the phone in my hand. There have been complications. It was beyond anything I could bear. I wanted to know everything, but his words didn't come out as fast as I wanted to.
"What complications, Emmett?" I hissed at the top of my lungs.
"When we arrived to Forks we left the car at home and then Rose run to Bella's house to make sure she was fine as you wanted, but the house was empty so we followed her scent and it led us to Mike Newton's store. Rose was the first to catch a sight of her and she looked pretty well, but we thought it will be better to wait and see what she's doing–"
"Emmett, what's going on?" I yelled as the desperation took over me. In that precise moment I wasn't able to listen to the whole story. I wanted him to get to the point, but he went on, ignoring me. It was maddening.
"She got in the truck, but she wasn't heading to Charlie's house. She… she was going to La Push and we couldn't follow anymore so believing she was safe enough we returned home." Even if I hadn't said anything I'd noticed his hesitation. She'd done something else in that time, something that Emmett considered proper to hide it from me, but I was going to find out as soon as he would be close enough to me to hear his thoughts. "We tried to call but the phone was dead and we began to do other things and we lost track of time. So to make it short," finally, "before we decided to leave we checked again on her and Rose run to Charlie's house and Bella was in her room sleeping. After that Rose was supposed to meet me at the way out of Forks, but she run into someone on her way to me. Hopefully she'd gotten close enough for me to hear her so I knew something was wrong. Immediately, I was by her side and as I'd expected she wasn't alone. Two other vampires were crouching in front of her ready to attack. I didn't have time to think or try to discover what they were doing in Forks. I jumped to their throats and in five seconds both of them were dead. Taking into account their strength and their unskilled moves I'm sure they've been newborns."
Relief rushed through me, filling every piece of me. My anxiety hadn't been justified. Bella was safe and I had no reason to worry anymore. My soul was telling me that now I could be sure about her safety. I didn't have that feeling that was squeezing my heart anymore. But still the situation was strange and something definitely had gone wrong, but I couldn't make myself feel sorry for those vampires. They'd been caught on a claimed territory so they'd been punished. I shook my head as the thought crossed my mind. I couldn't think that way. Carlisle had taught me better.
So the complications hadn't concerned Bella, but those strange vampires had tried to attack Rosalie. The information sank in my head and every part of me was reacting to that information. She was truly safe.
"And that was everything?" I asked as he made a pause.
"Edward," he said, "Do you think that this was something without importance?" he asked with a tone in his voice like he was questioning my sanity. I was selfish enough to be really reassured. And then was the first time when I realized what all this was about. He felt ashamed of what he'd done. He was remorseful and I was a total stupid for being oblivious to his angst.
"No, I don't think that," I answered, but the relieved tone didn't want to disappear from my voice. "But you've done what you thought was right. You've protected Rose."
"The problem is that I haven't thought about anything. I simply let the instincts take over me and I killed them. I couldn't read their minds to know what they were intending to do and still I killed them without blinking. I'm not so sure I've made the right thing." In his voice was not even a trace of his usual happy self. He sounded like a dead man speaking and I couldn't stand to hear him blaming himself that way. Not when I felt inside me an unexplainable feeling of gratitude because he'd killed those vampires.
"Where are you," I asked as I heard the car stopping.
"We're almost in Denali, but I can't come back now. I can't face Carlisle."
"Em, you've done nothing wrong. Come back right now. Besides, you'll have two hours before Carlisle and the others will come back from hunting," Alice informed him as she took the phone from my hand. He didn't say anything else. He just started the car and then Alice put the phone on the table without looking away from my face.
"He'll arrive in ten minutes," she whispered as she took her place beside Sonya again. She looked frustrated as she always did when she hadn't seen something of importance for our family. I knew how irritated she felt with herself, but it wasn't her fault. Now when I could be sure that Bella was really safe, I could see more clearly. Alice had to watch our futures and sometimes when it was too much for her, the visions were less accurate. Apparently, now was that exception and she took all the blame on herself. There was no need for us to blame her anymore. She was her own worse enemy in this case.
I took her in my arms to comfort her, but she kept her rigid posture. Of course. She'd already seen me doing this.
"So I can see you taking me in your arms, but I can't see that Em and Rose are in danger I couldn't see Em killing two vampires. That has to be the most normal thing possible," she thought exasperated.
"Alice. Hey, look at me," I said as I forced her head to turn to face me. She looked like she was on the point of crying. "I forbid you to blame yourself. The future changes, right? And you have to watch too much already. It's normal that your visions have holes. We understand that."
"Would you have understood if Bella hadn't been safe in her bed?" she asked infuriated. I paused. I couldn't answer immediately and in that short silence, Alice read the answer. Of course I wouldn't have understood as well as I was doing now. "No, you wouldn't and you would have been right. I don't know what's happening to me. I can't see anything lately," she sobbed.
"It's not true," I contradicted her. "You've seen what Bella was going to do and you helped me to stop her. You are doing more for us than anyone else, Alice. You can't blame yourself." My attempts to soothe her appeared to be pointless. She was too stubborn to believe my words.
As I was stroking her arms, Jasper got into the house, swiftly like a ghost. There hasn't been time to explain that he had already taken Alice in his arms. With desperate moves he tried to find her eyes as he absorbed every of our emotions.
"What happened, Edward? Why is she feeling like that?" he inquired, barely hiding his accusatory voice.
"Because she doesn't want to listen to me. Because she's determined to think that is her fault Emmett killed those vampires," I cried the words out loud and as soon as I finished I realized my mistake. Jasper, Alice and Sonya looked at me with horror in their eyes. I stood shocked in front of them while I analyzed my words. It had sounded dangerously close to a condemnation, but I wasn't reproaching anything to Emmett. How could I think badly of him when I felt so relieved because he had done it? Inexplicably I felt that emotion increasing in my soul and instinctively my eyes flickered to Jasper's. He had felt that and he frowned confused.
"I cannot read minds. Could you please explain? There has to be a mistake in all this," he murmured meditatively.
"There is no mistake. Emmett himself told me and I think there is no need for me to inform you. They are on their way. You can already hear them." He concentrated harder, taking in every sound. The car was the only sound that betrayed their arrival. In exactly three minutes they entered the house, Rose standing close beside Emmett looking like she was supporting his entire weight. It was probably the first time when I'd seen him looking so devastated. The guilt was like a scar on his face, wringing his features into an anguished grimace.
Rose stepped forward making Emmett move too and he wished to apologize to me, but I didn't understand why. In my opinion, he hadn't done anything wrong. Rose threw him a quick glance and she seemed to know that he won't be able to do or tell anything, anytime soon.
Vampires couldn't be in shock. Theoretically. But he was and it let us speechless. It was so much worse to see him in pain for the reason that we were used to his overjoyed self. On his face has always bloomed a smile, even in the darkest times and now he looked as if he was lifeless. I couldn't stop from thinking and asking myself if that was how I'd looked after we left Forks. Perhaps. But I doubted it. I was sure I'd looked even worse.
"We'll wait upstairs for Carlisle and Esme to come back," Rose announced us and in the moment she offered him the way out he darted to their room and she immediately followed.
"I've made him see reason, but he can't handle it. He can barely face me. He isn't ready to speak with you. He feels too ashamed of something he should be proud of. Obviously I could have taken care of myself, but nevertheless I'm grateful for what he'd done. I'll try to make him understand and when Carlisle will arrive we'll come downstairs." She had already closed the door of their dormitory when she finished her thought. It wasn't necessary to translate for them to comprehend what was in Em and Rose's minds. They knew very well.
We let the silence fall between us and for once the waiting was not tormenting. I could be patient and I felt guilty for that. How selfish I was. How worthy of disdain. In my peripheral vision I saw Jasper shaking his head.
"You're not selfish. You've never been," he thought.
Even if I wasn't in the room with them I could see every move they made so I had an inside that Alice and mostly Jasper didn't. Emmett was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands and Rose between his legs was trying to lift his head, but he was too strong for her and he was squeezing his head with too much pressure. It wasn't supposed to be like that. He had always been the warlike type. He had always wanted to fight and now when he'd really fought and killed those monsters he felt ashamed and remorseful.
"I betrayed Carlisle's trust. I let my stupid instincts take control of me. How could I have done it? What will they say?" he yelled in his mind.
"Em, stop acting like that," she whispered in his ear. "You're being childish." He didn't move as she embraced him and pressed her lips on his. He seemed to be frozen in that place. "Oh, for God's sake," she burst out screaming. "You have no right to blame yourself. You saved me. Do you think I would have had any regret if I'd been the one killing those vampires? Of course not. I would have been proud. You should be proud. I'm thankful for what you've done. Look at me and be proud. Stop mopping around."
Quicker than I expected I felt like an intruder in their privacy. Throwing him down on the pillows, she began to cover him with kisses and it appeared to work. Slowly he gave in and started to respond to her kisses, but his thoughts remained the same. Worried and ashamed. I couldn't stop from thinking that somehow I had a part of fault. If I hadn't sent them back to Forks, he wouldn't have felt guilty for anything now. Jasper shook again his head and called my name in his mind. As always, I turned my head to him.
"Don't begin you too, to feel guilty. I'm going to blow up. Besides none of you has to feel guilty."
I nodded, trying to apologize, but it wasn't so easy to erase certain feelings from one's soul. Sometimes they lingered more than you'd wish.
"That's what it makes it worse," I heard Emmett's voice from upstairs. "I don't feel any regret. I feel fine and I shouldn't. I murdered someone."
"It wasn't murder. They were not innocent people. They were vampires. Thirsty ones, if you looked in their eyes. Probably they were hunting when I run into them. They've certainly murdered before so why should you feel guilty because you've ended their wretched existences?"
"Because it was wrong. What will Carlisle say?"
"He won't blame you. He will understand."
"I know," he answered gloomily.
"They're coming back," Alice thought as she gripped my arm. I tried to concentrate harder to be able to hear them, but they weren't in my radius line yet. I knew Carlisle wouldn't blame Emmett, but in his soul he was going to feel pity for them. These were the moments when I perceived the great differences between me and Carlisle. He could feel pity even for the worthless being on earth whereas I couldn't. There was no pity to feel for those blood craving monsters.
Em and Rose were not speaking anymore. She was lying on his chest looking at him and an image that could be so romantic for me seemed macabre. He looked dead and I couldn't think of him like a dead man. He was my brother. He was the happy and irresponsible one, not that serious and desolate man standing on the bed.
When Carlisle and Esme along Tanya's family entered in the room they already knew that Rose and Em were back. I could read the confusion on their faces as they saw just the three of us.
"Where are Rosalie and Emmett," Carlisle asked even if he knew they were in their dormitory.
"Upstairs," I answered like a machine. "Carlisle, I think Emmett wants to tell you something." he knew me well enough to recognize that something had gone wrong. "What is it?" he asked me in his mind and in the same time Em thought "It's time." Apparently I didn't have to inform him. Emmett was a man and it was his duty to report to Carlisle.
Moving in synchronization they descended the stairs and as they sat on the armchair Sonya rose to her feet to leave.
"I should go," she murmured and my head snapped to her.
"You should not," I replied too harshly and it sounded like it was a command. "You're part of the family," I continued, trying to make my voice softer, but it still was severe.
"Edward is right, "Carlisle agreed and under his eyes she sat again beside Alice and Jasper, but nevertheless Tanya with her sisters left the room.
Emmett was not the kind of person who deviated from the subject. He was frank and he liked to get immediately to the point. Although he could have drowned in his fears he knew perfectly what he was going to say. I wanted to make him understand that none of us would ever reject him.
"I'm sorry," he began, watching Carlisle in the eyes, who looked even more bewildered.
"What is it, son?" he asked him with overwhelming kindness and Emmett winced.
"I've just killed two vampires." As he said the words, Carlisle froze in shock, but didn't move and I could feel an electric current piercing in my body. The only one who had a reaction to his words had been Rosalie.
"No," she hissed. "That's not the right choice of words." I knew what she was trying to say. 'I've just killed two vampires' sounded like he really was a murderer and he was not. But he strongly believed he was and the only one who could make him believe otherwise was Carlisle.
"But this is the fact," he hissed back.
Carlisle watched him for a while and when he spoke again, Emmett breathed relieved.
"Tell us everything from the beginning, son," he solicited, emphasizing as much as he could the last word. It was hard for Emmett to remember, but in the same time he wanted to get over with all this.
"As soon as we arrived in Forks we went home and then Rose run to Charlie's house, but Bella wasn't there so Rose called me and I met her in the woods, then we followed her scent which led us to Newton's store. We saw her getting into the truck and I would have come back home, but Rose said that it will be better to follow her. To make sure she was really fine and prove Edward's fears wrong. And we did. We expected her to come back to Charlie's house, but she didn't. She was heading to La Push and when we realized that, we stopped from following her. We tried to call Edward as we came back home, but the phone didn't have a signal so we got into other things and when we thought it was time to leave Forks we decided to check on Bella one more time. Rose run again to her house and she was due to meet me at the way out of Forks, but she was staying too long so I became impatient. When I heard her voice in the distance I thought it was too late for me to get to her in time. She was discussing with two people and their scents betrayed them. I knew they were vampires and Rose's voice had been too sharp for a conventional discussion. When I get by her side those despicable beings were crouched in front of her and I could see nothing else. I was sure they were trying to attack her and I didn't stop to think. I jumped at their throats and I killed them."
For a moment there was only silence and I wanted to break it, but I knew for sure that Em needed Carlisle to speak not me, so I waited for him to meditate.
"It was wrong and reckless and he shouldn't have done it, but after all, he's done it to protect Rose. I would have done the same for Esme. Without thinking or asking questions first. And he is so rash. He hasn't done it just to kill. He saved his loved one. That has to be understandable."
"Son," Carlisle began, "I can't say you've made the right thing, but I can't blame you either. You saved Rose and that's something all of us understands. You don't have to feel guilty. You are not a serial killer."
"I could have taken care of myself and I could have killed them myself. And now he wouldn't have been so miserable," Rosalie thought and I could feel how hard was for her not to say this out loud.
"But I betrayed your trust," he said watching both Carlisle and Esme and they answered him in the same time.
"No," they replied and for once I could see Emmett's lips twitching into a smile.
"In any case I don't think you've done any damage. You've made a good to the world even. They were not innocent people. They were not even people. They were just thirsty vampires and taking into consideration their crimson eyes I bet they were hunting. Humans." I shuddered. Hunting humans in Forks? With Bella so near. The feeling of gratitude became stronger and Jasper couldn't stop himself.
"You don't feel even the slightest trace of pity or anything like that because he killed them. You are happy. You're thankful. Why?" he asked confused. I just shook my head. It was not the time to explain this.
"Please say you forgive me," Em pleaded looking into Esme's eyes. Like and angel she approached him and took his face in her hands.
"There's nothing to forgive. You watched over Rose, that's not to be condemned."
All of us have thought about this as an irrevocable fact, but no one has taken into account that probably those vampires were in one piece by now. Emmett has never mentioned to burn them and as far as I knew our race was immortal and able to make itself whole again. So what was the possibility for those two wretched beings not to be wandering the world in this precise second? In the instant I thought about that Alice cried with a strange kind of enthusiasm.
"Edward's right," she anticipated, but I ignored her.
"You've just ripped them apart?" I asked in a cold voice and he nodded so I continued. "Have you thought that maybe they are whole right now? That they are in one piece continuing their hunt? They are not worthy of your remorse," I concluded almost infuriated because he felt regret. Jasper's expression confirmed me that I was right. He was experienced in this kind of situation and for sure he had seen vampires regenerate. Our head turned to him and he began speaking with a businesslike voice.
"I don't know why I haven't thought about this earlier. It's true. Regeneration is something that happens very often for our kind. If you have just dismembered them, you probably left them with two or three scars, but nothing more. I'm almost sure they are fine. Well perhaps they're looking for revenge, but that's not something that should bother us."
The memories came back in Rosalie's mind. The two vampires standing crouched in front of her and then Emmett quickly finishing them. They have been newborns. There was no doubt about it. Blood thirsty and irrational. I could tell by their every move. And they left them together with just a broken head and a torn out arm. Almost there hadn't been any damage at all. They've offered them a gift. They've made them sleep. How much I would have traded to be able to sleep.
"But why couldn't I see them? I should have seen them. Oh, Rose, Em, I'm so sorry. I should have concentrated harder. I'm sorry. I really am," Alice suddenly burst out. Rosalie rolled her eyes then answered with a bored voice.
"Don't begin you too. It was to be expected. You have already too much to see."
"That doesn't explain why I haven't seen. You are my family. I should have seen. Especially because you've been in danger." She looked at us like she wanted to make us understand how it bugged her that she hasn't seen. For her it was like she was blind when she couldn't see something and I understood her because I felt the same with Bella. Every time I'd been with her I had the sensation I was deaf, but for me it had been the most pleasurable situation I could ever be in.
Under our eyes she began to plot and imagine possible reasons why she haven't seen those vampires running into Emmett and Rosalie, but I didn't pay attention to her anymore. It wasn't the first time when Alice hadn't seen something and then because of her frustration she saw dangers where there weren't any.
I should have told her 'It's human to make mistakes', but it wasn't the best mode of expression for us.
"It's normal to mistake once in a while," I edited the sentence.
"No, it's not," she hissed glaring at me.
"Stop. All of you," Carlisle ordered. "None of you is guilty for what happened today. It has been an unlucky event which we will leave behind us. I'll go back to Forks right now to check." He hadn't finished the sentence when my eyes snapped to his and Alice's head turned abruptly to him with that infuriating happiness on her face. She wasn't going to return to Forks, for crying out loud. A growl was building in my chest and it took all my control not to erupt.
"Why. Do. You. Have. To. Go. Back. There?" I asked, pausing after each word to make certain I wasn't going to snap.
"Behave," Alice warned. Oh…but I was behaving.
"Son, we can't live with the uncertainty. We have to know for sure whether they are alive or not. And I won't run the risk of letting any of you go alone there."
"But you can't go alone either," Esme objected and all of us agreed with her.
"I can take care of myself. Nothing will happen. Besides it's not something to be debated. I'll leave in a few minutes. Alone."
He was too determined for me to change his mind. I could read in Alice's thoughts what was going to happen. Her vision was too strong to doubt that Carlisle was going to go to Forks and she felt that disappointment again. It was irritating.
"If I'd seen it, nothing of this would have been necessary," she lamented. At that moment I was almost expecting Emmett to begin again apologizing, but luckily for me he was returning to his usual self, little by little. His thoughts were less worried. He was happy that Carlisle and Esme hadn't cast him out. What a stupid thought to have.
"Looks like you have to deal with two blaming themselves," he addressed me smiling a little. "I'm sure you feel very excited, doesn't he, Jasper?" he asked him, now smiling with his whole heart.
"Yeah. We are so excited that this excitement is bugging me with its power," he replied ironically.
"Imagine if I begin to feel guilty too," I joked smiling too, even if Alice was frowning at me. "We will have the greatest party of miserable vampires around here."
"Huh," she grunted as she rose to her feet dragging Sonya after her. "Come, Sonya. Apparently these three have a sick mood of joking now." She followed obediently, but she smiled back at me as she turned her back on us. Kissing Emmett on his lips and whispering in his ear "I told you," Rose followed them too.
I couldn't get used to the idea that another member of my family was going back to Forks, so near to Bella and I wasn't that member. I knew too well that I had no right to come back there, but still the pain of being unable to see her, to feel her, was burning in my chest, was drowning me again in my anguish.
Her warm skin, her soft lips, her beautiful eyes, her enchanting voice…all of that was far from me and impossible to have again. I chocked the air out as I tried to keep her image in my mind. It was the most beautiful thing I have left.
I felt how I was slipping through the cracks and I remembered the promise I'd made to myself. I wasn't going to make my family suffer again. They'd suffered enough because of me. I tried to compose myself, but it was already too late. Jasper was sending through me waves of relief and happiness, but they were too weak to function on me. Nevertheless I didn't want him to do that. He knew it.
"Jasper," I said with a cautious and pleading voice.
"What a party we have," he said reminding me my words as he stopped.
"Thanks," I murmured, exactly in the second when Carlisle appeared again in front of us.
"I shall go," he said. "I'll be back in no time. Please, Edward, don't lose sleep. Jasper will bite," he joked and I tried to smile. It wasn't such a good attempt. The truth that he was heading to Forks was spinning in my head, leaving me unable to process anything else.
He left immediately after Esme kissed him goodbye and I knew I had to concentrate on something else, unless I wanted to become again a wreck. She gave each of us a kiss on the cheek and then she left us alone, going upstairs to Alice's room.
Even if he was returning to his usual self, he was still feeling ashamed and uncomfortable. He looked with wary eyes at both of us, expecting us to reproach him what he'd done. Obviously he hadn't expected to hear my words.
"Thank you, Em," I told him sincerely. He was stunned, but he hadn't lost his sarcasm.
"Are you sure you feel alright?" he asked puzzled.
"Yeah, actually I really feel fine. And that's because of you. I know Jazz is boiling here because of me. I can't even explain it clearly to myself, but after you've told me you killed them I felt relieved. Like the dangers I'd seen threatening Bella were gone. I guess I should feel sorry because of that or apologize, but I can't." He kept looking at me perplexed for a second, thinking about nothing so I was right in believing that he might slap me, but he surprised me in his turn. He boomed with laughter as he always did.
"Bro, you're awesome. I was almost sure you'll kill me yourself and you're trying to thank me. That's something to remember."
"Miracles happen," I joked and I could feel Jasper relaxing by our sides, but to his discontent I couldn't help myself for much longer. I'd looked into an invisible distance before I turned my head to Emmett, any trace of humor disappearing.
"How was she," I asked and all of a sudden he strained himself and evidently he was trying to suppress certain thoughts, but he didn't have Alice's ability to keep me out of his mind. Sooner or later I was going to find out, but I preferred it to be sooner.
"What do you want to know," he murmured trying to play the fool, but he knew what I wanted.
"Everything," I answered in a dead voice. I had to work more on the part which implied the hiding of my emotions. He sighed like I'd asked him to do the most painful thing in the world and he opened his mind for me. It was clear that it would be easier for him to remember than put into words what he'd seen. In any case I was grateful to him.
He remembered just what he knew it was vital for me. As I saw her wonderful face I melted with desire. It was dreadfully hard to keep from collapsing right there. She got out of Mike Newton's store, making her way through the rain to her truck with a sad yet charming expression on her face. She got into the truck and started the engine, driving slowly as she always did, but her lack of attention bothered me. I knew her well enough that I could tell even from another's memory that her thoughts had been miles away from her. She continued driving without paying attention to her surroundings and I froze when accidentally she'd met Emmett's eyes. He'd been to far from her to see him, but he'd caught and conserved her image perfectly for me. It was delightful to see her, but in the same time her grieved face tortured me beyond imagination.
As the memory went on I could see Bella's features twisting into a deathly agony that I could not bear. Why was she suffering? Who was the one responsible for her pain? I couldn't think it was me because if I did think about that I would have returned immediately to Forks. Maybe she'd been just upset because I'd intervened in her life again. Or maybe not… I thought hopelessly.
It had caught me by surprise when Emmett's memory ended abruptly.
"Sorry man," he thought. "But I can do it. I can do this to you." So he was trying to protect me from seeing Bella suffering. No. I didn't need protection. I just wanted to see her face, to suffer even more as I saw her grief.
"Yes, you can," I said, my voice being hardly above a whisper. "Please, Emmett, continue," I pleaded with the same dead voice and he obeyed.
The memory started again and she was driving, but suddenly she pulled over and her pain was my pain. It overwhelmed me once again. She curled over, pressing her face against the steering wheel and she tried to breathe. She looked devastated and I felt powerless knowing that I couldn't do anything for her to feel better. Why was she in this state? My will to stay away from her broke into pieces. I couldn't be away from her anymore, but the decision I'd taken was not supposed to be for my benefit. I'd taken the decision because I knew it was better for her. So why did I feel that it had been the wrong choice to make?
I studied her every move and it was like a sword had crossed my heart when she thumped intentionally her head against the steering wheel. The desperation was evident on her face. She laughed humorlessly, but it was a dark laugh, a laugh that cut into me with its soreness.
She'd looked out the windshield for a long time before she got out of the truck. It was raining and it must have been cold for her, so why was she standing there? She has never liked the cold. Just when she prepared herself to get into the truck again, something appeared to catch her attention and she turned again her back to the truck. It took me a second to remove the crushing veil of her presence and recover from the drowning in which I'd fallen the second I've seen her face. As I took notice of her surroundings, I saw what caught her attention too. Two motorcycles standing across the road with a For Sale sign.
She approached like she'd been bewitched and scrutinized the two objects in front of the house. What was in her mind? I tensed as I realized that she'd intended to buy those. Probably she had already done it. A boy opened the door and went to greet her.
"Bella Swan?" he asked surprised, but she wasn't in the mood to have a nice chat. She got to the point.
"How much do you want for the bike?" she inquired with her irresistible voice.
"Are you serious?" he demanded even more surprised.
"Of course I am," she replied too confident on herself and I wondered what made her take that decision. Bella on a motorcycle…it was terrifying just to think.
"They don't work."
"How much?" she asked again with impatience in her voice.
"If you really want one, just take it. My mom made my dad move them down to the road so they'd get picked up with the garbage," he explained. It wasn't surprising to me that Bella had chosen those decrepit bikes, but it annoyed me to desperation that she'd chosen to put herself in danger by riding such things. As I really thought about it I relaxed myself. Charlie would never let her drive a motorcycle so she'll have to throw them where they belonged.
"Are you positive about that," she questioned, looking at the bikes.
"Sure, you want to ask her?"
"No, I believe you." The eagerness to become the possessor of those dangerous objects could have been read on her face. Why had he let her take them?
"You want me to help you," he offered. "They're not light."
"Okay, thanks. I only need one, though." Like that wouldn't be risky enough.
"Mind as well take both. Maybe you could scavenge some parts." Oh, great. Was he insane? How could he offer her to take both? The necessity to protect her arose in me, but I had to remember that there was no way to protect her. At least, not a way which involved being close to her.
"What are you going to do with them," he asked curiously. "They haven't worked in years."
"I kind of guessed that," she responded with the most sensual voice I've ever heard. "Maybe I'll take them to Dowling's."
"Dowling would charge more to fix them than they be worth running." She couldn't contradict him. He was right and she was not the one who would waste money unnecessary.
"You know what?" she said with an air like she'd remembered something. "That's okay. I know someone who builds cars." For a moment I couldn't process right the information. Who was that someone that she knew? I couldn't remember anyone who knew how to build cars beside Rosalie and I couldn't understand the sudden feeling of jealousy in my chest. Jasper stretched his legs uncomfortably and I tried to control my emotions, but it was an already failed attempt.
"Oh. That's good," the boy said smiling as Bella headed to the truck.
She drove quicker than before and she was directed towards Charlie's house. I was surprised to see that since Emmett had told me that she went to La Push, but it was understandable. He had wanted to keep these memories from me. She entered into the house and immediately called his father. But she hadn't called him to inform him of the precious acquisition she'd made. She wanted to know how to get to La Push. That's when Emmett's memory ended.
"That's about everything," he whispered not sure if I could hear him. His voice startled me and I woke up from the trance that had gotten me close to Bella.
It seemed that all I had now was the memories and visions of others. It was hard to realize that I was somehow the third wheel and not the protagonist anymore. It was unbearable to accept that I would never see her anymore. This was the truth that had accompanied me since I murmured my last words to her and it was a reality that I could never accept. It didn't matter if I was ten kilometers away from her or on the other side of the world. I still needed her and in the bottom of my heart I felt weakness and desire.
I knew that soon enough something was going to change in my life, but I was too confused and inundated by her face behind my lids to realize what it was.
