The blissful couple of weeks we spent with learning about ourselves, discovering our deepest wants and most delicate needs, exploring our lustful bodies and enjoying the calmness of our own private Valhalla, came to and abrupt end.
Everything became dark, unstable and frightening and every day we drifted farther away from the point where we could at least try to collect the shattered pieces of our previous, harmless lives.
2 weeks had passed since that evil mad man, Drago, came into our lives and even though Hiccup and Toothless managed to defeat him, his actions and his spirit turned our once lush greens into a barren desolation.
At first, Hiccup seemed alright. It seemed that he accepted his father's death and the sudden turn up of a long-lost mother. It seemed that he accepted that he had to be the chief, even if it was much against his will. He did what he had to do: he honored the last unspoken will of his mighty father with a graceful dignity, but the burdens he had to carry now were just too much and I knew it all too well.
His soul was damaged and a distance grew between us.
I couldn't do much. Naturally, I took over managing the Academy, which was, of course, was much appreciated, but I knew his heart ached for the daily training sessions and flights. This new and unwanted position prevented him from doing all the things he liked in his life; he was forced to deal with people instead of dragons.
His mother, Valka, was there to help both of us, but even if I had learnt valuable things from her, our relationship wasn't the best. I simply couldn't like her for the choices that she had made and cruel as it may sound, sometimes I wished that she was the one who had been shot...
I had no doubt that the very same thought dwelled in my beloved Viking's mind...
Valka tried everything to improve their relationship. Sometimes she spent the night with his son, but the there was this constant awkward vibe between the two of them that made most of their conversations sound fake.
As for us, we were miles away from each other - not physically, of course - but he became more and more tired and distracted each day and all I could do is to check on him every night, bring him food that was usually left untouched and try to comfort him with timid little hugs before ordering him to go to bed.
My heart broke every day when I saw the growing blackness around his eyes and the wrinkles on his forehead.
Two weeks after his father's tragic death, he was just a faint memory of what he had been before, a frightened ghost in a broken human shell.
One morning he went past me and he didn't even notice that I was there... My heart sunk again, but I had to go to the Academy, so I decided to speak with him that night, because the once impossible thought of losing him suddenly started to feel very real.
But... Things didn't go as I had planned. At midday, Gobber sent his new apprentice, young Gustaf for me, because Hiccup simply fainted in the Meade Hall while he was trying to discuss building the new sheds for our livestock.
I rushed to the Haddock house as he was already taken there and found him sitting at the big table with his face buried in his palms. Gobber, who was with him, stood by his side and quietly left the house when I entered.
"Hi," I said gently, bringing a chair next to his. I sat down and opened my arms to welcome him in a hug and when he pressed his face to my neck, I felt that it was wet with tears.
"I'm sorry..." His voice was faint and muffled and he was trembling in my arms while I lightly started to caress his back. "I'm a failure..."
I pushed him away a little to be able to look into his eyes; they were almost completely black with no sign of the emerald fire that was usually burning in them.
"You're just tired. Exhausted. Worn-out," I said tenderly, brushing away the far too long bangs from his forehead.
"A chief cannot be..." Once again, he started to parrot the things he had heard from his father, but I cut him off.
"No, a chief is human, too. Your body and your soul are fighting against all that heavy weight you're putting on them."
He leant back to my neck, sobbing into my ear. I tried to hold him as close as it was possible. I knew that this time I had to be the stronger. When he quieted, I tilted my head and placed a small kiss on his mouth, with my lips barely brushing his.
"I'll get you some food and make you a bath. And then I'll wait by your bed until you fall asleep," I said firmly and luckily, he understood that there was no point in protesting.
I left him at the table and went to the kitchen. I found all the food that I had left there the previous night untouched. I lit the fire under the pot of leek soup and I cut the bread. I put the food in front of him and he slowly and unwillingly started to eat.
I went out and found his poor dragon on the rooftop of the house. Toothless jumped down as soon as he noticed me and I hugged and caressed him, whispering into his ear that neither of us should feel neglected, his master is just in a dark place now and desperately needed our help. It seemed that the clever little creature understood me and he helped me bring water to fill up the giant bathtub in the house. He even lit the fire underneath it to warm the water up.
He went to Hiccup then, who had already finished eating and when I saw them hugging, my heart felt lighter. I collected some clean clothes and looked for a lavender soap and then went back to him to tell him his bath was ready.
"Toothless," I started quietly, rubbing him behind his ear, "I need you to let go of Hiccup, he needs to take a bath."
"I'm sorry, bud, Astrid is right, I need to clean myself and sleep a little. Then we can go for a ride. How about that?" He offered while standing up and at least there a little smile appeared in the corner of his mouth when he said that.
I patted the dragon again. "Go, find Stormfly, I'm sure she'd love to play with you."
Well, Toothless wasn't too eager to leave, but he went out anyways, taking a last look at his best friend from the door. "Thank you, bud," said Hiccup and he turned to head for the bathroom while I started to pack away the things from the table.
"Astrid?"
"Hmm?"
"Could you help me with the bath?" He was standing a few steps from me. I looked at him and I saw despair in his eyes – I knew he felt ashamed because of the help he needed. I nodded with a smile to make him feel better and I went to grab his hand, leading him to the bathroom.
He undressed himself and I was shocked when I saw his naked body, it seemed he had lost a lot of weight in the past couple of weeks. I folded his dirty clothes while he took off his prosthetic and then I helped him crawl into the tub. He seemed relieved once the warm water had covered his weak body. I grabbed the soap and went to him. I started to gently scrub him, his chest, his arms, his hands. I looked at his long, foam covered fingers in my hand, but he lifted them to reach my neck and bring me down to his lips to a chaste little kiss.
"Thank you," he whispered while looking deep into my eyes. I put my hands back on his chest and started to soap him again. My fingers crawled to his firm stomach and he let out a sigh, but when I wanted to go even further down, he placed his hands on mine.
"Erm... Thank you, I can finish from here." He said it in a kind but determined way, with eyes closed, head resting on the edge of the tub.
I felt disappointed, it had never happened before that he stopped me while I tried to...
"Okay," I said trying to hide my frustration. "I'll go up and make your bed. Your clean clothes are here, on the chair."
I stood up and left him.
§§§
His room was a mess and before turning my attention to his bed, I collected the parchments from the floor at his desk and put them back on it. I gathered his dirty clothes and made a bundle of them. I changed the sheets and dusted the furs on his bed and I've just finished shaking up his pillows when he appeared in the doorway.
His hair was shaggy - well, shaggier than normally - and his wet body was glistening in the dim afternoon light. He only had a linen towel on, wrapped around his waist, covering him from hips to knees. I, again, sadly noted that he was much slimmer than the last time I had seen him naked.
"Your bed is ready, dear sir," I said tenderly gesturing towards the fresh pillows and pelts. He crawled under the covers and while he fumbled with the straps of his prosthetic, I lit a candle, placed it on his nightstand and I went to his window to close the shutters. There was hardly any light in his room, but he really needed some undisturbed sleep, so I went back to blow the candle.
"Astrid..." he started quietly before I had the chance to make his room completely dark. "Could you do me a favor?"
I nodded. I was standing next to him, but he didn't bother to touch me.
"Could you undress yourself?"
I looked at him, his face was expressionless, but his dark eyes were locked with mine. I hesitated for a second or two, then I grabbed the straps on my skirt, untied them and pulled the skirt off.
I stepped out of my boots, still holding his gaze, but when I took off my tunic, his eyes wandered down to my chest, watching me as I slowly unwrapped my bindings.
The light material fell on the floor. I was waiting for his next 'command', half-naked in the almost darkness, but he remained silent, so I hooked my thumbs into the hem of my leggings, pulling them down along with my undergarments.
I straightened myself, strangely not feeling weird about the fact that I was standing in the middle of his room all naked. His eyes traveled up and down on my body and without saying a word, he scooted towards the far edge of his bed, offering me a place to lie down.
I sat on the bed, next to him and he leant closer to me. Our faces were only inches apart. He lifted a hand and caressed my jawline lightly with a weak finger, then dropped his hand down on my shoulder, pulling me a little bit closer to him.
"I want to have you," he said with a barely audible whisper and I quietly lay to my back to let him know, without words, that I approved his cravings.
He leant down on me and kissed me, but only briefly. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me in position to be able to crawl between my legs, with his knees pushing my thighs apart. He took off and tossed away the towel that covered him and pressed his burning member to my warm core. He licked my neck with a long stroke of his tongue and bit me, first gently then a little bit rougher.
Somehow I felt that this time I shouldn't be active or controlling; he was fueled with some kind of raw manpower that had never come to the surface before and I wanted him to have me as he wanted, so I just gently crossed my hands behind the small of his back, letting him to devour and take me.
His lips quickly were down on my nipple and he sucked it with a force that was almost painful while his fingers pinched and rubbed the other one before finding their way all the way down to my wet center.
The first moan left my mouth when he started to rub me down there with the same rough power. I arched my back and he rubbed me so fast that it literally took me only a couple of seconds to came with twisting and trembling hips and the muffled repetition of his name. I had to bite on his pillow to avoid screaming.
Not waiting until my post-orgasm agony was over, he firmly grabbed my hips and lifted me up a bit. With one fast and forceful move he was all inside me and this time I could not suppress the scream.
He leaned down and pressed his upper body to me while still holding my hips up tightly, kneeling between my thighs getting in and out of me with a speed that almost felt impossible. He started to came fast and hard while burying his sharp teeth into my collarbone, still doing his frantic ins and outs, filling me with his warm liquids, panting into my ear as he finally pulled out of me gently, letting back the lower half of my body to the bed.
Then he collapsed on top of me and sobbed into my neck, so I held him tight until his cry was replaced by his quiet snores. I placed a little kiss just under his closed eye, on his wet cheek, and my heart broke for the millionth time that day.
Somehow I managed to crawl out from under him and I covered him with the furs before silently dressing up and collecting the bundle of dirty clothes. I walked down the stairs and I heard a small, shy knock on the door.
It was Valka.
"Hi, Astrid," she greeted me while stepping inside and placing his large stick next to the door frame. "He is upstairs, sleeping," I started to explain quietly, "He got a little sick earlier..."
She looked at me as if she couldn't understand what I had just said. "He'll be alright. He just needs some rest." I assured her.
Valka didn't say a word and I started to feel uncomfortable about her presence, as always. "Well, I need to go, I have some laundry to do," I said holding up the bundle.
"Astrid..."
"Yes?"
"Thank you for taking care of him."
She sounded kind, but I knew the main point was that I took care of him when she didn't.
I nodded quickly and rushed out from the Haddock house.
§§§
I didn't meet him later that day or the following morning and I did the work at the Academy with a bitter taste in my mouth. It's not that I hated what had happened the other day, it was just... different. And not necessary the good kind of different.
The setting sun found me at home, all alone, so I occupied myself with folding the laundry. His laundry.
It felt weird, I shouldn't have been dealing with his dirty clothes, I wasn't his mother or his wife. And on top of that, I had other problems to deal with...
It was late, not much, by four or five days only, but still... it was late...
Then I heard a faint knock. I put down the clothes on the table and I went to the door. It was him, standing there, looking all embarrassed.
"Hi, Astrid..." He hesitated for a while before placing a small kiss on my cheek. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," I answered opening the door wide open. I went back to make myself busy with the laundry. At least I could give his clothes back to him...
"I think we should talk..." I hesitated. But then I nodded, not looking directly at him while trying to brush away invisible dust from one of his folded tunics.
He stepped closer to me and laced his fingers on my wrist to make me stop. I looked up into his eyes. It seemed that yesterday's sadness was still in them.
"Look, I know everything has changed and..." His voice sounded kind of standoffish and he had to stop to take a deep sigh before continuing. "I feel that our relationship has become a little bit one-sided. It is clearly obvious that I need you more than you need me and I feel extremely selfish. I feel that I can offer you nothing, but trouble and pain and... this last time, I think I have simply just used you. I wanted to own you, I wanted you to obey me. And you did."
I didn't know what to answer to that. I understood what he was trying to explain me, but I didn't know whether he really meant it. I was confused and I had never thought that the darkness within him could grow that deep...
He stepped a little closer to me and cupped my face. His mouth was trembling and unborn tears were making his eyes shine.
"Astrid... you deserve better, I know you do. And even though I hate myself for saying this, but probably you should look for someone else. Someone who could make you happy and proud. Someone who deserves all this." He let go of my cheek and gestured to me, all of me. It felt as if I had a huge lump in my throat and it obstructed me from uttering all the words I wanted to say.
But it was his last ragged sentence that really hit me and almost destroyed my already wounded soul.
"I know that you... that I... that we... did things and... I'm willing to give you a huge dowry when you find a husband in compensation for all the damage I had done."
