Author's Note
Thanks for reading it and leaving me feedback everyone! JLo I think it's only fair that I dedicate this one to you! So here it is….
Not Quite Home – Chapter 11 – Somewhere In Between.
It was the bright light that had managed to escape through a gap in the curtains that began to wake Spencer's sleeping form. Opening her eyes briefly only to immediately shut them again; the morning light burning her eyes. Her face was buried in Ashley's shoulder, her lips pressed lightly against her skin.
After Ashley had asked Spencer to hold her, Spencer had gotten to her feet, taking Ashley's hands in her own as she gently led her to the side of her bed, laying her down before hurrying over to the other side to climb behind her; Ashley lifting her head slightly to allow Spencer's arm behind it, wrapping her other arm around her waist, letting her fingers lightly run over her bump. While she nuzzled her face into the crook of Ashley's neck, lightly kissing her; allowing Ashley to contently sigh and entwine their fingers.
Spencer opened her eyes once again, the light still stinging her newly awakened eyes. She could hear Ashley breathing in light even puffs, their hands still linked, resting carefully on her stomach. Spencer yawned quietly, trying her best to not wake Ashley; the arm that Ashley's head was resting on had gone completely numb during the night and was beginning to ache causing Spencer to gradually try and free her arm, moving it only slightly before she felt Ashley push back into her more, "Hmm…where you going?" she mumbled sleepily.
"My arm's numb, I was trying to move it without waking you up before it fell off," Spencer whispered back.
Spencer felt Ashley lift her head, allowing her to move her arm back, a sudden rush of blood causing pins and needles. Ashley then proceeded to roll over, her back no longer pressed against Spencer's chest, instead now brown eyes were able to meet blue, "Don't get up yet," Ashley pleaded, reaching out for Spencer.
"I won't, I'm too comfy," she felt Ashley's hand reach her face, sweeping away a few strands of hair, able to see Spencer's eyes more clearly, "How are you feeling now?"
Ashley couldn't help but let her eyes close, "Last night sucked," they opened again, a smile joining her refreshed features, "I feel better now that I'm here with you. Thanks for everything Spencer."
Spencer smiled, "I told you I'd keep you safe," she frowned a little, "I'm just sorry I couldn't rescue you before your mother caused you pain."
"You've rescued me so many times now that I'm starting to feel helpless. I just wish I knew whether my bitch of a mother went back to our house, I don't think I can face her again yet, I don't have the strength."
"You can stay here for the week, mom rang me last night, her and dad are going to stay longer in Ohio, my Grandma's really sick so they want to be there."
"Are you sure? What about Glen and Clay? Won't they mind?"
Spencer laughed a little, "I haven't really seen Glen, he's got some girlfriend and practically lives around her house and Clay went to the airport last night, he wanted to go and be with Grandma. So it'd just be the two of us."
Ashley smiled as she moved in to snuggle against Spencer, "That's good then, I'd love to stay with you for the week."
Spencer couldn't help but wrap her arms around Ashley, running her hand up and down her back, "I'm glad you're going to stay Ash," she let her eyes close again and breathed Ashley in, trying to savor that precious moment, a moment where she got to hold her without having to dream.
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When they had finally gotten out of bed a couple of hours later Spencer had let Ashley borrow some of her clothes after she had showered; the baggy hoodie just concealing her small bump as she reached up to grab the cereal from the top of the fridge, not quite being able to reach.
"Here let me get it for you," Spencer replied standing closely behind Ashley, her chest lightly brushing her back as she stretched her arm out and grabbed the box of cereal. Spencer swore she heard Ashley's breath sharpen for a minute, but she took the cereal from Spencer and poured herself a bowl, "Thanks Spence," she replied normally as a smile graced her lips.
Spencer sat down opposite Ashley on the breakfast bar, pouring herself a bowl of cereal, enjoying the comfortable silence between them. Afterwards Spencer sent Ashley to go and put her feet up while she washed up.
"Hey Spence?" Ashley called through to the kitchen.
Spencer quickly appeared in the doorway, "What's up?"
"I've got an appointment on Thursday at 2.30pm," she paused leaving Spencer confused before she smiled and continued, "It's my first ultrasound, and I was wondering whether you'd come with me?"
"You really want me there? I mean are you sure this isn't something you want to keep to yourself."
"Yes I'm sure," Ashley reassured as she stood up and smiled, "There's nobody else in the world that I'd rather share this with," and with that she walked over to Spencer and placed a kiss on her cheek; heading into the kitchen to dry the bowls, leaving Spencer with a massive smile on her face.
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When they arrived at 2.30pm on Thursday for Ashley's appointment, the nice receptionist with a warm smile had informed them that the doctor was slightly behind schedule, and asked them to sit in the waiting room until they were called. This delay only added to Ashley's anxiousness. As soon as the clock had reached 1.00pm Ashley had become restless, a mix of nervousness and excitement, leaving Spencer unable to settle her.
Now she was sitting in some generic looking waiting room, squeezing Spencer's hand, "Ash you're doing it again," Spencer winced.
Ashley quickly released the tightness of her grip on Spencer's hand, which had started to turn white due to the lack of blood circulation, "Sorry Spence, again. I'm just so nervous, I mean what if there's something wrong with the baby."
"Ash don't be so worried, I'm sure the baby's fine, you've been eating right and taking care of yourself."
"You mean you've been taking care of me," Ashley smiled turning to look into Spencer's eyes. Spencer nodded her head and smiled, letting herself get lost in Ashley's gorgeous brown eyes.
"Miss Davies, Dr Jennifer is ready to see you now." The announcement came unexpected across the loudspeaker, forcing the girls to tear they're gazes away from each other.
When they reached the room they were greeted by a friendly looking doctor in her early thirties, her dark hair was clipped back and her glasses rested nicely on her nose, "Hey there, you must be Ashley, I'm Doctor Jennifer," she said as she reached out to shake Ashley's hand.
"Nice to meet you," she turned to Spencer, "And this is my friend Spencer, she's come with me for support, is that ok?"
Doctor Jennifer smiled at both girls, "Of course it is, now come in and make yourselves comfortable, I'm just going to get your file and then I'll be right with you, sorry about the delay."
When she left the room Ashley seated her self up upon the bed, as Spencer sat down in the chair next to her, while she looked around at all the different machines, equipment, and certificates in the room.
"Hey look her name is Dr. J. Jennifer," Spencer said pointing to one of the certificates, "You reckon Jennifer's her first name too?"
Ashley let a laugh escape her lips, "No you goof! I really don't think her parents would have named her Jennifer Jennifer, that would be just cruel."
Spencer laughed too at her own goofiness before Dr. Jennifer returned, both girls sneaking secret smiles to each other as they tried not to laugh again.
The doctor pulled over the ultrasound machine, "Right Ashley if I could just ask you to lift your top up for me, I'm then going to add some gel and then we're take a look to make sure everything's healthy and well."
Ashley lifted her shirt up revealing her small bump, blushing as she caught Spencer's eye. Spencer was stunned at the site of her rounded belly; of course she had seen her bump a few times, but it was always covered up by some baggy jumper. But this time when she saw it she couldn't help but notice how beautiful Ashley was. Spencer reached out to place her hand on top of Ashley's giving it a gentle squeeze.
"It will just take a couple of seconds before we see the baby," Dr Jennifer said as she continued to move the device around Ashley's stomach until a black and white picture appeared on the screen.
"Okay, so here's the head, down there low in your pelvis," she announced as she lifted her finger to point at the screen, "and there," she pointed to a different spot, "is the baby's heartbeat. Which we can listen to, here you go." She pushed a few buttons and then suddenly there it was, this beating noise, drumming in a constant rhythm, "That sounds great, just like it's suppose to be, 45 beats per minute." At this Ashley's eyes filled with tears; Spencer was squeezing her hand and they were both smiling.
Dr Jennifer pointed to the screen again, "And there's one leg, right there, and that's the other one, there. Now I'm just going to get a better view so I can take some of your baby's measurements; it looks like it's a good size. Would you like to know the sex of your baby?"
Ashley looked at Spencer, "Don't look at me Ash it's your baby, do you want to know whether you're going to have a daughter or a son?"
Ashley thought for a moment before turning back to the screen, "No I don't want to know the sex because I'm going to love this baby no matter what."
Dr Jennifer smiled, "I'll give you two a few minutes alone and then when I come back we'll get you some pictures."
"Thank you." Ashley replied reluctantly taking her eyes off of the screen to smile at her.
"Wow Ash can you believe that at 16 weeks the baby already has little arms and legs." Spencer said as soon as the doctor had left.
Ashley let a few tears escape her eyes as she stared intensely at the screen, enjoying watching her baby's every heart beat, "I can't believe that a baby is inside me, that that baby is inside me right now," she smiled at Spencer, "It's amazing."
"Yeah it is amazing Ash, You're amazing."
"Thank you for coming with me today, I'm not sure I could have done this without you, I mean I put it off this long already."
"You shouldn't be thanking me; I should be thanking you for letting me come. It meant a lot that you wanted me here." Spencer said entwining their fingers.
"I wouldn't want it any other way Spence."
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By the time they had gotten home the sky had clouded over and the heavens had opened up, delivering a heavy down pour of rain. As soon as they got in, Ashley had kicked her shoes off and rushed to sit on the sofa so that she could admire her ultrasound pictures some more while Spencer made them both a drink.
Sinking down onto the sofa next to Ashley, Spencer sighed smiling, looking at the photograph Ashley was holding, "Can't take your eyes off your precious baby huh?"
"I know, it's just before today me having the baby didn't seem so real, and now, I get to look at this, and see its head, its body, its little arms and legs," She hadn't taken her eyes off of the picture yet, "its heart; which right now is beating inside of me."
"It definitely was amazing."
Ashley leant forward to place the picture on the coffee table, "Yeah it was all amazing except the part where you got to see my big'ol baby bump," She said seriously as she settled back against the sofa, her eyes avoiding Spencer's.
"You've got to be kidding me right?"
"No I'm not, it was embarrassing; I saw the look on your face, you looked shocked, like I was a fat, hideous monster."
Spencer shuffled forward so she was perched on the edge of the sofa, enough to allow her a full view of Ashley, "Ash, trust me there is nothing hideous about a pregnant woman," She paused, tilting her head so that she could search for Ashley's eyes, "especially you, you looked stunning," she finished smiling brightly as she caught Ashley's eyes.
"Yeah?" Ashley whispered back, biting her bottom lip.
"Yeah," Spencer reassured as she lifted her hands to hover Ashley's stomach, "Can I?"
Ashley bit her bottom lip again, as she nodded nervously. Letting Spencer's hands find the hem of her t-shirt, lifting it enough to reveal her bump. Spencer tenderly let her fingertips run over Ashley's pregnant belly, tracing small patterns, making sure not to miss a single spot, "I don't think you know just how beautiful you really are Ash, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes," Spencer whispered as she looked genuinely into Ashley's eyes, before leaning down to brush a kiss against her skin, letting her lips linger for a few second before dragging her lips up slightly to place another kiss.
Spencer heard Ashley gasp as she moved her mouth to place the second kiss on her rounded belly. Spencer felt Ashley's hands cup her face, bringing her back to look intensely into her brown eyes; she shifted her eyes down to Spencer's mouth, biting her bottom lip as they returned to her eyes. Ashley's teeth released her lower lip as she edged closer to Spencer's mouth, closing her eyes as she lightly pressed her lips to Spencer's, holding them still; pulling back just for a split second before Spencer's lips were back on hers, this time their lips gently moved against each other. Ashley felt Spencer softly run the tip of her tongue across her bottom lip, before she gently nibbled it; at this Ashley parted her own lips, allowing her tongue to brush Spencer's; she shivered as Spencer's tongue passed through her lips beginning to explore her mouth, Ashley soon responded by moving her own tongue, allowing them to create a fluid rhythm as she tangled her hands in Spencer's hair, letting herself get completely lost in the kiss.
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Spencer never knew that quiet had a noise, it pulsed through the air, moving like a slow, thick fog, as it surrounded you gradually, until it built up into a drumming that beats through your body with such intensity, that you'll do anything just to escape it.
Neither of them were saying anything, yet they couldn't tear their eyes from each other, Spencer could feel herself breathing hard from the kiss while Ashley did the same, the only difference between them was the look of utter shock on Ashley's face, Spencer wanted so badly to say something, to reach out and reassure, but she couldn't move and Ashley didn't give her the chance too, one minute she was sitting down and the next thing she was on her feet slowly backing out of the room towards the door with her hand resting on her forehead.
She turned suddenly while muttering "Oh god," over and over to herself and pulled opened the door, she didn't look back at Spencer once before she took off. Spencer was glued to the spot, she couldn't breathe, couldn't move. One minute they'd been kissing deeply and the next they were just staring at each other. 'Fuck, oh god Ash!" Spencer didn't waste anymore time, she was out the door and running down the street after Ashley as fast as she could, the heavy rain drenching her in seconds.
Spencer could see Ashley running just ahead of her and sprinted to catch up with her, "Ash Wait!" Ashley slowed and turned to see Spencer on her tail, "Leave me alone Spencer."
Ashley wasn't running anymore but she wasn't going to stop trying to keep distance between herself and Spencer, "Ash wait! Please stop," Spencer pleaded as she managed to grab hold of Ashley's wrist and pull her gently enough to get her to stop walking. "Get off me!" Ashley yelled as turned to face Spencer as she jerked her arm free of Spencer's grasp.
Spencer quickly reached out and wrapped Ashley's upper arms in her grip, Ashley tried to pull back but this time Spencer tightened her grip slightly and didn't let her go. Immediately Ashley let her eyes drop to the floor, "Ash look at me," Spencer pleased again; Ashley didn't move at all, she just stood there, the rain gently hammering against her as Spencer held her in place, "Ash please look at me."
Her voice was so weak and vulnerable in that minute that Ashley let her eyes be brought back to meet deep blue pools, "I can't do this Spence," she breathed. Even though it was raining Spencer could still see the tears escaping from Ashley's eyes.
"You can, I know you can." Spencer willed.
"I can't do this, please let me go" Ashley repeated again, her voice quieter.
"Do you remember the first time we properly hung out together Ash?"
Ashley closed her eyes shut, but Spencer kept talking "I remember it so well because you were the first person that I'd trusted in such a long time Ash," Spencer waited until she looked up at her again and smiled slightly, "You understood everything about me without judgment or question. Do you remember what you said to me Ash?"
Ashley was crying harder, her tears mixing with the rain, strands of her hair plastered against her damp skin, her soaked clothes clenching to her body, "You said that you'd hate to live your life as a lie Ash," Spencer let one of her hands tuck a piece of the stranded hair on Ashley's face behind her ear before bringing her hand back to gently cup her cheek, their eyes locking intensely. "You can do this," Spencer repeated, "I know you feel it too," and with that Ashley lifted her own hand and placed it on top of the hand Spencer had cupping her face, she let her thumb gently rub over Spencer's soft, cold skin.
"I can't do this Spence," she gently lifted Spencer's hand away from her check, "I'm so sorry," she gently put Spencer's hand back down at her side, "I don't get to be careless anymore, I can't be selfish, I can't make this decision."
"Yes you can Ash," Spencer quickly cut in trying to reason, "This decision is yours and one you have to make alone, no one else can."
"Exactly Spencer, I'm not alone anymore, I can't just make life changing decisions anymore," Ashley let her hand rub over her small bump, "I can't just put myself first now, I'm so sorry." Ashley looked into Spencer's sad, pained eyes one last time before she turned and kept walking down the street in the rain that was still hammering away, the rain Spencer barely noticed as the hammering in her chest started.
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How'd you feel about this one?
