After a few songs, Jellal found the merriment of Mira's music too much to bear. He stood and said with a slight bow to his head, "If you will excuse me Dreyar, I believe I will retire for the evening."
Lord Dreyar didn't move or even bother to open his eyes when he slurred,"What are you going on about? The night is still young!"
Count Neekis jumped up behind Jellal and eagerly added, "I must retire as well. It has been a long day of travel."
Lord Dreyar had no response for this other than a tiny snore, but Mira stopped playing and smiled at Jellal and the Count. "I believe that Lord Dreyar has decided it is time for bed as well. Good night gentlemen!" She nodded at Freed who was waiting in the corner of the room and he hurried off. Jellal had seen this show before, in a bit he would return with Bixlow from downstairs, since he was the only other staff member large enough to handle the young lord, and the two would manhandle Lord Dreyar back to his room. It was entertaining to watch, but Jellal had seen it many times, so instead he nodded at Mira and took his leave.
Count Neekis was long gone by the time Jellal made it to the hall and he was glad for it since he wasn't in the mood for small talk. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to be much company anyway as he was torturing himself over the question of whether his pursuit of Erza truly came from any desire to make her happy or if it was only his own twisted selfishness. He was sure no one else could make him happy but was he really the right man for her? It had been a long time since he last doubted his worth as a suitor but her mother had dragged out his largest demon and his guilt was now threatening to swallow him whole.
Jellal wondered how much Erza actually knew and he was suddenly filled with the desire to tell her everything. What would she think of him then? Would she still find his company palatable? Would she forgive him? Would she chastise him? Would she have some sort of penance for him, some way to free him from these chains? Jellal wandered up to the stairway thinking that maybe he could chance a knock on Erza's door. Before taking the first step he froze, because a certain lady's maid had taken a seat in a chair at the top of the stairs, as if on guard. Jellal glared at her but her penetrating stare made it clear, she would not let him do as he pleased. He knew causing a scene in the hall with her maid would be the worst way to get Erza's attention and he was too antsy to retire to his room, upstairs would have to wait. With one last glare at the maid, he reluctantly turned and headed towards the door to the garden.
Outside, before heading deeper into the courtyard, Jellal looked up and counted off to Erza's window. There were no signs of life and he worried that it was a bad sign. Did she not give his words a second thought? Had she just written off his sincere sentiment as mere flirtation? Or worse, was his affection unwanted?
Spiraling down into a bout of melancholy, he dragged himself towards the maze in the middle of the courtyard. When he was deep inside the walls of shrubbery, he found a bench at a dead end and laid down on it. There was a large moon in the sky and a handful of disapproving stars. They knew he was reaching too high. Erza was as far away from him as they were. He was the notorious 'man of the mist' and she might as well be 'queen of the fairies,' he was barely worthy to be in the same room.
He wondered if maybe this was a sign, maybe the Countess's reminder of his past self was just fate's way of letting him know he had already gotten better than he deserved. Just being able to sit next to Erza was more than he could have ever hoped for. He ran his fingers over the raised scar on his cheek, he should always remember, he could never forget. He had worked for Satan herself.
To this day he could not tell you how long he was unconscious after Ultear's men branded him, or what exactly it was that they forced down his throat when he woke. The days blurred together with strange periods of painful consciousness where his lungs felt on fire and his stomach would not stop threatening to empty itself. Finally after what felt like an eternity in hell, he woke and this time when they forced the strange liquid into him, he didn't feel violently ill anymore. It was instead replaced with sweet relief and a clear head. He felt sharp and aware, and all the pain he felt just seconds prior had disappeared. It had been so long since he had felt well that it was disorienting. He could only stare up at Ultear with confused surprise.
The woman was pleased, "I knew you would be able to handle it." She had her men pull Jellal to his feet as she pulled a tiny vial from the folds of her clothes. "It's time I send you home and I'm going to let you go with this. When you want more, and you will, know there will be a price." She smiled, "Though I'm sure you will have no qualms about paying it." She ran a finger down the scar on his face. "Never forget that you are mine" -she laughed- "you will never be able to hide it."
Jellal didn't need to be told twice. With a nod and a wary glare, he took the bottle and stumbled for the door. On his way, he spotted the man with the silver tooth and he punched the man so hard that he almost toppled over on top with him. Jellal was surprised when Ultear told her men to leave it be. Not wanting to chance a change of heart, he quickened his pace out into the street without so much as a glance back. Outside the sunshine on his face was the most welcome sensation he had felt in his entire life. He wandered a ways down the street and leaned up against a wall to regain his balance and let himself soak it in.
The market outside was loud and bustling as usual, but it felt different. As he walked along, Jellal found he could actually make out distinct conversations, he could tell the directions of the smells, and despite the chaos, he could focus on even the most minute details. He processed everything even though it was happening at the same time, as if the world around him had slowed. The pickpocket at the produce cart, stealing a rupee from the woman haggling with the vendor. The fly, landing in a pile of horse dung and immediately flying over to land on the chicken hanging in the meat vendor's stall. The whispers behind the English soldier's back and the mother convincing her son to drop the pebble he considered throwing. It should have been the first sign that things were wrong, but Jellal just found it fascinating.
Though he still didn't trust it, Jellal was starting to think Ultear had given him an unexpected gift in this serum she had forced on him. At the time, he assumed that it only dulled his pain and sharpened his senses. What he didn't know was that it dulled his emotions and sharpened his violence as well. It silenced his conscience and gave the prideful and greedy side of his ego a voice. It took away his fear and replaced it with a cold indifference that would be far more dangerous than bravery ever could be. He still didn't know that it was more of a curse than a blessing.
His gait slowly returned to normal as he walked along towards the dockyard, excited at the prospect of seeing Erik and Richard again. He hoped they hadn't fared worse than himself. It didn't take long for it to occur to Jellal that he couldn't just waltz back in to their warehouse as if nothing had happened. Brain would never let him, he hadn't sent Jellal into Ultear's clutches out of the kindness of his heart. Brain would have to go. With how long Jellal assumed he had been missing, he was sure Brain would have written him off as dead by now. Jellal knew Brain was a creature of habit and he could easily be taken by surprise. Jellal stopped and instead of continuing on for the dockyard, he turned towards an inn he knew would be discreet. It was time to make a plan.
It should have given Jellal pause that he didn't think twice about waiting in an alley til night, when the fog rolled in and visibility was low. He should have found it strange that his thoughts were nothing but cold calculation when he heard his former mentor lock the door to the warehouse. He should have found the large men accompanying Brain intimidating instead of only focusing on the distance they left between themselves and Brain and how much time it allotted him. Unfortunately, nothing slowed him or his now sharper cunning. He slipped behind Brain as if he was the mist itself, and then almost hugged the man as he sank a blade deep into Brain's gut.
When Brain lifted his eyes up to Jellal, there was no surprise. Brain closed his eyes and sighed, "That two-faced bitch." Jellal didn't even pause to think what sad last words those were. He let Brain slip from his grasp and was gone before Brain's guards even realized something had occurred. His only thought on the matter was that when he returned, the men would be fired. They were clearly terrible at their job.
Now, laying on the bench in the warm night air of Magnolia, he shuddered at the thought of the man that Ultear had brought out in him. The way he was able to walk back in just a few days later and hug his cousin as if he hadn't done such a terrible thing, made him sick. Erik had been none the wiser. He just pulled away from the embrace and clapped Jellal on the face with a grin. "If ya needed a tattoo I know a guy who takes just a day. Three months seems a bit excessive."
Jellal grinned back and said, "I'll remember that next time."
Now Jellal wondered if Richard had known all along. On that day, his valet had stood back and looked on with uncharacteristic silence. It wasn't until Jellal nodded to him and said "Are you well Richard?" that the valet gave any sign of life.
Even then, Richard seemed strangely solemn. "It's good to have you back sir. I'm afraid we're currently a ship without a captain."
Erik grimaced, "I'm afraid Uncle Brain met some misfortune last night."
Jellal nodded and said, "I'm sorry," though it wasn't a sentiment he truly felt.
Erik snorted as he took a seat at his desk. "The shame is that the kindest thing that man ever did for me is die. The attorney was by yesterday and he's left his shares of the company to me." Erik grinned morosely up at Jellal and added, "It's a good thing yer back, don't know that I could have done this with just Macbeth for help."
"He's quite good if you can wake him," Jellal had quipped, and with Erik's chuckle, life seemed to return to normal.
Afterwards, Jellal quickly fell back into his old life. Their suppliers were glad to see him back and business picked up an easy pace. Though he promised himself he would wean himself from Ultear's drug, he still found himself taking a drop every time it started to wear off. It wasn't long before the bottle was empty and his misery began. After just a day of the head splitting pain and the gut emptying nausea, Jellal found himself huddled at Ultear's doorstep, cursing himself for making her smile.
The first task was simple, a ledger from a competitor. Jellal wrapped his now distinct face and went for it in the night, slipping in and out before anyone saw him. But that was only the beginning, Jellal found himself returning to Ultear again and again. It wasn't long before he learned that it was easier to accomplish her tasks before withdrawal set in, he began to come to her before his vial was done. It started easy, just a document here and there, but eventually he was stealing larger things; weapons, money, jewels. Next thing he knew, he was setting fire to ships and setting horses free. The first time she requested he make an example of someone, it gave him pause, but only a few days of misery had him taking the man's finger without a care. By the time she had him take a life he was so addicted and desperate that he didn't think twice. He always came at night, he always came quietly, his work was never found until the household woke. He became a legend, he became a nightmare, he made grown men afraid of the dark. He became a monster.
If he had never met Erza he might have remained that way. Somehow, after those four summers together, she was stamped in his brain as a symbol of light, happiness, and all that was good. It was during the colorful Holi festival that he finally broke free of his waking nightmare. Jellal watched the merriment from a rooftop and became mesmerized by a young girl dancing in the street, covered from head to toe with red. As soon as his eyes found her it was as if the world around her disappeared, there was nothing but red, twirling and smiling. His brain was folded with memories of Erza. All he could think of was scarlet, how his life had somehow become devoid of color, love, and happiness, and how much it would pain her if she knew.
Jellal became desperate to be free of this man that he had become, this man his red girl would have despised. He ran home and dumped every last vial in the street, stomping the glass into the dust. Then he ran out to the people and made sure he was covered from head to toe with reds and yellows, becoming one with the joyful crowd. He danced, laughed, and sang until he finally felt human again. Then when the world grew dark, and the merriment left the streets, he dragged himself to Erik's home. He threw himself at his cousin's feet and begged, "Please, you have to help me get free of this poison!"
He expected Erik to tease him, to make some joke about the colors or the state of his dress, but for once, Erik was serious. He beckoned Jellal into the house. "Come, let's get you cleaned up and in a bed. I'll send a boy to retrieve Richard." When Jellal crossed the threshold, Erik caught him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Are you determined? Will you let us do what needs to be done?"
Jellal didn't have a doubt, "Yes."
Erik hugged Jellal tight. There was a hitch to his voice when he whispered,"Good man, good man. I'm so glad you're finally back."
Thanks kccb16 for the editing help.
Thanks for reviewing!
Cheschire-Kaat, wordslinger, An Amber Pen, krazyme98, quite-a-riot, and Juvia is my spirit animal
