AHAHAHAH. I can't believe I'm posting this. Whatever. Have at it.
Entry 11:
There is nothing left to say. There is only the vision before me:
The acrid drips of piss-colored vinegar.
The peppery demolition of cucumber into gel.
The golden eyes of a spastic beast.
There was never any hope. I should have known, and yet, I did not.
Act 11. Scene 1.
Bella steps on to the stage. Her arms are crossed, and her eyes are flitting from left to right and down to the floor before moving up to scan the sky. She jerks when she hears something from the east.
Bella: Laurent? [Pause.] Laurent? [Louder.] Laurent?
She turns, pivoting on her right foot, only to freeze, uncrossing her arms and balling her hands into fists as she glares at an upward angle.
Bella: I am not wearing that. No force, supernatural or otherwise, will make me wear that.
Laurent: [Leaping down from a tree.] Bella, Bella, Bella. You have no eye for the dramatic. No sense for fashion!
Bella: [Pouts.] I thought I was just going to be invisible.
Laurent: You are. Just in a white dress—you'll look like a ghost when you fade out!
Bella: I'm pale enough as it is—I already look like a ghost.
Laurent: No, Bella, my dearie-dear little human. What you fail to understand is that this dress is about your new role! Your new transformation. You're to become more than a human. More than a vampire, even. More than a god! More than a woman!
Bella: [frowning] Don't you have that out of order…?
Laurent: [Ignoring her, continues talking] For today, my dear, is the day that make history your bitch! It be the day that you fist that fucker up the ass and tell him: HE DOESN'T OWN YOU! [Bella is frowning again.] Thus I say to you, Bella my kindred companion, are you ready?
Bella: To wear the dress?
Laurent: Well, yes, the dress, but more so…? [He dips head, his expression expectant.]
Bella: Uhhhh?
Laurent: [Stomps his left foot.] REVENGE!
Bella: Revenge? Oh, right. Revenge. [She nods along with a sage expression.] So I put on the dress and then…?
Laurent: And then you will trust, that I am the BEST—and we won't digress into detailing this test!
Bella: A test of what? And why are you singing—again? I'm putting on the dress. [She puts her head through the skirt.] Please stop…
Laurent: A test of heart! And I sing like a lark! So don't judge me! This I haarrrrrrrrrrk!
Bella: [Pulling off her jeans beneath the skirt.] Oh dear.
Laurent: [Grabbing her hand, skipping]
That hot vampire, who crushed your heart,
Will not be felled with poison dart
He won't be tricked by petty lies
But he will be tricked by…
[Looks at Bella expectantly again.]
Bella: [Holding up the hem of her dress.] A disguise?
Laurent: I roll my eyes, at your base thoughts.
For you can do better, as you know you ought.
The secret to our vengeance creed
Is that he can hear all but thee.
Bella: [Laughs and replies] All but me!
Laurent: [Air claps encouragingly even as he continues singing]
All but thee, and this is why
When you're done, he'll want to cry
Because we are going to make him see,
What he lost when he ran from me.
Bella: So, the secret to our vengeance creed is that he can hear all but me?
Laurent: Yes, the secret to our vengeance creed is that…
Bella and Laurent: [In chorus] He can hear all but
Laurent: Thee!
Bella: me!!!!!!
They skip forward, the woods going quiet as their voices slowly fade.
Until…
A stick cracks.
A new being steps into the glade. She scoops down and picks up a large stick.
Victoria: [She stares in the direction of the voices, before she too begins to sing in a high-pitched, almost child-like voice.] The secret to my vengeance creed…. [She pauses and takes a breath. She fingers the stick in her hands. She smiles. She sings louder this time.] The secret to my vengeance creed is that I am strong. The secret to my vengeance creed is that you are weak. [She breaks the stick. The crack echoes.] And Laurent is nothing but floppy-handed and weak, so run little girl. Run. I'll catch you before he can.
With a resounding cackle, she runs ahead into the forest, her face furious yet determined.
Act 11. Scene 2.
Alice: Something is VERY, VERY wrong.
Jasper: Would you care to specify?
Alice: [Whispers] Bella is skipping and singing… with another vampire, and Edward is suffocating a pickle.
Jasper: Are you speaking in metaphor?
Alice: You have no idea how I wish I was.
Jasper: Is Bella in danger? Is she going to trip…? Or suffocate on her vocal chords or something?
Alice: Shhhh…. [She closes her eyes.]
Jasper: Fine. Fine. Do your mental reconnaissance. [Crosses his arms across his chest. Looks Sulky.]
Alice: [Brow furrowed.]She will trip, but Laurent will catch her.
Jasper: Laurent?!
Alice: Hah. Bella really can't fucking sing. Laurent can though—he has an AMAZING baritone—who would have thought? Oh, and their plan is sooooo not going to work.
Jasper: [At a loss.] Laurent? Singing? Plan?
Alice: [Gasps.]
Jasper: What is it, Alice?
Alice: Their plan isn't going to work because—
Jasper: Because—?
Alice: We have to stop Victoria!
Alice takes off, not stopping to explain but running for the trees. Jasper stands there for only half a second before groaning and racing after her.
Act 11. Scene 3.
Edward: [Pickle mush falling in small globs from the bottom crease of his fist.] WHERE IS SHE?!?
Jacob: [Frowns at Pickle.]
Sam: We tell you nothing, Leech!
Embry: Hey, Jake, man, you're a mongoose. Remember. You're a mongoose.
Sam: [To Embry] We're in a diner.
Jacob: [To Edward] Just because you don't eat cucumbers, doesn't mean you can't respect them!
Embry: Good job, Jake! Way to go, mongoose!
Edward: [Shaking his head as if to wring a small ocean out of his ears] You all really have no idea where she is, do you?
Jacob: No. Go away. We hate you. Bella hates you, too. [Picks up a curly fry and squishes it defiantly.]
Embry: Mongoose! [Fist pumps.]
Sam: That's right! Be gone, vam—[Realizes that every single person in the diner is watching them.] I mean—vamoosey-moose.
[All turn to stare at Sam with raised brows.]
Sam: [Heaves an irritated sigh.] Outside, now.
Edward: [Following Sam out the door.] You have a nice voice. Too bad you smell like a barnyard.
Sam: You have a nice voice, too. Too bad you're a murderer.
[Jacob and Embry both cringe. Not a good comeback.]
Edward: Look, I just want to find, Bella. Alice saw that she might be in trouble.
Jacob: She's safe here. The only trouble she's ever had is from you.
Edward: Which is why I left!
Jacob: But you came back!
Edward: Because Alice saw another vampire chasing after her!
Sam: We're handling that!
Embry: Yeah! [Beats his own chest.] Mongooses!
Jacob: Or wolves… [Shakes his head and reminds himself to never get Embry analogies anymore.]
Edward: Well, if you're protecting her—who's watching her now?
Sam: Paul and Quil are on duty.
Edward: Then why did Alice see her with another vampire?
Sam: [Rolls eyes. Flips open cell phone.] Hey, Paul. What's the status?
Paul's voice: Status?
Sam: Yeah, the status of your patrol
Paul's voice: Oh. Right. Um, I got sidetracked. I thought Jake was with Bella?
Sam: Where's Quil?
Paul's voice: Uh, I think something happened with Claire. He went to stop by…
Sam: Well, then, who's watching the trails?
Paul's voice: Uh…
[With a snarl that makes the parking lot shake, Edward stomps away toward the woods at barely human speed, disappearing into the line of trees in flash.]
Jacob: Well, crap. Do we have to follow him?
Sam: We have to find Bella first.
Embry: We'll do it. Although I need to put my shoes in your car first, Sam, if we're going to run.
Sam: [Exasperated] Hurry…
Embry: [Walking away gangster style, starts to snap out a beat.]
The Mongoose and the Snake
Went a'hunting through the forest
To see who was a knave
To see who was the best!
[Sam turns and glared at Jake. Jake smiles weakly, in defense of his friend—and himself.]
[Embry continues on, throwing his stuff into Sam's car:]
Be it vamp or wolf,
Mongoose or snake,
The La Push Boys will win it
Jarr, Em, Sam—Paul, Jake!
Jacob: Aren't you going to count Quil?
Embry: Quil is playing with a little girl right now.
Jacob: Ruh-ight…
Act 11. Scene 4.
Laurent and Bella are standing before a cabin. Bella keeps picking up the skirt of the white dress and flicking baleful glances between the fabric and Laurent. Laurent, though he notices her mood, pretends he does not.
Bella: So, what's the plan?
Laurent: You have your baggie?
Bella: [Reaches into her bag and shuffles around before lifting the small "Biohazard" sack.] A-negative. Ew. [She wrinkles her nose.]
Laurent: Yes, I prefer positive, myself—but enough of these non sequitur. Our plan.
Bella: Yes…
Laurent: This cabin is not in good shape. I could lean on it, and it would crumble.
Bella: [Grumbling] You could push on a skyscraper and it could crumble…
Laurent: [Warningly] Now is not the time for attitude.
Bella: It's the time for planning!
Laurent: Exactly. So, we have the blood. We have the dress, and I have… [He holds a match box.]
Bella: You're going to burn me at the stake?
Laurent: Well, now that you mention it…
Bella: Bad idea—he'd still hear me breathing and stuff—and how could I get out of the bonds? And what if my dress caught on fire?
Laurent: Well, anyway, we're going with the original plan. So, you have another baggie for me, yes?
Bella: [Reaches into her bag again.] I saved you an O-positive.
Laurent: [Blows her an air kiss as he takes the bag.] I knew I loved you! Now, your cell phone—give me your bag.
Bella: Why do you need…? [Frowns as Laurent snatches her bag out of her hands.]
Laurent: Hush. You'll see in a moment—and now, oh good—you have the blood collection set. [Pulls out the syringe and blood collection tubes.]
Bella: [Shrugs.] I keep it on hand just in case…
Laurent: Your dad's going to think you're a drug dealer.
Bella: [Wistful] A heroin dealer…
Laurent: Bella, you're being weird again.
Bella: It's just that Edward told me once that I was like his heroin…
Laurent: [Hand over his mouth.] But that's—that's beautiful!
Bella: [Patting him] It's okay. You'll find your lifelong addiction someday, and in the meantime, I've totally promised you peen pictures.
Laurent: [Nodding.] I know, you are the best—it's just—well—I can't believe I'm moping again. I need to focus! Alright. Cell phone. Dress. Cabin. Matches. Syringe. I think we'll need to get a proper fire going first. I'd ask you to help but…
Bella: But I'll set you on fire accidentally. It's okay. I understand.
Laurent sets off to light the corners of the cabin on fire. Bella watches patiently, still flipping the hem of her dress from side to side. When Laurent returns, the smell of smoke and burning cedar has already started to fill the air.
Laurent: There now. As for the final part… [He picks up the syringe and puts the needle into his mouth.]
Bella: What the fuck are you doing?!?
Laurent: Hold still. [And then he jabs the needle into her left ankle.]
Bella: YOU JUST! YOU—! Was that venom!?!
Laurent: [Smiles hesitantly.] I am sorry that we had to go in vitro for your new birth—it's just that with the risk of me drinking you and the whole disgusting exchange of body fluids—I really thought this was the best way.
Bella: [Staring down.] No, it's okay. It tingles.
Laurent: It will start to burn soon enough—no other way. But as you know, you need to keep your baggie in hand—as soon as you see Edward, you need to drink it—no matter how much pain you're in.
Bella: But how will Edward know I'm here?
Laurent: [Holds up her cell phone.] Because, my lovely, I just sent the following message out to your entire contact list.
I am having a fiery birthday party
at the cabin at Rainwood Rd., just
three miles off the 101 after the truck
stop. Juliet is my muse, jsyk. 3
Bella: LAURENT!!! You sent that out to my entire contact list!
Laurent: I know! [Claps, looking highly pleased with himself.]
Bella: That means the wolves will be coming too!
Laurent: Oh, shit. I forgot about the uglies. Oh, well, either way, we need to get you upstairs, and… [Glances around nervously] I need to hide.
Bella: Hide?!?
Laurent: I do not want your schmunkins to think I'm challenging him for you. Nor do I want Oliver & Company to come after my bits… So, yes, I'm going to hide.
Bella: [Grumbling] Fine, then. Where do you want me?
Laurent: [Giving her a wily grin, before he suddenly launches into:]
Upstairs window, second from the right.
We better hurry. It's getting smoky.
Your lovers are a'coming fast.
Better get you up before you choke-y.
Bella: My ankle really fucking hurts.
Laurent: Have no fear. That's meant to be.
Because when evening hits, you'll be like me!
Bella: What, dead?
Laurent: [Smiling] Precisely.
Watching from a distant tree.
Victoria: Precisely.
Um, the ending (AKA the next chapter) to this is written in my head… and I've decided it's genius hilarity (because I always form ridiculous opinions that are separate from reality), so ideally, I'll have that done by the weekend-ish. The wait won't be long. Thank you all—every last one of you lovelies from the bottom of my heart. Also, I've been reading Star Trek reboot fic, and created a rec list, so if you're interested in fandom hopping, do click on the rec list link in my profile. J
