SETH
It had been a week and a half since I had last seen Bella. I had been spending a bit of that time with Leah, I showed her how to make some basic things like eggs and Bisquik pancakes. She still struggled with it, I didn't know eggs could be so rubbery and pancakes so heavy. I didn't know how she was going to make it on her own.
I remember marvelling at her wide grin while we were hanging out talking in the kitchen. She was being nice to me and asking how school was going lately and my planned classes for the fall. Mom eventually joined in and we made fun of Leah a little. She took it like a champ instead of sulking or stomping off to her bedroom and turning the music up so loud you could hear it from Mars.
Bella's friendship with her had been doing a great deal for Leah's mental state. We had patrolled together once and she had been fleetingly thinking of the cuddling her and Bella had done while they talked about their issues and their lives, their quick kisses and how she was looking forward to hanging out with her again, for the laughs and comfort and closeness they unexpectedly had. It made me jealous, even when I saw the 'best friends' note she had attributed to the memories, but it made her happy.
I didn't know how to feel about their kissing, or how to process it. I guess the closeness to each other and the lack of romanticizing it made it a part of both of their healing process. Whatever, I didn't mind. I was just happy to have Bella in my life, despite having to calm myself every time I was around her, despite almost not being able to control myself in any way, despite the amount of times I had almost lost control of my thoughts by just smelling her.
I was feeling antsy with the lack of Bella's presence, so I made my way over on four feet, making sure to attach shorts and a shirt to my leg before I left.
As I was walking up the driveway, I was assaulted by the smell of something too sickly sweet, it made my nose burn. Something that didn't bother me as much as it did Jake, but it did make me start shaking a little. The scent was Edward's but I'm not sure what right he had to be around.
That was when I stopped dead in my tracks at the bottom of Bella's driveway, fists at the ready. They were both coming out the door, Edward's hand around her waist, and he was talking to her animatedly about something. She seemed to feel me there, looking up towards me. Her face fell.
"Hi Seth." She called out softly. The guilt in her brown eyes was present. I knew she made it clear she didn't want to hurt me and we couldn't be together because of how broken she was, but the jealousy ignited. I felt Edward's eyes on me, but I couldn't tear mine away from hers.
My heart was in my throat. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. I had no claim on her, by her wishes, by my own gentlemanliness but this was not what I wanted for her. There was something drawing us closer, my body was itching to be closer to hers and I could hear her little heart pounding in her chest. Her breathing hitched, her body reaching out towards me. It was a small movement, but one nonetheless.
"Bella, we have to go – dinner is soon." Edward said, urging her along, glaring at me. Bella's gaze finally broke from mine.
"Oh, yeah. Okay." Bella submitted. Her shoulders dropped as she let Edward lead her around to the passenger side of his car. He sat her down, going so far as to try to buckle her in. She swatted him away, frowning at him and shut the door.
"I'm not sure I have to ask why you're here." Edward spat at me, coming around to the back of the car. He was trying to look menacing.
"I'm here as a protector." I threw back, balling my fists up tighter. "And also one of her closest friends."
"The hell you are. Friend." Edward barked, baring his teeth a little. Then his face turned thoughtful. "You know, Seth, I had always liked you. Even with your harmless little crush that I thought you'd never act on. But taking advantage of a hurting girl. Tsk." He shook his head, grinning ferociously at me.
"Is that not what you're doing right now?" I growled at him, shaking even harder.
"She wanted me back. I'm merely giving her the life she deserves."
"Lack of." I hissed, turning and running into the woods. Anger coursed through me.
BELLA
"I think I want to go see Leah and Seth today." I said to Edward as I got dressed. He was there. He was with me when I woke up this morning, he was with me when I went to bed last night. He hadn't left my side since the day Seth came over. He had even turned Leah away a couple days ago, always coming up with plans for us when she called, going so far as taking my phone and talking to her himself.
I think was good. It was good that he was completely distracting me from the pain of Jake with his
Constant.
Overbearing.
Presence.
"No." He said simply, sitting like a statue on the bed, looking at me.
"Leah is my best friend." I stated, hopping around in my pants to look at him.
"She's also very dangerous." I laughed. It was a short barking sound. "I have a fun day planned out for us at my house anyway, Bella. Please don't say no."
"So I don't even get to make my decisions for myself?" I asked, annoyed. "How cavalier."
"And Seth, he has the most ingenuous crush on you." Edward continued on like he hadn't heard me. "Like he doesn't know the bad luck you bring."
"I'm sure he knows it well." I mumbled, turning away from him to go to the bathroom. But he was at the door. "He did help fight a vampire with you." I closed the door on his face.
"I'm thinking about a nice afternoon at my house. Alice wants to watch a movie, a new one I know we both haven't seen before. Emmett and Rosalie are home from their trip to Moscow." Edward said, his voice clear through the door as he chose to ignore my statement.
"Fine." I muttered as I came out of the bathroom, and he was still right there.
Then the movie was finished, the last three hours a blur. I didn't catch the name of it or what it was about, I was too busy fuming. Was Edward this bad before?
Edward stood up, reaching out for me and I obliged, taking his hand.
"I have something to show you, a surprise if you will." He smiled at me, a close-lipped tight smile. I had to admit, despite his oppressive ways, he was still very charismatic and handsome.
He walked me out the door, and back a path into the woods, made of subtle flagstone. He turned and looked at me, his golden eyes shining as he walked backwards.
"This was going to be our place." He said quietly. "When we returned from our honeymoon. Esme renovated it."
He moved to the side and the quaint little building came into view. Nestled into a small clearing in the forest was a tiny stone cottage. Honeysuckle climbed up one wall like a lattice, winding all the way up and over the thick wooden shingles. Late summer roses bloomed in the handkerchief-sized garden under the dark, deep-set windows. There was a little path of flat stones, the same ones that were on the path leading back that led up to the quaint arched wooden door.
"It's beautiful." I said, staring at it in wonder. He led me inside and I was enchanted by the minimal look, artfully decorated by none other than Alice Cullen.
I wondered if I could love Edward again, if I could be happy here in this little cottage with him – forever. For the rest of my life. I looked up at him looking around the cottage and decided once more that he wasn't terrible to look at, so that part wouldn't be a problem.
I thought about the dream I had so long ago where I was a little old lady sitting in my rocking chair with the ever young Edward Cullen next to me. Maybe that was my fate. I was too busy thinking about my future to listen to Edward going on about the cottage itself, but I was broken out of it when he turned to me, his golden eyes shining, taking both of my hands in his.
"We could elope, Bella. You and I. We could go somewhere romantic, like Paris or the honeymoon spot I picked out for us. It would be away from the pressures of our family and friends and it would be romantic." He paused for a couple of seconds before adding "Of course I had always wanted the traditional wedding with the white dress and the minister with your father walking you up the aisle. I never got to see you in person, but I pictured you with the white dress, your hair done up and your lips soft pink like Alice so craftfully did." He ran his thumb over my lips. I shivered, but I didn't know if it was in the good way.
"Let's just think about that as something for the future, Edward." I replied, turning my attention to the cottage. "This is beautiful, but I don't want to live here yet. I like living with Charlie right now."
"It's just here, for you Bella." Edward relented. He walked me back towards the house. I asked him to go get my jacket from his room and caught Alice in the living room. I sat down next to her and she smiled brilliantly at me.
"Alice." I said quietly. Alice grabbed my hand. "What do you see?"
It was a vague question, but Alice seemed to understand. She squeezed my hand lightly, sighing. There was a brief moment of spiritlessness about her as her mouth twitched.
"Lots of things and nothing. Your future with Edward is tinged with unhappiness... But I don't usually see you as a vampire anymore. Just a human part of the family." She smiled a bit, then frowned. "A human pet" She said, twisting her mouth.
"But Aro would not approve of that." Edward said as he walked up behind me, enclosing me in his arms. "You would need to be a vampire. You will need to be a vampire."
I felt like there was something about the human pet part that Alice wasn't telling me.
"Anyway, Jasper and I are leaving today and we have a few things left to plan. We have a lead in Spain." Alice said as she stood up. I stood up with her.
"A lead on what?" I asked as she hugged me.
"On some designer she's been scouting for three years." Edward interjected quickly, holding out my jacket for me to slide into.
"Yeah" Alice replied slowly, looking at Edward. "More of a design than designer."
It was not lost on me, but I accepted it, as I knew Edward wouldn't tell me anything more, and he wouldn't let Alice tell me anything either. I didn't really care at this point.
"Well, good luck." I said as I started to walk towards the door, signalling Edward.
"Oh honey, leaving already?" Esme asked as she walked to the foyer. "I'm going to miss you." She gave me a hug as well, showing us out the door.
"I was thinking maybe we could go see your mom for a little while in Jacksonville." Edward said, opening the passenger door of the Volvo for me.
I didn't say anything as I got into the car and Edward pulled out of his driveway.
"My mom was just here for a little while." I said quietly.
"That's true, but I want us to move up to Alaska like we were planning. We have a little apartment set up for us already, so we could go visit her one last time before we go." Edward reached over and put his hand over mine. I jerked my hand away involuntarily and I could see the grimace on Edward's face.
"I don't want to go to Alaska! Stop planning things for us!" I cried, a kneejerk reaction. I couldn't help myself but to add "not yet anyway."
Edward sighed, looking over at me.
"I wish I could read you, Isabella." He took my hand again and I allowed it this time. I pouted. It seemed pretty simple to me to just ask me about my opinion on things before he went and did them.
As he walked me up to my room, he squeezed my hand and pulled me toward him, closing the door. His long fingers lifted my chin up towards him and he looked into my eyes with his endlessly black ones. I could feel the ghost of the attraction I had once felt for him flicker up, if only briefly and he grabbed onto that, pressing his stone lips against mine, trying his hardest to soften them for me.
I looped my arms loosely around his neck, mimicking his embrace in between my shoulder blades, giving him what he wanted, giving the impression of melting into him, of grabbing on. I could pretend to like kissing a gorgeous guy, right? My hand wound into his hair and he purred against my lips before detaching himself, expertly pulling my fingers out of his hair.
"I need to go hunt tonight, it's been about four weeks. Maybe when I get back later we can explore this a little further." He ran a hand down my side before giving me a chaste kiss on the forehead. I got the feeling he thought he had me right where he wanted me. He was trying to control me with sex, I realized suddenly.
I watched him meet Emmett in the treeline, waving at them both, thankfully heading in the opposite direction of the reservation before turning around and grabbing my phone. I waited four slow breaths before dialling my number 1.
"Hello." Leah's said breathily.
"Come get me, quick." I said, fast and low.
"On it." Leah hung up and I threw on a sweater, racing down the stairs. It was five minutes before Leah raced into the backyard and barely slowed down as I clambered on her back. She took off with a yip racing towards the rez, my own heart beating against my rib cage.
I could feel Leah slowing down as her body started to relax and I knew we had crossed the treaty line. I had done it. She came to a stop in the trees in her backyard and let me get off a little more safely than I had gotten on.
Leah phased back and threw on a dress she had discarded here, bouncing over to me.
"Oh my god you're so bad!" She hugged me. "I can't believe it!"
"Thank you so much. It was stifling." My voice was muffled against her skin.
"I got there as soon as I could, had a little race against Seth to see who would win there, but I'm the bestest fastest runner and he's the slowest." Leah was jovial, practically jumping up and down.
"I'm glad you made it in any case." I smiled, happy to be free, for a little while at least.
"Come on," she said gesturing "Sam's place."
A smile was plastered across Leah's face and her hand was laced through mine as we walked down the road.
"I still can't believe you snuck away." She gushed, squeezing my hand.
I felt a little guilty about how happy she was to see me. I mean, I definitely was ecstatic to be spending time with her again, but my need to get out of Forks had deepened.
"Hello ladies." Embry loped up beside us, grinning. "I see you got out of the clutches of the big bad coldy."
I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the grin that stretched across my face.
"Couldn't help it, I had to see my favourite wolf pack." Embry puffed his chest out jokingly, a big grin on his face.
"Good evening, Bella." Sam said as we walked in, his voice low. He stared at me a moment too long, almost studying me.
"Hi Sam. Nice to see you again." I said as I tried not to think of the last occasion we had been in the same vicinity. I couldn't help it, tears started forming in my eyes. I shook my head to try to clear them.
Leah squeezed my hand, pulling me closer. I blinked the tears away, willing them to stop before it became a torrential waterfall.
"You are just saturated with leech smell, but I don't think anyone's going to complain too much. We'll just have to move this way outside or everyone might attack you." Quil snuck up behind me, speaking with a stage whisper in my ear, grabbing my shoulders in a mock attack. I had forgotten about the smell, having been away from the Cullens for so long.
"Thanks for that." I whispered back, but noticeably everyone was heading towards outdoors. As we followed, I noticed they were heading down to the beach, so my smell might only have started the parade outside a little early.
"Hey sweetie, how are you?" Emily came up to me, smiling sweetly. I couldn't help but to smile back at her.
"Good, thanks." I replied, smiling back at her.
"Can we talk in the back for a minute?" Emily said, gesturing towards her and Sam's bedroom.
"Sure!" I said, following her back, a little confused.
Emily shut the door carefully, giving what I assume was the illusion of privacy to the sensitive ears outside. She gave me a wide berth.
"Bella, I am really sorry and believe me when I say I can't really smell it too much, but I think you should have a shower. You can borrow a dress of mine." She was smiling and I knew she meant well. I conceded, and she showed me to the bathroom, giving me a towel and a black maxi dress of hers.
I had been with Edward every day, hadn't showered since yesterday and had just spent the day in the Cullen's nest. I nodded, understanding.
"I suppose it would be best for everyone." I said. I was almost beginning to smell it myself.
"Thanks honey." Emily smiled before shutting the door on me in the bathroom.
I took as quick of a shower as I could, scrubbing my entire body and hair with the items in Sam and Emily's shower. I got out and dried off, staring at the only clean item of clothing I had.
"Bella?" Emily said through the door. "I can grab your clothes and give them a wash. I have some of the other boys things to wash right now so it can be done before you leave tonight."
"Sure" I replied, tying the towel around me and gathering up my clothes, including my bra and panties and opened the door. Emily's arms were out waiting for the
clothes and I handed them to her with a word of thanks.
I shut the door and threw on the dress – and only the dress. I didn't mind it so much, going braless, but not wearing underwear was going to be something different for me. The dress was beautiful though, I needed to ask Emily where she had gotten it. I tied my wet hair into a bun and took a deep breath before leaving the bathroom.
"Hey Bells" Seth was there when I walked out, leaning against the wall. Tight white shirt and cargo shorts. I sucked in a breath, but his eyes were tight, almost wary as he looked at me.
"Hey Seth." I said, and his white teeth flashed in the dark room.
"Everyone's outside, come join us." He beckoned and then turned and walked out the patio door without looking back at me.
I scampered behind him, following him down the path to the beach where everyone else was.
I caught up with Leah, and Embry joked with me a little bit before they went into the woods to "find some more firewood". The fire was apparently not big enough for them.
I was content to sit on a log and watch everyone having fun, lost in introspection, not hating getting to watch Seth play a some football with the guys. He would glance over at me every so often and smile, all teeth, the happiness in his face evident, usually ending up getting hit in the face with the ball. Then the tackling would start all over again.
I shivered despite sitting in front of the roaring fire, the maxi wasn't cutting it against the cold wind coming off the water. Leah was still gone, I knew not expecting anything of the flirting with Embry but enjoying and milking it nonetheless.
"I have a human shaped heated blanket here." Seth said, sliding close enough to me for his arm to touch mine. It helped a little, but I wasn't going to ask him to drape himself over me like a prize blanket.
"Thanks" I said, but my teeth chattering gave it away. He paused a moment and then shifted closer, pulling me into his side. I felt his nose skim my neck, pulling me even closer to him.
"You smell like Emily and a little bit of Sam." He remarked, a funny note to his voice as he stared off into the fire.
"Thanks?" I said, turning towards him. I couldn't help myself but to grin.
"I like your normal smell. Some of it's still there." His eyes flicked towards me, and I saw his cheeks redden in the firelight.
SETH
"Heey Jake! Renelle!" I heard Quil yell, and run across the sand to meet him. Bella went rigid against me and I think it was subconcious that she shifted away from me.
I looked over and saw Jake and Renelle, who thankfully were not holding hands or anything, but Renelle kept staring up at him, grinning. She reached over and stroked his arm and Jake looked down at her, a goofy look on his face. He gathered her into his side.
"I...am going to go." Bella said stiffly. I looked down at her staring straight at Jake and Renelle, her face paler than pale.
"No Bella, don't." I said, pulling her closer, but she was decided. She jumped up, her eyes filled with tears.
"Hey, please don't follow me." She sniffed. "Stay. And enjoy your party." She took off back towards Sam's house. I made eye contact with Leah coming back to the beach and told her to stay, that I would take care of it. Leah shook her head, taking off in the woods towards Bella. I followed without a second thought.
I had showed up late to the gathering and Emily had directed me to the bathroom with a secret smile. I was happy I had entered late when Emily told me the reason she was having a shower, I was shaking with the thought of smelling that. She winked at me before she left the house laden with snacks for the bonfire.
I could hear Bella moving around in the bathroom, the beat of her heart a staccato rhythm against the silence of the house. I leaned against the wall, waiting for her.
I almost couldn't breathe when she opened the door, but I needed to keep my distance. I could see Edward's snarl in the back of my mind so I was feeling a little wary of the whole Bella situation. But I had missed her so much, and I wasn't about to let a leech boss me around. My body was aching to gather her up in my arms. I kept myself anchored to the wall, but her mere presence made me feel better.
"Hey Bells." I said, and I could hear her heartbeat speed up as she sucked in a breath. I could smell her from here, her natural scent coming through the smell of Emily's shampoo, her wet hair amplifying it. I almost pushed myself off the wall just to have her body touching mine. She stared at me but didn't come any closer either.
"Hey Seth." She said. I had missed her so much in the two months I hadn't seen her. Edward hadn't even left long enough for me to sneak in her window or even try to sneak her away. I couldn't help but to smile at her. Leah and I had come up with many plans to do so.
I turned before I actually did end up gathering her into my arms. I beckoned her off towards the beach.
I had known Jake was coming, but she hadn't known we were having a get together, a celebration of a particularly hard leech to catch. She also hadn't known Jake told Renelle about him being a wolf and imprinting on her and she had accepted it without blinking and she also hadn't known that Jake and I had gotten into a pretty involved fist fight a couple weeks ago.
She was sitting on Sam's back steps with her head in her hands.
"I'm sorry Bella." I said softly, approaching her, but I knew I couldn't get too close. For both of us. I stuck my hands in my pockets standing about fifteen feet from her.
"It's not your fault. I'm not sure why I'm still taking this so hard." She mumbled. "It still hurts a lot."
"And it should." I told her.
"I just need to get out of here...to not have to face this every day. Because it hasn't gotten much easier." She was quiet for a moment, and then looked up at me, her eyes clear of tears, surprising me. "Is he hurting over me? Is he even having a hard time with this?"
"I..." The question took me by surprise. I didn't know if I should answer honestly or keep her feelings intact. I shook my head and her eyes welled up again. "It's just whatever you did in the forest helped that along so much. You fixed his heart with that."
"That's just great." She said, trying to sound strong, but her voice wavered a little.
"It's stupid and we all know it." Leah strolled by me and sat down next to Bella.
"So he's been seeing her." Bella asked, looking at Leah. She snorted.
"Of course he has, the little dingus did it without a second thought. He told her everything"
"After Bella told him to. After he almost died trying to resist it." I put in, not entirely sure why I did it, why I was defending Jake. Pack thing maybe.
"Not helping Seth." Leah said, narrowing her eyes at me.
"No, it helps. I just need to get over this." Bella jutted her chin out. The stubborn streak I had come to love when we were kids. I had to hide a grin.
"I'm going to call it a night and maybe wait for you at your house. Please don't leave it on account of me." Bella said, giving Leah a hug and standing up. "And if you must walk me home." she added, looking straight at me "please do it at a respectable distance and not let me know you're there."
"Okay." Leah said, understanding. "I'll see you soon. She laid a hand on Bella's shoulder and started walking back.
Bella looked me in the eye as she got up, warning me, and started walking towards my house. I stayed where I was and she only glanced back once.
When she was far enough away I dove into the trees and followed her until she walked in the front door.
BELLA
I walked into the Clearwater's house, the lights entirely out. I knew the layout well enough at this point that I didn't need to turn on the lights, so I headed up the stairs.
I stopped at the first doorway on the left, and put a hand on the doorknob. Instead of walking into Leah's room, I found myself drawn to Seth's. I turned on the light and walked in slowly, seeing little knick-knacks of his childhood I hadn't noticed before. A participation trophy for T-ball, a ribbon for first place in his third grade spelling bee, a toy car.
I dropped onto his bed, breathing in the smell of Seth's blankets, which smelled exactly like him. I almost crawled in between his sheets, but decided if he found me like this he might think I was too weird. I felt immediately calmer, curling into a ball gripping his blankets.
Jake wasn't having a hard time with this, and he even had someone else to love and he was throwing himself into that. It hurt, but I had to come to terms with it. I had released him. And I really felt like I did. I sighed, rolling over. It was becoming clearer to me that I was too far into all of it, I felt like I was drowning sometimes.
I made the hard decision to let him go then, releasing the broken strings that I had a tight grip on with Seth's blankets in my nose. I needed to let Jake be happy, it's what he would have wanted for me. Hell, it's what he did for me. This was his fate, and he would be happy and I needed to accept that.
I bounced up when Seth opened the door. He stopped mid-stride staring at me, mouth slightly agape, one hand on the doorknob, one foot in the room.
"Hey, uh.. I'm so sorry" I spluttered, sitting up on his bed, eyes getting caught on his sculpted chest. "It's just that it seemed more comforting in here. I'm sorry!"
Seth closed his mouth, stone silent for a moment. Then his lips stretched into a broad grin, lighting up his entire face. He shook his head.
"You are too much." He laughed, stepping completely inside the bedroom and closing the door behind him. "Everything okay? Are you okay?"
"Yeah." I sighed, laying back down on my back, feeling free. "Just the first time I saw it was a little hard."
"Hey, it gets easier." Seth said softly after he laid down on his stomach next to me, tweaking my nose. I giggled despite myself, and he grinned even wider. "That's a beautiful sound."
The air was suddenly electric as he looked at me, his hand came to rest on my cheek, his brown eyes dark. His thumb twitched against my cheek, and I felt myself rolling onto my side, drawn towards him, reaching out towards him. He licked his lips and his hand wound into my hair pulling me closer.
I could feel his warm breath fanning across my face. He was almost on top of me, and I could feel some of the weight of his body on me. I suddenly needed to be underneath him, to feel the whole weight of him on top of me, to have him press into me. I could feel my heart racing against my chest as a fresh wave of tingles and warmth shot down my body, straight down to my toes as he understood, crawling over between my legs, his dark eyes staring into my own. I was lost in them as he lowered his body onto me, his nose nuzzled into my cheek, a rumbling coming from his chest as he closed his eyes. He moved slightly and placed a gentle kiss on my neck, right under my earlobe, where I didn't even know was sensitive, but my body was on fire, my breath irregular, heat building low in my abdomen. Such a simple, sexy act and I almost lost it.
I didn't know if I could stop if we took it any farther, and that shook me out of it. My body and even my heart protested wildly, and once again I didn't listen to them, using my stupid head instead.
Suddenly he was off me and standing back at the door where he started in one quick motion. I blinked at him, still in a daze, still too turned on to even comprehend much of my decision, almost kicking myself for stopping it. I always forgot about his superhuman abilities because of his gentle nature, but he looked like he was ready to take an attack, almost crouched, in a fighting stance. I let out a small laugh despite myself, catching Seth's eye again, but he was quiet, studying me. I felt weird at the separation, and his body was leaning towards me like it wanted to be back on me.
"Fuck boundaries, right?" I asked, but he was silent. "Er, that's not what I meant. How did you — ?"
"I don't know." He said coming out of the defensive stance, furrowing his eyebrows, looking sexier than ever with his confusion. "I can just feel you. What you want."
I walked over to him, taking his hand lightly. He visibly relaxed as soon as our skin made contact.
"So you know about..." I mumbled, suddenly shy, but his other hand landed on my waist.
"I do. And it makes it harder to resist, especially when it mingles with my own feelings for you." He stroked the side of my face and then let his hand drop.
I sucked in a breath. It was the first time Seth had admitted it out loud. To my face. It was exhilarating and worrying and made me want to squeal and pull away at the same time. Who wants a thrice broken girl? Who wants someone who's still kind of hurting over another boy? Who can't go a day without crying or breaking down at sweeping the floor or dusting the shelves at her own life?
"But I have to admit that if you're committing yourself to Edward again, it's not something I can keep...getting myself into. As much as it happens."
There was adult Seth again.
"You're right. Totally right." I said, looking down. "I just don't deserve you, and he...he is..."
"Stupid? My enemy in many ways? Doesn't rightfully deserve you? Come on, you and I both know you're better than that. Than putting yourself down."
I smiled, suddenly exhausted. Each decision I was making lately seemed to be the wrong one, and I didn't know how to fix it. I gave Seth a quick hug, anything more and I would have restarted something. I opened his door.
"If you didn't want me all over you, you'd stop being so goddamn cute." I teased, and his eyebrows shot up as I left his room and started walking down the hallway towards Leah's room.
"That's it? I'm just cute to you?" He asked quietly from his doorway, watching me.
"I think you know the answer to that." I replied, stepping into Leah's dark room and closing the door behind me.
"I can't help but get turned on by all this foreplay." Leah said, illuminated by moonlight from her bed. I gasped, whipping around. She was laying on her bed leaning against her headboard, arms behind her head. "Too bad much too bad you're seeing Edward now, huh?" She tsked. I expected her to give me more shit about that.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied, plunking down next to her.
"Ba-fucking-loney you little shit." She said, "God I just came in and I can just fucking smell the heat in this house Jesus Christ you have to stop doing this to me. I've been putting Embry off for ages and it's going to be your fault when I go find him for a nice little romp."
"Please." I waved my hand at her. "You're just as bad as he is."
"I like the tension more. Which is why this is so damn frustrating!" She sat up leaning into my face. "Have you fucked the leech?" Her light brown eyes were wide. "Please say no" she whispered
"No, god no." I replied, wrinkling my nose. Leah puffed out a breath.
"You came over smelling like he was all over you and in you." Leah pointed out. I smirked mirthlessly.
"Well, you'll never guess what he tried to do. Fake promises of sex, trying to control me with lust by making me stay put while he went hunting." I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I had no idea until then how much Edward really did disgust me sometimes.
"Gross." Leah wrinkled her nose. "You are a strong independent woman who apparently thinks my brother is some kind of cute." She laid back down. "He is a cutie. Maybe I should hook him up with Delilah in his grade. She was always so in love with him. I thought he'd imprint on her, she's so sweet."
"Try it." I said. Seth could use a better person than me anyway. At this stage it felt like I was using him for his attraction to me to feel better. But jealousy flared up. I couldn't imagine him with anyone else.
"Ah ha!" Leah yelled, sitting up. "No..wait. That wasn't the response I wanted. You were supposed to say no..."
I laughed at her, feeling myself leaning towards the door.
"I'm going to find a movie." Leah said, sitting up and grabbing her laptop.
"You do that, and I'll be right back." Leah didn't seem to hear me as she smiled at her computer, likely at a message from Embry. I almost couldn't believe my own body when I walked down the hallway, hand on that doorknob again. The need to be here was overwhelming. I knew what I had to do.
I opened it, walking all the way in. Seth was standing at his window, hands in his pockets and shirt discarded on the floor. He silently looked over at me when I walked in, and his eyebrows rose when I shut the door behind me.
My feet carried me over to him, like he had a gravitational field I was being absorbed into and straight against his chest. His arms encircled me immediately, pressing me fully against him, his cheek on my head.
I don't know how long we stood there for, pressed against each other. I soaked in his warmth and just listened to his heart pounding against his bare chest. I was content to stay there forever.
"I like when I can smell me on you." He murmured, breaking the silence. His voice rumbled against my face.
"I like that too." I replied. He almost purred.
We both sat down on his bed after a while, his leg was touching mine, the warmth seeping through me. I could feel him in my heart, as corny as that sounded. I turned to him, thoughtful.
"Don't move." I commanded in a soft voice. He raised an eyebrow but was otherwise still as he could be. I noticed his hands quivering a little bit.
I leaned in on my knees just like I had the last time I asked him not to move, feeling the heat between us staring at his full lips, which puckered in anticipation. This time though he couldn't wait for me and his hands were in my hair, pulling me closer to him. His lips grazed mine so softly. He was shaking, his body hotter than ever and suddenly I was in his lap, feeling his back and shoulders, our lips moving against each other.
His hips bucked against me, causing my nails to drag down his back. He made that moan sound again, causing me to grind back. His hands grabbed my hips and he turned, laying us down on the bed, his lips never leaving mine.
He sat back, looking at me tenderly, his eyes bright with... I didn't want to think it.
"I lo-" He started, his voice deep. I clapped my hand over his mouth, my eyes beginning to well up. My heart betrayed me by pounding against my chest, gleeful.
"Don't." I warned, my voice shaky.
"I love having you around." His voice was muffled against my fingers. He leaned back, and my stomach filled with dread. Did he know? I got off his bed and his body followed the direction I went. I grabbed his face and pressed my lips softly against his, feeling a tear fall out of my eye and roll down my face. He looked at me, his face pained. I knew that look, like his heart was breaking. I had caused this pain.
"Please don't wait for me." I pleaded in a whisper, wiping the tear away hastily.
