CHAPTER 11 – Nettles
Another party at the tavern
Cassandra's voice brought Cullen back to himself as he observed Surana and Timur drifting through the group gathered in the tavern. "I understand you and the Warden Commander have a scheme to try to train teams of Templars and mages to work together to deal with maleficar?"
"Or renegade Templars, or any threat that would benefit from having those combined skills, yes."
Cassandra's trademark snort of disgust was her only answer for a few moments, but he waited patiently, still watching Timur in fascination as he collected food tribute from person after person, including Sera and Josephine who offered him food so unconsciously that he was fairly certain they didn't remember doing so. Surana was the only other person who seemed aware that he was exercising a remarkable ability to extract food from their intimate crowd without yielding a drop of his dignity, blue-grey eyes meeting Cullen's in amusement once or twice as if aware that he was observing the old mabari's performance. Finally Cassandra continued, bluntly as always. "Don't you think you're crossing into the Seekers' responsibilities?"
He shrugged. "If you have the Seekers' to spare to create teams of three people instead of two, we'd be delighted. But you have so few Seekers left and you're still wrestling with what changes to make after reading what was kept secret. Emergencies don't wait." The ex-Templar finally lifted his eyes from Timur to the Seeker's dark ones. "Cassandra, you were with the Inquisitor in the Frostback Basin, so you know the Seekers' once included some mages and non-humans, but somewhere along the line, they were expelled. Isn't it possible that lack of cooperation helped shape the Circles so that many mages felt trapped while most Templars stopped seeing them as people? If we start by creating only pairs with a mage and a Templar, working on an equal footing, perhaps we can find a better balance."
Cassandra's scowl gave way, though she snorted. "You've been talking to Leliana and the Warden Commander."
"Some, though my own thoughts had actually been running in similar lines since the beginning of the mage rebellion. The Warden Commander also pointed out that we can't know what will happen in the future, and for all we know, this is how the qunari system started before it devolved into handlers and mage weapons."
"Do you plan to join one of these new teams yourself?" His eyes had wandered back to Timur, engaged in a staring contest with Varric who finally conceded and offered him a small slice of sausage with a laugh. Cullen jerked his head around, startled.
"Of course not, I'm no longer a Templar, why…" Cassandra's eyes shifted briefly in the direction of the Warden then back with an almost innocent smile, and for the first time, Cullen realized that the Seekers must have investigated the events at Kinloch Hold. But for all her bluntness on other matters, she had always shown remarkable tact about people's private lives, and even now he couldn't guess whether she'd always known he'd once been infatuated with the Hero of Ferelden. He cleared his throat, trying to maintain his composure. "Right now, Surana and Rylen are training as the first team, though she's begun testing two more pairs to see if they can work together."
"I know, I've observed some of their sparring, and it's a pleasure to see. But will either of them want to stay with this force you're putting together? I thought he would return to Starkhaven eventually, and she is still the Warden Commander for the moment."
"I can't speak for Rylen, though he doesn't seem to be in any great hurry to return to the Free Marches. Surana, though, if she isn't a warden any longer…" He hesitated, then plunged on. "It seems to me that she cares deeply about its success, so yes, she may want to stay with them."
"I see." Her eyes wandered back to the party, and Cullen couldn't make out whether she approved or disapproved of the idea. At least she didn't seem inclined to pursue the question of what his feelings for the mage had been or might now be.
About that time, Dorian's voice carried across their party to the Warden Commander standing with Timur, waiting for Varric to refill her stein. "My dear Surana, there's a question I keep forgetting to ask you."
"Oh? You're free to ask, naturally, my good altus. And do I dare ask what that question might be?" She accepted the stein, winking at Rylen who appeared to be waiting for her to rejoin him, Krem, and a couple of officers who were deeply engaged in a heated, though friendly, debate on fighting techniques.
"Actually I have two questions. Apparently the most scandalous gossip about you as an apprentice was that you dyed another apprentice's hair an ugly shade of green that lasted for six months." Iron Bull chuckled and leaned closer to pass Dorian a plate.
"Really? Such ancient and inconsequential gossip to dig up!" Her eyes wandered to where Cullen sat next to Cassandra, suddenly glittering with mischief and thrusting him abruptly back into memories of her as an apprentice for the first time in several days. "So what's your question?"
"How did you do it? I mean, I could create a spell that would dye someone's hair, but it wouldn't last more than a few days, and I can't imagine how you'd hide the traces." He had the attention of most of the group now, particularly Cadash and Adan who had until that moment been alternately engaged in sniping at each other and feeding each other tidbits, but Surana just raised a thin, dark eyebrow in innocent surprise.
"You already know that they never uncovered the culprit, so what makes you think I know?"
"My dear Warden, having discussed magical theory with you, I have a hard time believing any other apprentice in your Circle could possibly have done so without your help." That got a brief laugh from Surana, who considered him for a few moments as she sipped from her stein.
"Trying flattery now? Hmm, understand, I really can't say how it was actually done, but if I were to do something like that…" She paused for a few moments, taking a long slow drink from her stein while her eyes watched Dorian fidget. "I would create a multi-stage spell that actually used very little magic. For instance, sprinkle an alchemical powder into someone's hairbrush every day for a week and cast a minor spell on their bed linen a couple of days before sheets were changed so they'd be sent to be washed before there was an investigation and couldn't be associated with that person. Once those were in place, I think another minor spell might be cast on the person's towel, simply making a tiny alteration to a simple spell that many apprentices used to make their hair look shiny and full when they were done, just in case the towel wasn't sent to be washed immediately. Not that we were supposed to use spells like that, but apprentices will be apprentices, and if anyone detected it, well, there were probably a dozen towels with that spell being washed every day. Then another alchemical powder added to the person's soap which simply activated everything else so there was nothing magical to detect and would do nothing to anyone else's hair if it was tested." Dorian's eyes had widened by this point, but Cadash and Adan were snickering and Dagna had a dangerously excited grin.
"Great Maker! And you thought this up when you were fifteen or sixteen?"
"I? I am simply speculating, my dear. I wouldn't even venture to say which element actually carried the dye, which delayed the activation, and which made it impossible to over-dye." Varric guffawed and passed her a pastry which she tore in half to share with Timur. "Though it's possible that First Enchanter Irving did eventually remember that one of his apprentices had gotten into a bit of minor trouble a year or two earlier and had been assigned to assist a Tranquil alchemist for a few months as punishment. But since there was no evidence, he might also have kept that to himself other than a mild scolding." Her eyes finally met Cullen's again with that impish mischief that he had often glimpsed when they'd simply been an apprentice and a young Templar who was known to turn a blind eye to harmless jokes, and suddenly he was struck by how little he'd seen of that side of her. Apprentice Surana may not have had a large circle of friends, but she had had a lively sense of mischief within that tight-knit group of friends.
"My dear Warden, you're more devious and dangerous than I thought." Some of that light of mischief went out of her eyes, but she smiled at Dorian and spoke in a mild, almost amused tone.
"I may have been accused of that a few times, but I suspect Ferelden, at least, has nothing to complain about." She took a casually slow, deep drink from her stein before again raising her eyebrow at him quizzically. "And you had a second question?"
"Were you truly such a paragon as an apprentice that a childish prank, however impressively executed, was the worst gossip that was whispered about you?" Cullen managed to avoid tensing at that question, telling himself that she had shown as much interest as him in keeping old gossip buried, and her words immediately reassured him.
"I'm afraid that truly was the worst thing that was whispered about me while I was an apprentice, yes. At least that I ever heard." She continued smiling cheerfully at Dorian, her eyes not even flicking briefly to Cullen, and he admired the carefully truthful wording.
"Not even when you were recruited to the Grey Wardens? I mean, they don't exactly seem to have a preference for sweet, innocent things." Surana stiffened and the smile slipped from her face, leaving only a distant, expressionless mask.
"I wasn't an apprentice by then, and if you're asking if I was conscripted, yes, I was; I had little more choice than I did about being a mage. If you want to know more, you are welcome to make a trip to Kinloch Hold and see if you can find records." Dorian stiffened in turn, clearly not expecting her belligerent response, and conversation died as people turned. Cullen impulsively felt the need to repay her for her continuing discretion about his infatuation, especially since she clearly didn't plan to defend herself.
"The Warden Commander won't say it, but she was not conscripted because of anything she did herself. She simply doesn't want to point a finger at either the Knight Commander or the First Enchanter and tell you that she was caught in the middle of their power struggle." Her head whipped around, something he couldn't quite read reflected in her pale blue-grey eyes very briefly, but certainly he'd taken her by surprise. He couldn't quite suppress a brief lopsided smile at finally being the one to startle, though he had no idea if she guessed the source of his amusement. "It's true, I don't know why you're still loyal to Irving; he obviously intended to force you into the Wardens by setting you up to be Greagoir's scapegoat. Not that anyone except you has reason to complain about how that worked out, but there it is." His lips twisted into a crooked smile as everyone except Cassandra and Leliana studied the pair, trying to work out what was behind his words.
She continued to stare for a long moment before inclining her head in acknowledgement. "Not loyalty, perhaps, but more simply that I do not like to be reminded…" Timur nudged her hand, interrupting her train of thought, and she stared down at him before meeting Dorian's eyes ruefully. "I'm sorry, the first rule among Wardens is that we never ask each other how we became Wardens. It…avoids dividing our ranks between those who chose to be there and those who did not. Even my officers didn't know which recruits had been criminals unless I considered someone a risk. But it's true, I had no choice, unless you consider Aeonar a pleasure jaunt."
The conversation stalled for a minute or two, but most of the group seemed determined to enjoy themselves despite that brief flash of prickly defensiveness. Surana quickly rejoined Rylen's circle where she behaved as if nothing had happened, immediately reentering whatever debate had kept them so passionately engaged. When Cassandra got up to have her mug refilled, Cullen moved to sit next to Leliana who had mostly been observing, uncharacteristically quiet, though she greeted him cheerfully enough.
"Well, that was bracing."
"Is that what you call it?" He spoke genially, but the ex-spymaster simply chuckled.
"I think it was time she reminded someone besides you and the nobles that however much she pretends to be a lapdog, there's a wolf bitch lurking beneath that surface." Cullen almost choked on his wine, glaring at her. "Really, Commander, just because I'm no longer the Inquisition's spymaster doesn't mean I don't know most of what goes on. Though I admit I'll leave for Val Royeaux a little easier knowing someone will watch out for her a little. You know she'd have let them believe she did something terrible rather than tell them the truth."
About that time, Iron Bull joined the group who were apparently now engaged in swapping stories about various fights, with Krem and a non-Fereldan officer visibly pointing to Timur to ask questions which Surana just as clearly was answering enthusiastically.
"For a minute, she reminded me…"
"Of Surana when I first met her? Yes." Leliana suddenly chuckled light-heartedly. "You should have seen us the first time I took her shopping for clothes and shoes, the things Shale said about the way we giggled when we got back and poor Alistair's face! Some days, I'm not sure the Warden Commander remembers how to laugh."
Leliana changed the subject after that, and they quietly discussed the arrival of the royal party in the morning. Cassandra joined them, and Leliana reassured both that Josephine had been convinced that they would look more professional in their armor to Fereldan eyes than in the uniforms they'd worn at Halam'shiral. He glanced toward the group including Surana from time to time, and when they broke up, the officers leaving to supervise the changing of guard shifts, he caught sight of Iron Bull moved closer to Surana, speaking in a low voice while no one else was nearby. At first, she smiled and listened politely, but suddenly her smile froze on her face, her mug in midair, halfway to her mouth for a few moments before she lowered it. The polite, distant mask she used with the nobles slipped into place and when he was done speaking, she simply shook her head and said something that made him guffaw, then slap her on the shoulder before he wandered off, leaving her and Timur in a locked gaze. Cullen was reassured when Timur sneezed, then gaped at her with his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth in what he'd come to realize was a mabari laugh at her obvious discomfort.
Cullen left the tavern not long afterwards, surprised to discover Surana leaning on the wall halfway up the nearby stairs, staring down into the lower courtyard, Timur pressed against her. He thought about slipping quietly to a different set of stairs nearby and on to his tower, but Timur turned to stare directly at him in the dim light cast by the torches, and Surana glanced around to see who had attracted his attention.
"Commander." Her voice was not exactly welcoming, but wasn't unfriendly either, and after the awkward moments of the evening, he didn't want to seem to brush past them brusquely. Instead, he climbed the few stairs to the landing, offered his hand to Timur in greeting before leaning companionably on the wall next to her. He silently inhaled the delicate, defiantly sweet scent of nightblooming nettles that someone had planted in tubs at the base of the wall and idly wondered if that scent had attracted their attention. "I should thank you, I guess. I…hate talking about what happened, especially since it was so complicated and I still feel guilty that I didn't spot what was going on with Jowan sooner. I'm not used to anyone jumping to my defense."
He shrugged uncomfortably. "What I said was absolutely true, though. And I…just wanted to tell you, I appreciate how you've deflected other questions, especially since you manage to do it without actually lying. I suppose I should apologize too for bringing up the story about that practical joke."
"I'm surprised you remembered that after all these years." She laughed softly, hand stroking Timur's head slowly.
"Honestly, I always tried to work out whether or not you really did it; you were so sincere when they questioned you about it that I wasn't certain until tonight." To his surprise, she almost giggled.
"I'm a terrible liar, or didn't you know that? But if I actually was responsible for the hair prank, well, what questions did they ask? I could truthfully say no to any question about whether I cast a spell on her because I cast the spell on things. And so on. If I did it, I mean."
He laughed softly in return. "She was a rather disagreeable girl, you know, I overheard her spreading vicious gossip more than once."
"And I caught her tormenting some of the small children with horrible stories about Templars and the Harrowing, or hadn't you heard what our original fight was about?" She sighed, then shrugged in turn. "And the bitch of it is, she survived everything that happened because she hid and let other people die trying to defend the younger children." She glanced sideways at him. "She's also the reason I knew you were in Kirkwall."
"She was? Greagoir wouldn't have told any of the mages where I was sent."
Surana groaned. "I had to go to Kinloch a year or two after we killed the archdemon, and she made certain that I overheard an absolutely appalling rumor about you, probably made up on the spot just for my benefit. So I asked Leliana to find out what really happened to you."
Cullen digested that surprising piece of news in silence, then shifted the subject rather than pursue what that implied just now. "What did Iron Bull say to you that disturbed you so much? I didn't think anything could make you look that uncomfortable."
"Oh, that." The light was faint enough he couldn't be certain, but Cullen could have sworn she blushed for a moment. "Your qunari friend has…interesting suggestions on what I need to relax me, Commander. I wouldn't even have understood what he was talking about if Sanga hadn't explained it to me in excruciating detail years ago."
"Oh." Cullen had heard enough rumors that he had a very good idea of the sort of thing the Iron Bull might have suggested. "Not to your taste, I take it?"
"Andraste's ass, no!" She half turned her face away from him, confirming his suspicion that she was blushing. "And definitely not with a former Ben-Hassrath agent who appears to have no sense of…discretion. I mean, I understand the theory, but…no."
For the second time tonight, she reminded him of the apprentice at Kinloch, who he had rarely seen even flirting. "You mentioned someone, Sanga?"
"Oh, she's a friend who owns an, um, an establishment in Denerim." Timur sneezed, this time amazingly like a skeptical canine laugh, and Surana groaned. "Snitch. Alright, it's a high class whorehouse. I had to go there while tracking down a rumor during the Blight, and lent Sanga a hand with a problem. We became friends, and I visit there whenever I'm in Denerim. It's one of the few better quality places I can get a drink and be treated like anyone else."
"Oh. You go there to…drink, then." That was half statement and half uncertain question, and the woman sighed, turning to lean back against the wall.
"Among other things. Are you going to be horrified if I admit I'm familiar with some of their other services, Commander?" Her voice had that note of exhausted resignation again, almost as if she was braced for inevitable recriminations.
"No, I just don't understand why you would need to…"
"Forget who I am for an hour or two with someone who won't be hurt if I die the next day? Someone I won't later have to order to his death for the greater good and live with the guilt?" Bitterness and guilt colored her voice, and again he had a feeling he was seeing the real woman hiding behind the roles. "Believe me, Commander, I learned that lesson, both during the blight and shortly after, and the only way I could do those things was to become the Warden Commander and nothing else to my people." She barked a humorless laugh, staring up at the sky above them. "And that frightened me, that I might lose myself so far that I began to use my people like things, stop feeling guilt or responsibility for them. So, whenever I was afraid that Arisha Surana was slipping away into oblivion, yes, I'd allow myself an hour or two just to feel, even if it was a lie. Because without that, I was afraid I would become that monster."
The stunned silence stretched out until suddenly she jerked upright. "Shit, did I really just tell you that? Fenedhis, I must have drunk more than I realized. I'm sorry, Commander, excuse me." With that, she rushed up the stairs without looking at him, Timur barely able to stay with her, and vanished in the direction of her room overlooking the garden.
While I'm aware (and enjoy) that Dorian and Iron Bull can have a relationship, it wasn't clear to me that they always do if both are unromanced, and since this Cadash never had them in her party together, I choose to assume they did not. Of course, this is also party writer's convenience since it leaves IB available. Also, I apologize that this chapter took so long, but moving does that to schedules.
