Chapter 11
Stupid Mistress
It is starting to get dark out and there is nowhere to go. I didn't want to face Jun and I didn't want to deal with the drunks at the town's bar.
Now, what?
"Anya?!" I heard Naomi's voice from behind me.
"Hey," I whispered.
"What's wrong? Why are you roaming around town like a zombie?" She asked.
Should I come clean to her about my nightmares? I know she wouldn't judge me, but I feel guilty for still having feelings for Goemon. I should be happy with Jun because he gives me the world, but yet it wasn't enough.
"Anya?"
"Sorry, um, I don't know what to do," I muttered.
"What?" She asked in confusion.
"I still have feelings for Goemon and it took me this long to realize it! I was lying to myself, Naomi! I thought I could move on, but I can't," I confessed.
"Does Jun know about this?"
"Yeah, I told him earlier today and he was angry with me then he changed his mind and said he can get me to only love him," I explained.
Naomi frowned. "I should've known you weren't over Goemon. I mean you always hide your emotions on everything!"
"That's true, but I can't hide my feelings anymore. It's killing me, Naomi."
"Sometimes we can't help how we feel, and when we try, we end up being miserable."
Wow, Falitna said something so similar. They are both right, I can't hide my emotions no matter how much I try. I have to face that I'll never be over Goemon and I'll never love Jun more than him…
"So, you're saying I should go with my gut feeling?" I asked hopefully.
"Yeah, if you truly love Goemon then go for him. He's coming back here soon, by the way."
I deeply sighed. "Am I the only one who didn't know this news?"
"Pretty much," she answered.
"I see…"
"But, hey, how are you going to break it off with Jun AGAIN?"
"I don't have to. He signed a contract for a mistress plus he has his ring back, so I don't need to see him," I said bluntly.
"Wait, what?!" Naomi gasped.
"He signed…"
Naomi interrupted me. "I heard you, but that doesn't sound like Jun."
"Well, it's true! I saw her!"
"No, that can't be right. He's like madly in love with you." She argued.
"Naomi, I saw her with my own two eyes, he tried to lie about it but he got caught. She kissed him on the lips in front of me."
"I need to tell Alvah about this," she muttered.
"No, there's no need."
"I'm going to, and what are you going to do?"
"Good question," I sighed.
"Sounds like this mistress thing is bothering you if you won't go back to the mansion." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"No, it's because I have too much pride to go inside my ex-fiancé's mansion!" I snapped.
"Whatever, Anya. Why don't you stay at the town's hotel? I can spot you if you want," Naomi suggested.
"I got enough money, thanks!" Why didn't I think of that? Have all my emotional feelings ruined my train of thought?
"Um, okay. I'll check on you later. I have to talk to Alvah."
"No, you don't!" I groaned. "Jun's a two-timer, nothing else to say about it!"
"You know if it was Goemon, you would be freaking out."
"Yeah, you're right."
If Goemon was the one with a mistress then I would yell at him, but I have no desire to do the same for Jun. I guess that proves one of my reasons that I care for Goemon more than him…
*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*
After I talked to Naomi, I went and got myself a room in the town's hotel. I kept tossing and turning in my futon, thinking about Goemon…
I can't move and I felt numb. What's going on? Vines were wrapped around my ankles and wrists. I am pinned to a tree, yet I'm not afraid. I feel calm?
"Hey."
Goemon appeared before me and touched my cheek lightly.
"Goemon?" I couldn't believe he's here in front of me.
He gently smiled at me as he kept rubbing my cheek slowly. I'm drowning in his light golden eyes. If I died right here against this tree, I wouldn't mind…
I accidently blinked, but I wish I didn't because Goemon wasn't in front of me anymore, but instead… Jun.
"I'll make you love me, Anya. We have something special," he whispered in sorrow.
I felt pains in my ankles and wrists; the thorns on the vines were digging into me! It hurts! I cried out in pain while Jun tried to soothe me.
"I love Goemon and no one else!" I cried out.
"No, you don't because if you did you wouldn't let me be with you!" He snapped.
I felt the thorns going deeper into my flesh. "No, no…" I cried out.
"We'll be together forever…" He smirked.
"NO!" I screamed out as I sat up from my futon… It was only a nightmare…
My whole body is drenched in sweat. I wonder what time it is? Is it almost morning? I wonder…
Before I went out of the futon to look out the window, I heard the guest room bedroom slam open.
"ANYA!" Jun yelled out.
Great, Naomi must've told him my location. Jun is the last person I want to see right now especially since he got this new woman in his life.
"I want nothing to do with you," I said simply.
Jun walked up to me and grabbed a hold of my shoulders. "I got set up."
"What?"
"The town's minister forged my signature on the contract so I would be with his daughter," he explained.
I felt my heart sinking, so Jun wasn't two-timing me. He's been loyal to me this whole time. I'm the one two-timing him… I feel… Awful.
"Anya?"
Tears were forming in my eyes. "I'm sorry, but I don't deserve you. You deserve a woman who loves you and only you. Who won't think of another man while you take care of her."
"No, that's not true. I need you… I love you," he whispered.
"I can't." My tears were rolling down my cheeks and Jun tried to wipe them away, but I flinched.
"You're the only one for me, Anya. I won't let you go back to him! He can't give you everything like I can!" He clenched his teeth. "I can't lose you."
I covered my mouth, so I wouldn't sob. Jun wrapped his arms around me and I hated it… I also hate that I'm letting him comfort me. I should push him away and express my feelings for Goemon again, but why can't I? Why am I letting him touch me like this? I don't understand my feelings anymore.
"Stay by my side, Anya. Please? You won't regret it," he said softly in my ear.
"Jun… I'm so confused."
"There's nothing to be confused about. Love me and never let me go!"
I looked up at him and we locked eyes. Can I truly hide my feelings about Goemon again, or will they keep coming back?
"Jun…"
"Take the ring back, please," he begged.
"The ring," I repeated.
He pulled the ring from the inside of his kimono and immediately slid it on my finger. I stared at it in awe… Being Jun's wife wouldn't be so bad, but how could I marry a man who doesn't have my whole heart and soul?
"We'll work this out, Anya, I promise. I'll get you to forget about him."
I only could nod. There's nothing more to say about this situation. He's just going to keep dismissing the issue about me loving Goemon, plus I'm afraid to break his heart. He doesn't deserve it… Unlike me, he deserves the world…
*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*
Jun and I were walking back to the mansion, even though I told him I wanted to stay in the hotel to think things through. He really doesn't want to let go of me, and it is killing me…
He told me the minister is in the village's dungeon for forging Jun's name on that contract. As for the mistress, he got her escorted out of the village. I'm not going to lie, but I'm happy he didn't sign for a mistress, which didn't make sense. Wouldn't I want him to move on, or did I like the fact he only wants me in his life? I'm turning selfish and I'm starting to be disgusted with myself.
"Are you alright?" He asked.
Is he serious right now? I'm an emotional wreck and he's asking if I'm alright…
"Yeah," I sighed.
Before he said anything else, I felt time has stopped and I was frozen in place. My eyes widened at the person standing in front of the mansion. Is it another nightmare, or is this reality? It's him!
"Goemon?"
