A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! Thank you for your patience and all the reviews last chapter. My in-laws visit went well except for my aunt and 2 uncles getting arrested(you ever see those dumbest criminal videos? well they should definately make the cut) and the adoption was finalized so now we officially have 2 sons and an outrageous attorneys bill, their worth every penny though:) I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had a completely different direction in mind but Jasper just couldnt stay away and now I know that it is for the best that he doesnt:)
Happy reading
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.
BPOV
"Honey, are you sure about this? You don't have to go back to Forks. You could come with me to Florida." Mom asked me for the hundredth time searching my face for any sign of doubt.
We were standing in front of the security line, hundreds of people bustling around us in the busy Phoenix airport. Charlie stood behind me carrying what little luggage we had. Renee had been hounding me, in a not so discreet way, to move to Florida with her. No matter how many times or different ways I told her no she still tried. She has the idea that my injuries were not the result of an accident involving my malfunctioning balance and a set of stairs but that Edward somehow caused them. I tried to set her straight repeatedly but she is stubbornly holding onto her beliefs. If she only knew the truth, then again, if she did she would be running as far away from me as possible at a pace nearing the speed of light.
"Mom, seriously, stop. I'm happy in Forks. It's my home."
"I know sweetie, I know. I just…well I miss you and I don't like the changes I see in you. You've changed Bella and I know he's the reason. You're not the same girl I put on that plane in January. I see the way you two act around each other, he hovers over you and you revolve around him, it's just not healthy, baby, that's not love." All I could do was stand stiff as a board with my eyes wide and mouth hanging while she hugged me close.
I composed myself just in time for her to release me and step back. Tears shone in her eyes and her face held nothing but concern for her only child. I didn't know what to say. I underestimated Renee's power of observation. She knew there was something wrong. She knew I had changed, but at least she's wrong about our love. Edward does love me and I love him. We're meant to be together. I know Edward is a bit…overprotective but that's just because I'm a fragile human thrust into the world of indestructible creatures. He has to be overprotective.
"Renee, stop clinging to the poor girl. Bella come on we have to get through security now or we're gonna miss our flight." Edward and the family would just love that.
Today was sunny with not a cloud in the sky so the Cullen's had to wait until tonight to leave. By some divine miracle, Charlie had resisted their charms and they failed to talk him into taking a late flight as well. I was quite happy that I would have some Cullen-free time. I had not had a moment to myself since I awoke from my coma and I was looking forward to getting home and locking myself in my bedroom. I need some time to think without preternatural eyes watching my every facial expression and twitch of a muscle, and a certain empath monitoring every emotion. I know they are just concerned about me but I need some time to myself to just be me. Even if I don't know who that is anymore.
Charlie's announcement saved me from answering Renee with any reassurances. Charlie I could kiss you. I'm going to get you an extra Christmas present this year, maybe a very expensive, new fishing pole.
"Yeah ok Dad. I have to go Mom. I love you and I'll give you a call when we get home ok." I gave her a hug and avoided looking her in the eyes as I pulled away and went to get in line for the metal detector.
I felt Renee grab my hand as I was stepping away. I turned my head to look at her.
"Bella just know you always have a home with me and Phil."
"I know Mom." I gave her the best smile I could muster and turned back towards the line.
Thankfully, I take after Charlie in the idle chitchat department and neither of us felt the need to fill the plane ride with meaningless banter. I used to sleep to pass the time on plane rides but that is something I will never do again. As well as dreaming, and waking up from a refreshing nap, and tossing and turning half the night because sleep escapes me. Instead, I get nightly torture by burning. I don't even get to lay down get comfortable and drift away. When my body reaches a certain point of exhaustion I just pass out and go to hell, then when my body is rested I wake up, and nothing will rouse me from 'sleep' until my body wakes on its own. My body is sleeping but my mind is always on.
When we walked out of the terminal, we were greeted by the sight of Billy and Jacob Black. When did Jacob get so big? I wasn't even gone a month. When we drew near I was engulfed in a mass of bulging tan muscles.
"Hi to you too, Jake."
A chuckle rumbled in the massive chest that my ear was firmly pressed against. Jake loosened his hold and I stepped back into the comfort of my own personal bubble.
"Are you wearing perfume Bella? It smells really sweet." He wrinkled his nose and sniffed the air. My face twisted in confusion.
"Nope, no perfume. You must have caught a whiff of somebody else."
Jake just nodded and put his hands in his pockets. We locked eyes for a second and his face registered the shock I had become accustomed to since waking up in the hospital. I quickly lowered my eyes and tried to hide behind a curtain of hair.
"Wow, your eyes." His voice reflected the shock and awe that his features displayed.
"Yeah, I know, crazy huh? They said something about partial heterochromia caused by blood poisoning and severe head trauma but that just doesn't have the same ring as red eyes, right?" I gave a little awkward laugh and peeked back up at the two men before me. Jacob just looked shocked and little embarrassed, I assume for not being able to contain his reaction. Billy, however, was looking at me with a mixture of suspicion, pity, and anger. I wasn't surprised by his reaction because of his infallible belief in the Quileute legends he would know what red eyes mean. I just hope he doesn't try to confront me about it.
"It's nice to see that you've made a full recovery Bella." Billy said in a clipped tone. Dad gave him a quizzical look but just shrugged his shoulders and shifted our bags around handing one to Jake.
"Alright come on Bells lets get home."
"Yeah, we should get out of here. Sam is waiting for us outside with the cars. Charlie we drove the cruiser up here for you." I noticed Billy's voice get tense when he mentioned Sam.
The cool air hit me as I stepped out the doors behind everyone and I could smell the scent of pine and freshly fallen rain in the air. It was like a cleansing shower and I instantly felt relaxed and comfortable. This is what coming home feels like. At that moment I did not have to pretend that I felt fine, I did not have to fake a smile, I did not have to fight with the beast, I did not have to cut myself off from the feelings of insignificance, insecurity, and hatred. I was content.
My peace was short lived. I followed Charlie over to shake hands with the giant Quileute that had to be Sam.
"Bella, I've heard a lot about you. I'm glad you're ok." I took his outstretched hand and immediately noticed that he was burning up. I raised my eyes to thank him and ask if he was ok because I think he's running a fever but the words died on my lips.
His eyes were wide in shock then shifted to what can only be described as pure hatred and his body was as tense as a snake coiled to strike. I dropped my gaze down to our still clasped hands. It wasn't so much a clasp any more than a iron prison. I could feel his body quivering through his hand and his grip tightened painfully. I tried to pull my hand away and heard a low growl. Panic took hold of my carefully controlled mind. The only thing I could think of was getting away from this guy. His hand tightened more as I tried to step away and pain shot through my hand. I whimpered and instinctively grabbed his imprisoning hand with my left trying to pry him off me. He dropped my hand like it was a hot coal and took a step back. I held my hand cradled against my chest, flexing it to make sure nothing was damaged.
"Sorry about that Bella. Sam here doesn't know his own strength sometimes. Sam, apologize to the poor girl and let's go." Billy commanded and began wheeling himself to the car parked behind the cruiser.
"Sorry." I could still see Sam trembling as he stiffly and quickly walked back to the trunk to put Billy's chair up.
I must have looked like I'd seen a three headed goat because Jake snorted a little.
"Don't worry about Sam. He kind of rubs everyone the wrong way, well, everyone but my dad and the elders. Seriously, it's nothing personal."
I just nodded my head in understanding as I gave my thanks and walked to the cruiser. I sighed in relief. Charlie had missed the short exchange while he put our bags in the trunk. I climbed into the passenger seat and waited for Charlie. I looked in the rear view mirror and could have sworn I heard a growl as I locked eyes with Sam. I must be losing my mind, but I have a feeling that Sam doesn't just believe in the legends but knows that the tales of the Cold Ones are in fact true. This could be a problem. I need to tell Carlisle about it when he gets back.
The ride home was quiet and uneventful. After what seemed like hours, we were pulling up in front of the house. With all the changes happening with me and around me it's nice to come home to the same old house with its chipped paint and simple design.
"Hey Dad, I'm just going to go on up and take a nap, relax a little. The trip took more out of me than I thought it would." I knew I wouldn't be sleeping but it was the best excuse to ensure I'd be left alone.
"You alright? Do I need to call the doctor?" The corners of his eyes crinkled in concern.
"No don't call the doctor, I'm ok. Just tired is all."
"Ok kiddo. I'll bring your bag up in a little bit and just order some pizza and watch the game." With that, we went our separate ways and I could drop the mask of the girl I once was.
I went to the bathroom to relieve a very human need and wash the feel of the stale air of the airplane off my face. As I lowered the towel, I caught my reflection in the mirror. The face I see is not very different from the one I grew up looking at everyday. It is still the same average face with average features, save for the red-laced eyes. I remember, once upon a time, I would look in a mirror and see me. Now I see a stranger. I see an icon of what I am expected to be. I see the lie I must live. The girl who used to wear this face is gone, dead. She died the first day I allowed Edward to make a decision I was more than capable of making myself. Everyday, for the sake of our love, I suppressed my voice of opposition and independence. Everyday I sacrificed another part of myself so he would love me, and now there is nothing left of that bright, independent, strong young woman that I used to be.
For the briefest moment my carefully constructed cage that held not only the beast but also all negative emotions, thoughts and memories threatened to fail me. I could feel the darkness creeping out and trying to find a handle in my mind. Before it could gain too much ground I locked it down and fortified the invisible cage with sheer conviction.
No. I will not break now.
I took a deep breath and with one last look at the stranger, I exited the bathroom and walked into my bedroom.
Walking into my room, I expected to see the clothes scattered on the floor, the unmade bed, and the various objects knocked over from my hasty packing when I left a little under a month ago. What I didn't expect to see was the blonde god lounging on my bed as if my room was his kingdom and my bed his thrown.
I quickly buried the anger and disappointment I felt at the sight of a Cullen intruding on what was supposed to be my alone time.
"Jasper? What are you doing here? I thought the family wasn't able to leave until tonight?" I manipulated my voice to hide my frustration and agitation. I truly sounded confused. I could not help but feel a little smug at the fact that I have now become an accomplished liar.
"I needed to talk to you alone and saw the opportunity when I heard Carlisle book our flight for tonight. I slipped out early this morning and ran here. You don't seem happy to see me."
I moved to keep my hands busy with tidying up the room. It's easier to keep my mind focused on the acceptable emotions if I keep busy.
"Of course I'm happy to see you, I was just surprised. So what did you want to talk to me about?" Jasper sat up and swung his legs off the bed.
"That's what I need to talk to you about. You're not happy to see me. In fact you were quite aggravated with my presence before you buried it in your emotional graveyard."
I picked up a stack of papers and books that had fallen off my desk. I turned my back to him and began to rearrange and organize them into their proper places on the desk. I was trying, and failing, to block out his words. I was a fool to think that I could hide it from him. If he knows then Edward does too. Damn. Why couldn't he just mind his own damn business?
"Bella you can't continue to ignore your emotions like that. Emotions are like water, air and sun to the soul. Yes, in extremes they can be less than beneficial, but they are all needed to sustain the soul and give it life. You cannot continue assassinating them without consequences." Jaspers voice carried concern and I know that, if I were to look at him, he would have those little worry lines in the corners of his amber eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about Jasper. I don't think it's a crime to keep my emotions private." My tone was patronizing and I knew it but I hoped that if I was nasty to him he would get mad and just leave me the hell alone.
"Even a blind man could see though that lie. You know that's not what you're doing. You make a very nice show of emotions around people. You know it's a lie too." He paused and I held my breath hoping that he had said what he came to say and was now leaving.
It was killing me being alone with him. The need to touch him and hear my name fall from his lips was so strong. I had to lock my legs to keep from turning around and basking in the sight of his ethereal beauty.
"I watch you Bella. I see you laugh and smile. I sit by as you follow Edwards every command like a well trained dog. Everyone sees it. The only difference is I am the only one that knows it's an act. I know you resent him for what he's done. You feel insignificant every time he makes a decision that involves you. Shame and disgust batters your mind every time he touches you. I know you blame not only Edward but the rest of us as well for making you what you are now, not one of us and yet not human either." His voice held nothing but anger at first but as he continued the anger died and his tone became gentle, caring.
"You're wrong." My quiet voice sounded like the crack of a whip in the still room.
He is wrong. I love Edward. I understand why he felt he had to do what he did. It's not his fault that the consequences were so…difficult…to handle. The family simply followed his wishes. I listen to Edward because he knows what he's talking about, after all, with age comes wisdom right, and Edward is almost a century old. That equals great wisdom.
"Bella, you may be able to lie to others, you may be able to lie to yourself, but you can never lie to me."
I never heard him leave the bed or cross the room, but when he spoke next his voice came from just behind my right shoulder.
"Remember darlin', I feel what you feel. I know when you hurt. I know when you struggle with your demon for control. I know when your heart swells with love." His voice was a low seductive purr. I felt his cool breath on my neck, caressing it like a lovers touch, sending shivers down my spine and a hot ache between my thighs.
"I feel your lust and desire. I feel when your body aches for release, when the slightest touch…" I moaned as Jasper grazed his fingers across my shoulder and neck sweeping my hair aside.
"…makes your knees weak and your heart race." His lips moved against my ear causing the heat at my center to flare like a wildfire.
Jasper sucked my earlobe between his lips before moving down my neck gently biting and suckling my tender flesh. His hands run up the sides of my arms causing trails of electric tingles to shoot across my heated skin like a lightning storm. Then I was turned face to face with the sweetest and most vile temptation set upon this earth. Jaspers hands continued their briefly abandoned journey past my shoulders to my neck where he stopped. He rubbed his thumb along the sensitive patch of skin just above the juncture of my neck and collarbone. I watched as his eyes lost what little color was left and turned onyx. His gaze was fixed on my neck where his thumb rested and my pulse raced.
"Mine." His voice was just the faintest of whispers yet I heard the meaning behind it as if he had screamed it at the top of his lungs.
My voice failed me, my mind failed me, hell, my body failed me. What I should be saying is 'get your hands off me'. What I should be thinking is 'Jaspers hungry I should run'. I knew though, that his eyes were not dark with hunger, they were dark with desire, need, lust. What I should be doing is turning away, running away, slapping him, anything but standing here and letting him touch me in a way that only Edward is allowed. Instead, I craved more and at this moment, I would give him anything. All he has to do is ask and I will give him my still beating heart on a silver platter if that is what he wishes.
Jasper lifted his onyx eyes from my neck up into my marbled red marks of inhumanity.
"That's my mark on your throat, my mark that you will wear for the rest of your life." Jaspers voice was no longer the sultry purr that is was before. It was raw with more emotion than I could ever hope to understand.
"Jasper…" I finally found my voice only to have to tell him that I couldn't do this and that if we continued on like this he would lose Alice and I would lose Edward. I belong with him, I love Edward.
"No, Bella don't say it, it was a mistake for me to come. I know you love Edward, no matter how much I wish it weren't true, I know."
I had never heard someone sound so broken and defeated. In that moment my walls took more damage to their integrity than the beast inside could ever cause. In that moment, my walls almost collapsed and I almost wished they would. Then I remembered all the reasons why the walls were there, why this was so wrong. Alice loves him so much and he loves her as well. I am a temptation for him and I won't let him ruin his fifty year marriage for a brief crush. Edward loves me, he waited a hundred years for me and I owe him my devotion. I will not be the cause of discord in their family. All they have is each other and I will not let anything threaten the bonds they have.
Jasper walked to the window and ran his fingers through his hair, a habit I have come to love. I like the way his hair falls back in layers and only encourages that one stubborn lock to fall right across his left eyebrow and hang in his eye.
I took a deep breath and fortified the walls between the mask and my true self. Jasper's right, I can't lie to myself anymore but I cannot let my defenses go. If I did, it would mean the end of everything I hold dear. Jasper might know that everything I say and do is a lie but there are at least a few lies he has not figured out, and for all our sakes, I pray that he never does.
