*HOLY. CRAP. I don't think I've ever had so much trouble writing a single chapter before. Yeesh!
Anyway, here's an early holiday present for you all lol. This chapter has literally been my arch-nemesis for the past month. I still kind of hate it, but it's necessary to further the plot.
As always, thanks to you all for the favs/bookmarks/ comments! Your feedback is IMMENSELY helpful and also keeps me motivated 3. You guys rock my socks off.*
"So… a synth, huh?"
We were in the back room of the Third Rail. Nate had stayed out in the main bar with MacCready, probably with the intention of making me feel more comfortable (after all, no one wants to deal with the aftermath of a traumatic event with strangers… even those that just saved your sorry ass). One some level I appreciated the courtesy, but really, all that did was set me even more on edge. Now I was alone with Hancock with no other buffers or distractions, and I had to very swiftly come up with an explanation for why they'd had to kill two men and injure a third for me.
The only problem was that I didn't understand it fully myself.
"I am not a synth," I objected, a little waspishly (the liquor that Hancock had gotten Charlie to bring over wasn't doing much to improve my mood). "I'd think I'd know if I was a robot, or android, or whatever. The only metal in my head is jewelry, dude."
Hancock dropped onto the couch and lit a cigarette in the same motion. "If that's the case, then I'm gonna need you to start talkin'."
"What do you want me to say?" I snapped. "My bad that some Gunners kicked my ass across the Rexford and tied me up like a fucking Christmas present? Sorry you didn't get an invite?"
I was still scared shitless, and it was putting me on the defensive. It wasn't just the fact that someone was putting a bounty on my head- though that was more than enough on its own- but also the fact that Hancock was demanding an explanation that I didn't know how to give. And honestly, he was right to. I would've been doing the exact same thing had our roles been switched. But what could I say?
Hancock didn't reply to my snark right away- just gave me a bit of a look- and I sighed, my fingers worrying the tangles in my hair.
"I'm sorry," I apologized as sincerely as I could, after taking a deep breath. "You're the last person I should be bitching out. You have every right to be pissed."
"Pissed?" Hancock repeated, and shook his head. "Sister, that was barely enough to liven up my afternoon, 'specially since Nate and Mac took all three out before I had a chance to get a shot in." He leaned back against the couch, and watched me evaluatively. "But I do think it's time that we stop pretendin' you're some little nobody."
"I'm not-"
"Nobody puts out a bounty with the Gunners unless they mean serious business," Hancock stated. "And those fucks usually know better than to hassle anyone in my town… at least not without talkin' to me first. The fact that they went straight for you makes me think the payoff must be pretty big. So what'd ya do?"
"Nothing!" I threw up my hands, and then winced as my shoulder throbbed; I'd landed on it pretty hard when that Gunner had dropped me. "I haven't done a single goddamn thing to anyone in this fucking wasteland. Well, except whatshisface my first night in town, but I'm pretty sure this wasn't him." I paused, racking my brain. "At least, I don't think I've done anything."
"You don't think?"
"I can't remember, okay?" I said, temper flaring once more.
Hancock took a leisurely drag off his cigarette. "Can't, or won't?"
"Can't." I crossed my arms and could feel a frown twisting my lips. "Look, I appreciate the assist and all, really I do. I would've been dead meat if you guys hadn't intervened. But I can't give you an explanation for what happened."
"You will if you wanna keep livin' in this town," Hancock replied. He was still relaxed, arms sprawled along the back of the couch, but I could hear the steel slip into his voice.
In response, I only became more stubborn. I was never much good with ultimatums.
"Really? Fine. Then I'll just fucking leave." I regretted the words almost as soon as they were out of my mouth, but was too wound up to stop. I moved towards the door. "Probably for the best anyway…"
In an instant Hancock was blocking my path, standing in the doorway with a sharp look in his eyes. I wanted to flinch back, but held my ground. It didn't exactly scare me, but after what I'd just been through the sudden proximity was jarring.
"I didn't say we were finished."
I glared up at him. "I wasn't asking for your permission."
The corner of his mouth tugged up just slightly as amusement passed over his face. Is he laughing at me?
"What's so bad you can't tell anyone else about it, huh? Who'd ya kill?"
"Christ, I haven't fucking killed anyone." I shook my head. Couldn't he just let this alone? "It's just… it's not 'bad,' exactly. You just wouldn't be able to understand."
"Try me."
For fuck's sake. "No."
He folded his arms and smirked. "Sister, I can keep this up all day."
I bared my teeth at him. "Yeah, and you're aggravating the ever-living shit out of me. Why do you even care?"
"You know, you still owe me for helpin' your little Institute friend, on top of savin' your ass," he replied… though I didn't miss how he avoided my question. "Least you could do is tell me why I've got mercs bustin' down doors in my town."
"Add it to my tab," I muttered.
I tried to push past him to the hallway. He grabbed my shoulder to stop me… there was nothing violent about it at all, but it immediately flipped a trigger in my brain. I yelped like I'd been hit, blindly threw an elbow towards his midsection (and actually connected with his ribs, judging by the feel of it), and then spun back towards the center of the room with my fists raised. It happened so quickly that I wasn't even aware that I had moved at all until I was standing a couple yards back, muscles vibrating and way too close to hyperventilating.
Hancock hadn't moved. He watched me like one might watch a spooked animal, hands splayed in a peaceful gesture. I would've felt stupid if a fresh dose of adrenaline wasn't fast-tracking its way through my veins. I hadn't realized how much being attacked had unnerved me.
"Doll, if I wanted to hurt ya, I woulda let those Gunners cart you off," Hancock said, speaking in a somewhat softer tone that before. "But I need some answers. And from how it looks, you could use the help."
"You'd help me?" I asked in disbelief.
He shrugged. "Well, guess we won't know until you spill the beans, will we?"
"You can be an infuriating human being, do you know that?" He smirked, and I sighed. "Fine. Look, I can't tell you everything… not because I'm trying to be a mysterious asshole. I just don't understand all of it myself. But if I tell you what I can, will you get off my back?"
He blinked- I think he had expected me to keep arguing. But once it became clear that I wasn't bullshitting him, he settled himself back on the couch and gestured for me to proceed.
"What else have I got to lose at this point, right?" I muttered, more to myself than to him. I hadn't planned on doing any of this. But at this point, I needed allies. Either I told Hancock as much I could in the hope that he'd be chill, or I'd be 100% on my own out in the Commonwealth… which was a death sentence.
Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place.
I started pacing, trying to get my thoughts straight. "Okay, so… bear with me a bit, because I'm not even sure if what I have to say makes any sense." A dry little chuckle escaped me unexpectedly. "God, my life has gotten so fucked up. Where do I even start?"
"You really from California?" he asked- or prompted, more like.
I nodded. "Pretty much everything I've told you about myself is true. My name, where I'm from, all of that. Until this afternoon I wasn't aware that I was running from anyone, so I haven't had a reason to keep my identity a secret. I can't name a single person- from here or back in LA- that would want to pay someone to track me down." I stopped pacing and rubbed my neck. "Actually, I don't think anyone that I knew back in LA exists anymore."
Hancock tilted his head. "Why?"
I fidgeted, wringing my hands. Fuck, this is gonna get tricky. "I'm sure Wiseman probably mentioned something about me having amnesia."
He inclined his head. "He brought it up before he left. Memory loss ain't that unusual, though… been blacked out for days at a time myself. More than once."
I couldn't help but roll my eyes a little at his roguish grin. "Of course you have. But this is a little more than a couple days lost on a bender."
"How much did you lose?" Like having huge gaps in your memory was the most typical thing in the world.
I inhaled slowly to steady myself. "Last thing I remember, before showing up in the woods near the Slog? Going to bed in my apartment in Los Angeles. In the year 2017."
The end of my statement hung dramatically in the air…or so I thought. Hancock considered my truth bomb for all of about two seconds before shrugging it off.
"No shit?" He finished his cigarette and lit another one, and then offered the pack to me. "That's what all this was about? Well, guess that explains a lot."
I accepted the smoke automatically, a little stunned by his lack of reaction. "That's isn't fucking insane to you?"
He lifted his shoulders. "Mighta been if you'd come along a few years ago. But now..." He chuckled to himself. "Let's just say I've seen a lot weirder. You and Nate might have more in common than you think."
Nope, definitely wrong direction for that to take.
"No, please don't tell him," I pleaded. "I don't think… I don't think my 2017 is precisely the one that he would know."
"How's that?"
We were verging into extra-sticky territory; I'd have to tread carefully to avoid saying something dangerous. I put a hand to my head, pretending to feel confused.
"I don't understand it myself. But based off of what I've seen from the pre-war world, what's been left… almost none of it seems right. Most of the buildings and places are, but the music, the technology… it's not where we were headed. I don't really have the words to be able to explain it." I started pacing again so I'd have an excuse to look at the floor instead of at him. "I guess it kind of feels like taking a wrong turn… somewhere along the line the history I know and the history that must have actually happened diverged paths."
"… huh."
"Told you it was pretty far out there," I said, glancing up at him nervously. He was motionless, his gaze sort of far-away as he considered what I'd told him. "Now do you see why I didn't really want to bring this up? It makes me sound insane."
"Nah," he said finally, sort of shaking himself out of his contemplation. "I've known a lot of people who had a few screws loose. You don't fit the profile."
"So you believe me?"
He shrugged. "If you feel like your memories are real, who am I to tell you different? Half the time I can't tell if what I remember really happened or if it was just another hallucination."
I felt a huge weight drop from my shoulders at his words. I hadn't realized how much pressure I'd been putting myself under, trying to keep everything hidden. The relief was honestly a little overwhelming. I dropped to the floor, back against the wall opposite from him, and put my head in my hands.
"Shit… are you okay?" he asked. I could hear the alarm in his voice… though he was probably more worried about dealing with me crying than anything else.
"I didn't know how much I needed that," I said. My voice was shaky, but I hadn't started weeping… at least not yet. "Don't worry, I'm not crying or anything. Just… man." I breathed meditatively for a few moments before raising my head. "Look, no one knows this about me. No one. Not Wiseman, not anybody. I'm all alone out here, so there's not much to stop you if you decide to betray me or sell me out. So… it'd be really cool if you didn't."
"Your secret's safe with me, Sister," he promised, winking. "What I still don't get, though, is why someone's after ya. You ain't exactly the first person walkin' around the Commonwealth with a head full of memories that don't belong here."
"Your guess is as good as mine at this point," I said honestly. "Feel like I would've handled myself a little better with those Gunners if I had any superpowers or special skills or anything."
"You sure you ain't a synth? I got a friend whose story ain't all that different from yours."
I knew he was talking about Nick, and tried not to let the recognition show on my face. Though the comparison did give me a bit of an idea… pretending to be the uncertain, unknowing synth would be a plausible explanation for why I knew about a different time. I'd have to play it carefully; if I was too heavy-handed or too willing to accept that explanation, it could raise suspicion. But I could put on that role for a while, either until I found a way back home or until something else changed.
"Realistically…" I said slowly. "I guess anything's possible. After all, a few weeks ago I would've said it was impossible for me to wake up in a post-nuclear wasteland, and yet here I am, right?" I propped my arms up on my knees, making a show of thinking hard. "But I remember everything from my life. My childhood, my family, going to school… there are so many details that I don't see how someone could just write them up, you know? I don't think even Tolkein could come up with something that thorough."
"Can't really say either way, but it's something to think about," Hancock said agreeably.
"But now there's the problem of you stayin' in Goodneighbor."
I blinked up at him, a little shocked. "You're still going to kick me out?"
Hancock laughed. "If I did that, I wouldn't be much better than those jerks out in Diamond City, now would I? But those Gunners were probably right… if whoever's after you is motivated enough to put a price on your head, those mercs are just gonna keep on comin'. I ain't gonna tell you no if you really want to stay… you're part of the community now, and folks here can take care of themselves just fine for the most part. But you'd be safer on the move than stayin' in one place."
"Easier said than done."
"You could tag along with Nate and Mac. Vaultie never stays in any one place for very long, and if you want someone with a lotta connections and friends, he's the one." I must've looked hesitant, because he added, "Tell you what: I'll come along, too."
I gave him an incredulous look. "Seriously?"
He grinned. "Why not? I'll watch your back, and do what I can to help you find the asshole who's got mercenaries huntin' you down."
"Don't you have a town to run?" I asked, gesturing broadly.
He shrugged. "They survived without me before, they can do it again. I was thinking about takin' a walk again soon, anyway. Whattya say?"
Is this really happening?
"I… okay, I guess." I stood to my feet, feeling uncertain but also oddly comforted. "When do we leave?"
He stood with me and jerked his head towards the door. "Let's go give Mac and Nate the news."
