Chapter 11: A Heart to Heart

"Mary, we need to talk," Lola called out as she caught up to the Queen near Mary's chambers.

"No, we don't." Mary kept walking without turning to look at Lola.

"Mary, you have been avoiding me for weeks. Francis told me why. You know we need to talk about this."

Mary spun around to face Lola. "There is nothing to say. I can't trust you now, and that's all there is to it." She gestured at her Scottish guards, who stepped in to block Lola's path, and Mary moved to enter her chambers.

"Have you thought about what your grudge is doing to Bash?" Lola lobbed her challenge over the guard's shoulders.

Mary turned back again. "This has nothing to do with him."

"But it does. And I don't think you want me explaining why in the middle of the hallway. So perhaps we should go into your chambers," Lola said, calm as always.

Mary glowered at the other woman, but the reference to Bash had caught her attention. "Fine." Mary bit the word off and led the way inside.

Once the door closed behind them Mary turned on Lola instantly. "How dare you bring Bash into this? What do you know of his thoughts?" There was a tinge of jealousy in her voice.

"I know he's devoted to you and can't believe you chose him over Francis. Anyone can see that who bothers to look. How do you think it makes him feel to see you so upset that Francis slept with another woman?"

"I am angry because my friend betrayed me and slept with a man she thought I still loved!"

"But you aren't angry at Francis. Can't you see how that looks to Bash?"

"I have to at least get alongwith Francis. Bash knows that and so do you."

"Bash knows you loved Francis once and that your decision to marry was made a bit rashly. When Bash sees how angry you are at me but not at Francis, he thinks its because you are jealous - that you still care for Francis and are regretting your decision." Mary looked a little stunned, and Lola continued in a gentler tone, "You can be angry at me all you want. I'm upset with myself. But don't let it poison your relationship with Bash."

"And why do you care about my relationship with Bash?"

"Because believe it or not, I am still your friend, Mary. I am sorry that I hurt you."

"Then why did you do it?" There was anguish in Mary's voice as well as anger. Lola had always been the most sensible of her friends, the most in control. It was hard to believe the lady-in-waiting's actions simply had been weakness. Yet for Lola to be so callous to Mary's feelings as to do it deliberately meant there was something deeply wrong with their relationship, something that Mary had missed. In three weeks of fretting about it, Mary hadn't been able to make sense of it.

Lola, for her part, was glad Mary's question gave her an opportunity to explain. "I didn't mean to hurt you Mary, it was just the circumstances . . . I was in a house of ill repute. I was prepared to trade my favor like a common prostitute to save my brother. I was scared, and just when I thought I had no one to help me, Francis saved me and my brother. Francis gambled an enormous fortune and won the night with me, as well as cancellation of my brother's debt. He was a perfect gentleman - we spent the whole night talking. I connected with Francis in a way I haven't connected with anyone since Colin. And then when we woke in the morning, it just happened."

Mary flinched at the mention of Lola's old flame, remembering how Catherine had used Colin to get at her. It hadn't been Mary's fault, but she still felt guilty anyway. Simply being around the Queen of Scots put her friends in danger. Still, that didn't justify Lola's actions. Lola had always placed too much blame on Mary for Colin's fate. That thought put Mary on the offensive again.

"You knew how Francis and I felt about each other. You knew were engaged. The plan to marry Bash might not have worked out, I might have ended up married to Francis after all. You knew that, you knew there was no guarantee. Shouldn't that have been reason enough to stay away?"

"I thought Francis was never returning to court, and so did he. He was never going to see any of us again. And Mary, you were with Bash! I honestly thought you were happy with Bash, that he was the one you loved. I even thought - " and here Lola hesitated, something else clearly on her mind.

"You thought what?"

"Mary, you did not sleep in your own chambers the night before your first wedding day - the night before you ran off with Bash, after you found out about the prophecy," Lola said gently. "You never told us where you were. I thought - I had thought you were in love with Francis . . . thought you must have been with him, because he had just tried to rescue you from that Italian count . . . but then you ran away with Bash, and you were gone with him for a week, and when you came back you defied King Henry and the Vatican to insist on Bash becoming your husband. It all made me wonder if . . . if you really had loved Bash all along, and not Francis."

"I poured my heart out to you and the other girls worrying about the prophecy, about Francis' life! You knew how seriously I took that prophecy. You knew I left court to save Francis! It was just luck that Bash was in the stables at the same time. How can you pretend to have believed that I didn't care for Francis?"

"Mary you are smarter than that," Lola said. "Smart enough to know that a prophecy can have many interpretations, if it has any truth at all. Kenna and Aiylee may have believed in the prophecy but I never did. I thought perhaps you simply clung to it as a convenient excuse . . . maybe without even knowing why you were doing it. That without admitting it to yourself, you were looking for a reason not to marry Francis.

Mary was silent, and did not meet Lola's eye. Mary had never imagined that her actions might be seen this way. And it startled her that Lola thought she had spent her first nights of love in Bash's arms. When Mary and Bash had discussed letting people believe that Mary had been with him those nights, it never occurred to her that her own ladies in waiting were among those who wondered. But it was true – there was so much else going on immediately after that she had not talked about it with them.

"I did love Francis," Mary said simply. "I have not always loved Bash the way I do now. I didn't realize his true worth until after we had already been engaged. That incident with his cousin Isabelle first made me see the depths of his devotion to those he loved. The ordeal with Catherine made me realize the lengths that he would go for me." She looked back at Lola. "But I did love Francis, Lola."

Lola took a deep breath. "Then I am truly sorry, even more so, Mary. I am sorry I hurt you. I did not realize how deeply I was betraying you. I should have thought - I should have realized. I was caught up in the moment. And . . . perhaps I let myself believe you didn't care for Francis because I wanted you not to care. It was wrong of me."

"The lies we tell ourselves are sometimes the hardest to recognize," Mary murmured, moving absently toward the window. She was thinking about what Lola had said about using the prophecy as an excuse not to marry Francis.

It was strange – Mary hadn't fully realized that she truly loved Sebastian until Francis came and told her that Nostradamus's prophecy was wrong, that she could marry the current Dauphin. Stripped of her excuses and faced with the prospect of having to irrevocably let Bash go, there in that graveyard Mary had finally admitted how unbearable it was to have Bash walk a separate road through life from her. Was it possible that even then she had cared more for Bash then she had been willing to admit even to herself? That she had grasped at the prophecy as an excuse without realizing why she had done it?

If Mary could be so uncertain of her own feelings, and if one of her closest friends who was privy to all her musings on love had seen her actions of the past months in such a different light from what Mary had believed to be true, then it was entirely possible that Bash did not understand Mary's current anger with Lola, as Lola alleged. It was entirely possible that he did labor under the mistaken impression that she loved Francis still – just as Lola had labored under the impression that Mary didn't love Francis when Mary had thought she did.

It all made her head spin. One thing was clear though. She needed to talk to Bash and make amends for snapping at him earlier.

Sighing, Mary turned away from the window to where Lola was waiting quietly. "You have given me a lot to think about Lola. I can see that you did not mean to betray me as deeply as you did. I have enough enemies in this castle without treating a friend like one too. Thank you for forcing me to talk to you."

"Then all is forgiven?" Lola asked, smiling a little.

Mary reached out to grasp her friend's hands. "Yes, on both sides I hope."

"If there was anything for me to forgive, I have done so already." Lola replied.

Mary squeezed her hands and turned to leave. "Then I think I should find Bash."

Lola came with Mary. In the common room where idle courtiers tended to congregate they spotted Alec, Bash's bodyguard.

"Alec!" Mary exclaimed, rushing over to him. "Is Bash with you? I need to speak to him?"

"No m'lady," Alec said, glancing at Lola and noting with a little relief that the two seemed to have made amends. "He headed for the stables after speaking with General Perault. He insisted I stay – said he needed time alone, that a punishing ride was in order. I gathered that meant his conversation with the general hadn't gone well."

"I think it was more than that, unfortunately," Mary said.

There was a commotion at the other end of the hall as Francis appeared. "Ladies and gentlemen," his voice rang out. "I have been informed there is unrest in the countryside. I encourage you all to stay within the castle walls until the situation becomes more settled. Casual rides should be avoided."

His announcement provoked several gasps from the ladies and many people began talking at once. Mary rushed over to the Dauphin. "Francis, what is this all about? This seems so sudden." Diane de Poitiers hovered near the Dauphin as well, near enough to hear his answer but not close enough to demand acknowledgement.

Francis cheeks were red with anger as he turned to Mary. "Your political games have unsettled the established order, Mary. I do not know what sparked this particular riot, but there is no doubt that it would not have occurred if the people thought their rulers were strong and united."

"That is not fair, Francis," Mary said, hotly. "If the realm is unstable, it is not solely my doing, as you well know." Her allusion to his father's increasingly erratic behavior was not lost on Francis, as vague as it was.

King Henry had behaved well enough in public, but both Mary and Francis had been privy to more than a few private counsels with the king that scared them both. Francis, however, was determined to keep his father's question mental health a secret, and hastened to stop her before she said anything here in public. "I would watch what you say next, Mary. You are a guest of French court. Never forget that."

"You will never let me," Mary said bitterly. In that moment she wondered how she could ever have loved this man. For the second time that day she turned on her heel and left one of Henry's sons, seething with anger.

"Alec, do you think Bash will be alright?" Mary asked, as Diane, Lola, and Alec fell in beside her.

"My son knows how to take care of himself," Diane said stoutly. "He will survive."

"Diane!" the King's voice called out from the common room entrance. "Diane, I have an urgent matter to discuss with you!"

Diane hurried over. "The unrest, yes, I have heard."

"What is a little unrest in the countryside?" The King waved her comment off. "No, I need you to meet someone. This is Penelope," he said, gesturing to a simpering young woman beside him. He leaned in closer to Diane. "I need you to show her what I like. No one knows my tastes as well as you. I think the three of us should retire to my chambers."

"Now my lord?" Diane said in surprise before she could help herself. The king's face darkened.

"Yes, now," Henry said curtly.

Diane recovered quickly – more quickly than Mary and Lola, who exchanged alarmed looks from the side. "Of course, my lord king," Diane said smoothly, taking the king's arm and leading him away.

Mary was unsettled by this show of just what power a king could have. It made her sick to see Henry demand something so demeaning of a woman he supposedly loved. She thought again of Francis' arrogant words to her so many times about the duty of a queen and wife to bend to her king's will. Would this have been her future, if she had married Francis?

Alec's face was grim as well, but his words were pragmatic as ever. "Perhaps it is just as well the King is occupied. Now others can take the lead on quelling the unrest."

"Do you think the unrest has anything to do with Mary the way Francis said?" Lola asked him anxiously.

"No, but Queen Catherine will tell the Vatican it does," Alec retorted.

"Then it is our poor luck that Bash is out there while it is happening. Catherine will only use that to make her story stronger," Mary said with alarm.

"What can we do?" Lola again looked to Alec for answers.

"Very little," Alec said. "Lady Diane is right, Bash can take care of himself."

"We may not be able to do anything about the unrest," Mary said, "But we can affect the story that is told about it. We need to find out what is really happening, and we need to make sure that story and not Catherine's goes to the Vatican."

Alec nodded. "I will see what I can find out, your grace, and will report back."

"Be careful!" Lola admonished.

Mary was startled to see a fleeting tender look on cross Alec's face as he replied to Lola. "I always am." The bodyguard nodded curtly and left.