Here it is, chapter 11 where we learn a little about Adi's past. Well not we, cause I already know but...you get what I mean. Anyways, there is talk of violence, no actual violence shown though. I'm also inordinantly pleased with the title for some reason, go figure. Enjoy!


Addison

My time flies when you are stuck in a hospital bed unable to move. That's a little bit of my sarcastic sense of humor coming through. Time is dragging on like a bitch. It has been a week since I woke up and I've made little to no improvement. I do know that I can't expect too much too soon. I did just wake up from a coma from being shot, in the head.

Miraculous recoveries do take some time. I've had some improvement I should say. My speech has improved a little. It helped from the rather odd request of the speech therapist for me to sing. I have a good voice, I guess, but hadn't considered using it for therapy before. It's almost noon and I wonder if my lunch dates are going to come.

While I wonder this I also contemplate something else. I've been thinking about what I told Derek. I told him that I would talk to someone about my past, about my nightmares. I don't know how serious I was at the time in telling Derek I'd do this. He was the only one that knew. The only one worth mentioning that knew.

Doctor Fielding was in earlier trying to get me to talk about the shooting. I'm perfectly willing to talk about that, because let's face it, everyone knows about that. I considered telling him about the other stuff but it just didn't feel comfortable. I hardly know the guy. I'm not going to tell him my deepest darkest secret.

I do understand that's kind of the point of a therapist.

An objective third party that is a step away from things you are talking about. Maybe this is one of the reason's that I don't let people too close. You'll learn what a loon I am. Who to tell?

As this question is percolating I watch as Izzie, Christina and George come into my room. They are each holding something to add to this little lunch. Maybe...maybe I could tell them.

"How are you feeling today," George asks setting the drinks down on the table at the end of my bed

"Same as yesterday," I smile

"Your speech is improving," Izzie observes, "That's pretty awesome considering."

"Yes it is," I answer for it was the truth

Izzie and George sit down on my left while Christina sits down on my right. They pull out their respective foods and hand mine to me.

"How are those appointments with doctor Fielding going," I ask taking a bite of my sandwich

"How are appointments with a shrink supposed to go," Christina asks

"I don't know. That's why I asked."

They all smile at this.

"I've never been to a therapist before," Izzie speaks up, "It's weird sharing your feelings with strangers."

See I'm not the only one that feels that way.

"It's a little easier sharing with people who were there."

"You can talk with me you know," I speak up after a moment

"We couldn't put that on you," George says softly, "You've been through enough."

"I have been but maybe it'll help if I knew how you guys feel about it all."

"You really want to know," Christina asked

I lick my lips, "Maybe with knowing how you feel I can tell you about how I feel."

They all looked at me with renewed interest at me getting this statement out. For nearly the five months that we've been friends they have known next to nothing about me. The fact that I'm willing to give up some information must intrigue them. I see them look to one another and then back to me.

"You have yourself a deal."

I smile at this.

"You go first," George speaks to me

I can't help but laugh at this.

"I knew he was going to do something to me."

"You did?"

"I saw the look in his eyes when I told him that we were unable to save his wife and daughter. I saw the light go out of his eyes," I reaffirm, "When he came back I knew for sure that he was up to something."

"Then you could have prevented it," Izzie commented with wide eyes

"Perhaps," I speak, "Or more likely he would have taken out more people than just me."

There was silence as they contemplated that.

"I couldn't let anything happen to any of you guys."

"We appreciate that," George said, "We really do but we could have helped you."

"It's too late to worry about it now."

"What were you thinking when he pulled the gun on you," Christina asked leaning forward slightly

I frown at this, "I had all the emotions you would expect. Fear, sadness. At one point I was trying to fight off a fit of hysterical laughter."

"Laughter?"

"You would have had to have been in my head. I was contemplating the ways that I could die in my lifetime. It occurred to me that I would rather have been hit by a bus and the thought was a little funny to me. At least I didn't laugh. I don't know how Jensen would have reacted to that."

"I'm not sure he would have reacted well."

I shrugged at this, "Did you guys get along with your fathers?"

They seemed a little startled at this seemingly out of nowhere question. Truth be told I was a little startled that I just came out and asked that question. So much for leading into it.

"Did we get along with our fathers," Izzie repeats

I nod my head.

"I know I did," Izzie responds after a moment, "I was always daddies little girl."

"My father and I have a complicated relationship," George speaks

"So do me and my father," Christina adds

"Did you get along with yours," Izzie asks cocking her head to one side

I take in a deep breath, "Hardly. If I saw my father today I would probably kill him."

The looks on their faces is comical. I wish I had a camera. They didn't seem to know if I was joking or not.

"I'm serious."

"You would kill your father if he walked in that door," Christina asked indicating the door with her thumb

I nodded my head, "If you lived my childhood you would too."

"Where is your father now? I mean is there ever a chance that he would walk through a door?"

"He's in prison," I answer

"Prison!"

"Prison," I affirm

"What the hell for," Christina asks

"The list of his crimes is long," I answer after a moment, "Suffice to say he won't be getting out any time soon. At least not in his lifetime...or the next."

I watched as they digested that information. They really didn't know what to do with this information. I could see the questions that they had in their eyes. I decided here and now that if they were to ask me about my past that I would tell them. I don't think I'm ready to willingly give up everything by myself.

We sit in silence just eating our lunch and I wonder which of them is going to break this silence first. I do not have to wait long.

"What did he do to you?"

This question, surprisingly, comes from George.

I blink a moment as I contemplate how best to answer that question.

>

George, Izzie and Christina waited, not really very patiently, but quietly as Addison contemplated the question that was asked of her.

"From the time I was a very small child," Addison began, "I was afraid of my father. He was not a pleasant man when he was sober but when he was drunk...when he was drunk, which was most of the time, it was bad. Really bad."

Addison took a sip of her water and cleared her throat.

"Growing up it was me, my mother and my older brother...and him."

"He beat you?"

"Such an understatement that is. He was always careful to beat us where it wouldn't show. Not that we were allowed to go out that much. My brother and I were kept in the basement a lot of the time."

Addison paused to gage the reactions of the three sitting before her. They had borderline horrified looks on their faces. Just wait.

"My father never treated us like children," Addison started again, "Especially me."

She let that sentence linger to see if any of them got what she was trying not to say. They were silent a moment and Izzie was the first to understand.

"He raped you?"

Addison sucked in a breath, "Yeah. For a number of years. That stopped but the abuse didn't stop. I still remember the night that...my family was taken from me. He'd lost his job, my father, and came home more than just drunk. He was in such a fury. He went after my mother first. I remember her screams, the blood and finally the silence."

"You watched him kill your mother," Izzie asked completely horrified

"I had to. He made me. When he was done with my mother he moved on to my brother. In a way watching him die was worse than watching my mother. We'd been together in our misery. Just the two of us. When he died a part of me went with him."

"How come he didn't kill you?"

Addison sighed at that, "It wasn't for lack of trying, believe me, but someone...had finally heard the screaming and had called 911. They arrived in time to save me."

"So," Christina began after a moment, "Your father got life without parol? How come he didn't get death?"

"I don't remember the specifics of why," Addison commented, "I mean I was only nine years old at the time and..."

"What," she got simultaneously by the three in the room

"What?"

"You were nine," George exclaimed

"Yes."

"Your father raped you at the age of nine?"

"He raped me at the age of six and it ended when I was nine."

"He'll never get out of prison will he," George asked

Addison almost had to smile at the murderous look in George's eyes.

"No."

"Good."

"What happened after...after that?"

"Since I had no living relatives I was remanded to the state. I lived in foster care for about a year before this wonderful couple adopted me. Michael and Sierra Montgomery."

Addison received double takes at this.

"The name of Montgomery came from your adoptive parents," came from Izzie

"Yes. Addison is my real first name, believe it or not."

"What was your name before?"

"Shaeffer. My new parents loved me a lot, still do in fact. It was hard on them sometimes raising me."

"Why?"

"I started having horrific nightmares. I'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I've been in therapy since I was nine years old and we've never figured out a way to get these nightmares to stop."

"You still have them," asked George

"Sometimes."

"Then it sounds like you did figure out a way to make them stop."

"It was Derek," Addison smiled

"What was him," Christina asked

"He stopped the nightmares. Every night that we spent together the nightmares would stop, get further away. He was the key."

"So when he's not with you the nightmares return?"

Addison nodded to this.

"My life with my new parents was amazing though. They showed me such love and understanding. They put me in school where I was proven to be a lot smarter then anyone had ever guessed."

"We always knew you were a know it all," Izzie smiled to which Addison rolled her eyes

"Did you have any siblings with the Montgomery's?"

"Two.An older sister, Melody, and a younger brother Ryan."

"We're glad that your life was better," George smiled, "Until it wasn't."

Addison took his hand, "Thank you George. I'm glad my life was better. Don't worry it'll be better again."

"You are amazing you know that?"

"Why?"

"You were just shot in the head and are still recovering and yet you have such an amazing attitude."

"If I let life get me down I'd be a raving loon by now," Addison smiled, "Probably be in padded cell somewhere. Wouldn't be able to have my Mocha Chocolate Coffee," Addison remarked holding up her coffee causing the others to laugh

Addison did feel a little bad in laying all of her, well most of her past at the feet of her newfound friends, but in the same token she was glad she had someone to shoulder the burden with other than her husband. He was right, which was a little annoying. It was good that she talked with someone else.

Doctors are healers after all.


I hope that wasn't too disturbing for everyone. Don't worry, happy times to come and maybe if you're good, you'll learn some more about her past.