Reader x Eren Jaeger Chapter Eleven
You stayed in your room all day, thinking and worrying and just staring out the window. What are you…supposed to do now?
At first you thought your friendship was forever ruined. I mean, you did kiss him- no he leaned forward so its his fault that your friendship was ruined. At first you were mad at Eren, but then you started getting more and more flustered as you thought more of the incident in the showers, scaring yourself as well. There were several things that were scaring you.
1.) He kissed you
2.) He's your best friend
3.) He fucking kissed you
4.) You fucking let him
5.) You enjoyed it
The last part scared you the most. Very much. Because despite the fact that he was your best friend and you barely dreamed of ever doing anything sexual with him (you shuddered at the thought of doing anything like that with him though you might enjoy it-ohfucknoshutup), and that he was nothing else, you still enjoyed the kiss, even if it lasted for several seconds. His lips were so soft and they fitted perfectly on yours, like they were meant to be there. Like…they belonged to you…
You shut your eyes tight and rolled onto your back on your bed. You felt the warm rays of sunset sunshine hit your face, which was scrunched up in intense thought. Something else, he was something else, nothing else, something else, he was definitely something else. You began thinking of how life would be if he could possibly be your boyfriend; his arm around your waist, holding you close to him, nights spent lying close to him and holding him tight, being able to hold his hand under the table at lunch so no one else would see, sharing quick kisses on the cheeks or temple, stealing glances at each other from across the room. It all seemed so natural to you because before you enlisted in the military, you were always the youngest in your hometown and was surrounded by these older kids expressing their love to their partners.
It seemed natural to you in some ways, but actually getting involved in those things would be something totally different. You never felt this way before about someone.
Oh yeah.That.
You never felt so different around Eren. It was mostly the cheesy shit: time would slow down or your heart would race and you would get some sort of weird feeling.
Damn hormones.
You never fucking asked for these feelings and shit, but know it was all you could think of besides Eren.
Eren, Eren, Eren.
Eren.
Dumbass motherfucker.
You opened your eyes and sat up with a grunt. You brought your knees to your chest and lay your chin on your knees, staring at the door across the room.
So did this mean you liked Eren?
Yes, you thought. Can't believe I fell for the bastard.
You lowered your eyes to the floor, eyebrows furrowing and tongue sticking out of the corner of your mouth. You fell for him. You fucking fell for him. You blushed, cheeks warming up. Well shit.
Your hand still throbbed. You glanced at your hand, which was swollen and an odd shade of purple. The skin on your knuckles was caked with blood and torn from the punch. You could barely move it and it hurt like a fucking bitch. You sighed through your nose; this pain was a lot better to go through than the pain right now. You hadn't even cleaned it, and you punched the wall yesterday.
You stood from your bed and into your bathroom, which sadly was only a toilet, sink, and mirror. You strained to twist the knob as it refused to turn until it finally gave in, water spraying into the sink. You laid your hand into the water, watching as the colorless fluid turned into a light shade of pink as it washed off the blood. The water was cold, much to your distaste.
You stood in your tiny little bathroom washing your broken and raged hand in the fucking ceramic and shitty sink with water that was so cold that it was freezing your hand at the moment, glaring as you worked and scrubbed furiously at the wounds even though they were already fucking clean and you were so fucking stupid for punching a wall what the fuck were you even thin-
"Gaah!Shut up!"you growled to yourself, twisting the knob to shut off the water. Still grumbling, you opened the mirror cabinet where you knew you kept some gauze bandages.
Wrapping the thin fabric around your hand, you cursed silently to yourself and Eren. You didn't even know why you were mad. Or why you felt like crying. Or like killing Eren, or possibly slipping something into his drink, or possibly running up to him and kiss him, or…kiss…him.
You touched a finger to your lips for a moment as they tingled from remembering the sensations of his lips moving against yours. So nice…
Cutting the bandage with your teeth and securing it with a clip, you headed out of the bathroom and flopped into the chair by your desk, staring out the window. It was still snowing, you realized, as you watched the fluffy powder trickle to the ground in wet clumps. It made you think of how Eren's wet and sweaty hair lay on his head in damp clumps. You shook the thought away, mentally giving yourself a good slap of reality. You reached for the astronomy book on your desk, flipping it open to a random page. Your eyes read over the text, but they kept getting out of focus and blurred the text. You couldn't think right, way too distracted to read, which alarmed you, because never in your life were you too distracted to read a book.
This is a serious matter.
You closed the book with a noise of frustration, rubbing your sore temples. Maybe you could stay in your room forever. You could always ask Mikasa to do your chores, or ask Armin to bring you food. You could live like that for a while, you bet. But…you couldn't stay in your room forever. Your superiors would kill you if you did. You would have to face Eren someday, no matter how much you didn't want to.
But when?
You pondered over this for a moment. Why not during the Christmas party the Survey Corps held every year? Honestly, you thought the party was just a way to remind you all to enjoy life here while you weren't outside the walls, fighting to stay alive. Everyone was invited, of course. And it was also the Corporal's birthday. You would have to get him something… Your mind wandered back to Eren. Oh no.
Christmas.
As in love and mistletoe and sweethearts.
You just wanted to skip outside and sing, "Fuck," in different pitches all day.
But Christmas was coming, and so was the Corporal's birthday, and it was pretty much mandatory to bring a gift or two. You would give Eren a gift of friendship. Yes, that was perfect. You didn't want to loose the friendship you had with him; you didn't want to be in a relationship either. Pretty much due to the fact that love came really slow, but it could be taken away from very quickly. In maybe three words. It was worsened greatly now because you were both in the military, even worse that you were on the front lines.
You just weren't ready for this.
Sighing again, you stretched and stood, walking to your closet and choosing a clean jacket and putting it on, as well as snatching your green cloak. You brushed a hand over the smooth yet rough fabric. You stared at the Wings of Freedom on the back where the hood covered the top part of it. The blue and white wings over laid each other like two wings ready to beat and fly away.
Quickly donning the cloak with a fluid movement, you left your room and shuffled through the halls, heading for the courtyard. You passed the boys' hallways as you did, lingering for a moment. Only when you heard a doorknob being jingled did you scurry off.
You needed someone to talk to, so why not someone who wouldn't respond? Or, something…
You opened the doors to the courtyard, a strong yet cold breeze tousling your hair. You tucked a few strands behind your ear and trudged through the think layer of snow. Up ahead you spotted a large tape covering the two captured titans so snow wouldn't fall on them. Then you'd have to shovel snow off of titans, and you knew Hanji would make you do it no matter what. You looked up into the rust colored sky, splashes of pink and white clouds along it. You lingered there for a moment, the snow falling around you in flurries, catching onto your clothing and melting quickly, gazing at the sunset. A snowflake landed on your eyelash and you blinked it away, striding forward to the two titans. You sat down in front of the two with a huff, wrapping yourself in the green fabric, and cleared your throat before opening your mouth, planning to take a shitload of time speaking.
—
He wanted to die.
The titan shifter lay in his bed, arms cast over his head, covering his head. With his eyes closed underneath his arms, all he could see was darkness as his eyes darted around under his eyelids. The darkness was a lot more better than what he was putting away from his mind, though it was pretty obvious as to what it was. Eren's face contorted for a moment before relaxing at the memory. He breathed slowly, trying to calm his god damn speeding heart.
In.
Out.
In.
An image of _ flashed before his mind, face flushed and breath coming out in little white clouds, snow in her hair.
Dammit, he thought, biting his lip. He felt his face warm up for a moment before he calmed himself down again.
In.
Again, she came back, only now with eyes full of determination, analyzing his every move, sweat making her skin glow in the sun light. Blossoms fell around her, the tree from which they came from almost bare. She lunged forward, fist pulled back, but everything was slowed down and sluggish. He was focusing solely on her and her alone. Only her…
"Fuck," he cursed quietly, blushing beet red. This was exactly what he was trying to escape from! He let one of his arms fall to his side, frustrated. He breath in again, then out, the image of _ slowly fading away until there was the blackness he wanted.
But dammit, there she was again, back in his mind. Her face was dangerously close, eyes half lidded as they stared at him. The blush on her face was so cute… Her wet (h/c) fell into her face before he leaned forward, and a tingling sensation settled on his lips for a moment.
Eren sat up abruptly, face terribly red. He let out a whimper of frustration before laying back down, the mattress sinking in around him.
Why did he do that?
Eren thought for a moment. Since the time he first enlisted, he was always surrounded by people. Mikasa, Armin, and, even though he disliked the guy, Jean were there and he was able to talk to them. But he felt so lonely. And for some reason, he always noticed the (h/c) haired girl with the wide (e/c) curious eyes that darted everywhere, seeking for answers to questions as they appeared in her head. The girl who made Connie fall on his ass because of his unwanted compliments. The girl who opened the door at the wrong time as he walked right by it. The girl with the huge mass of books memorized in her head. The girl who wouldn't give up, no matter what.
The girl he fucking fell in lovewith.
Never in his life had Eren Jaeger been distracted by his one goal. 'I'll kill them all…', 'Wipe them from the face of the Earth'. 'Kill the titans…' Never had the thought of settling down occurred to him, much less love. He wanted to be free and that was it. But now…now he wasn't so sure anymore. Because he wanted to be with, _. Badly. But he couldn't.
Because Eren Jaeger promised to kill all the titans, and that was his one and only goal.
Right?
Yes, he thought, reassuring himself.It is.
But shouldit?
Letting out a groan of frustration, Eren slammed his fist down onto his nightstand, the loud bam resonating throughout the silent room.
Yes it should! That was his only goal and he was going to keep it. Then maybe when that was done he could…possibly…
No,he reprimanded himself.Like she'll care about me.
Which was true. Why would she care about him? He pretty much ruined their friendship with his stupid little mistake. Plus, she ran away. But she did kiss him back. Did that mean something? Probably not. She ran away from you, Eren. Stop imagining things, dammit.
Then it was settled. His only goal was to eradicate the titans, no distractions. No distractions.
That was when Eren Jaeger reluctantly decided there would be nodistractions.
Ehhh here we go I'll keep posting chapters but that one review is kinda…worrying me. Whatever. I don't own snk nor its characters.
You belong to Eren
