So this came out because I am in a severely annoyed mood. Not so severe that I want to make Cursed any darker, but more or less needed some cheering up…and what better way to do that than cause more havoc in an already insane and total OOC story. You are most welcome…but seriously is there anyone out there for Cursed or for this? I gotta know cause…well I do…
Fun Times in Frozen
Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, Hans, and Olaf sat in the library with drinks in their hand. Elsa's soft voice echoed around the room as she held a story book up to them to show them the pictures, "And the dish ran away with the spoon…the end." She finished.
Kristoff, Hans, and Olaf clapped as Elsa put the book down, "I loved that nursery rhyme!" Olaf cheered.
"That was a good story. I used to love that story when my mom read it to us." Hans commented nostalgically as he recalled the time of innocence.
"I for one never heard it, so I cannot comment either way," everyone gave Kristoff a look of pity; but he continued, "But I am glad I got to hear it now. You are a good story reader Elsa."
"Well I did have some practice…right Anna?" Elsa turned to her younger sister, who was being unusually quiet throughout the conversation, "Anna? Everything ok?"
Anna was sitting in her chair, delicately tracing the rim of her glass with her finger, "Huh? Oh sorry, what did you ask?" She asked as she looked up.
"Everything ok? You are being really quiet." Kristoff commented.
"Yea what's up?" Olaf asked.
Hans and Elsa just gave her a look as Anna bit her bottom lip, "I am fine, its' just that that…well…"
"Did I mess something up?" Elsa asked as she tried to recall how she used to read the story to her younger sister. As far as she knew Anna had been enjoying it as she always had. Nothing seemed out of place until now.
"No Elsa. It is nothing that you did…really." Anna said trying her best to assure her sister as she saw Elsa's face crumble at the thought of messing up the story.
"Then what is it?" Hans asked as he too tried to coax the answer out of the Princess.
"I was just thinking," Anna started as she stared into her glass really hard as if it would explain everything that she was feeling, "after Dish ran away with Spoon? What happened to Fork?" She eventually got out.
They sat in silence, shared a look, and then looked at Anna, "You are kidding me right?" Elsa eventually got out.
Apparently Anna was not kidding because she actually looked Elsa dead in the eye and said in one of her really rare serious tones, "No. I want to know what happened to Fork."
"Who is Fork?" Kristoff and Olaf asked in unison as Elsa had tried but failed to formulate a response.
Hans looked at Anna as if he had never seen her before as she placed her now empty glass on the table, "Yea I want to know that too!" He exclaimed suddenly then through his head back to swallow the last of his drink.
"See!" Anna yelled motioning to Hans as he placed his empty glass down, "There is a mystery here! There is no 'the end'," she made the air quotes, "the story is really beginning! It is a beginning for Spork!"
"Spork?" Elsa, Kristoff, and Olaf asked as their eyes twitched.
Hans and Anna gasped dramatically as they looked at each other and then back to the 'sane' people, "Spork is the child of Spoon and Fork! Come on people get with the program!" Anna yelled.
Right at that moment Anna and Hans started to talk as if they were the only people in the room. Elsa, Kristoff, and Olaf just looked at each other, "What was in these?" Olaf asked as he motioned to the Queen and Ice Master's still full glasses.
"I do not know. Anna said she got them from the kitchen." Elsa explained.
"So the question is: what did she pick up?" Kristoff asked as he looked at his drink then at the two insane people that were turning an innocent nursery rhyme into a story of romantic scandal.
Elsa frowned and sniffed her drink, and then his. Sensing an odd odor she picked up her glass, "I will be right back…do not drink this. Keep them occupied." She said.
"Shouldn't be too difficult." Kristoff stated as she snuck out of the library leaving him and the snowman.
Five Minutes Later-
Elsa was almost running back to the library with Kai at her heels. The kitchen staff had profoundly apologized for the mix up. Apparently the staff had wanted to try a new drink called 'Irish Coffee' and the mugs were placed next to the Princess hot chocolate order. When the Princess had picked them up, since the drinks had the same texture and smell, she had picked up the wrong tray. So when Anna and Hans were drinking, they were actually drinking alcohol…hence the behaviors. At least it is not like the pub, Elsa reflected back to when Hans had his 'Villains Karaoke Palooza'.
When they entered the room, they found Hans and Anna with their arm around Kristoff, who was crying, and Olaf looking utterly confused. He turned to see Elsa and Kai standing in the door way, "Help me. I have no idea what is going on."
This drew the attention to them, "Elsa!" Kristoff yelled causing the Queen to become startled which caused a small burst of flurry, "Elsa can help!"
"Wait-"
"She can! Elsa can do anything!" Anna cheered.
"Long Live Snowy!" Hans praised and laughed.
"Uhm…" Elsa looked to Kai for help, but he slunk out of the room, not wanting to get in the middle of this. Elsa poked her head out, "Where are you going?! I thought you were going to help me get them under control."
"I decided that uhm…I have to oversee the…uhm…yea you know what? You are on your own. I have had enough chaos for one life time." With that he ran off.
Elsa through her hands in the air and looked at the hopeful faces on Anna, Kristoff, and Hans's faces, "Olaf what happened?"
"Hans and Anna forced Kristoff to drink that weird drink." Olaf pointed to the empty glass that was tipped over on the floor, "What was it anyway?"
"Something called Irish coffee…and apparently it was one of the more…stronger batches with heavy amounts of whisky in it." Elsa explained.
Anna looked at her sister then at her glass and then back at her sister, "Does that mean you are going to help us?"
"It sounds like she is going to help us…like that wizard person!" Hans said excitedly.
"Oh I know this one! That dude in uhm…Oz! Yea I remember that story, I think…he helps someone or something. Actually I remember a witch…or was that my great-great-great-thousand times great-aunt bertha?" Kristoff asked to himself, "Oh whatever Elsa is going to help us!"
"Help with what?" Elsa asked cautiously.
Hans jumped up and placed two hands on Elsa's shoulders to guide her back to her seat. Going back to his seat, he along with Anna, Kristoff, and Olaf (who even forgot what was going on), leaned forward dramatically, "Pay attention because this is a matter of life and death." Hans said seriously.
"Yea death…which is bad." Anna said, "I would know."
"Yes she would." Kristoff said pointing at Anna.
"Ok…" Elsa said feeling scared for her life.
"I like tension! This is awesome secret agent stuff!" Olaf said, but everyone ignored him.
Hans, Anna, and Kristoff looked at each other, "This is about Spork." Anna stated and gave her sister a big stack of papers.
Elsa looked at them and saw a bunch of doodles and sloppy handwriting. Not knowing what else to do, she decided to humor them until they eventually crashed. Pretending to look at the papers she nodded along, "Spork huh? And who is Spork exactly?"
"Well Spork's history started with Fork and Spoon see?" Hans said pointing to a really bad doodle, "Fork and Spoon did the whole night of wedded bliss, but when Spoon found out that Dish was her true love she ran away with him and later found out that she was carrying Fork's son, Spork."
Kristoff turned the page and said, "So she wrote to him saying something like:
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven't spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon.
And when Fork found out they had a court case in family court with Judge Dumpty."
"Ok that sounds logical." Elsa said trying to sound convinced as she sort of made out the drawing of an egg in a judge's costume and the inscription.
"No wait a minute there is more to this story." Anna said quickly as she turned the page, "So in the meantime while Spoon is having fun with Dish, poor Fork is all alone…then along comes Knife."
"Knife?" Elsa asked with a raised eyebrow. Seriously? How much more to this is there?
"Yes Knife." Olaf now confirms as he is officially on board in this odd case. Elsa mentally slaps herself as her only sane companion joins the 'Insanity Squad'.
Hans flicks the page and re-draws Elsa's attention, "So her and Fork get together and they fall in love. Filled with a night of wedded bliss Knife is unaware of her lover's former mate Spoon." His tone takes on a dark and mysterious aura that would have brought chills down Elsa's spine if this was not so ridiculous. Maybe she was a little harsh about ending therapy too early…
"Wait! We do not need Elsa's help! I know what happens!" Anna yells as she jumps up excitedly.
"Really?!" Kristoff, Hans, and Olaf ask also excited.
"Oh boy…do tell…" Elsa drawls out as she puts her head in her hands exasperated.
"Wrestling Smack down with Knife and Spoon! Over one man, Fork." Anna exclaims dramatically. Then with all types of hand motions that would confuse even the sanest of people she starts talking very rapidly, "Spoon left Dish because Dish was cheating on her with Glass and wants Fork back so they fight. With Judge Dumpty as a ref. But that is when the drama ensues because Spoon had another child with Dish."
"Then what happens?" Olaf asked since Hans and Kristoff were too stunned to speak and Elsa was busy trying not to grab the heavy nursery rhyme book and whack herself in the head with it.
Finally before Anna could finish, Elsa finally stood up and all the focus was on her as she said, "Well now everything is a mess because Judge Goose gets' involved. And the settlement is…" Elsa paused for dramatic effect, "WHO CARES? THEY ARE UTENSILES! THEY CANNOT HAVE KIDS OR RELATIONSHIPS!"
The three humans and a snowman looked down in shame and disappointment. Elsa could see that they were upset, but she hoped that this brought them back to their senses…hoped being the keyword, "No. No I refuse to believe that is how the story ends." Elsa looked to see that Anna had picked her head up.
Even in this tipsy state, she was stubborn, "Anna you are tipsy and have no idea what you are saying. The drinks-"
"Have nothing to do with it. We need to take a lesson from Spork and Knork!" Anna demanded.
"Wait what?" Elsa asked stunned as Hans, Kristoff, and Olaf nodded with agreement, "Who?!" Elsa tried asking again, this time with more urgency.
"Knork is the son of Fork and Knife." Hans explained, "Duh! Everyone knows that!"
Kristoff nodded, "You know I feel sorry for them. It is so sad to know that you had a half-brother and not even realize it." Kristoff starts to cry again and Olaf gives him a warm hug as he says, "I mean all this time the child must be in pain."
"Or to know that your mother was a hooker…all Fork wanted was some love!" Hans cried out and Olaf too gives him a hug.
Anna motions to the small group and glares at her sister as if this was some-how her fault for the now depressed environment. Elsa stamped her foot at this fully fed up, "Oh my gods! Can you all please just sober up already so we could go back to our lives?!"
The small group broke apart and Kristoff asked, "How can we go back to our lives when Knork and Spork found out that their lives were nothing but lies?"
Anna knelt down and hugged her boyfriend, "We can make it. We are survivors and so are they."
"We must believe with all our hearts!" Hans cried out and gave another round of hugs.
"Ahem brother!" Olaf cheered not knowing what this was about, but somehow knew his cue was to say something in agreement.
"Ahem!" Anna and Kristoff cheered from their position.
"I QUIT!" Elsa shouted and stomped out of the room.
As she was leaving she heard crying in the hallway and turned the corner to see multiple servants all hugging each other, "What is going on?" Elsa demanded to know.
"We were going to see if you needed help, but then we heard that wonderful speech. Who knew that those poor children suffered so much?" One maid asked as she dried her eyes with her apron.
"Yea it must have been so hard on them to have parents like that." Another man commented with a sniffled.
Elsa felt her eye twitching at these words, "However we must remember…Princess Anna is right. We can make it. We are survivors and so are they!" Another maid cheered.
Everyone started cheering and Elsa could not take it anymore, "Enough!" All the people went quite at once and that was when Elsa sniffed the air around her, "Go sober up…now!"
Everyone ran from her so fast that they were all tripping on one another, "I am so hiding the alcohol in this castle…" She stated to herself firmly, and with that she went to her office to draw up her plans.
