AN: A bit of a filler, but I wanted to put this in here. You can skip if you want, but if you enjoy Jamie's inner search, then please proceed.
Chapter 11-The Mirror
Over the month of October, Jamie had enjoyed getting to bed early, so she could wake up and enjoy the sunrise. It always seemed more beautiful the following day, with red and orange leaves floating past or the waves creatures of the lake made distorting it's the bright colors. Occasionally, she'd come up at sunset as well to find Tyler taking in the fresh air of the day in the spot she normally sat at. Not wanting to be rude, she would leave without making a sound before he knew she was there in case he didn't want to be disturbed. The sunrise was always a part of the day that belonged to her; a time when she could sit by herself and mindlessly watch the colors as her eyes opened a little bit wider and her joints loosened a little more in the passing minutes. She didn't want to take Tyler's time away from him.
Sometimes, he wouldn't be at lunch and the boys and Enjore would wonder if he'd gotten another detention, but Jamie knew where he was. Up above the bustling of students, getting to classes, he was relaxing on the roof, eating lunch or studying, silently hoping that one day his stutter would disappear.
After the gnome incident, Diana, surprisingly, offered to teach the Bewitched Gnomes how to read, so she could often be seen over the month of October with a book in hand while stout, grubby creatures climbed all over her. She appeared to be thoroughly enjoying herself. "I just love it!" she told Jamie the week of Halloween. "It gives me something to do after my classes besides studying. It makes me feel important, you know?" Jamie nodded. For some reason, many people who knew about her condition would pour their heat out to her about people they fancied, their grades, how they felt about how someone acted toward them. Jamie wasn't yet sure whether or not she liked this. It was nice that people trusted her, but she knew that it was only because they could say whatever they wanted and she wouldn't tell people their secrets, not because they liked her. Or did they like her because of that? Jamie was still rather confused about love.
As she was preparing for bed one day, Roscoe came into the room and announced. "Alright, guys. I've finally persuaded them to get us a new mirror." Jamie stared at him for a moment, wondering what he meant. She had only ever been in the bathroom by the boy's dormitories. Other people told her stories of a ghost girl screaming in the bathrooms of the hallways. Jamie knew about Moaning Myrtle from her mother's stories, but she had always sounded comical in those, never scary. Whenever Jamie passed the bathroom she haunted, she could either hear someone crying or a toilet endlessly flushing which made Jamie a bit anxious. It was said that Myrtle visited other bathrooms of the school, so she always steered clear of them.
Jamie was puzzled at Roscoe's announcement because she didn't think anything was wrong with the mirror. The first week of school, when Jamie first used the Ravenclaw boys' bathroom, she'd stepped out of the toilet to face a shiny, reflective surface with a disgusting goblin staring her in the face. It gave such a shock, she ran up the stairs in a flurry, eyes wide in terror. "Oh, muggle borns," Roscoe had chuckled. "I assume this is the first time you've encountered the enchanted mirror?" Whatever a mirror was, Jamie nodded in agreement. "Yes, well, it's been there for a few decades. A student was practicing a spell in front of the mirror and it just, sort of, backfired. Now, every time you look in it, all you see is a disgusting monster version of yourself."
Rush sniggered, adding in, "Of course, in Roscoe's case, it really is just his reflection."
"Hey, speak for yourself. The uglier the fiend, the more attractive the bloke."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, mate."
Jamie assumed that all mirrors displayed the ugly version of you. She had never encountered a mirror before, so she had no idea what a mirror was really supposed to do. "Don't tell me they're getting rid of the old one?!" Rush said, heartbroken.
"No, no, they're going to stock it away with Sir Cadogan now that the school doesn't need either. I have to admit, I'm quite excited."
"Don't wet your pants, now," Rush joked.
"Don't you realize what they've done?" Francis said. "They've released a monster!"
"Merlin, you're right! The beauty queen will be staring at himself all day, now!"
"Quick, we better inform the teachers that they'll be missing a student."
"Would you two cut it out?" Roscoe said to the laughing boys, smirking a bit himself. "I've done us all a favor."
"Favor to your egotism," Rush jested.
Jamie was interested. Is it here now? She wrote.
"No," Roscoe replied. "They're going to put it in during the night. Said they don't want any of us fooling around during the day, making it hard to put in."
Rush gave a look of satirical shock. "I can't believe they would accuse us of such skullduggery!"
Francis jumped in, "We would never!" Jamie found the boys staring at her as she laughed silently. "Wow. When you say mute you really mean mute. A soundless laugh. Now, who would've thought?"
Jamie awoke early that morning, brushing her hair with an old comb Rush had given her once he saw her messy hair. Rush also lent her an interesting thing he called shampoo which made your hair smell lovely, like freshly picked apples. Jamie slipped on her shoes and tiptoed in the dark, down the hallway and out of the boy's corridor, but paused upon see the glint of the mirror in the boys' bathroom. Roscoe had said that it was going to be replaced with a regular mirror during the night. Was it there now?
Curious, Jamie stepped into the bathroom and turned on the light, temporarily stinging her eyes. Once she adjusted, in the mirror, she saw a short, skinny figure wearing Hogwarts robes who looked to be about eleven. He had combed short, shaggy brown hair in a bowl cut and auburn eyes distorted by the thick, round glasses he wore. Upon seeing the figure, Jamie was not sure what to think. It certainly was not a monster. Moving her hand up and down, she found that the boy in the mirror mimicked her every move as if he could read her mind and knew exactly what Jamie was about to do. Jamie took her glasses off and discovered that the boy in the mirror was a girl, beautiful in every way. The way her cheeks filled and nose curved was perfect. Upon seeing the girl, Jamie knew instinctively that it was herself. She was pretty. Now, she knew what Gregory saw when he looked at her at the gate during the summer.
Jamie stared at herself for what seemed like a lifetime. Never had she ever seen herself before. She now realized that she looked like Ben. While Nathan and Tony had dirty-blonde hair and eyes like her mother, Ben had always told her that he took after their father. That must've meant that Jamie did too. She smiled as she pointed out to herself that her mother's left eyebrow had had the same slice of missing hair as she did and Jamie's ears were attached to the side of her head like her mother and Ben's while Nathan and Tony's ear lobes hung freely from the sides of their head.
Eventually, Jamie saw bright sunlight streaking through the window skipping and rebounding over misty floor tiles. She had missed the sunset, but didn't care. At eleven years, she finally knew what she looked like.
Piper, Jamie thought at the greenhouses after Herbology when the others had left. She had lunch right after, so she wasn't worried about being late. What is love? Fifer said it made you feel worry and sadness, but those aren't good feelings. Why would you want to teach that to your children? Jamie still didn't understand love and was hoping that the gnomes would understand since they, also, had once lived their lives without it.
"My dear," Piper started. "Worry and sadness are simply the toll we take to obtain what we truly desire. Love can hardly be explained in words, but it is not only composed of the bad things. It is a mixture of intense emotion that drives the being of humans and, now, us Hogwarts Gnomes. It is like eating a fruit for its delicious taste, knowing that there will be the occasional seed which you must swallow despite its scratch as it travels down your throat."
Jamie frowned. I still don't understand.
"When I was younger and saw the way people at the wizarding family treated each other, I did not understand, either. It took me until I found my mate, Caspar, to understand what the words 'I love you' truly meant."
In Hogwarts, siblings say they love each other as well. Do you love Fifer?
"Alas, I have seven brothers with whom I grew to love, but it seemed harder to love them than my mate, for I would always toil with them so, but I realized when I lost two of them to the Plague, I did indeed love each and every one of them. Perhaps it is loss that makes us realize what we have."
Jamie thought about Piper's words as she climbed the staircase to the roof, her burlap bag bouncing against her leg. She had missed the roof in the morning and wasn't too hungry anyway, so she skipped lunch and headed toward the storage classroom directly from the greenhouses. Piper seemed so wise for someone who had only been intelligent for nine years. Jamie had lived for eleven years was didn't seem as perceptive as her! Perhaps it was because of the enchantment, but Jamie knew that the ability to peek into the minds of others must've made her understand more than the other Bewitched Gnomes.
Jamie swung the door open and was surprised to see Tyler up here. Of course, she hadn't been to lunch, so she'd had no idea he'd skipped. Respecting his privacy, Jamie made to disappear back into the school when he called out to her. "Wait!" Tyler turned around. Jamie had noted Tyler stuttering on consonants b, c, d, j, m, w, and sometimes others. She was surprised to hear his voice clear, but it was short lived. "W-w-why are you ignoring m-m-me?"
Jamie sat on the edge of the structure, her legs dangling off the side, and took out her board. I'm not ignoring you, she wrote.
"Oh, yes you are. I hear you c-c-come sometimes w-w-when I'm up here, b-but leave w-w-when you see I'm here. W-w-what d-d-did I d-do?"
Nothing. I just thought you wanted to be alone, Jamie explained, shocked that he knew she was coming up here, and a little guilty that he'd thought she was avoiding him.
He smiled. "That's okay. I d-d-don't m-m-mind you b-b-being around. I j-just c-c-come up here to get away from people who m-m-make fun of m-me." Jamie slid off the edge of the staircase ceiling and landed firmly on the stone roof. She knew what it was like to not be able to use her voice properly…or at all. After all, just three weeks ago the two had been put in each other's shoes. Jamie took a seat in front of him, her board in her lap. "D-d-does m-my stutter b-b-bother you?"
No, she answered truthfully. In all honesty, I don't quite grasp why you have it.
Tyler stared at the words. "Something I got and have alw-w-ways had. Parents say its b-b-because I'm so shy and I guess they're right, b-b-but I j-just get teased ab-b-bout it and the effect proliferates."
I think you just need confidence. Jamie wrote. Don't think of what people will say when you stutter. Instead, don't think. Jamie knew this wasn't particularly good advice, but could not think of anything else. She had never encountered someone with a stutter before. She wondered what Piper or Vannozza would say.
"I've tried that," Tyler said, suddenly annoyed without a hint of a stutter. "I can't do it! I know what's waiting for me when I go to school each day, every time I open my mouth. I took speech classes all through grade school, but none of them helped." Jamie thought for a moment. She couldn't help him in the way she wanted, but she did have an idea to take Tyler's mind off of his stutter. She stood up and extended her hand to him. "Where are we going?"
The broom closet.
