April sat on the couch looking through pictures that had just came in the mail. She and Roger had been taking pictures to document her pregnancy. She found a bunch of rolls of film in a night table drawer a couple of weeks earlier. She knew there were pictures of Roger performing that she took, so she sent them in to be developed. But one of the rolls were of just Roger and April. She was crying as she flipped through the pictures. Roger had entered the apartment without April even realizing it. "April, what happened?" he asked rushing over to the couch.

"These came in the mail today. I thought they were of you performing, but these were in there too." she told him as he took the picture that was on top out of her hand. It was of April and Roger. Roger was standing behind her holding her shirt up to expose her 3 months pregnant belly smiling as April leaned her head against his chest. Maureen had taken it.

"I remember this day. You had just started showing and I was so excited. It was the first time I really realized that my kid was growing inside you." he said looking down at it.

"And now he's not." she cried looking over at him as he continued to stare at the picture.

"One could be again, you know?" he said putting the picture down before turning towards her.

"No. I don't want to be pregnant again. Never again." she cried dropping the pile of pictures onto the table before getting up from the couch.

"Baby, the doctor said we could try again when we're ready." he said looking up at her.

"Well, I'm not ready. I'm not sure if I ever will be." she cried looking down at him.

"April, I want to marry you and have a family with you." he said getting up to go to her.

"I don't want to get pregnant again Roger. I don't want to risk losing another baby. I couldn't handle it." she cried as he brought her into his arms.

"It's gonna be OK April." he whispered holding her in his arms.

"How do you know that Roger? You promised everything was gonna be OK before, but it wasn't, was it?" she yelled shoving him away from her and running into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"April. April, I'm sorry." he called out trying to open the door, but it was locked. "April, open the door." he yelled knocking on the door.

"Go away Roger." she yelled as she cried on the bed.

"April Baby, open the door and talk to me." he said leaning against the door frame.

"Roger, you always promise that you're gonna take care of everything, but there are some things that not even the great Roger Davis can control." she yelled at him as she opened the door.

"I'm not trying to control everything Baby. I'm just want to protect you. Why is that so bad?" he asked looking down at her.

"Because you can't protect me from everything. You couldn't protect me from losing the baby or how much it hurts." she cried walking back to the bed.

"Don't you think I know that April? How do you think that makes me feel? I can't make the woman I love most in the world feel safe." he yelled looking down at her.

"I wish you could Roger, but there's no way for you to protect me from everything in the world." she yelled crying harder as he dropped to his knees in front of her.

"I want to. Doesn't that count for something?" he asked quietly taking her hands in his before lifting them to his lips to kiss them.

"I wish it did Roger. I really do but it's not enough." she cried quietly as he knelt up to take her into his arms.

"I miss him April." he cried caressing her hair.

"Me too Roger. I want my baby Roger. I was pregnant and I'm supposed to have a baby. We're supposed to have our baby." she cried grabbing the back of his shirt as if she needed to hold on to him for dear life.

"Sometimes it hurts so bad, I don't want to get out of bed. But I've been trying to go on for you." he cried pulling back to look at her.

"And I was trying to be strong for you. Great job, huh?" she asked looking down at her arms.

"You were only doing what you had to do because I was too busy avoiding everything." he told her wiping his tear stained face.

"I was just sick of feeling the pain inside of me. I feel so empty." she cried looking up at him.

"I know Baby." he said leaning in to kiss her head.

"It makes the pain go away Baby. I feel so free." she said looking up at him.

"I want the pain to go away April. For both of us." he said caressing her face.

"It can Baby. It can all go away." she said looking up at him.

"Is it gonna hurt?" he asked looking over at her.

"Only long enough for the needle to go into your arm. It's just a pinch and it's just for a second. Then there's this wonderful high." she told him wiping her wet face dry.

"OK Baby. How do we do it?" he asked reaching into his pocket for the baggie. April got up to get the works that Denise gave her out of her purse and they did their first hit of heroin together. It was their first, but certainly not their last. From that day on, she and Roger used nearly everyday. Roger blew through his savings in no time buying smack. He lost his job, got kicked out of the band and April got kicked out of school as a result. They went from seeing their friends occasionally to not at all. They had become consumed with using.


"April, answer the phone. It's Denise. April, where are you? OK, I wanted to tell you this in person, but I can't seem to find you these days. You need to go to the doctor. I just got back from the doctor and I got the disease and you and Roger need to get tested. I'm sorry girlfriend. Call me if you need anything, OK? Bye." the voice on the answering machine said as April stood over it in shock.

"The disease." she thought to herself. "She couldn't mean AIDS, right? I mean, only gay guys and junkies got it. She and Roger weren't junkies. They just used when they wanted to. They could stop any time, right?" She looked down at the track marks on her arms and realized that she was a junkie. They both were. She decided to get tested. She didn't want to tell Roger until she knew for sure. No need in worrying him over nothing, right.


3 Months Later

"Where are you going Baby?" Roger asked rolling over in the bed, seeing April getting dressed.

"Um... I gotta go meet Denise. I'll be back later. Go back to sleep Baby." she lied looking down at him.

"OK Baby. Hurry home." he mumbled before going back to sleep.

"OK Baby. I love you." she whispered leaning down to kiss his head.

"I love you too." he mumbled grabbing her pillow and got comfortable.


"How can we help you today Miss Erickson?" the nurse asked as April entered the free clinic a few blocks away from her apartment.

"I'm here for an HIV test, please." she whispered so no one would hear her.

"Fill this out and have a seat. A nurse will be with you shortly." the receptionist told her barely looking up .

"Thank you." she said taking a seat and starting to fill out the form. "Name: April Marie Erickson. Date of Birth: 05-04-71. Sex: Female. Are you sexually active: Yes. Do you engage in any illegal drug use?: Yes. If yes, what drug(s) do you abuse?: Heroin. Do you believe you could be HIV positive: Yes." she filled out taking a deep breath before filling out the rest of the form.

"Have a seat Miss Erikson." the nurse said as they entered the lab. "Roll up your sleeve, please." she requested as April embarrassingly did as she asked. "Is there a reason you would think you've contracted the HIV virus?" she asked before looking down and seeing April's track marks. "Oh. Never mind." she said before tying off her arm and taking blood. "There. All done. You can expect your test results in in about a week. We'll call you when you can pick them up." she said putting the bandaid on her arm.

"Thank you." she said looking over at her before leaving the clinic. That was all done, now all she had to do was wait.