Katniss' POV
Weddings were my favorite type of event. The union of two people, celebrating true love, getting together with all of my friends. It was the kind of thing I needed, especially at a time like this. When I was younger, I never dreamed I would be the type of girl who enjoys weddings, and on the outside, I kept it that way. I wasn't overly bubbly, didn't cry as the bride walked down the aisle, and controlled the amount I had to drink. But secretly I loved dressing up, dancing until it hurt my feet, and seeing two people as happy as they would ever be.
Somehow I doubted this wedding would be all about that. For Chase and Brooke it would be. For nearly every other guest it would be. For the people living in this suite, it would be the first time Grace and Gale saw each other since the blow up two days ago. We had all been tense for the past forty eight hours. Everyone was afraid to speak around everyone else. Gale had spent most of that time in his room. Sydney struggled to smile and sighed anytime she spoke. No one had seen or heard from Grace.
But she had RSVP'd to the wedding, paid for a dress, and was not the kind of person to bail at the last minute. I would understand if she did, of course, but at the same time, Grace was a strong woman. She wouldn't want to make it seem like her world shattering would effect her manners.
"Ready to go?" Peeta poked his head into the bedroom.
"As I'll ever be." I responded.
When I turned to face him, his smile spread all the way across his face. "You know, I'd have thought that by now I would be used to being blown away by how beautiful you are, but somehow I'm still speechless."
"Somehow." I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck. He kissed me slowly, pulling me closer to him. "You don't look so bad yourself."
His hair was neat and gelled back, his blue eyes shining. Peeta had this way of looking effortlessly handsome, and had not lost his muscular frame over the years. Plus, he had always looked incredible in a suit.
"I clean up well." He pressed his forehead against mine.
"How do you think it'll go today?"
"With the wedding? Great. But Gale's sitting out there on the couch literally ringing his hands, and I'm starting to think his foot might fall off from all of it's tapping."
"He sort of deserves it though. At least a little bit."
Peeta shrugged. "I just want it to be over. He makes a choice and we all get to move on."
"I wish it was that easy." I said.
Just then, the doorbell rang, so Peeta and I made our way to the living room. Marley was there on the couch, swinging her feet below her and playing with the bow on her light blue dress. When she saw us she immediately ran up and hug my leg. Tim looked up as well, his glasses slightly offset, his brown hair messy. I had tried to tame it, but it refused to cooperate. I secretly liked it that way. It reminded me that he was my kid.
Gale stood and brushed off the front of his suit while I made my way to the door. Derek Cooper stood there, his hands in his pockets. He smiled when he saw me and kissed me on the cheek as I beckoned him inside.
"You look beautiful." He said.
Peeta came over and shook his hand. Derek had an ease about him, like he was so settled into being himself that he made everyone else more comfortable. His smile covered only one side of his face, but it suited him.
"Derek this is my husband, Peeta." I turned as Gale approached and held out his hand. "And this is Gale Hawthorne."
"Hawthorne." Derek said. "You're Grace's husband?"
"Yep." Gale said. "At least I think so."
"I checked her into the E.R." Derek replied. Seeing them together, I realized why Sydney liked him. He was a lankier, lighter version of Gale. They even stood the same way, constantly shifting from one foot to the other. "She'll be at the wedding, right?"
"Not sure." Gale said. "She's pretty mad at me right now."
"Ah I'm sure she'll get over it."
"O, I don't think so." Gale chuckled.
Just then, Sydney walked into the living room. She wore a mid-length green and gold dress that reflected the light perfectly off of her eyes. The sadness of the past few days just heightened her tragically beautiful features. Her cheekbones were more prominent, her eyes heavier, but she was still Sydney Harper, and she still killed every room she walked into.
I saw that in Derek's eyes, as his jaw literally dropped, and in Gale, whose brow just furrowed even more. One guy saw a potential new love, the other a potential lost one. Two sides of the same coin. However this day turned out, one of them would go home disappointed.
"Sorry." Sydney said. "Makeup is hard."
"Shall we?" Tim was standing by the door, his hand on the knob. I laughed at my son and followed him out.
The boys went first, and I hung back to talk to Sydney.
"Your men are looking dapper." I said.
"Tell me about it. I didn't realize how tense it would be when I invited Derek."
"Regretting it?"
"A little. Just get a few champagne glasses in me and I'll be fine."
I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her into the hallway. The wedding was being held in the enormous church at the center of District Thirteen. By the time we got there, most of the seats were already occupied. We found an empty row in the middle of the pews. There was no sign of Grace, and before I had time to properly look for her, the ceremony started.
It was as beautiful as I had imagined. The bridesmaids were stunning in light grey with splashes of red. Autumn came down the aisle last, beaming at me and holding the arm of Chase's older brother. Finally, Brooke emerged in a gorgeous, form-fitting white gown with silver inlays. The look on Chase's face as she made her way toward him warmed my heart. Peeta put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulders. It reminded me, as weddings always did, of our own wedding day. During the ceremony I kept glancing at Sydney, but her eyes were fixed on Brooke, not daring to turn towards Gale.
Once they said their vows, we all headed to the reception. The ballroom was decorated with dozens of tables and people milling this way and that. I found our seats easily enough, cringing when I saw the table set up. Grace and Gale were sat next to each other, with me and Peeta on one side of them and Sydney and Derek on the other.
"She's not even here." I said over Sydney's shoulder as we walked up.
"Don't speak too soon." Sydney nodded towards the door. Grace had walked in just then and arrived at the placards table. She looked pretty in a rose colored dress and heels, but I could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
I saw Sydney walk over to Finnick. She gestured with her hands and pointed towards us as Grace approached. Derek stood with his hands in his pockets, blissfully unaware of what was transpiring around him. I'm sure Sydney didn't tell him anything about her affair, and based on the way he was acting around Gale, I doubted he knew anything about their history together.
Grace finally stopped next to me, and I gave her a small smile. "Hello Katniss." She said. Her voice was distant, and up close I could see the dark circles in her eyes. "Unfortunate seating arrangement."
"Grace, I'm so sorry. About the tables. About everything."
She held up a hand and closed her eyes. "Please don't make it any worse. I was wrong to blame you, and I know that. I should blame my scumbag husband and your whore of a best friend. So I'm going to go with that."
I thought about defending Sydney, but decided to keep quiet. She was going to have to take the hits for this one. "Why does she have to look like that? It's not bad enough that my husband thinks she's the incarnation of everything right in the world. She also has to look like a goddess, with the legs and the hair and the eyes and the tan. Who's tan in the winter time?"
"You look beautiful, Grace."
"Please, don't insult my intelligence. I am a lot of things. Smart, kind, a good wife. But I know that I don't look like that. No one looks like that."
Just then Gale came up to the table. When he noticed Grace, he stiffened. They stared at each other for a minute. There was a vase of flowers decorating the center of our table, and I feared for it's future.
"Can I talk to you?"
"No, you can't." Grace said.
"Well we're sitting at the same table, so you're going to have to speak to me."
"Wouldn't you rather have a conversation with Sydney?"
At this, Derek's ears perked up. He finally seemed to zone in on the conversation, and looked at me like I could help. Thankfully, Finnick walked up with Sydney and Annie.
"So, looks like we've been reassigned." Finnick smiled. "You'll have to put up with us today, kids."
"We're sitting at twenty-nine, Derek." Sydney jerked her head to the side.
He looked back and forth between Grace and Gale and Sydney, then walked over to her and nodded. "Alright then."
They headed out just as the bridal party arrived, with Sydney shooting me one last good luck glance and Grace looking like she might pounce on her at any moment. The six of us took our seats as an announcer called out Brooke and Chase as a married couple for the first time, and I braced myself for a very long meal.
—
Sydney's POV
I couldn't remember the last time I had danced for this long. Derek and I had been out here for hours, twirling around and just moving in an endless circle, laughing and having an amazing time. Dinner had been surprisingly easy as well. He made things easy and distracted me from the glares I was getting from Grace. Being with Derek was effortless. He knew the right things to say, made friends with our neighbors, embraced every new story with an enormous, gorgeous smile, and slipped a sly compliment into almost every sentence.
Finally, they played a slower song, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. Despite Derek being hilarious and entertaining, I still felt an immense amount of guilt, and it was weighing me down. I also didn't see Grace and Gale dance together. In fact, they seemed to be avoiding each other, and I hated how happy that made me. I was staring at him now as he leaned against the bar, watching me. For some reason that made me want to rip his clothes off. Or rip his head off. Or both.
"And that's when I saved a baby from a burning building and got awarded the medal of honor." Derek's voice broke my concentration.
"What?"
"Ah, now you pay attention!" He said with a grin.
"I'm sorry, I'm just—"
"Distracted? Yeah, I could tell. Despite that I'm still having a really good time with you. You must really be incredible."
"That's what they tell me."
"They should. Beautiful, funny, smart, and the master of playing hard to get. Or maybe I'm misreading the signs and you don't actually like me. But then why would you invite me to this wonderful wedding?"
"I do like you." I said. "My life is just…complicated."
"Ex-boyfriend?" He asked. WHen I nodded, he sighed and looked up at the sky. "So you invited me here to make him jealous?"
"No! Not at all. He's just…unavailable. And I need to move on, and you're so funny and attractive and good to be around. And tonight has been everything I wanted it to be. So thank you."
"Ouch. You're thanking me for a date? Are you sure you like me?"
"I do. I promise. I really, really like you."
"Well, I really like you too, Sydney Harper. And whoever it is your agonizing over must really be something to get under your skin. Like a six-foot four, dark, handsome man from district twelve with a sexy broody vibe."
"I promise me inviting you here wasn't about him."
"But it was. And it always will be." His beeper went off, and he pulled it out of his jacket pocket, his face falling. "A patient is in need. I don't want to leave you here, looking so perfect and beautiful and everything, but I think you have some things to figure out."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry." He kissed my forehead. He started to back away. "And if your life becomes uncomplicated, or you decide you'd enjoy being with a guy with big blue eyes whose really into you, then call me."
I watched him disappear into the crowd, shrugging off his jacket as he went. I made my way off of the dance floor and over to Katniss' table, where she was sipping water and sitting.
"Taking a break?" I asked.
"Peeta's getting us another drink. This is exhausting." Katniss said. "Where's Derek off to?"
"He got an urgent call. And he knows about Gale, and I don't want to involve him in all of that right now."
"It seemed like you really liked him." She frowned.
"I did. I do. But he's not—"
"Gale." Katniss said.
"Yeah." I answered.
"No I mean, Gale is headed over here."
When I turned around, he was a few steps away with Peeta. The DJ put on another slow song, and Peeta held his hand out to his wife. She took it and left me with a fleeting glance, getting wrapped up in his arms and laughing at some far off joke. That was what I wanted. I wanted to be them. I wanted to have someone like that. And now Gale was here, and he was staring at me, and I realized that even if I did like Derek, he would never be Gale Hawthorne. And even if I got with Gale, we wouldn't be like Katniss and Peeta. He set my heart on fire, a feeling that I couldn't get anywhere else and that I loved more than anything.
I didn't want what Katnis sand Peeta had. I wanted my own version of love. It would be hot and heavy and complicated. We would fight and make up. At the end of the day, I could count on him to make me a better version of myself, and I knew there was only one guy who could do that for me.
"Dance with me?" Gale held out his hand.
"I'm not sure it's the best idea Your wife—"
"Please?" He raised his eyebrows, a hint of a smile spreading on his face.
So I took his hand and let him lead me onto the dance floor. He twirled me around, and I was reminded of the first time we ever danced together, at the military ball when I was only eighteen. When I was young and impressionable, and I had never looked at a guy the way I looked at Gale. Thirteen years later and nothing had changed.
"We danced together for the first time in this room." Gale said, echoing my thoughts.
"Did you ever think that we would end up here?"
"I never wanted that night to end." He smiled, but it was sad, far away. "So I guess I sort of got that wish. Because here we are."
"But things aren't like they were then."
"I wish I hadn't let you go." He said. "I wish I had held onto you on that dance floor and never let you leave. And that day when we left for Extasia, I should have gone. I shouldn't have given up on you, shouldn't have gotten married, shouldn't have stopped fighting for you."
My heart began to fall into my stomach. I had expected him to confess his love for me. I had expected him to tell me he was leaving Grace, and that we could be together. And even if that felt wrong because they were married and she was pregnant, I had wanted it. He hadn't taken his eyes off of me all night. But now I realized that he was doing something else. Something harder. Worse.
"Because I love you." He said. "And I have always loved you in a way that I could never love anyone else. No matter what happens, Sydney, I will never love someone else as much as I love you. But that's not enough."
The song began to come to a close, and we stopped dancing. The people around us were still moving, still twirling, but I stopped. It felt like the world was tunneling in around me.
"I have to do the right thing."
"The right thing for you, or the right thing for her?"
"I'm not sure it matters." Gale said. "What you and I did wasn't a mistake, but she's pregnant. And I can't do that to my baby. And this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I lo—"
"No." I felt myself starting to hyperventilate. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to choose her but tell me you love me."
I started to back away from him, pushing past people and out of the ballroom. It started to feel claustrophobic, like the weight of Gale's words would crush me in here. Like I was being swallowed whole by the lights.
I ran into the hallway and felt myself start to break down. Maybe deep down I had known he was going to do this. From the moment I first kissed him up until now, I knew how it was goign to end. But it still felt like someone was driving an ice pick through my heart.
At the first cross hall, I sat down against a wall and sank to the floor. My heart was racing, and I took deep, gulping breaths. Then someone sat down beside me. Without looking, I knew it was Katniss. She had come for me, had made sure I didn't have to go through this alone.
"He's staying with her. And I'm horrible for wanting him. I'm horrible for hoping he would have chosen me."
"You're not horrible." Katniss put an arm around me and pulled me closer to her. I laid my head on her shoulder as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "You're in love."
"Why does it have to feel like this?" I said between sobs. "I don't want to feel like this."
It felt like my heart was being pulled out of my chest. We sat on the floor while I cried for what seemed like a very long time. Finally, the tears stopped flowing, and I heard the music from the other room quiet down. The wedding was over, and Gale was with Grace, and I was alone.
"Let's go home." Katniss said.
I shook my head. There was no way I was going to go home and pout. No way I was going to watch Grace and Gale make up. Because there was somewhere else I could go. Because I was ready to uncomplicate myself.
So I stood up and left her, promising I would be alright. Then I made the long, arduous walk through the lonely hallways of District Thirteen, stopping to wipe smudges of mascara off of my eyes. And after a while I was in front of door, and there was a name on the front, and I was knocking and hoping he would answer, because I needed to forget.
Derek opened the door after the third knock. He was wearing boxers and a white shirt, blinking sleep out of his eyes. When he saw me, he smiled, then opened the door a little wider. As I stepped inside, I forced Gale out of my thoughts. Forced him far away, because if I never thought about him again, then this would go away. Because he hadn't chosen me, and it was time to move on.
