So thank you for all your lovely comments :D huzzah it hasn't been an age since I last uploaded-things are getting angsty and depressing :P enjoy-please comment! :D

Nearly a fortnight had passed since the strange demon gathering outside the Institute and since then things had been pretty quiet.

However more and more shops were being broken into but with no casualties and no understandable motive the Shadowhunters could do nothing but visit the crime scenes and route out any lingering demons.

The owners were all members of the Downworlder community and all shops specialised in antiques: old relics and rare, recovered artefacts. That was the only link they could find. The types of demons used seemed to vary, the times at which the shops were attacked, although generally at night, followed no set pattern-everyone was stumped.

And the downworlders were not happy. Many went to Magnus to complain-full aware of his involvement with the Shadowhunters and as a result he had not been able to go and see Alec since the morning the young Shadowhunter had tried to run out on him.

But the break in weren't the only problems. The residents of the Institute had been noticing a definite change in things-mainly Alexander Lightwood.

He was spending more and more time away from the others: hidden in his room or down in the training rooms beating the hell out of the punch bag.

Occasionally Isabelle would bump into him late at night when she went to get a glass of water-he would claim the same although she never really believed him.

Usually rather quiet and reserved anyway he now only really spoke when talked to directly. His eyes were dull and dark purple bags were growing beneath them but when anyone inquired about his well fare he would snap at them, forcing them to back off, or just ignore them until they gave up.

But all of this wasn't just affecting his appearance. It was affecting his fighting ability-although they had only encountered a few relatively weak demons he's still managed to get a large scratch across his back which he had somehow failed to mention to Magnus during their brief text conversations.

That night after he'd done his best to clean the wound he'd been staring at his reflection in the mirror when he could have sworn he'd seen his eyes flash red again. But just like the last time as soon as he blinked it was gone. The lack of sleep really was getting to him.

Despite all of this neither Isabelle's worried questions, Jace's joking and teasing or even Magnus' constant text messages were enough for Alec to reveal the truth about his problems.

A good night's sleep was a thing of the past; something he only day dreamed about now. The nightmares continued to haunt him and he would wake in the early hours in the morning drenched in cold sweat and with a terrified yell which he immediately tried to muffle.

The nightmares didn't strike every night but even then he would lie in bed for hours dreading falling asleep. Some nights he wouldn't sleep at all but he couldn't hold it off forever and every time it washed over him he struggled against it like a drowning man fought against the waves.

The slaughtering of his boyfriend seemed to be a personal favourite of his messed up brain. But now the dreams had moved on. So far along with killing Magnus in a multitude of ways he had strangled Jace during a training session and, most recently, stabbed Isabelle with a bread knife.

The result of this meant Alec could no longer look either of them in the eyes without being suffocated by guilt. So now the majority of his speech was directed to Clary or even Simon, who still spent the majority of his time at the Institute.

Alec still contributed the nightmares to the stress and left over effects of everything that had happened during their defeat of Valentine. It was just his brains method of coping and soon everything would be back to normal-he just had to ride it out. That's all.

Which was why when the group: Jace, Isabelle, Clary and Simon all decided they were going out for an early birthday celebration for Isabelle using Maryse's credit card as neither she nor their father could make it back from Idris and so had given them her credit card to pay for their meal as an apology. Isabelle insisted she didn't care.

There had been a massive debate about where to go. Jace was adamant they should go to a club but Isabelle wanted something more civilised this year. It was Simon who suggested the restaurant where Alec had taken Magnus for their date. Isabelle agreed instantly and so the decision was made.

Alec, despite everything that had been happening, knew he couldn't miss his own sister's birthday meal which was how he found himself sitting in the exact same garden as before but somehow it felt wrong without Magnus.

The night before a particularly vicious dream where he had stabbed Isabelle's eyes out with a fork at the restaurant had left him incredible shaken and so disgusted with himself that he had refused to answer her all evening.

It was late when they reached the restaurant but the inky darkness of the night was held back by the shimmering lights which filled the restaurant garden.

Even at this time the place was still pretty crowded but a helpful waiter, who happened to be a pixie, at least that's what Jace told Clary, managed to find them an excellent table to the side a little way away from the glass back doors. Although that may have been thanks to the sight of Isabelle in her lacy black and purple mini-dress with ruffled sleeves and skirt teamed with black satin stilettoes.

They had only been seated a few minutes before an unpleasantly familiar figure came sliding up to their table.

"Well I just seem to be having all the luck tonight," muttered their waiter, not spotting Alec. "My name's Deacon and unfortunately I have the arduous task of being your waiter for this evening."

Isabelle pursed her lips while Jace settled back into his chair in a more relaxed position while he sized up the Viperla.

"How many lemons did you have to suck to get your expression that sour?" Jace asked with mock innocence.

"How many times has mummy and daddy told you how special you are for you to gain such arrogance?" he snapped back immediately. At that comment Jace sprang to his feet as gracefully as a cat and would have lunged for Deacon if not for Clary's restraining hand on his arm.

"Back off." Isabelle said glaring up at the waiter.

"Now now boys," Simon said hoping to lighten the mood and failing miserably, "no fighting until I've eaten. But if you like you two can be our after meal entertainment."

Deacon's orange eyes were flashing dangerously but he managed to control his temper-slightly.

"Just order your food mundane and I would advise you to keep your pathetic attempts at humour to yourself.

Isabelle was about to go to Simon's defence but he quickly laced his fingers with hers and shook his head. "He's not worth it Iz," he muttered.

They ordered their food quickly, not bothering with pleases and thank yous. Deacon seemed to pause slightly when it came to Alec's turn, his mouth opening slightly as though to say something, but then he shut it quickly and the moment was gone.

Deacon shot them another venomous glare, aimed particularly at Jace who was seated again, a twisted, mocking smile on his face as he muttered smugly. "That's it: run along and fetch."

"Great now he's definitely going to spit in our meals," Simon complained, looking accusingly at Jace who just shrugged in response.

Thankfully the conversation turned to more light and cheerful topics with Alec, thank the angel, only being forced to participate on occasion but otherwise being generally overlooked.

A little later it turned to the mystery of the demon break ins but died down quickly when they were rudely interrupted by Deacon who seemed to have been standing there for a while judging by his expression and arrogant foot tapping.

"And he returns," announced Jace sarcastically, "Did you miss me?"

"Jace stop it." Clary said though she did shoot Deacon a particularly nasty look at the same time.

Gritting his teeth their fuming waiter practically threw their food onto the table before spinning on his heel and striding off muttering about 'stupid, arrogant Shadowhunters'.

If looks could kill Jace would now be nothing more than a pile of ashes.

Everyone eagerly tucked into their meals. Simon eagerly launched into a conversation with Isabelle about a new name for his band while Clary and Jace quickly became wrapped up in their own little bubble.

Alec was content to stare at his cutlery-his stomach suddenly in no mood for food. At least he was content to stare at his cutlery until a sudden vision of him picking up his knife and throwing it into Clary's skull swamped his mind. His body jerked slightly and his fingers clamped down on the edge of the table, the skin turning paper white.

The image cleared quickly and shaking his head in weary resignation he looked over in time to see Jace wipe his thumb across Clary's lower lip wiping away a dab of sauce. Seeing the way they were staring into each other's eyes made a pang of loss that was almost enough to make him sick.

He missed Magnus terribly but something niggling in the back of his mind told him that he couldn't trust Magnus with the truth…yet.

Sitting there staring at his plate a part of him hated himself for how he was acting-probably ruining Isabelle's birthday meal-but the other, larger part, seemed to simply not care. Unfortunately for him he had not been as inconspicuous as he'd hoped.

"Alec seriously what on earth is going on with you? You've barely said a word and you haven't even touched your food."

"Isabelle please-" he stared at the table as he tried to think of a new direction to steer the conversation in but Isabelle seemed to have finally had enough. The others stared, Clary open mouthed at Isabelle's harsh tone while Jace merely raised his eyebrows but his eyes betrayed his desperation to know what was up with Alec just as much as Isabelle. After all Alec was his parabati and brother in all but blood.

"No Alec! You need to start giving us some answers," Isabelle demanded. Alec's eyes widened and flicked up to meet hers momentarily.

"I'm going to find the toilets," he mumbled as he fled from his seat and across the garden. Isabelle followed and managed to grab him just before he made it through the glass doors.

"Alec!" Her hand was like a vice on his forearm.

"Isabelle just leave it!" He half shouted, letting his frustration get the better of him.

"No Alec I won't 'just leave it'. I'm worried about you; we're all worried about you. So please just tell me what's going on."

"I just a bit messed up at the moment ok?" Now that he started he didn't seem able to stop and the words just came pouring out.

"I can't sleep. I won't let myself sleep because every time I do I wake up a few hours later from a nightmare where I've killed you, or Magnus or Jace. I dread it Iz, I dread falling asleep but I can't help it. And I always feel guilty because if I don't sleep I won't be alert in a fight and By the Angel if something happened to any of you because I wasn't awake properly I don't…" his voice cracked before becoming quiet, his tone that of a broken man.

"Am I going crazy Iz? I keep seeing my eyes flash red or my face change into a snarl but then I blink and it's gone. I just don't know what to do. I hate falling asleep but I hate not falling asleep almost as much and I can't…"

He trailed off as he stared at Isabelle, his wide blue eyes imploring her. He sighed and his whole body sagged as thought all the air had been let out of him.

Isabelle was stunned silent. She had never seen her brother so defeated. "Oh Alec why didn't you just tell me?"

She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "The crisis with Valentine…well with everything that happened it's not surprising you're not completely back to normal yet." She moved her hand to his shoulder and squeezed gently. "None of us are indestructible. We can't expecting to do the things we so without it affecting us in some way. But things will get better. Trust me."

It was at times like this he forgot he was the older brother. Under all her bravado Isabelle really was incredibly wise and in that moment she looked way older than her 17 years. Alec wasn't sure how he knew but he was certain that she was talking about the loss of the youngest Lightwood child- their little brother Max.

Some days he would be walking around the Institute but then suddenly something he would see would remind him of Max and it would hit him like a kick to the stomach, knocking the breath out of him and leaving him unable to do anything but try to keep it together while to pain attempted to rip him apart.

Isabelle's words brought his thoughts back to the present.

"I know, because you're older, you're used to having to look after me but sometimes you need to let me look after you too." She smiled gently now before pulling him into a tight hug. Alec's response stuck in his suddenly throat dry and he could feel the threat of tears stinging behind his eyes

"Come on lets go back." She said as she turned to go.

"Izzy!" Alec called, "Thank you." She just smiled at him again before heading back with Alec following close behind her.

What they didn't notice as they moved to re-join the rest of the group was the skulking figure that had been listening to their conversation with increased interest. Deacon had remembered the pale, dark haired, blue eyed Shadowhunter from last time and he hadn't been able to resist the chance to hear about his misfortunes.

These were proving to be very interesting indeed.