Guarding Stephanie- Part 11

I was planning to be done with this story, then this vignette popped into my head. It is based on a macho guy having to watch Momma Mia. Please leave reviews. I love reviews.

Gene's POV

Despite the fact that I am a badass mercenary , I got hurt on my last job at Rangeman. No, it wasn't my fault. I took one to the leg during a shootout where Lester and I were heavily outnumbered. No, you don't even have to ask, I killed all of mine and one of Lester's, shooting three while I was wounded. I didn't think it was that bad. I'd been hurt way worse in Afghanistan in the Special Forces. But Rangeman has insurance requirements it has to satisfy, so I wasn't allowed to go back to work until I was fully healed. Today is my first day back on "Limited duty." This means I can't do anything strenuous or fun , probably just monitor duty or paperwork.

I have been working at Rangeman for about a year now, and I love it. The pay is great, and its got excitement and danger. All the fun of the military, and a lot less chance of getting killed. Just like Ranger and the other guys, I am ex-Special Forces. I have brown hair, brown eyes and huge muscles. I am just over six feet tall. I am great with any weapon, but I specialize in explosives.

Right now, I am sitting next to Hal at a huge bank of monitors. He is watching the remote monitors, I have the internal ones. This sounds like boring duty, and it is, except for watching Stephanie's cubicle. Stephanie is Ranger's, well, Ranger's …something. I have no idea the current status of their relationship, but its somewhere between friend and girlfriend. Anyway, I love watching Steph because she is hilarious. Everyone here is so militaristic "yessir," "no sir" , etc. except Steph. She occasionally goes out in the field if there is an assignment Ranger thinks won't be too dangerous, but most of the time she is a the computer doing "searches." Steph forgets that all the cubicles have cameras. And watching her is pretty damn funny. Right now, she is listening to something on the computer headphones, and dancing to whateverthehellitis. She is standing, thrusting her hips, moving to the music, lip syncing, compeletely oblivious that anyone might be watching her. She is funny as hell. I nudge Hal " Dude, check this out."

We both watch and enjoy the scenery as Steph's ass undulates and her breasts sway to the music only she can hear. She is so fucking has her hand fisted as if she is holding a mike, lip syncing inot it. Hal and I are laughing our asses off. This will be fun video to watch later. We are startled by a cellphone ringing across the room- right from Stephanie's cubicle. stopped the show to pick up the phone. Hal and I try to listen to the conversation, but it is too quiet for me to hear. Suddenly, she stands up and walks directly towards us. We quickly change the video to that of the gym. "Hey, Hal, Gene, where's Tank? I have to go out to the movies and well, you know I can't go out without a babysitter." Steph was annoyed that Ranger had issued orders that she not leave the building without one of us with her. Well, how is it our fault that she attracts the crazy nuts of the world? She went off to find Tank.

A minute later , She came back with Tank in tow. "Gene," you are on limited duty. I want you to escort Stephanie to her friend's house and then to the movies. " Oh, fuck. Why me. " Sir?" I asked blankly. " You heard me. Rangers orders are that Steph be escorted everywhere she goes. I can't spare any active duty men in case an alarm goes off. Its you. You aren't to let her out of your sight." Shit. I looked at Hal, who was turning red with the effort of not laughing. "uh, yes, sir," I said, standing up and getting my jacket on. I had only escorted Steph a few times, but I'd heard stories from the other guys.

She blew past me, " We're picking up Mary Lou and my Grandma and going to the movies." Fuck me. Not the grandma. I need hazardous duty pay for the grandma. That lady was fucking insane. Before I left, I grabbed the "steph emergency kit" and the "Rangeman Dealing with Grandma Mazur policy" from their place in the cabinet. Hal apparently couldn't hold in his laughter anymore, and as I left I heard him say, " Have fun, Gene." Fucker.

Steph was waiting for me in the garage. I unlocked a huge black Escalade with tinted windows. I knew we were expected to be really polite, so I opened her door for her. As I pulled out of the garage, I got on the radio, " Gene in Rangeman Escalade 5" Tanks, reply, "10-4, rangeman 5, have fun."

" Where are we headed ma'am?" I ask, formally, since I don't know Steph well. She smiled at me and I knew what the guys meant when they said that her smile made them do something. Well, not me. " Call me Steph, and I'll call you Gene, Ok?" 11561 Ardmore in the Burg. We're going to pick up my friend Mary Lou.

Five minutes later I pulled the Escalade into the driveway of a small house. I followed behind Steph, scanning for danger. She knocked on the door and instantly there was the yelp of a little yippy dog. It came bounding out the door and ran to me, jumping up on me, trying like hell to sniff my crotch. I fucking hate little yippy dogs. It was jumping on me and sniffing and yapping, and I had to resist the urge to pull my Glock and shoot the little bastard. Geezus, Mary Lou had like four little kids, one baby running around naked, happily playing with his little penis. Shit. Go get it , little man. He's getting an early start on learning how to do that shit. Good for him.

After five Minutes we finally left. Steph and Mary Lou were in the back, as we drove to her parent's house. Every so often there would be a shrill little squeal , and I forced myself to check the rearview. I scanned everything as I drove, making sure we weren't followed. We finally arrived at Steph's parents house and I got out to get Grandma Mazur.

Steph went in and two minutes later came back with her Grandma. Oh, Ranger was going to have to pay dearly for this. Steph walked her grandma to the Escalade and I directed them to the backseat. There was no way Grandma was sitting up front with me. I remembered the Rangeman Grandma Mazur policy item #2- check her purse. "Ma'am" I asked politely. May I see inside your bag , please." "Just because I shot someone last…"give me the bag, ma'am,I repeated. I sure as hell hoped she gave it to me, cause I didn't want the neighbors to see a big guy wrestling a purse from a little old lady.( Rangeman grandma Mazur policy #4- no wrestling with grandma) I looked inside and removed her revolver. " Hey, sonny, give me my gun back." I put the gun in my utility belt with the others. ( Grandma Mazur Policy #1- "For the love of God, don't let her get her little old hands on a loaded weapon of any type.)" You'll get it when you are back home." She tries to grab my crotch and I have to firmly remove her hand. We got Grandma Mazur in the back ( rule #6- grandma always rides in back.) and Steph in the front and headed off. Steph was sitting sideways in the seat so she could talk to Mary Lou and the crazy lady. She got mad when I told her to turn around and put on her seatbelt. I don't care. I am a bodyguard. Her safety is my responsibility.

I went into my zone until I heard Grandma Mazur ask, " Is he another one of them Rangemen? Ranger finds the handsomest guys with the biggest packages." Steph looked sidelong at me and grinned. That Ranger especially is built. I like his package. " I choke and almost drive off the road at the thought of Grandma Mazur feeling Rangers package. The things he endures for love. Better keep her fucking hands off of me.

We arrive at the plaza and I park, backing in the huge Escalade so we can get out quickly if we need to. I don't let Steph get out until I have completely scanned the garage. Well, hell, that stalker might be here somewhere. " Oh my God, I can't wait to see it. The musical got great reviews. " I hadn't been paying attention to their chatter because I was busy keeping Grandma Mazur's hands away from my package as I assisted her out of the car( Grandma Mazure policy #8- Always help her out of the car so she doesn't fall and try to sue.) . Musical? What the fuck? They are going to see a musical? Mary Lou cried, "I have been waiting for this to come out. I love ABBA. " Oh, Jeeszus fucking Christ, please tell me that they aren't talking about what I am afraid they are talking about."I think to myself.

I contemplate waiting in the car while they see the movie, or maybe I could stand outside the theater and make sure no creepy stalker bastards go in. That was my plan until I remembered that my orders were not to let Stephanie out of my sight, and that meant especially in a dark theater. Fuck. I was going to have to do it.

I stood behind Steph while we were in line for tickets, effectively blocking anyone from getting to her. I was starting to sweat and panic. I never panic, no teven that one time in a firefight when I ran out of ammo, but I had never been in this situation before. Christ. I needed reinforcements. I hit #2 on my phone.

"Santos," "

" Dude, its Gene. I got a big problem."

"What ? Is Steph ok?"

"No she;s fine. I just, I just, can't do it, man."

" What can't you do?

" I can't go with Stephanie." Its just too horrible."

"Come on , dude. You were in Afghanistan and captured and tortured. What could be worse that that?

" I know man, but this is worse. I don't think I can stand it."

"Worse than getting shot like you did last time?"

"I'd rather get shot again."

"Dude, what the hell is the problem?"

" Steph and her grandma are taking me in to see Mama Mia…"

Instantly the line was filled with bursts of laughter from the guys, especially Bobby. For almost a minute there was no talking, no sound but the hysterical male laughter. " Shut up Brown. You've never had to endure this." Lester finally stopped laughing enough so he could gasp out some advice, " Dude, maybe it'll make you more sensitive, chicks like that." Fucker. I hung up on him and the raucous laughter on the other end of the phone line.

"IS everything ok, Gene?", Steph asked. "Oh, yeah. Good." She looked at me with that smile. " I hope you don't mind sitting through a chick flick. I've wanted to see this for months. Or maybe you can wait outside." How the fuck could I resist that smile. "I'll go in." I gasped out.

I took deep breaths as they waited in line for the popcorn. " You can do this, you can do this. You are a , Air, and Land…well, movie fucking theaters were on land. " I told myself. Steph bought popcorn, soda, and milk duds, and jujubes. I can't believe she eats all that shit and doesn't get fat.

The woman want to go into the bathroom before the movie. I don't want to let Steph out of my sight , but it I the bathroom and she has people with her. They pile all their popcorn and sodas and jujubes and milk duds on me so they can go in. Fucking great. Her I am all armed and dangerous and holding milk duds. The other guys are probably still laughing at me. Fuckers. I hate them.

When we get in the theater,everyone else there is at least 50. I am , of course, the only man. All the old ladies get attentive and look like they are going to pounce on me. Good thing I am armed. I debate again standing guard outside the theater, but I don't want to leave Steph in a dark place where I can't get to her quickly if I need to. I sit on the end , of course, with Steph next to me, then Grandma Crazy and then Mary Lou. They distribute the goodies. I have only water.

The move starts and heeey, cute chick at the beginning. Maybe this won't be so bad. Steph is smiling that gorgeous smile of hers, so I guess that makes it worth it. Wait, three cute young chicks,saaayyy…

I hear Steph sigh and snuggle down in her seat. She puts her hand on my leg. What the fuck. Erection time. " Want some popcorn?", she asks. "no thanks," I say, trying to get it to shrink so she doesn't notice it. I look at Grandma Mazur and it shrivels up quickly.

Hey this little blonde in the first scene is hot.

I think, " I could bang the shit out of that blonde chick. Then she wouldn't marry that weak little pansy.."

Next , I think- "Geezus F. Christ, the guy who played JAMES BOND is in this movie!!!!!!! How can that fucking be? I feel sick to my stomach. What kind of fucking travesty is that? Having the James Bond guy playing a pussy-whipped pansy?" I decide to cancel my membership in the 007 club. Lester and Ram will be pissed when they hear about this.

Ok, that blonde should drop that idiot and go after a guy with muscles- like me. I could fuck her silly and make her forget him."

I look at Steph and she has a look of joy on her face. I can't believe she likes this shit.

Goddam, all they fucking do is screetch in this movie. I should have brought my goddamn ear plugs. I scan the theater for any stalkers so I don't have to watch the screen. Ok, only an hour and 20 minutes left. " You can do it, Gene, be strong" I tell myself.

I start to settle in. " Hey, this movie also has some cougars. That one with the brown shoulder length hair isn't bad. I'd do her. If she saw me she'd forget about those wussy surfer boys and get a real man. , I think, flexing my muscles. I try to find some good points in this hell. I scan the theater again, and then watch Steph eat jujubes. She really as to chew on them and for some reason watching her chew like that is getting me hot. She sees me looking at her.

Holy shit! Meryl Streep's character banged three guys at the same time and now she doesn't know which one is the father? ??? Damn,where the fuck is she when I'm horny. . Stupid bastards should've used condoms. That's what they get for being so fucking stupid.

The song Dancing Queen comes on and

OH MY GOD!!!

This is worse than anything I have ever seen. All these 50ish women start to stand in the aisles and dance, shaking their oversized booties to Dancing Queen. And Grandma Mazur is standing on an empty chair, dancing to the music and waving her , hands and gyrating in the air.

Steph sees this and starts choking on a milk dud. She is coughing and I not sure if I should give her the Heimlich or get the old woman off that chair. ( I am pretty sure we're going to have to add something to the Grandma mazur policy about dancing on chairs.) Oh, god, please send me back to Afghanistan! Steph stops choking and is looking around in horror at all the middle aged woman gyrating in the aisles. Then she shrugs and gets up on the chair and starts dancing.

Ok, I watch her dance, her ass swaying and her breasts jiggling. I focus on Steph's hot body gyrating and tune out all the horror around me. Fuck. This has to be the fucking longest song ever. I always hated ABBA. Fuckers.

I stand up to try to get her off the chair, cause she is wearing heels and I bet she can't balance well in those. Steph grabs my shoulders and starts dancing with me. Ok, maybe this duty isn't so bad. Except I don't dance. Fuck am I the only sane one here? Now grandma Mazur is reaching over and trying to grab my balls . Geezus. There is not enough fucking combat pay in the world for this.

Thank God the song is over and they all sit back down again.

Just when I had recovered from that horror, I find that God truly hates me.

JAMES BOND STARTED SINGING!!!

And he sings badly. I close my eyes, hoping that I can block the image from my mind, but it is too late. He shouldn't be singing. He should be shooting and banging the hot chicks.

I try to go into a zone so I can't be tortured any more with this, but it is impossible.

There is a song called "Gimme, Gimme, and all the women on the screen start fondling guys. Of course, this is just the invitation the crazy old lady needs. She reaches across Stephanie and grabs my balls. " This young man has a fine package. I'd do him." Ok, THAT is a vision that will give me nightmares for years to come.

The music goes all the way to the credits and then the lights come up. Thank God that is over. I usher the women out of the theater and back to the Escalade.

Steph and Mary Lou are chattering wildly about the movie all the way back to the Plum's house, while I am trying to pretend that the whole thing never happened. We drop off grandma, and I unload her gun before giving it back to her. Crazy old ladies shouldn't have guns.

Then its back to Mary Lou's. That goddamn dog better not do the crotch sniffing thing again. I am not fucking in the mood. I'll shoot the bastard.

Finally, its just Steph and I in the Escalade, driving back to Rangeman. She is quiet in the car, but has a smile on her face. I back into the garage and hold the door for her. She puts her hand on my shoulder. " Gene, I know you are a macho guy and you probably hated that. All the guys do. But you were so sweet to go with us. I had such a good time." She grabbed my shoulders and kissed me on the lips. I squeezed her and said, "Sure steph, no problem." She goes to the elevator and I look right at the camera that has been monitoring this that Lester is watching and give it the finger. "Fuck you m, Santos," I say with a grin. I am ready for regular duty, please.