Chapter 11: Darkness Becomes You

Disclaimer: I don't own the Gundam characters but the names of the gangs are of my imagination, as well as the –plot- (or lack thereof).


Lacus Clyne was stunned at the sight before her. She was just walking down the street when suddenly she saw a black car drive by, she knew who it was, the person she was supposed to meet, he had paged her the moment he got into his car, and she was already out anyway.

She waited by the small shop and saw him get out; looking oddly pleased, excited even, and hoped that something bad didn't just happen.

She had no idea that not only did something bad already happen, but something bad was going to happen.

She heard the sound of a motorcycle and turned to see Shinn on his red Ninja with a Sniper Rifle…

She gasped and turned to Rau Le Creuset just in time to see the shock in his eyes before his head was completely blown off by the bullet of the Rifle. Shinn turned to look at her and turned his bike to come towards her.

She screamed and ran as fast as she could, but he caught up to her, grabbed her, and then sat her behind him.

"Calm down, we need to talk, there's something you need to know." he told her and she held onto him tightly. The only other time she ever rode a motorcycle was when she was on a date with Kira a long, long time ago…


They drove to the opposite side of town and stopped at the beach. Shinn led Lacus down to a deserted part without anyone around for a good mile or so. He sat her down and sat down next to her.

He sat staring out into the ocean, not saying a word for a while. She didn't dare speak, she was beyond frightened, but she understood that Shinn would tell her what was going on in his own time.

Finally he sighed and turned to look at her, she saw fresh tears glistening on his cheeks. She gasped, she'd never seen him cry before, or even kill someone before. 'What's going on?' she thought to herself.

"First of all, I want to know why you went to Rau. Kira told you something that should never have been repeated to anyone, something personal between me and him that he decided to confide in you and you betrayed him. Why?" he asked sharply, glaring at her.

"Shinn, I never meant to tell Cagalli, but this war has to end, and the other girls were saying that if we told one of the Reapers then we could finally win…I had no choice, I would have been a traitor to my friends, my sisters," she said.

"Tch, bull Lacus. You honestly thought that having Rau kill Kira would end this? Are you so willing to let him die? Do you care for him at all!?" he shouted at her.

She flinched and leaned away from him. A tear slid down her face.

"I wasn't really sure what would happen…no, I knew what would happen, but that was Cagalli's decision." Shinn glared at her.

"Fine! Shinn, I had no choice, Yzak cut Milly and she was angry that I wasn't treated the same, she's messed up, Shinn, we all are! I slipped and said that Kira didn't like to look weak in front of the guys and then they were all badgering me for more information! I didn't want to, I really didn't, but I had to help them somehow!" she was crying now.

"Lacus, you have no idea what you've done." Shinn told her. They looked at each other for a moment and then she covered her face with her hands. Shinn saw her despair, but it was nothing to what he was feeling.

"I'm sorry; this is just so messed up! I wish that none of this ever happened! I wish we could all be friends again! It's all Kira's fault, you know it is, don't deny it! He was the one who took the Godfather position and made Cagalli do the same, he was the one that refused to call it a truce and continued to fight his won sister!" she was yelling now.

Shinn stood up, angered beyond belief, he was trying to stay calm but it was difficult, very difficult.

"Lacus, that's not even true! You don't even know what happened to him! I didn't even know until only twenty minutes ago!" he yelled back at her.

"Well I want to know! I always wanted to know but it was the one thing he never told me! He told me what he did to you but he never told me what changed him!" she shouted, tears running down her face as she looked up at him with a crazed expression.

"He never told anyone, because he was afraid, this is worse than what he did to me, this is what happened to him. He was too ashamed to tell even me! If anyone had the right to know besides Cagalli it was me!" Shinn yelled.

"What!? What happened Shinn!? What happened to him and what happened with Rau and why did you drag me here!?" Lacus screamed and stood.

"To tell you the truth, to tell you what Kira could never tell you. Sit back down." He ordered and she did so and he sat back down next to her.

"I don't exactly know when this happened, or even why, but Rau…Rau was the one that changed Kira. He…he raped him, or at least tortured him from what I saw earlier today." Shinn confessed.

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

"When Rau came and sat in Kira's office with me, I saw how tense Kira looked, and Rau asked him some questions about how he treats me, basically, and he asked me if Kira raped me, but I told him no because I knew that he would kill him. And then Rau accused us of lying. Kira looked so…so scared, in that moment, so afraid, like he was remembering some painful memory. Then Rau…he went up to Kira and kissed him.

"Kira just stood there, too shocked to even move, so I yanked Rau off of him and put a gun to his head, but Kira told me not to kill him. 'You never could kill me, Kira, because you're not a killer, you're not fit for this role, you're too good.' Rau had said. Then Kira ordered him out. I saw the pain and brokenness in Kira's eyes, I understood what happened and I left to take revenge." Shinn told her.

"Oh my…" Lacus whispered. Her eyes were wide and fearful, yet somehow knowing. I guess it was the way he looked when he told her about Shinn, the way his eyes betrayed his emotions, like he was betraying himself even. Somehow she knew something like this had happened, how else could someone so innocent and pure, so kind and gentle, could turn into a cold monster, a careless murderer?

"But why did you take revenge? I mean, I understand that what Rau did was wrong, but why did you kill him like that?" Lacus asked him, although realizing the answer even before he said it.

"I care for him. Call me crazy, a glutton for punishment, but I care for him just like you care for him, and I can't understand why you would put him in harm's way like that." He said.

She looked away from him. "I was in a no-win situation Shinn, either betray my gang, my friends, or betray Kira. I thought he loved you, that's why I did it, Shinn, I thought he wanted you to be his lover, I thought he didn't really love me, that he was lying…" she confessed, surprising herself.

He sat so still she thought he turned to stone, his eyes were huge as he stared across the ocean, he was barely breathing, like he was frozen.

"Shinn?" she said quietly. He shook his head and chuckled. "That's funny Lacus, but not true, he could never love me like he loves you. He wasn't lying about that." He said and started laughing, closing his eyes and throwing his head back.

She gave him a weird look, as if he was crazy. "Shinn, it's not really that funny." She told him and he quieted down a bit, although still chuckling.

"So what are we going to do? You just killed one of the Reapers, one of the Bosses, what if the others come looking for you?" Lacus asked.

"Mwu La Flaga should know what happened, him and Kira are close, he would have told him, at least, or Mwu would have found out. And I doubt they'd come after me, if so I'll just tell them the truth and make sure they don't kill Kira. I don't care if I die, but if they go for Kira then I'll take out as many as I can with me." Shinn told her evenly, as if discussing the weather.

"Shinn," she said. "Don't worry Lacus, I'll return you to your gang, but promise me something," he said and turned to her.

"What?" she asked, getting ready for what he was going to say.

"I want you to tell Cagalli, and only Cagalli, what I told you, and tell her that if she tells even one of the other girls that none of them will wake up tomorrow, including you. Do you understand me?" he said sternly and she knew that he would do it, he would gut every last one of the girls with no remorse, it was in his eyes, those blood-red eyes…

"Yes, I'll tell her and tell her not to tell anyone, she probably won't anyway, she'll be too shocked to believe it." Lacus said.

"She'd better believe it, or Kira will kill me, he'll probably kill me anyway." Shinn mused.

"Will you go back?" Lacus asked quietly as they got up. He looked to the ocean again. "Yes, but I might not be able to stay. Hey, when I drop you off could you bring me and Dearka's stuff?" he said, not asking, but demanding in a polite way.

She saw the unspoken threat in his eyes and nodded. Then they got on his motorcycle and sped off toward the Pokitknives base.


"Kira? Are you okay? What happened? And where did Shinn go?" Athrun asked when he poked his head into Kira's office. Kira was sitting there with his hands over his face, trying to steady his breathing.

"Come in and close the door Athrun." Kira said weakly. Athrun did as he was told and sat down in the chair that Rau sat in. He waited as Kira took a shuddered breath and then looked at him.

"Athrun," he began and bit his lip, not knowing how he could tell his best friend what happened to him.

"What is it Kira? You can tell me anything." Athrun said and leaned closer to him. Kira nodded and looked to him. Athrun saw the pain and shame in his eyes.

"Rau raped me. Before I took over Bloodlust. It was when I didn't want to do it and neither did Cagalli, when we both refused to carry on the legacy. Rau came to me, trying to convince me to do it," Kira's voice was weak and chocked, Athrun's eyes were wide but he didn't say anything.

"He got mad at me and said, 'Then I'll make you take over Bloodlust! If I have to control Bloodlust through you then I will!' After that I had no choice, but I didn't let him control you guys through me, I didn't let him take over the gang with me as his puppet. I pretended to become cruel, as an affect on what he did to me. I realized too late that I had stopped pretending a long time ago." Kira said quietly.

"So now you know everything. It was so easy to rape Shinn even though I hated the feeling myself. He was like my punching bag, in a sense, I could take out all my anger on him, everyone could take their anger out on him, and he would just take it. Yeah he'd fight back, but he knew when he was defeated. That's why I feel so horrible. I did to him what Rau did to me. I made him feel the pain that I felt. His family is dead and his foster parents beat up on him, which was actually one of the reasons why I insisted he join, so that he could get away from them.

"But I still hurt him. He went off to kill Rau, he was angry I didn't tell him what happened and actually went to kill Rau because he knew I couldn't, I could never kill him. But he could. And now I don't know what to do." Kira explained.

They sat in silence as Athrun took it all in, trying to think of something to say.

"This is so messed up." Athrun said. "Tell me about it." Kira grunted.

"I'm not mad at you, and I don't hate you or think you're disgusting, nothing like that. And if you don't want me to pity you I won't." Athrun said. Kira shook his head.

"But I'm still your best friend, and I'm sorry about what happened to you, if there's anything I can do, I'll do it. Shinn isn't the only one that cares for you. We all have your back, that's why we're here." Athrun told him.

Kira looked up, surprised. Athrun smiled and Kira smiled as well.

"There's my Kira. I've always loved your smile." Athrun said and they chuckled.

"Thanks Athrun, I don't know what I'd do without you." Kira said and stood up.

"Do you think he'll come back? Did he say?" Athrun asked. Kira frowned. "He said he'd never leave me. So I'm assuming he's coming back, I just don't know when." Kira said.

They walked out to see and impatient Yzak, a nervous Nicol, an angry Rey, and a concerned Dearka. They all stood up and looked to Kira when they saw him.

"What the –freak- is going on!?" Yzak bellowed. Kira narrowed his eyes and Yzak backed down a bit. Oh yeah, he still got it. That's my man!!!! Sorry.

"Everything's fine. Don't worry about it." Kira said calmly.

"Screw that! No offense but what happened in there? What did Rau want and why did Shinn just leave while in SEED mode!?" Yzak said still loudly.

"Rau isn't a problem anymore." They heard a familiar voice say at the doorway. They turned to see Shinn holding his rifle and some guns and knives (which he threw to Dearka).

"What do you mean?" Rey asked, glaring at his friend. "I mean your father is dead, hate me if you want, I don't care." Shinn told him hotly.

Rey continued looking angry for a second, and everyone looked from him to Shinn to see what would happen.

"Hn, I never really liked him anyway, he was a pain." Rey said and smiled at Shinn who nodded and then turned to Kira, suddenly looking awkward.

Yzak stared at him incredulously for a moment. "Dude, you mean you actually killed someone!?" he burst. Shinn nodded, giving him an odd look. "Sweet! Way to go Shinn! You know, I think this means that we can't pick on him anymore, you never know when he might snap and blow a head off, or two..." Dearka said.

Shinn smirked, Nicol fainted. They all looked to him and tried to restrain themselves from laughing.

"Well, uh, back to normal then. Shinn come with me, Athrun, uh, take care of Nicol please." Kira said and glanced guiltily at the green-haired boy who was the most innocent out of them all. He slightly envied him…

They all nodded and continued whatever they were doing, a.k.a Dearka going back to his Playboy magazine while Yzak grunted and started asking him why he was reading that crap and Rey sitting down, lost in his thoughts.

Athrun carried Nicol to his room and let him rest and then he went into the kitchen to get some beers and make some lunch for the gang of boys. Kira took Shinn to his room.

"So you killed Rau? What took you so long?" Kira asked back to business. "I talked with Lacus." Shinn said and Kira looked surprised but quickly composed his features and said, "About what?"

"I told her what happened. I told her to tell Cagalli and only Cagalli about it. I also made her get me and Dearka's stuff back. She really didn't mean to hurt you, Kira, and nether did Lacus, when she hears about what happened. Are you mad at me?" Shinn asked looking neutral.

"I could never be mad at you Shinn. I guess that's fair. I was never going to tell anyone, but Cagalli deserves to know." he said and sat down on his bed, staring out of his window.

Shinn remained standing, looking relieved but still neutral.

"Come here." Kira ordered quietly. Shinn sat down on his bed and Kira pulled him against his chest, making him lay sideways on top of him. Shinn adjusted his position and closed his eyes, hugging Kira.

"Thank you." Kira said quietly, almost whispering. He wouldn't meet Shinn's gaze.

"You're welcome." Shinn replied, smiling.


-Author's Note: And that's all folks! No this is definitely not the end of this story, but the beginning, really, of what's to come. What will Cagalli do about this new information, or did she already know? Throw in some guesses why don'tcha because I have no idea! So if you want me to update semi-soon then let me know what you think, suggestions of any kind are welcome, I'll put anything in this fic, Hahaha. Peace out-