First, I don't get why do you guys think Jose dating Ana is gross? I mean it can only be gross if they are related or if he has raped her or something but none of this is true. Jose has been a friend of Ana in the books, a friend she knew all along that wanted more from her but she didn't want the same. In my story, under different circumcises, Ana wanted what Jose has to offer and they have been dating for a year. I understand that in the books he tried to kiss her and didn't stop when she asked him to but he was drunk and he apologized –I am not saying what he did wasn't wrong, it was so fucking wrong- And Ana FORGAVE him even though CG disagreed. Correct me if I am wrong, I haven't read the books in a while and I may have forgot some details.
Second, I did say in the very beginning that Ana will be out of the character, You remember I said that, right? Good ;)
WARNING: The chapter contains spoilers for a TV Show called OutLander so if you don't want to see the spoiler skip a few sentences once you see the show's name mentioned, it won't affect the storyline.
Now on with the chapter!
CPOV:
While I am on my way to Bellevue, I try to think about anything else but my mind keeps on betraying me. I can't stop thinking about Anastasia. I remember her pained screams and groans and how much they bothered me. Me, the fucker who gets off on hurting brown-haired girls who look like his crack whore dead mother, couldn't bear to see the girl ,who did nothing but annoy him since she opened her smart mouth, in any sort or kind of pain. I can't even begin to explain the irony in all this shit. But then I also remember the way she felt in my arms, every curve of her body molded against mine like she fucking belonged there. I remember how my hand twitched resisting the urge to give her lovely behind a slap when I carried her over my shoulder. I remember the feel of her skin under my fingers, so agonizingly soft. I remember how hard it was to tear my hands of her every time I was fortunate to touch her. I remember the way she made me laugh and smile like I never did before. I remember her sweet blush when I involuntary told her how beautiful she is. I remember how surprise she was by that. I remember her stubbornness, her irrational independence and her surprisingly funny sarcasm. But most of all I remember her hands on my chest…
Her hands on my chest…her hands on my chest where no one is allowed…her hands on my chest…and it doesn't hurt…
My first reaction was like every time someone accidentally touches me in my forbidden zone. Panic, pain and fear…and NO and get your fucking hands off me. But then this time, for the first fucking time, the pain dissolved into pleasure, panic into surprise, and fear into wonder and NO turned into MORE. I wanted her hands all over me, running over my bare skin. It was crazy, how starved I felt all of the sudden…
Yes, It was crazy and unrepeatable! Because it isn't a fictional fairytale, Grey. And there is no girl with magical touch that can cure your darkness away. This shit doesn't happen in real life and it sure as fuck doesn't happen to people like you!
Taylor's voice pulls me out of my thoughts and into reality. I take a deep breath before stepping into the front door and soon enough I am greeted by my mother.
"Christian dear, I missed you" She leans to kiss my cheek. Since I was a little kid that is all the physical contact I have ever allowed her to have with me. I feel like shit every time I have to remember that I don't give her what she deserves. A woman like her deserves a much more perfect child than me.
"I missed you, Mom" I say giving her one of my rare smiles. The ones only my mother gets.
"Well, come on in. and don't think you are off the hook that easily" She warns playfully and I sigh and follow her into the warmer part of our great room, beside the piano. I remember when I used to play for more people than myself. Mom loved it when I played. At first that was the sole reason I bothered to learn but then I realized the calming effect it has on me.
"Would you like something to drink, darling?"
"Wine will be great" I say taking a seat while my mom pours two glasses for both of us.
"Here you go" She hands me my glass and takes a seat on the chair across from mine. A moment of silence passes as she gives me her ever-patient smile. That is why I don't like coming here alone. I don't care for this attention she is giving me.
"Look, Mom. I apologize for not dropping by earlier. Things have been a little crazy lately" So crazy you have no idea. "Did you know that Rose got divorced?"
"Yes, I've heard" I see the sympathy all over her face. "Poor thing! Is she okay? I wanted to check on her but I didn't know when it will be appropriate to talk about it" My mom, always the caretaker.
"She is alright" I say with a dismissive wave. Really, people give these things more thought than they deserve. So what if you turned out to be wrong about someone? So what if it didn't work out? Life doesn't stop spinning just because a love story didn't end happily. "But she decided to leave Seattle which means she won't be working with me anymore"
"Oh, dear" She frowns because she understands what Rose means to GEH. "What are going to do about it?"
"She hired two interns to choose one of them as a replacement" I run fingers through my hair. I still doubt this whole thing, How can any of them be as aware of my work as Rose is in just one month?
"You don't think they are good enough?" My mom asks as always reading my troubles all over my face.
"No matter how qualified they maybe, they aren't Rose. They don't know how I operate, don't know the foundation of GEH" I try to explain.
"Well, Honey. Neither did Rose when she first worked with you. The real question is whether you think they are capable of being a Rose one day"
"The kid stumbles when I address him directly, Mom! I want someone who has a strong personality, someone who speaks their own mind and doesn't cave just because I think differently. I don't need a puppet as my second in command. I need someone to see things from different angles, someone with a second opinion. Someone I can count on if I am not around who is capable of calling the shots without hesitation" I glance up at her after my rant is over and she has been listening calmly to me. She must be used to hearing men bitch about their work because my dad rarely hides anything from her. I don't think she would let him if he even tried.
"And what about the second one?" She finally says when I fall silent. "The second intern?"
"She…" I feel my throat closes over the words. Why is it hard to talk to my mom about Anastasia? "She is a little hotheaded. I don't know if we could work together. We don't tend to agree" She drives me fucking crazy. "But she is well-qualified, brilliant and ambitious" And so inhumanly beautiful. "She has good recommendations and degrees" She has the softest skin, the deepest blue eyes, the most captive smile and the most beautiful laugh. "She doesn't put herself above any kind of work no matter how simple it is" She is funny, hot and smart. She is the whole package any normal guy would dream of. Fucking amazing and never going to be mine.
"So she is different?" I didn't miss the way my mom stresses the 'she' word. Even though my mom thinks I am gay, there is still something in her that wants to believe otherwise.
"She is the closest to what I want, yes" Except she is not a submissive and she can never be one.
"I am glad" She smiles. "I am sure she would do just fine. And give the other boy a chance as well. Maybe he will prove himself when he gets over his fear from you. Oh, if you would just be a little nicer" Her eyes lighten up wishfully. I am sure she is imagining me all happy and in a normal perfect life. That is the thing with moms, guys. No matter how fucked up we get, they still believe in our happy endings. Even when we lose hope ourselves. "Are you okay? You know, about Rose leaving the state?" I frown. Didn't I just answer this question? "I mean aside from work, Christian. She was kinda of a friend to you as well, am I right?" My frown deeps. Well, to the naked eye, Rose may seems like the closest thing I have ever had to a friend, aside from her who shall not be named. But my mother never knew about my close friendship with Elena. So the way my mom must see it Rose has been my only friend and now I will be left friendless. She doesn't get that I don't really need any friends.
"I will be fine" I give her a reassuring smile and change the subject. We talk about the gale next week and she insists for me to attend and not just send a check. I assure her that I will be there.
"Did you invite the Fells?" I say directing the conversation to my other purpose for the night.
"I invited Alice" She presses her lips in a thin line. "But I don't know if she will come since Patrice will be there as well"
"I had a meeting with him today. He seemed miserable"
"And so is she, darling" she sighs. "I remember when they first got married. I was there. They were so happy, so in love. I guess even things as beautiful as love can end. I just hope they would stop trying to hurt each other" She shakes her head.
"They are adults. They should know what is best for them. I am more considered about the kid, though. I saw him days ago and he looked awful. I made a suggestion to Patrice to send him overseas for while. The school trip Mia went to. I thought it would be good for the kid to stay away until the drama is over"
"Yes, I think it would be wise. Good thinking of you, Dear" Good, now ask.
"He isn't sure if Alice would agree. I was thinking maybe you could suggest the same thing to her. I don't want her to reject the idea just to get back at her husband"
"Of course I will. It is all for the boy, right?" I nod. "No mother is that selfish and Alice is a good woman. I am sure she will agree" I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank fuck for that! "That was very kind of you, Christian. You have such a big heart" She looks up at me like I am her sun and stars. Every time she looks at me that way, I feel sick in my stomach. I don't deserve to be loved the way she loves me. Her love isn't real! It is based on the version of me she pictures. She loves how the broken bird she rescued from hell is now a successful kind man. It is not me. She doesn't know that my closet is stuffed with skeletons. She doesn't know that this kid wouldn't be in danger of being a forty-year old women's pet if I was a better person than who I am, if I wasn't a fucking idiot and a fucking coward. If she knew who I am, if she knew the kind of things her little angel is capable of, if she saw the real me, the monster, she would never look at me like she is right now. She would resent me, hate me, be disgusted with me. And even if I don't fear her hate because I deserve it. She doesn't deserve the misery it would bring her. She doesn't deserve to know that her little rescue mission wasn't that successful, that even though she snitched me from hell, I am still living with the demons.
So I smile and nod and act like the perfect son I have pretending to be since day one in this perfect family. But I will never forget that no matter how hard I try to 'fake it, till you make it', I will never fit in.
APOV:
"This is so fucking hot" Says the pregnant woman sitting on the coach beside me.
"You know your baby can hear you, right?" I raise my eyebrows at her.
"He can, but he can't understand" She says through the popcorn stuffed in her mouth. I laugh at her and turn my attention back to the screen. We are watching a Tv show named 'Outlander'. It is about a married British woman who was a nurse in world war two and then when the war is over she goes into a second honeymoon with her husband to Scotland. After that, some supernatural thing happened causing her to 'time travel' two centuries back and get stuck in the war between England and the resistance in Scotland. So many things happens leading up to the scene before us where we watch her getting fucked in the woods by a hot Scottish dude who was a virgin before he met her.
"They are just fucking, I don't see the point" What is different about that?
"In the woods!" Her eyes shine with wicked thoughts. "It is kinky"
"It is illegal" I roll my eyes. And then we see them get attacked by some soldiers who of course want to rape her. "See?" I say pointing at the screen. "That is why you shouldn't have sex in public, it doesn't end well" My point can't be any more proved.
"I can't believe you, Hannah. You swore you would never tell anyone. You swore" Comes Wade's voice from behind us. He was watching with us but excused himself a few minutes ago to take an important call.
"I didn't say anything" Hannah's eyes widen.
"Really? I heard you! What's next? Are you gonna tell our kid when he is born that he was the result of illegal public sex because his dad couldn't keep it in this pants till he gets home" I couldn't help it, I crack up laughing my ass off. That is fucking hilarious.
"I didn't tell her anything, Wade" She says through clenched teeth while a blush colors her checks. Wade looks confused.
"We were talking about the show, Dude" I explain when my laughter dies out. "You totally busted yourself up" He pales like he just saw a ghost. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me" I smirk wiggling my eyebrows. He just shakes his head and takes a seat beside his wife throwing her a dirty glare. She shrugs with a grin and pops her feet on his lap batting her eyelashes in a silence plea for a foot message. He narrows his eyes and is about to protest but she saves herself by pulling off the 'pregnant pouty' face like no other and of course, he caves. I smile at them. Hannah and Wade are the cutest couple I have ever seen. I met Hannah two years ago when I started working in SIT. She is the bubbliest girl I have ever met so she kinda forced our friendship down my throat at first but now I can't be more grateful to her for that. She is an amazing woman and a loving mother of four-year old girl that I adore. She and Wade have been unseparatable since high school so being friends with Hannah meant befriending Wade as well, which isn't that much of bad thing to be honest. Wade is an ex-Marin, which makes him the only one in our little group with whom I can talk about guns. He now owns a security company with two other of his friends and despite his tough exterior, he is just a sweet caring guy who loves his wife so much and would do anything for his little family.
Since I am nursing a sprained ankle and a paining period this weekend, I decided it was wise to stay home and invite my friends over. My period means Jose is banned from my apartment which results in no-sex for me. Nah, I am not so happy about that. I could have stayed on my own but I didn't want to let myself think. Every moment my mind isn't occupied it tends to drift back to the moment I had with my boss when my ankle betrayed me. I can't get over the different things that happened in those few minutes. How can such a short amount of time change your whole review about a person? Dammit, My head is still spinning with confusion and it was yesterday. I keep telling myself that Grey's true colors don't concern me but it is not true. My main goal of this internship is studying GEH's mechanism of work but also studying Christian Grey himself, knowing how he thinks, how he operates. I can't do that when he tends to shock me or anger me every time I get in contact with him. I need to know what to expect from him so I can be prepared and focused around him. And I don't have any more time to waste. My eyes fall on Wade and an idea pops into my head.
"Wade?" This isn't right! I will just ask if it is possible, that is all!
"Yes, Ana" He turns his attention to me.
"I was wondering, is doing background check on people part of your work?"
"Yes" He is in full alert now. "Who are we digging after?" His eyes brighten in interest and he might as well be rubbing his hands together in excitement. I figure working in a security company must be boring to someone who was a soldier.
"Just someone at work. I just need to know who am I dealing with, that is all"
"That is cool. Just send me enough information and I will let you know everything you need to know"
"Ana, is someone bothering you? You know you can have your job in SIP back if you want, James will totally understand" Hannah says with a sympathetic smile, worry shinning in her eyes.
"Nah, I am okay. I just like to be holding all the cards, you know" I assure her not wanting them to start questioning me.
"Oh, I know that" She rolls her eyes and I narrow mine at her. What is that supposed to mean? She is saved by my door ball. I get up to open it. It is Kevin. He was out with Bella buying ice cream, now he is carrying her tiny body while she lays asleep.
"She fell asleep in the car" He whispers careful not to wake her up. I move from his way to let him in. He repeats the same thing to her parents and Hannah tries to get up so she can tuck her daughter in but Wade races her to it and tells her he would do it. Loving husband, told ya.
"Are you still watching crappy TV?" Kevin asks as he drops himself on the coach beside us. Hannah turns to face him ready to defense her beloved TV series but I cut her off not wanting them to start an unnecessary argument.
"The episode just ended"
"Good" He grins and hops off his seat walking to my TV. "Cuz I've got some real goodies for you ladies" He leans to pick up something from the bag he has been holding since he walked in. "So, Hercules or X-Men days of future past?" He questions holding up two CD cases.
"X-Men" I say while Hannah says "Hercules"
"Sorry, Hannah but I have to agree with Ana here" he grins and doesn't look sorry at all. "I have a soft spot for this hunk" He explains pointing at Hugh Jackman. Gotta agree with the guy, this man is pure awesomeness. I turn to poke my tongue out at Hannah and then grin smugly at Kevin. I love how even though we are all grown-ups here, we tend to act like children. Friends aren't friends if they don't bring out the child in you.
"Ah, ah. We still have someone else to vote" Hannah announces with a new found enthusiasm when Wade appears back. "What do you think we should watch, Hercules or freaky X-Men?" God, can she be any more obvious?
"Hercules?" Wade whispers carefully knowing his answer will define his sex life for the next few days. He sighs in relief once he sees she likes his answer.
"Pussy-whipped" "Wuss" I and Kevin say in the same time faking a cough to cover it. The happy couple ignores us of course. The door bell rings again.
"Fine, whoever on that door will settle this" I get up and pray it is Emma and not David because Emma would agree with me. She loves all X-Men movies. I open and you guess it. it is David and Emma.
"Hercules or X-men days of future past?" I ask instead of hello.
"Is that even a question? Hercules of course" David says as he pushes past me to get in.
"Emma?" I give her my best puppy eyes. She gives me her we-need-to-talk face and I frown.
"You guys can watch this stupid movie while we make dinner then we will watch the good one after" She announces pulling me to the kitchen and we are followed by Kevin's "No fair" groan.
"What is it?" I ask once we get in.
"What is what?" She suddenly looks like she doesn't want to talk.
"Cut the bullshit. You want to tell me something. Up with it" I cross my arm and dig my foot.
"It is not that important, okay?" I keep my face impassive. "Do you remember the guy we met at Glee? The one who turned out to be the groom of my new client?"
"Blondie?" I say without thinking.
"You call him Blondie?" She cracks a laugh and I chuckle. "Man, I wish I could see Elliot's face if he hears it"
"So his name is Elliot?" I don't like where this is going.
"Yeah, I had an appointment with the bride yesterday and surprisingly he showed up with her" She looks uncomfortable again.
"And?"
"And I don't think he bought the whole lesbian thing. Even though his fiancée looks like she totally bought it. He keeps on giving me those…looks when she isn't looking" She blushes clearing remembering the sick bastard.
"Emma" I sigh. "You know he is engaged to be married, right?" I have to make sure her mind is set right.
"I know that" She glares at me. "I may be a wreck when it comes to guys, Ana. But I am not a home wrecker!"
"Of course I would never suggest that. I am just making sure you know what this is, okay? He looks like a player which is kinda of your type and I don't want to see you get hurt again" Emma has a long list of heartbreak which I witnessed first handed. If I can help preventing another fated-to-death romance, I will. And this one has FAIL stumped all over it.
"I know what this is, I just don't know how to deal with him" Her tone softens when she senses my worry.
"Stay professional and deal only with the bride" I shrug. "And just know that soon it will be over and you will never have to see him again" You know you can tell yourself the exact same thing about Grey, right?! This isn't about Grey!
"I will do my best"
"And keep me updated" I say pointing my index finger in warning.
"Yes, Ma'am. Can we start cooking now?"
"You mean can I start cooking?" I correct. Emma can't cook to save her life.
"Why do you have to be so mean?" She fakes a pout.
"To keep you kids in line" I wink.
And Now the Ana gang is complete! What do you think of the new people?
And by the way, CG thoughts about his relationship with his family is one of the things that touched me most in the books. I almost cried writing this part with his mom, hope you guy liked it!
Do you think Ana have the right to do a background check on CG? Do you think she should?
