This was supposed to be the fill for the "Smile" prompt by raphi, but then I've decided that she probably doesn't want Vigarde angst (instead got Lucius slight angstiness XD) and it doesn't really fit the prompt anyway. So, you get the angstiness now as an extra 8D I like this flavour of angst.

Yeah, it's a biiiiit too long for a drabble, but who cares 8D Yay Vigarde~ (BTW, in case you don't know; Minna is Vigarde´s deceased wife, my OC)


Lyon doesn't know that his father is with him all the time. He doesn't know that Vigarde stands next him and pleads for him to stop.

Vigarde had left the world; he had already been in afterlife, had seen Minna, had talked to her and felt so light and happy like never before. But then he was yanked back, away from Minna, away from the perfect and beautiful world there.

When he opens his eyes, he stands in Grado Keep and looks around. He doesn't know what happened. Then he sees Lyon, smiling. A smile so wrong and- and mad that Vigarde recoils. He can't believe that this is his son. Lyon steps forward, whispers "Father" and makes a grab for him.

Vigarde opens his mouth to ask Lyon what the hell is going on and why he's here again. Before he can, Lyon grabs someone next to Vigarde. He turns surprised and is greeted by an unbelievable, and horrifying, sight. He sees himself; sunken cheeks, sickly colour, dark rings under his eyes, blank eyes-

Those blank eyes, they haunt him. They scare him. He can't stop wondering if he had them even when he was still alive.

"Father..." Lyon´s eyes are so hopeful, his smile so loving. It is wrong, so wrong. Vigarde calls out for him, wants Lyon to step away from that thing. But he doesn't hear him. Lyon doesn't hear him. Vigarde yells and reaches for Lyon, but the boy doesn't seem to feel his hand.

He has to follow himself around. Vigarde can't leave; some unknown force prevents him from moving away more than an arm-length.

He has to see everything. He has to see how Lyon directs his old, dead body and prepares to attack one of Vigarde´s oldest friends. Vigarde has given up trying to communicate with Lyon; nobody can see or hear him. He has tried to stop his body, maybe to slip into it and take it over, or destroy it, but it's all futile.

So he is doomed to watch and regret. To regret that he couldn't prevent this from happening. He should've prepared Lyon better. He should've looked out for Lyon more and concentrate on supporting him, helping him, building up his confidence and not avoiding him because he reminds him of Minna so much and of his own unfair and disgusting thoughts. He shouldn't have said those words when he died.

"You would ask Renais to rescue us from... a natural disaster? They would not help us..."

He should've told Lyon that he can do it, that he has the strength, that he is confident that Lyon will master this, that he is proud of him and loves him. He should've said more, should've showed assurance in Lyon´s abilities, should have, should have, should have...

So many "should have"s that might have changed everything. So many times that Vigarde failed. The guilt builds up every day, clings to him, weighs him down, chains him to his dead body. It sits on Vigarde´s shoulders and has become his constant companion like the dark fog around Lyon´s head has.

He is dragged to Renais, the guilt growing bigger with every step they take. Vigarde prays that Fado will prevail, that he manages to stop Lyon. Lyon starts to scare Vigarde. Something is not right, the look in his eyes is not his own. Vigarde wonders where his shy, insecure son has gone. He begins to think that this is not his son, that someone has replaced him.

It feels like an excuse. He just wants to feel better, but he doesn't. Nothing helps. He is scared.

When they enter the throne room of Renais, Vigarde is glad that Fado stands there with a sword in hand. He wants him to kill this body so that he can finally leave. He no longer manages to care for what would happen afterwards. He just wants to disappear. It is cowardly, he knows that. But he no longer cares. The disbelief and disappointment in Fado´s eyes feeds Vigarde´s guilt.

When his dead body pierces Fado´s chest, Vigarde cries in pain. This is not how it was supposed to end. Fado was supposed to live, to kill Vigarde, to release him. Instead, Fado gasps for air, flickering and suddenly seeming to stand there twice. Vigarde almost breaks down when Fado is thrown backwards, his neck hitting the edge of a stair and his body slumps. He yells and cries and begs for forgiveness, because this is all his fault. All his shortcomings. All because of the "should have"s that never happened.

His dead body turns and walks away. Vigarde is pulled backwards, away from Fado´s body, away from that shimmering form that stands up and looks around surprised. Vigarde yells the name of his friend, begs him to believe that he never wanted that, that this is all wrong. The shimmering Fado sees him. Vigarde doesn't know if he hears him or if he is as deaf as everybody else. Fado says something, his lips move, but Vigarde doesn't hear him. He only sees how Fado begins to dissolve, how his body turns into pieces and flows upwards like bubbles in water. The corners of Fado´s mouth moves upward, Vigarde thinks. No, he is not sure. His wish to see forgiveness, understanding in his friend´s face is so strong that he no longer believes what he sees.

Fado has disappeared before Vigarde can look for a second time.

Vigarde knows now that this person is not his son anymore. The dark fog has swallowed up his body. Vigarde only stands next to his body now and waits. Waits for the end. There is nothing anybody can do anymore. Whatever this fog is, it has destroyed everything. His own name and work, his son, his country. Vigarde tries to hate it, but he can't. He only feels guilty that he has done nothing to prevent it.

He knows he's wallowing in self-pity. He knows he is pathetic. He almost wishes he would stay here forever so that he doesn't have to face Minna and Fado in afterlife. He has never felt this ashamed in whole life.

When the message comes that Ephraim has invaded the castle, Vigarde starts to hope a bit again. He knows Ephraim and his strength. Maybe he can do what his father wasn't able to do.

When Ephraim´s spear pierces the dead body´s heart, Vigarde rejoices and a wave of joy lifts a bit of his guilt from his shoulders. The relief is almost too much. He smiles broadly, already feels how he dissolves, how his entity or being or whatever he is soars towards the sky. He wants to thank Ephraim so he opens his eyes for the last time. The boy seems to be confused. Vigarde wonders and looks at his dead body; his body smiles. It wears the same smile that the real Vigarde wears. Vigarde believes he should feel bitter that he manages to influence the body only now in the last seconds of its existence, but he doesn't. He can only feel relieved.

He closes his eyes, feels himself fall apart, and is suddenly so light again.

The warmth is back; Vigarde knows he has returned to afterlife. He doesn't dare to open his eyes yet. He has to calm down first, feel the happiness again, push back the guilt. Suddenly he hears someone shift and curiosity wins. He opens his eyes.

At first he is blinded by the light. When he has grown accustomed to his surroundings again, he detects the person sitting next to him.

"Fado..."

He turns, his face is blank. Fear creeps up again and Vigarde feels that far too well-known coldness again.

Then the corners of his mouth turn upwards, in slow motion for Vigarde. Fado grins his typical broad grin. Vigarde feels like crying again.

"There you are," Fado says and laughs. "I've been waiting for you." Fado stands up and offers Vigarde his hand. Vigarde takes it and leaves his guilt lying there on the ground while he stands up, enters afterlife again and is forgiven.