"Class, we'll be learning how to write stories today! Weeeeeeeeelllllll, first of all, I want you to read some sample stories, the amount depending on my mood, and come up with your own! But, here's the tricky bit. You have to write something similar to it but it has to have more words than the original! For example, if the story has ten words, you have to write something similar to it but it has to have twice or thrice as many words as the original depending on my mood today. So if you buy me lunch, I'll consider giving you a smaller amount!" Maya explained.

The class thought for a moment before walking over to their new pet kangaroo and asked for its advice. The kangaroo blinked, twitched, hopped, ate, did its business and other kangaroo-y things. The children thought it had mental problems and sent it to the dentist.

"Well class? What do you think?"

All of them huddled together to discuss what they wanted to do. Ever since they had to pay for attention, they were all broke. They dug into their pockets and pulled out everything they could find in there. Here was what they got:

Student 1:

Half-eaten cookie, bubble gum, cow liver and worms.

Student 2:

Possessed lab coat, a long ruler and a list of names of currently dead people.

Student 3:

A flying monkey, a book on how to take over the world and a stapler.

Upon looking at what Student 3 had in his/her pockets, they thought that it would be enough to present her a book on how to take over the world. Even though it may not be as good as food, it's still something.

"Ms. Maya, we're going to present you with a book on how to take over the world," Student 8 said.

Maya shook her head. "I specifically asked you to buy me lunch. How is this as good as food or maybe even better?"

"If you learn to take over the world, you will be able to take over the minds of people and then force them to make you burgers forever," Student 12 explained.

Maya gave it a few seconds of thought. It does sound reasonable.

"Okay then! You'll have to write two point five times the original number of words of HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX because that's the thickest book I can think of, besides the dictionary but dictionaries are boring so we won't use it."

The children ran towards the library, looked for the said Harry Potter book, found the said Harry Potter book, danced, fed the librarian and ran back into class.

"Since you're the students and I'm the teacher, you'll have to count the number of words in the book yourselves. And since you're my favourite students, I'll give you the whole day to read the book and count the words, so get started. Now."

The students took fifteen minutes to skim the book and count all the words in there. Maya scolded them for skimming.

"YOU WON'T LEARN ANYTHING IF YOU SKIM!! If you skim, you'll just be reading the words! You won't be learning from it! If you skim, you won't understand the story and if you don't understand, how are you supposed to learn to write?! And if I'm not able to teach you how to write, how are your parents supposed to pay the school and if they don't pay the school, the school won't pay me and if they don't pay me, how will I be able to buy burgers (besides stealing from Nick, but he's nearly broke so there's not much choice left in him)? AND WITHOUT BURGERS, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE?!"

The children nodded. She did kinda have a point. They began reading slowly, absorbing every detail, punctuation mark, space, magical word and every bug that landed on the paper.

By the time they were finished, Maya had fallen asleep on a very, very soft pillow which, to the children, looked like a big pile of cravats. They wondered where she got it from.

They got started on their books on worthless books they got from the library, writing two point five times more words than the Harry Potter book they had just read.

Maya woke up just as they finished drawing a doodle on their now very full notebooks.

She read each and every student's story. She angsted at all their stories and asked them to fix all their spelling and grammar mistakes while she went to call a publisher.

When the publisher and the editors came, they forced them to sit on their dead kangaroo who just came back from the dentist and their new lethal koala.

Winnie the Pooh and Barney came too.

Winnie the Pooh was invited to sit on a very very very very very special chair (it's really big and fluffy and almighty and all that…).

Barney was fed to their class pet Rocky.

When the publisher, the editors and Winnie the Pooh read the story, they cried, they wept, they danced, they pranced, they ate honey, they killed bees and they did other things too.

The children's stories soon became bestsellers, beating J.K Rowling's books and Stephanie Meyer's as well.


This is Winnie the Pooh on the afternoon news.

"Children from ** International School had just written bestsellers beating the famous J.K Rowling and Stephanie Meyer in just nanoseconds. Tell us more about them Tigger."

"Well, Pooh, they were doing a writing project in their teacher, Maya Fey's class. They analyzed the writing style of J.K Rowling and wrote their own utterly long book. People say that the cause for their success was because of their wonderful plots and all the unpredictable plot holes. Others say that it was because of Maya Fey's cousin, Pearl Fey, had threatened all of them to read and buy their books and if they didn't, she would bite them all and send zombie burgers to attack them. And if they still refused, she would jump on their heads and try to gnaw their heads off. Such a cute little girl. Back to you, Pooh."

"Well, I'm going to continue reading their stories now, so if you haven't read/bought them yet, make sure your head is still intact and safe from violent eight-year-olds. Thank you."

This is Winnie the Pooh and his hyperactive friend Tigger on the afternoon news.


The principal refused to buy a copy of his students' books and got terribly injured by Pearl and received hate notes from the suffering people in Haiti and Chile and is now in the Intensive Care Unit.


A/N: Weeeeeeeeelll, I think my stories are getting less and less funny… But I'm trying! So, yeah. And here's the good news! I'm on term break right now, and that means more stories!! Yay!!

PLEASE REVIEW!!