Author's Note:

Hi everyone:)
I promised the next update would be sooner, didn't I? Well, here it is... *drum roll* the last chapter.
Thanks to mersan123 for reviewing, as well as to everyone who is still reading this, despite my huge delay :P.
Enjoy and please R&R! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.


Chapter 9: Memories

Arthur stared at the flames, not daring to look the sorcerer in the eye as the fire rose agonizingly slowly. Did it always take that long? The Prince knew that most people suffocated before burning, but there wasn't really all that much smoke- he could see the dark-haired way too clearly and feel his gaze like a hot poker on his forehead. And he was still feeling slightly nauseated, even though he stood still and straight to appear strong in front of everyone else.

This time he could tell right before the next memory hit him, a small wave of dizziness announcing it.

He was watching Arthur from above as the Prince struggled to climb the wall of the cave, spiders following and soon catching up with him. He felt strange- feverish and not quite there, as if he should be somewhere else right now. But at the same time he knew that this was the only place that made sense; to protect his Prince whenever he was in danger. Even if the prat would never thank him.

A small spark of amusement broke through the feverish haze, but was quickly drowned again as the spiders began to surround Arthur, the Prince stuck on the wall.

His magic reacted almost by itself, creating a glowing blue orb that floated right above Arthur's head and guided him to safety.

Arthur couldn't stop his eyes from widening, his breath coming in short gasps. He could remember that particular incident, even if it had been from another point of view. Merlin had been poisoned and nearly dying while he had searched the cure.

And still he has been watching over me.

He pushed the thought away. The flames had now reached Merlin's feet, but the sorcerer didn't move. Arthur looked more closely, then he frowned. The fire didn't quite seem to reach the sorcerer's feet, just flickering around them. What was going o-

He was in the throne room, a woman he recognized as Lady Helen, the famous singer, slowly walking towards the King and Prince Prat. Everyone else seemed to be asleep and he was covering his ears, not understanding what was going on. Spiderwebs had spread on the table and between the heads of all of Camelot's rich and famous- it would have been funny, if it wasn't so strange. Then the Lady drew a throwing knife, aiming it towards the Prince, and suddenly everything became clear. His magic reacted on his merest wish, letting the chandelier crash down when the witch was beneath it.

She fell down, her song cut abruptly, and he could barely hide his relief when everyone began to wake again. The people were murmuring and staring at the beautiful singer that had turned into an old woman now- the sorcerer's mother. His pity for her only lasted until she made one last effort as she lifted the dagger again, throwing it at the Prince. And she must have had an excellent aim, for the dagger would have hit Arthur straight in the heart- if he hadn't run and pushed him out of the way. When the King rewarded him with being the Prat's manservant, the dragon's words crossed his mind again: 'You cannot escape your destiny, young warlock.'

"You cannot escape your destiny." It reminded Arthur of another talk he and Merlin had had long ago, when he had to decide whether or not to marry Princess Elena.

"What's wrong?"

The question sounded so innocent. Sometimes Arthur really wondered how sheltered Merlin had grown up. "You wouldn't understand Merlin," he answered with a small sigh. "You have no idea what it's like to have a destiny you can't escape."

To his surprise, the servant continued to speak. "Destinies are troublesome things. You feel trapped, like your whole life is being planned out for you and you've got no control over anything and sometimes you don't even know if what destiny has decided is really the best thing at all." The boy stared at the air, seeming far away, a wistful smile on his face.

"How come you're so knowledgeable?"

Merlin's surprised look, as if he had just been woken from a dream. "Me? I read a book."

The lie had been tangible, but he had let it slip, too occupied with his own worries. Still- and unlike most others- he had never believed his manservant to be an open book. If Merlin was an open book, it was written in the strangest language Arthur had ever seen. He just hadn't quite realized, how deep the man's betrayal reached.

"You would be a friend for life if you do."

The sentence, spoken in his own voice, surprised him so that Arthur almost jumped, stopping himself in the last moment. Then he frowned. When had he said that?

"All right," Merlin's voice answered, the smile obvious in his tone, and the Prince had to restrain himself from turning and searching its owner. He could see the sorcerer clearly enough on the pyre, the flames a wall around him- still not quite touching him- and his face a grimace of concentration. He looked exhausted. Maybe that was why there was no picture this time. Keeping the flames away as inconspicuously as possible while sending memories to a non-sorcerer must be difficult. Merlin had called himself powerful- and he didn't look like he could keep it up much longer.

Arthur told himself that it was good this way, that he had to feel glad. After all the sorcerer was standing on the pyre to burn. Not to exchange old memories.

"Alright. I came back because you're my only friend and I couldn't bear to lose you."

"Take this. It was my mother's seal- you might find it useful when you get lost next time and need to prove to someone that you are my servant."

"Shut up."

"Idiot."

The fragments were becoming faster, more frantic, but all of them- even the last two- were accompanied by an unmistakable feeling of happiness. It made Arthur stare down at the railing, avoiding to watch the sorcerer squirm. Those feelings didn't feel fake, like a lie. They felt real.

"You are living a lie, Merlin. Face it."

It took Arthur a moment to recognize the voice of Merlin's friend, Will. The sorcerer. In hindsight, he had most likely protected Merlin by taking the blame.

"No. He's my friend."

A sharp feeling in his chest that he tried himself to convince was Merlin's. Then a wave of desperation hit him, accompanied by a picture of Morgana with her sword pointed at him and the sounds of a battle nearby. Arthur instinctively knew which battle it was. The skeletons had fought almost soundlessly. There was a staff in the background, its tip glowing blue.

"We can find another way."

Merlin's voice was pleading, but Arthur didn't understand what was going on. Morgana had saved them from the skeletons. Had Merlin attacked her? But then, why would he show it now?

"There is no other way."

Morgana sounded much like when she had told him that she had grown up and suddenly Arthur noticed how she was standing with her back to the staff, protecting it. His heart skipped a beat, but there was no time for real sorrow as the next scene came up.

"There is something you should know about the last dragonlord. Balinor is your father." Gaius voice, followed quickly by confusion, anger and fear.

"Son." The word sounded unsure, but Arthur could tell that it had filled Merlin with joy- and then sorrow, as Balinor died in his arms.

"No man is worth your tears." Arthur's eyes widened and he couldn't stop himself from looking down to the pyre. Merlin looked right back, even though his eyes seemed slightly glazed over. His father. Balinor had been the father he had just found, the man he had missed so desperately, and Arthur had told him that it "wasn't worth his tears". The Prince tried to imagine the same situation with himself and Igraine and shuddered.

Merlin must hate him.

Why have you never told me? he asked silently, despite being pretty sure that Merlin couldn't read his thoughts. Still, the warlock must have guessed his thoughts, the next memory answering them perfectly.

"Sorcery is pure evil. I will never doubt that again."

Sorrow and the feeling of having failed, having lost a close friend hit him, even though he could remember Merlin's smile as he answered. "Glad I could help." Not a good liar? The sorcerer must be one of the best. It was to be expected, after he had lived in Camelot for so long without anyone noticing.

Arthur watched Merlin's face closely. He was sweating now, the flames reaching as high as his chest. Suddenly his eyes squeezed shut and Merlin's face scrunched up. The next moment there was not a film, but a series of pictures and tones, only slowly turning to edible words.

"The Questing Beast's bite is deadly poisonous. There is no cure for it."

Gaius was sitting at a table, looking broken as he spoke those words, and the pain and sorrow and anger that shot through him almost made him flinch, before Arthur realized that those were Merlin's feelings again. They were stronger than anything he had felt before.

"It is not that simple! The High Priests have the power to mirror life and death, but there will be a price to pay. They will demand a life in return. Merlin, please, I beg of you."

But Arthur could feel clearly that Merlin had already had a plan then, a plan he would carry out no matter the cost. The decision had been met. And that was what ge told Gaius. "I'm sorry, Gaius. Whatever the price is, I will pay it gladly."

Arthur hold his breath. The sorcerer had been willing to sacrifice another life for his. The Prince didn't know whether he should feel honoured and astonished or simply affronted. He wouldn't want anyone to die for him, especially not peasants. At least his knights had chosen their way of living. These thoughts were flashing through his mind when the next scene appeared and stole his breath.

He was standing in front of Nimueh on the Isle of Blessed. He didn't feel safe at the thought of letting who had tried to kill both Arthur and himself decide over Life and Death, but she was his only chance. So he took a deep breath, forcing himself to hide his nervousness. "I willingly give my life for Arthur's."

He had been willing to die so Arthur could live. The Prince stood frozen on the balcony. He should have known that Merlin would never risk someone else. He would rather die himself. How had he survived? The thought piqued another memory, something involving lots of yelling, a prophecy and a dragon, which told Arthur immediately that it couldn't be one of his own, but he ignored it, trying to find more about the incident with the Questing Beast.

Merlin was leaning against the pole, looking as if he had gone a month without sleep, but he was still keeping the flames relatively at bay- they had risen to his throat and were licking across skin every now and then. Arthur could hear the pained gasps - but he was still alive.

In the memory, Arthur could vaguely see how the witch made it rain, telling him to get some of the water and give it to Arthur. When the Prince had woken from the poison everyone had thought deadly, they had congratulated Gaius. No one had even noticed how quiet the physician and the servant had been that evening. Arthur had only wondered when Merlin had come into his chambers later that evening, giving him a small speech. At first he had thought the boy wanted to quit his job and was saying good-bye. He should have known better. Merlin had been saying good-bye because he had believed he would die during the night- a life for a life. Without hesitation.

"His life is worth a hundred of mine."

What had he done to deserve such loyalty? Arthur could remember his own words to his father after he had woken up- "I think there's someone watching over me, keeping me from harm." He would never have imagined clumsy, idiotic, naïve, sometimes wise, loyal, brave Merlin to be the 'guardian angel'- protecting him from the Shadows with the thing he hated most.

"I'm happy to be your servant till the day I die."

How could he ever have forgotten? Merlin was his best friend, magic or no magic. And maybe there was an explanation for Uther's death, if he had just listened to Merlin instead of gagging him and sentencing him.

...sentencing him. Suddenly it hit Arthur like lightning striking a tree.

Oh my God, I'm burning my best friend. And not just his. Gwen would never forgive him, let alone Gwaine and the other knights. He was just losing his best friend, his future wife and half of his knights in one stupid act of revenge- leaving Camelot more vulnerable than ever if what Merlin said about protecting him was true. He didn't doubt it.

Arthur's stomach churned. He was killing his friend. Even worse, he was burning Merlin alive, which was one of the most gruesome deaths he himself could imagine- a bitter reward for years of absolute loyalty. For friendship. The Prince felt his face turn pale, his knees almost buckling as his heart skipped a few beats.

Suddenly everything happened very quickly. Merlin stiffened, his eyes wide and unfocused. "Good-bye, Arthur. I'm sorry."

Somehow Arthur knew it hadn't been a memory, even before Merlin slumped. The fire roared, finally truly coming to life now that the sorcerer who had tamed it was unconscious. Behind the Prince the door opened, showing the flustered court physician with a pendant in his hands, spouting illegible words. "It wasn't Merlin's fault, I can prove it. He wanted to help, but someone else- most likely Morgana- has put this-"

Then he followed Arthur's gaze, suddenly turning white as a sheet of paper, before collapsing. Arthur stood, unable to move, as the fire closed in on his best friend. His scream turned into a whispered "No..."

And the flames closed above Merlin's head.


Bit of a dark ending, I know... well, at least Arthur realized his mistake, even if it was too late. I hope it wasn't too out of character (for this storyline, anway).

!Important!
I think I've mentioned it before, but in case someone forgot: This is not the final ending! There will be another part to this story, called Burning Tears: One more Turn. I've already started writing it, but I want to finish at least one other fanfic before posting, so I don't have too many unfinished fics out there at once. But don't worry, I will post it eventually.
When I do, I'll add a short note to this story, so that everyone who is following it will notice. Hope you don't mind the wait too much.

I hope you liked it- if you did, please review! (And if you didn't, tell me what to improve ;).)