WARNING: there is self harm in this and things that might be a trigger. So feel free to skip this chapter. Sorry the stories so long anyway. I just don't think it's ready to end yet.
Chapter 11 Harry
So much heat. My skin prickled and I could barely hold back the coughs that wracked my body. I looked down at my feet and saw that I was running. On both side of me Ron and Hermione was running too. The whole room was ablaze and I realized we were in the room of requirement. Suddenly we were all on brooms, rocketing away from the fiendfyre flames and then I saw them. Draco and Zabini sat stranded on top of a large pile of junk, trying to escape their deaths. They held onto each other like old lovers and I couldn't leave them. I dove down to save them but when I got there, fear was no longer in their eyes. Zabini had his arms wrapped around Draco's waist and rested his head in the crook of Draco's neck. Zabini kissed the exposed skin and Draco sighed with bliss.
"You don't deserve him," Zabini said.
My outstretched hand fell in confusion. "What?"
"You don't really love Draco. You only care about yourself."
"That's not true!" I shout.
"He needs someone to really care for him. To love him and please him," Zabini said as his hands slipped down into the front of Draco trousers. Draco let out an erotic moan at the gesture. My face grew hot and it wasn't because of the fire.
"You can't fulfill his needs Harry Potter," Zabini said right before falling backwards, off the makeshift tower, still holding onto Draco. Down went him and Draco into the blistering flames.
I tried to scream, to jump with them, but wizened hands held me back.
"You killed him, Harry Potter," said a familiar voice. I twisted in their grip, breaking free and suddenly I was no longer in the room of requirement. I was standing at the entrance of Hogwarts, right after the war. Voldemort stood in front of me wearing a wicked grin. He held out his arms and laughed. "You killed them all!"
I turned to see all my loved ones, lying dead on the ground. Innocent bodies lay one on top of the other at crooked angles with lifeless eyes.
I jerk awake, the lumpy bed creaking beneath my weight. My breaths are quick and I bite down on my tongue to keep from screaming. I look around, trying to gather my wits. I can see it's still dark outside from the curtain less window next to the bed. In the actual bed lay three girls, all naked and fast asleep. I press the heels of my hands against my eyes, trying to force myself to remember but I come up blank. All I know is Draco isn't here and it leaves me feeling unsettled after that dream. My whole body trembles and I grip the dingy sheets tighter, trying to control the shaking. My efforts fail, so I decide to slither from in between the girls and search for the loo.
After fumbling around in the dark, I locate a tiny bathroom. It's extremely hard to take a piss when I discover how erect my penis is and I end up making a mess and cursing a lot in the process. Nonetheless, my cock is still hard and making me extremely uncomfortable. I lean over the sink and close my eyes. I think about Draco, how soft his lips are and how he always looks so innocent in the most sinful positions. One hand grips the sink while the other slips down my chest, slowly yet purposeful, just how Draco does. The ghost of Draco's touch lingers on my skin and I shiver. Draco always plays so I make sure to touch everywhere but my begging cock, leaving my body aching for more. I stroke lightly around my waist then tug at my balls. My fingers run up and down my thighs and I almost forget that I'm supposed to be taking my time. I imagine Draco laughing and saying "patience Potter." I take a deep breath and bite my lip hard enough to draw blood. Leisurely, I reach my penis. I start at the base before tightly gripping myself and stroking all the way to the tip. I try to keep my rhythm measured and steady, occasionally rubbing a finger over the head. Yeah that feels great. I tighten my grip on the sink as I tighten the grip on my cock. "I know you want more" I imagine Draco telling me and I pick up the pace. I want Draco, need him so bad. His tight arse on my wanting cock is all I can see at the back of my eyelids and I'm coming the quickest I've ever came before. My seed spews all over my stomach and the bathroom tile. I sag over the sink, trying to catch my breath.
"Shit," I whisper. I look at my mess, the mess usually shared with Draco's and I find myself getting hard again. "What the bloody hell?"
I sigh in defeat, wandlessly cleaning up the mess and walking back to the bed room. In the dark I can't find my clothes so I go to search the rest of the apartment. I only find the remains of a black shirt which was probably mine, my boots and my trousers. My wallet and wand are missing, only a pair of ticket stubs is left. I pull on my jeans and sit on the couch. A half smoked joint and a lighter lay on the glass coffee table. Perfect. I light the joint and take a smoke, letting my nerves unwind. My fingers drift to the stubs in my pocket and I take them out to read them. Last night was supposed to be a great night but I can't help feeling like actual shit. Even going out with Draco didn't make me feel better. Everyday I'm getting worse. I feel a tear hit my cheek and quickly wipe it away. I bet Draco is mad that I ditched him. I don't even know how it happened. I'm such a fucking idiot. Hermione and Ash and everyone are right. I'm a complete screw up. The tears come rushing at that thought and I lean over my knees gasping, the pain knocking the breath out of me. I'm so pathetic. How do people see me as a hero when I can't even save myself? All I can see are those I let down and I get up and smash my fist against the coffee table. It completely shatters and tiny shards fly everywhere. I'm not satisfied, though. I take one of the larger shards and begin to slit my wrists in frenzy. There's blood everywhere but it's not enough. It's never going to be enough. I'm never going to be enough.
"What are you doing?"
I look up through the tears and see a girl standing against one of the walls, arms folded. I can barely see her in face in the shadows but the rest of her pale skin almost shines. I don't answer so she walks over to me.
"You'll hurt your feet," I manage to voice.
"Toss me your boots."
I do as she says and she slides the oversized shoes onto her slender feet. She crunches over the glass and sits down beside me.
I sniffle. "I'm sorry for breaking your table."
She shrugs. "It's not even mine. You feel better?"
I scoff at the question. "No."
"Well let's patch you up."
She gets up and leaves only to shortly return with some disinfectant and gauze. While she works on my wounds I examine her face. Her brown hair is cut very short and just barley falls in her eyes. Her eyes are a very beautiful blue that contrast with her pale skin. Her pink lips and cheeks just asked to be kisses and her face screams youth. She could be younger than me. She's pretty but not in a traditional way. Everything about her is boyish from her haircut to her small chest and narrow hips.
"What's your name?" She asks, catching me starring.
"Harry."
"Nice to meet officially you, Harry. Last night you told me you were Darren. I'm Cody."
"What happened last night? I can't find any of my stuff."
"Me and my friends met you at this club, the Tiger Dragon. The only thing you had with you were your clothes, a few euros and a stick-"
"Where's that at?"
"What? The stick?"
"Yeah."
She laughs. "Right at the front table with the keys. I was going to throw it out."
I jump up but she pulls me back down. "It's not going anywhere. You're still bloody."
I nod but feel a little lighter knowing I didn't lose my wand.
"Thank you so much but I should be going."
"Dude, you just had a mental break down. I'm not letting you go. Besides, the others won't be up till like ten. Why are you even up?"
I shrug and decide to be honest. "Bad dream."
She nods, understanding falling over her face.
"You have them too?" I ask, surprise in my voice.
"I had a rough child hood and for a long time it was like living in a nightmare."
"Yeah I get that."
She laughs a little. "I can see that. Do you want to talk about it? Your dream I mean."
Images of dead bodies and wicked laughs fill my mind. The room starts to spin and I grip Cody's hands tightly.
"You don't have to. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad thoughts." She places a small hand on my face as she says this. "You're safe. It was just a dream. You're fine."
"I'm sorry." I wipe my teary eyes. "I should be used to them by now. It's just, this one was different. He died. I let him die. I let them all die."
Cody grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. Her tiny body supports my huge one but she takes it like its nothing. All of this makes me feel even smaller.
"I should go, really," I say between sniffles.
"Harry you don't even have a shirt."
I look down at my bare chest, wiping my tears and feel even more pathetic.
"Listen, if you let me take you home, you're free to go."
I smile a little. "That'd be great."
"Stay here. There's still glass."
About twenty minutes later, the glass is cleaned up, I'm in my clothes and a tight t-shirt borrowed from Cody, and my wand is in my pocket. Cody wears a pair of loose fitting jeans and a hoodie, looking even more like a boy. We leave the apartment and walk in silence. Once we reach outside, it's still dark but you can see the sun rising over building tops.
"So... Where do you live?" Cody asks.
I almost laugh. I completely forgot Cody was a muggle and we couldn't just apparate to my flat. We have to take public transportation. I tell her my address and admit to not knowing where I was. An hour later we're on my part of town, heading towards my building.
"Who knew you lived so bloody far."
I shrug and pull out a cigarette. "Thanks for taking me home."
"No problem. I was up anyway."
"Yeah and why was that?"
"Had to pee."
I laugh, shoving her shoulder. "I like you Cody... Last name?"
"Price. Dakota Price. A very classy name for a classy girl."
"Yes your sweatshirt and jeans scream class and elegance."
"Yeah whatever. What's your last name?"
"Potter."
"Harry Potter, how dull. Something I'd name my cactus."
"Don't be rude," I laugh. We get to my flat and I turn to her. "Thanks for everything, again."
She nods and takes out a pen. "Give me your pack of fags." I do as she tells me and she writes on them. "That's my number if you ever need anything and my address. I don't live where we just came from. I live in little flat in downtown London. Visit me any time after noon. I have classes in the morning."
"Wow, all that on this tiny pack of cigarettes. Score!"
"Don't be cheeky. I just took a liking to you is all."
"Most people do. Girls and guys alike."
She rolls her eyes and turns away. "Nice to meet you Harry Potter. I look forward to spending more time together."
I watch her walk all the way down the hallway and get onto the lift. Once she's out of sight I walk inside and only make it to the couch before collapsing.
I manage to go three whole days in complete isolation. I ignore all calls and owls and any attempt to get in contact with me. I enjoy moping around in my boxers, drinking my troubles away but on the fourth day I'm interrupted.
A loud banging at my front door wakes me from my drunken stupor. I groan and roll deeper into my bed sheets, throwing pillows over my head.
"Harry Potter open up!"
"Gin?" I whisper to myself, wincing at the sound. I get up, knowing that's the only way to stop the agonizing noise and practically crawl to the front door.
As soon as I open up, Ginny Weasley barges in smelling of roses and broom wax.
"Ginny? What are you doing here?" I ask, squinting at the light seeping in.
"You sir, have upset the whole wizarding community. Draco is at wits ends because he thinks he did something wrong and Hermione or whatever is worried you're off doing drugs and the family thinks you're cutting all strings with us because you missed Sunday dinner-"
"Oh shit I completely forgot."
She rolls her eyes. "Yeah no kidding. Anyways, it's obvious that no one was brave enough to actually go to your house. So I, being sick of hearing everyone complain about your whereabouts, went to retrieve you. Also, it's quite rude of you to just ignore everyone."
"I was just enjoying time to myself-"
"Let's just go show everyone you're alive so my job can be done. I'm only doing this because I'm sick of hearing everyone whine over you."
"No! I mean, I have plans actually," I tell Ginny when she raises an eyebrow at my protest.
She crosses her arms. "Where?"
"Uh... I have to visit a friend. We're going out for- what time is it?"
She checks her silver watch on her thin wrist. "Quarter past noon."
"For lunch, yeah so I should get dressed."
"I can't believe you're going to lunch. You look like actual shite. Have you been drinking?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Whatever. It doesn't but if it's just lunch you won't mind if I come along right? Then we can go see Hermione and Ron."
"Actually I would prefer-"
"Don't be rude Harry. I came all this way just to check on you."
I sigh in defeat. "Fine. Give me a moment to get dress."
I leave her at the front door and go throw on a green shirt, a pair of old jeans, and a battered pair of sneakers. I freshen up a little and try to flatten my hair before giving up and grabbing my most recent carton of cigarettes.
"Hurry up Harry!" Ginny calls from outside the bedroom. Rushing, I don't even bother taking a quick hangover potion and just grab a pair of shades.
"Ready," I tell Ginny as I emerge from my bedroom.
"Took you long enough," Ginny responds, flipping her long red hair. I reluctantly take her arm and we apparate to the address Cody gave me. We're outside a small building. The city of London booms around us. People go to and fro, paying no attention to the people who just appeared on the sidewalk. As if on cue, I see Cody walking up the street in our direction. She looks cute in a blue hoodie and old cut off shorts with a pair of sneakers. Her book bag almost looks too big for her tiny frame and bounces as she walks. I wave when she gets close enough and she smiles.
"I hope you weren't waiting long. I got out from uni a little late. Is this your friend?" Cody asks when she finally reaches us.
I look over at a suspicious looking Ginny and nudge her with my elbow. "Yes this is my friend Ginny who decided to come along to eat lunch with us. Ginny this is Cody."
Ginny holds out a hand and smiles genuinely this time. "Nice to meet you."
"Yeah same. I'm glad you could join us and glad you even decided to come, Harry," Cody says as she takes her hand. "Let me just drop off my bag and we can get going." Cody runs up the stairs to the building and disappears inside.
"How old is she?! She looks like a twelve year old boy," Ginny exclaims.
"Yeah that's how I like them," I say with an eye roll.
"She muggle? Only muggles go to uni."
"Yes she's muggle," I groan.
"Where did you meet her? Her mom needed a baby sitter?"
"She's not even that young Ginny!" I say trying to convince her but she just laughs.
Twenty minutes later, we're all seated at a round table in a cute café, each with a cup of tea.
"So Cody, how did you and Harry meet?"
"At a club-"
I start choking loudly on my tea. Ella pats my back while Ginny rolls her eyes. When I settle down, I immediately answer the question. I don't want Ginny knowing anything about my social life.
"We met at a pub," I tell her.
"I thought Cody just said a club?"
Cody laughs. "No you misheard me. I said a pub, Taylor's to be exact."
"Don't think I've heard of that place. How long ago?" Ginny continues.
"Not too long ago actually. We just really hit it off."
"Yeah Cody is just amazing, I really like her," I continue.
"So you're dating? Because I swore you were getting pretty serious with Draco, Harry. And then before that, that guy Ashton. And in between them quite a few girls and boys here and there. If he didn't tell you Cody, Harry is definitely a player. He gets around a lot."
"Ginny!" I exclaim. "We're just friends!"
"Oh yeah I was just worried about your boyfriend, or are you guys 'just friends' too?"
"What? You're gay?" Cody asks, confused. "But we had-"
"A great time together the other night, yes. And no I'm not-"
"He's a go with the flow man. If it moves he'll shag it. Does not discriminate. Boy, girl, fairy, werewolf," Ginny says with a wink. "It's just, you look like a sweet girl. I don't want this bastard to break your heart. I'm a very good and honest friend of his. How old are you darling?"
I grind my teeth in frustration. Yes, me and Ginny remained friends after the break up but she always made it her job to embarrass me. It's like she lives for these moments.
"I actually started school a little early so I'm only seventeen but-"
"Did you know that Harry's twenty-two? He's not that much older but still, you should know."
"That's enough Ginny," I say sternly.
Ginny just bats her eyelashes and flips her hair. "I was just getting to know Cody. That's a pretty name by the way. I was meaning to tell you that."
Cody smiles sweetly and puts a delicate hand on my arm. "It's ok Harry. And thank you Ginny."
"See Harry, you're being over dramatic," Ginny tells me.
"So Ginny, how long have you know Harry. You seem to know about his relationship styles. Did you date him?"
Ginny puts on a strained smile. "Yeah. For a while but things didn't go so well and we called it off in the end."
"So are you dating anyone now?"
"Yeah I met this really great guy while on tour-"
"Tour for what?"
"Um, tour for-"
"She's a pro athlete," I say smiling, looking forward to the lie Ginny will come up with. "Tell Cody about what you play Ginny."
She glares at me but answers. "Well it's played with sticks and, uh there is a ball and goals and-"
"You play lacrosse? I didn't know there were any pro teams outside of the states. My brothers used to play that."
"Yeah well, that's what I play. Lacrosse. I play for a little team. No big deal-"
"Being a pro is a big deal though! Or is it not hard to get recognized in such an unpopular sport?"
"It kind of is a big deal. I just don't like to brag."
"Ginny tell Cody about your family. You have brothers too."
"Well I have six older brothers. Its five now, one passed away but when I was a kid there was never a dull moment in my house. Things are a lot calmer now that everyone has moved out and started their own family."
"Yeah I have two. They're twins and you could never tell the difference if you didn't know them. They were always there for me. Through all the hard times. Anyway, you said all yours have started a family. Have you?"
Ginny blushes which is almost a strange sight to see. "No, not yet. I'm much too young."
"Oh nonsense. I'm the one that's young," Cody tells her.
Thank Merlin, our waiter finally comes, interrupting and ending all previous conversation. We eat in silence, making occasional small talk. I hope Ginny stays quiet.
When we're done, I pay for lunch and we get up to part ways.
"It was nice spending time with Ginny, but me and Cody were going to-"
"Actually Harry you said we were going to go see Hermione afterwards. Cody is more than welcome to join us but you wouldn't want to upset your friends."
"Actually I never said that and I'm pretty sure Cody doesn't want to spend any more time with you."
Ginny pouts. "No need to be so mean Harry. I really like Cody. You wouldn't mind would you?"
Cody looks between Ginny and I. My eyes beg her to say no but Ginny's dare Cody to challenge her.
"No no, I should probably get started on my work. Harry and I were just going to hang out at my flat."
"Great," Ginny and I say at the same time, the latter sounding less sarcastic than the other.
"I guess I'll be seeing you around," Ginny tells Cody in a tight voice.
"Yes indeed," Cody answers.
I hug Cody and bid my farewell. Reluctantly, I turn back to Ginny, taking her arm and prepare to leave with her.
We're in for one hell of a ride.
