CH. 11: HAPPILY NEVER AFTER
"Austin! I finally think I've found her, the girl of my dreams! She's the girl that I want for the rest of my life. I think I'm going to ask her to marry me," I hear Dez ramble on about his latest girlfriend. Whoa! When did talking about how hot she looks turn into marriage? He must be crazy. I've seen it and heard it many times, marriage only leads to divorce and divorce leads to 'still alive but it seems like I'm dead'. I've learned that no girl is worth the risk and it's better to just hook up for a while, maybe go out, and then… move on. Why make things more complicated with marriage when some people who never get married are happier than those who do? I keep zoning in and out from this conversation but then he manages to catch my attention.
"It's just that when I'm with her… it feels like we're the only people, and I can't think straight. She talks my breath away and it scares me to hell; damn, sometimes she annoys me but I find myself loving everything about her," I hear him talk more to himself than to me. Hearing this reminds me of Ally and the dance we had at dinner. It started off as to please Ally and it ended with me feeling butterflies in my stomach. I really did feel that we were the only people. I don't think I've felt that good in a while. I hear him continue by saying, "After all it is her imperfections that make her perfect. And every time that I'm with her or think about her, I feel so calm and I feel that nothing can really bring me down as long as she's with me… because I have her and having her is the best thing that could've happened to me." I agree with Dez in everything except for the first sentence because Ally isn't imperfect in any angle that you look at her. Yes she has little tempers and she can be shy but she's Ally. So it just goes with her. It's hard to explain because now thinking about it, Austin and Ally does make a nice ring to it.
I'm daydreaming and Dez brings me back to reality by shouting my name pushing me off my chair. "What's your problem man!?" I yell back at him annoyed. I was day dreaming about Ally and I didn't even get the chance to start thinking about the wonders that her big brown, beautiful eyes can do to you. I get back up on the seat and Dez is telling me, "Well I thought you were listening to me but then you started whispering, 'Austin and Ally, Austin and Ally,' over and over again. So I decided that you should come back to earth from wherever you went to and do you want to talk about it?" I sigh and then I utter, "I don't have a choice do I?" Dez shakes his head and motions me to begin the story of Ally and me. I'm not sure where to start so I began with the first time I saw her. I'm not sure when or where I began to like, yea I might not believe in love but I still believe in like, Ally Dawson and much less realize it until a few weeks ago. When I'm done with the story, and describing the only date that's not a date we ever had, Dez tells me, "How do you feel about her outside of bed?" He catches me off guard and I might as well tell him the truth about everything because I can't keep anything from my best friend.
"I mean she's… She can… She makes me feel like…" I try to make a sentence but it's hard to pin point what I feel about Ally because I really am starting to feel something towards her, but it's not strong enough for me to believe, to want to make it into something serious, and especially to put myself out there. Yea, she can make me forget for a while but a big chunk of my heart still wants Cassidy. I continue to make a fool of myself and then Dez exclaims, "Wow, first girl to leave you speechless! Well look at that, two impossibilities have happened. First Austin Moon got jealous and then the same girl has left him speechless. Not even Cassidy did that." I just shrug my shoulders and I have nothing to say. Except he continues talking about this and it's starting to annoy me. I can't help myself but I need to let him know, "Yea it's true that Cassidy never left me speechless but it's only because I know exactly how I feel about her! My feelings for Ally can be driving for lust for all I care! I still want Cassidy. Don't make this like your cousin did to me at the café." I see hurt in his eyes and I feel bad for snapping at him. It's just that I'm tired of him and everyone that I talk with about Ally that she's the one and that I love her and all that crap. I'm not going to deny that yes I feel some sparks with Ally but my heart still longs for Cassidy even more. "OK then fine. Just chill, but I just have one more question and then we can drop the conversation. Is that ok?" he asks me just nod my head and I tell him sorry. It's quiet for a few seconds and then he tells me, "If you don't believe that Ally will ever be anything more than a lust or a replacement for Cassidy, why do you keep searching for her? Why lead her on when you know that you'll never ask her to become anything than a onetime fling?"
I'm not sure why I keep calling Ally. I mean when you're in a friends with benefits relationship, aren't you suppose to meet them to screw around. After a few minutes I reply, "Man, I'm not leading her on. I've told her bunch of times that I'm not looking for anything serious and she knows that I don't believe in love. She knows that this is only a fling and that she can walk out of it any time she wants. I don't believe in stupid fucking love and Ally is nothing more than a girl I see. Yes, I might have felt something, like a little crush but nothing serious. She' just a girl that fills my needs when I can't find someone, she's…" confusing, I think to myself. I don't finish because I know that half of the things I'm telling Dez are not true. I don't know why but I feel like I'm trying to convince myself more than him. I see that Dez is stiff and I know that something I said ticked him off. Oh great this is perfect!
He keeps staring at his feet and then he starts off in a whisper, "I've met Ally in the last past few weeks and she's an awesome girl. She's sweet and caring and she can sort of "mom" you but she has a nice heart. She means well and the way I heard her talk about you… man you've done wonders to her! She's falling for you and hard. Now I'm going to be honest with you, I see her like a sister, and she's a good friend of my girlfriend, which means that it'll hurt her too. We both knew that you'll never truly feel comfortable with any girl. You don't want to get married and Ally wants to one day. Don't get in her dates with other guys like Zayn for example, because when you get over her, she's going to be left with the heartbreak and there's not going to be anyone to pick her up. So if you don't see any possibilities, just leave her alone. Don't take her on anymore dates that you keep telling yourself wasn't one. Just leave her. If both of you want to continue this relationship, fling, or whatever you want to call it, fine but don't lead her on."
Now I'm kind of mad at him because he keeps talking like I'm a bad person that can't treat a girl right. Usually I don't and if I do, it's unintentional. Except this isn't other girls, it's Ally. I would never leave her in her time of need. I care for her as a friend. I have to admit that at least. "Dez… I told you, I'm not leading her on. We've set ground rules before and nothing is happening. And believe it or not, I do care about Ally, as a friend. We both know that love doesn't exist so we're fine," I finish. I think I've just made things worse because Dez scares me even more. He gets up and is walking back and forth and after a while it's getting on my nerves so I say, "Dez what's the problem man?" I hear him chuckle and it makes me wince. It feels like he's telling me 'are you kidding me' with his body language. He keeps laughing to himself and then he says between his chuckles, "Of course Austin Moon doesn't believe in love! The universe would be off if he didn't right?" he motions towards me. "I really thought that Ally had a chance of changing your opinion on that. That she would be the one that makes you realize that you can love and that it does exist. But you can't get anything through the thick skull you have!" Now he's stopped right in front of me and I've never felt this scared in my entire life. "Look, news flash to Austin Moon! Just because you don't believe in love, doesn't mean that Ally also agrees with you. She wants to find the one and you are definitely not the one for her or in fact for anyone!"
Now I'm the one getting angry. I know that I'm not the one for Ally, but not the one for any one? Isn't that harsh of him? Especially, when he knows the reasons to why I don't believe in love. He, out of all the people should understand. I feel confused and angry and my emotions are everywhere. I can't think straight so I do the only thing I can do before we get into a fight, "Get out Dez. Leave me please." I start off soft as a whisper but then my voice raises and I feel like I want to yell, "Go find that "awesome" girlfriend of yours that you keep rubbing in my face. Leave!" I hear him utter something about how he pities me and what not and then the door is shut closed. I can't help myself when I run through the house, throwing all the decorations and things on top of the furniture. I have punched the walls so many times that my knuckles have started to bleed and I'm sure I have bruises around my hands. I punch the wall one more time before I collapse on the floor. I'm sitting and I have my back and head resting on the wall. I close my eyes and I feel like I want to cry but I won't let myself. I grab a beer and then things get worse.
I hear my phone ring and I know I'm not in the mood for talking but I want to see if it's Ally. "Hello?" I say. I hear someone reply and on the other end of the line is my dad. The same on that ignores me and tried to kill my dream of becoming a singer when he's dreams of a perfect family crashed down. "Hey Austin I just wanted to tell you if it's alright if I don't give you a pass to invite someone to my wedding because… well let's be honest you always bring girls that you've picked up from the streets," he finishes. Ouch that hurts. First Dez, and now my dad are bugging me. Wait did he say wedding? I'm tired of how he keeps getting married over and over to only have them last for three months and then have them get a divorce. "Really Dad another wedding?" I ask him. I guess he hears the disbelief in my voice because he tells me, "I know, but I really do think I've met the one you know. I know it sounds cliché but she really means a lot to me and I think this one will-" he tells me but I interrupt him. "Yea! It does sound cliché but why not just live under the same roof and then split up once you get tired of her or vice versa!" I yell at him.
One reason why I think I'm acting like this is because of what Dez told me and how my dad don't think I can keep a serious relationship and part is because I've been drinking and I'm on the brink of getting wasted. "You know what Austin? I've taking to much shit from you and how love doesn't exist, but don't ruin this moment for me. Just because you don't think it's real doesn't mean it actually isn't! Leave your pitiful self when you come and grow a pair! You're not a child anymore!" and with that he hangs up. Typical, he still doesn't know why I don't believe in love. He knows and he chooses to ignore him. I think I'll do him a favor and not go. I go to the fridge and I get a beer and then another and then another and soon I'm wasted. I don't know why, but I want Ally. I want her to hold me and be here with me. With that need I grab my keys and go driving to her house. I don't know if she's home but I don't want to spend the rest of the night in my damn lonely apartment.
I don't know how I managed but I did. It's 11:55 in the night and I'm drunk and I don't know why I'm at the steps of Ally house, but I am. I knock on the door really loud while ringing the doorbell and I keep stumbling over my feet. I keep screaming and yelling Ally's name in hope that she realizes that it's me. I just want her right now. I need her to make me feel like everything will be ok if I'm with her like how she did at the fair. I just need Ally Dawson.
Ally POV
I'm sleeping when I get interrupted but someone yelling my name over and over. At first I think I'm dreaming but as the noise and the voice become louder I know that I'm not. I slowly get up from my bed and am making my towards the door and about half way I realize that I recognize the voice, it's Austin. What the heck is he doing here? He didn't call me or anything. I open the door and Austin's falling and stumbling on his own feet. He looks like a mess and his hands look hurt. Then when he says hi Ally I know it's because he's drunk, he's not thinking straight. "Can I come in Ally?" he asks me. To be honest I've never seen Austin drunk and it's kind of scaring me but I don't want him to drive home. "Austin are you ok?" I ask. "Do you want me to drive you home?" I continue. Austin's walking towards me and then he asks me the same question again except this time he sounds more desperate, like he is going to commit something crazy if someone's not with him. As he comes closer and with little light shining on his face from my house I can tell that he's starting to cry. Before I can tell him to come in, he falls on me, but doesn't put all of his weight and he's bawling. Now I really don't know what to do. With my help, Austin comes in and he's sitting on the couch.
I move myself to the side of the couch but Austin follows me and puts his head on my laps. He's crying even more and I don't know what to do at this situation because I never really saw it coming. So I just run my fingers through his hair while humming a lullaby to him. Little by little he calms down and his breathing gets even. I think he has fallen asleep but then he surprises me. "You know I wasn't always like this," he whispers. Something tells me that I should stop him but at the same time I think he needs to get something off his chest. "What do you mean?" I say in the sweetest voice I can muster. "I wasn't always as heartless as I am now," he answers. I'm not sure what to say to this but luckily he continues.
"Did you know that I believed I was going to save a princess from a dragon and I would practice my sword fighting skills when I was a boy? Looking back, I laugh at that. I really did believe that fairy tales existed and that Love was real. But then my parents started to have bumps. Apparently as I came to know, my mom cheated on my father. And a couple of months they tried to act like it was ok, as if the incident didn't happen but not for my mom. No, she just had to keep an affair with the guy. My dad was devastated when he found out and then the worst thing happened, she asked him for a divorce. My dad was broken because even after finding out that she had an affair he was still willing to forgive her, but she didn't want to try. My parents kept bouncing me back and forth. My mom regretted it later and said that she wanted dad back but he never took her back. I saw her going out and coming back with a different guy every time and she looked so lost. She was in pain but I didn't know what it was that she was going through. When I would go with my dad at first he would get drunk and I lived like that pretty much all my life. I had to fend for myself and take care of me. I had to grow up and then my grandfather died. He meant so much to me. He was the last string that I had in believing in love but when he left, all my hopes left with him too."
Wow I thought to myself. I never knew he had gone through that. I feel so bad for him. I wish I could save him from all that pain but things like this just happen and it's sad. I feel him wanting to start crying again and I let him know I'm there by humming again. "Thanks Ally. You know that you're a special girl. You deserve so much. Thanks for listening," he tells me. He has his eyes closed and he looks so innocent. Now I'm wondering if he still believes in love but he's just scared of getting hurt. I'm going to leave him again when I hear him utter Cassidy. I feel myself get tense and I can't help but feel jealous. Who the hell is Cassidy? I don't remember him mentioning one. "Cassidy come back. I want you, please don't leave," I hear him whisper. I then ask him who Cassidy is and then he whispers back, "My fiancée." Now I feel like I want to throw this boy off from me and tell him to go running to Cassidy and leave me alone but I get curious and I ask him why is he telling her not to leave him. After few seconds of quiet he begins telling me.
"She's my fiancée. She's beautiful, and sweet and lovely and she's annoying too. I love you, Cassidy," I hear him. I know that he's drunk and I shouldn't be listening but it hurts me to hear him say that he loves her. Why can't he love me? I continue in my thoughts but then he continues. "Ally… did you know that I was engaged before?" I don't answer him but he continues. "I met her a long time ago. She was a good friend and I saw her as a sister. She was sweet, helped everyone she could, and she had an amazing voice. Her outer beauty is wow! But what I love about her the most is her inner beauty you know?" I still don't reply and I want to go but he's holding on to me know. Now I wish that I had sent him back to his house. I really don't want to hear about that stupid Cassidy that he "loves"!
"She still manages to throw me off balance. I gave her everything. I gave her love, I gave her respect, I gave her my time, I even gave her myself that I was planning to wait until I got married. I gave her all of me and in the end she left me Ally. I wasn't enough." I can feel some tears falling from his face and I keep wiping them away. I'm surprised when he grabs my hand and it feels like his holding on to it as if his life depends on it. "She knew everything about me. She knew how to make me smile, how to make me laugh. Her touch could make me forget everything and she's well… she's amazing!" I hear him chuckle.
Now I'm trying to keep my tears from him. I don't know why this bothers me so much. I know I have a crush on him but I feel like I let myself get into a foolish daydream that Austin would change his mind about me. I really thought he might have at least been interested from the way that he acted at the fair. I've spent these weeks ignoring Zayn for a guy who is thinking about his ex-fiancée. Wow what a great life I have! I hear him continue talking about they're dates and how he asked her to be his girlfriend and basically it got to the point that I knew everything. "You know she likes to go walking on the beach? She does Ally and I decided to ask her there; in the ocean. We went for one of our usual walks down the beach and had dinner with the view of the ocean. When we were walking back I got the guitar that I had hid so she wouldn't see it and I sang to her. Did you know that I suck at writing my own songs? But for Cassidy I tried my hardest and even Dez told me that this girl had done miracles to me. I sang to her, 'It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby I think I wanna marry you!' "
I hear him sing and I feel lost. He has an amazing voice. I never he knew he could sing, but I'm pretty sure that Cassidy did. I hate that girl so much right now and I don't even know her. She basically had a fairy tale life with Austin but why isn't Austin married? "I sang that song for her and she was so happy that I was proposing to her. She was smiling. I then got on my knees and I said, 'Cassidy, I love you so much baby. So much that it hurts. I know that I can be annoying at times and that you could do better if you wanted but I know that without you I can't live. Nothing makes sense without you and I know that I want you for the rest of my life. So will you do me the honors of marrying me?' I was so stupid. Did you know that the only reason I was proposing to her was because she was the first and only girl that made me believe that love was real. She did something that no other girl had been able to do." Then he stopped talking. I could hear him crying but I didn't stop him this time. He had to get it off his chest. I keep squeezing his hand to let him know I'm there and then after a few minutes he continues.
"It was the day that we were going to get married at last. I was in my tux and as I looked myself in the mirror I thought I was the luckiest guy in the earth. I would have the most amazing, beautiful girl in the whole entire world for myself. Soon I got myself to the alter and I was anticipating the minute that my Cassidy would walk through the doors and see her in her white dress, stunning like always. But then five minutes passed that she wasn't there. And five turned to ten and ten turned to fifteen, and fifteen turned to twenty. I was standing there for twenty minutes waiting for her to show up to our wedding. People were looking scared and I thought that something had happened to her. I went running to our apartment. I thought that maybe she got hurt or left me a note that would explain why she couldn't show up. I went running all through Miami to get there. I felt like time was counting down and then I got my keys to open the door except to my surprise it already was. I thought we were being robbed or something so I walked in cautiously and then I heard the voice of a man saying that she should hurry up and then the next voice I heard pained me. It was hers Ally. It was hers. She was telling him that he shouldn't have been there and that I could catch them. And then things got quiet. I knew that they were in the bedroom that belonged to Cassidy and me. I opened the door and I saw them kissing."
Now I hate this girl even more. How could she do that to Austin? He gave her the world and she gave him a heartbreak. Now I know why Austin doesn't believe in love. Who could after the person they thought that loved them ditched them on their wedding to go with some other guy and wasn't even planning on telling them. I feel him get tense and he stands up and keeps pacing back and forth. "I fucking saw them kissing Ally! She was going to leave me. She wasn't even going to tell me for god's sake! She was going to leave with the guy that I thought was a brother to me. She left with my second best friend. The guy that I would tell him how I felt about her and he even fucking helped me plan the night that I proposed to her. He fucking helped me Ally!" I see him so vulnerable and he's shaking now. I feel like he'll fall down any second and a soft wind can knock him off his feet. He's not the cocky overconfident guy that he usually is. He's showing his fears and the pain that he still feels. "She got up and pushed him off. I couldn't form any words to express how hurt I was at her betrayal. She told me that she's sorry and all that other crap. She told me that it was her and not me and that she didn't plan this to happen and that she cared about me so much that she couldn't bring herself to say that she didn't want to get married. Do you think she cared for me Ally?" she asks me. I'm not sure how to respond but I'm glad that he continues. "Then she told me that she was leaving and that she'll never see me again."
And with that last sentence the Austin that was on the brink of his past and present, crashes. He falls to his knees and he's crying again. He's like a little boy and I'm not really good with making people happy so all I do is let him know I'm there. I pull him on my lap and it looks funny because he's taller than me and I feel his tears getting my t-shirt wet and feel him shaking. All I'm doing is saying soothing words to him and I hold him. He tells me to sing to him and I don't want to because I have stage fright but seeing him so defenseless makes me want to do anything to make sure he isn't hurt again. I sing the song that first come to my head and it so happens to be the song that we danced to at the fair. "It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you. It's one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do. And with every step together, we just keeps on getting better" I whisper in his ear. Soon I find him singing along and we both end in perfect harmony with the last sentence of the song, "So can I have this dance?"
I keep humming the tune and it feels weird that Austin would tell me this kind of thing or that I was the person that came to his mind when he felt sad and confused. I wander how could she do that to him? I mean, as I see him sitting on my lap, he's perfect. He's the guy that I would give anything to notice me and it's just my luck that he loves another girl. Maybe Zayn is the one that's meant to be with me. I've heard that sometimes the one you want isn't the one that you need. I keep thinking to myself what I would do to have this boy mine, but he interrupts my thoughts, "Ally…" I kiss the top of his head before I answer with, "Yea Austin?" "Thanks for listening to me. I'm not sure why I came here but I needed someone to listen and not to judge. I needed you." Hearing him say that he needed me brought butterflies to me and I feel a smile tugging at my lips. "Oh and Ally…" I hear him start again. I stay quiet but he continues either way.
"I think… I think that…" he hesitates before he continues, "I think you're beautiful. You're amazing and I really like you. I think you're amazing and I don't think that Zayn deserves you Ally. He's a douche bag. He doesn't see how great you actually are or values you. He doesn't notice the way your eyes twinkle and the way that your smile lights up the whole room." He stops and turns his head to look at me and then he says, "Can you give me one of your special smiles?" Of course before I can stop myself, I find myself smiling. It's just something that he does to me. I just hope he's drunk enough to not notice me blushing. "I think you need someone better." With that he lets me go and he goes to my room. I stay there sitting for a while thinking about everything that Austin's has told me. I'm not sure if he wanted me to know or not but he trusted me because he came here right? I walk to the room and I see him spread out on my bed. He looks so peaceful. I think I can stay up all night just looking at him. I make my way to my side of the bed and I hear him say, "Austin and Ally," over and over again. I wonder if he's dreaming of me. I get in and before I even close my eyes I feel him come next to me and wrap his arms around me. He snuggles his head in the crook of my neck and then I hear him softly whisper, "I love you Ally." I feel my heart rate increase and then I realize that he's drunk so he probably doesn't mean it and if he means it he won't remember telling me. So for the heck of it I answer, "I love you too Austin. I love you too."
A/N: sorry but i'll have to type fast. I want to say thanks for all that reviewed and made my first 100 reviews possible. I was singing and dancing the whole day and i'm horrible at both so yea. So what do you think of Austin's story? What do think about Ally?
Was it too much? I'm freaking out here. Either way thanks for reading and i'll do shout out's next time because i'm rushing you know how moms are now a days. But questions.
Yes Austin is confused about the way he feels for Ally, because he still has feelings for Cassidy, but as he gets to know Ally more he's developing feelings that he wants to ignore.
They are about 24/25 years old. Time has passes so i think their close to their made up birthdays that i gave them! IDK.
Ok so sorry for no shout out's but i'll make it up in the next chapter. BTW a little preview guess who's coming back? She was mentioned in this chapter ;) Hoped you enjoyed it and thanks for reading and reviewing.
I do not own:
Austin adn Ally'
High school musical can i have this dance
marry you by bruno mars or anything else that we know a girl that's in school wouldn;t own. I just own the storyline adn whhatever my brain tells me to write. the rest is not mine.
Until next time! :)
