Chapter 11: Kidnapping A Princess Requires A Great Deal Of Idiocy!
Lia: I'm so glad that this story makes you happy and that you enjoy it! Truly, it's all the support from all of you guys that inspires me to update regularly; I'm quite lazy by nature, tee hee. I hope this chapter meets your expectations and that you will find it fun. Thank you for reviewing, and I hope you enjoy reading!
Putxi: Your review really made me smile like an idiot, (which I am)! I'm really happy that you loved the first part! I hope you find this chapter funny and enjoyable too, and I'm glad that I could fulfill your expectations by including Gin chan. Honestly, I wasn't really planning too, but I'm real glad that I did, tee hee. I hope you have fun reading, and thank you very much for your review!
Now, onto the story!
The leader of the Yorozuya thought for a while before walking out of the alleyway with a resolute step. Shinpachi looked startled, was he going to say something inspiring? Had he decided to do the job?
"Listen up, Patsuan; we are going to do this job. We are going to complete it grandly, and then, we shall ask for Hijikata kun's entire salary as payment. Those annoying tax robbers will not only lose their reputation, but also their money! What do you think of my plan, Shinpachi?"
"ARE YOU NUTS?! You only want to do it because of the money! Do you have any idea what'll happen to us if we get caught? My sister will bloody murder me! And it's not just anyone we have to kidnap, it's the frigging princess!"
"Such trivial worries do not matter, Shinpachi. I hope you realize that Jump comes out tomorrow and I don't have enough money to buy it! That is why we must do this job, so motivate yourself!"
"I'd say your worry is the most trivial of them all!"
Half an hour later, both of them stood blankly in front of the royal palace of Edo, the same question in both of their minds.
"Say, Patsuan, what are we supposed to do first?"
Shinpachi was just about to yell at his boss for nearly the hundredth time that day, when everything suddenly turned dark and he felt his head being engulfed by an unknown entity. There was something sharp poking into the top of his head….
Sadaharu had chomped down on both of their heads, barking excitedly. He was happy to be able to play with two new chew toys and rapidly dragged them inside the castle. None of the patrolling guards even noticed the giant dog trot by, two flailing humans in his mouth, for they were all deeply engrossed in a rather 'colorful' magazine someone had smuggled in. Luckily for said two humans, Tama spotted the dog and immediately ordered him to spit them out if he wanted dog biscuits for lunch.
After that near death experience, Gin and Shinpachi were covered in blood and scared out of their skins and almost abandoned the job before Tama calmly mentioned the exact value of the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander's salary and all the other benefits they would be getting. The duo sat back at once and listened as Tama quietly explained the situation.
"Sougo sama has ordered for Kagura sama to be confined within the castle. We request you to rescue her and accompany her on a tour through the city. Her room is the one at the top of the east tower. And, Gintoki san, please be ah, warned, that our princess is quite 'unique'." The maid smiled and left, handing them a key to one of the backdoors of the tower.
Shinpachi stared after her, saying, "What did she mean by that? Gin san, we seem to have entered the palace, but we need to think of a plan now…"
"Patsuan, doing something ordinary requires planning and sensible people. But doing something extraordinary requires an outstanding idiot. And idiots never make plans."
Shinpachi raised his hands in defeat, though he was smiling slightly. Both of them walked straight in, after unlocking the door. As they climbed up the staircase, Shinpachi remembered, with a start, that his sister too, was a retainer at the royal palace of Rakuyou. She would often write letters about her life there, and she always mentioned the young princess. He wondered whether the person they were going to see was the same princess.
Suddenly, he collided straight into Gin, who had stopped dead at the top of the staircase, gazing at something. Anxious about the possibility of it being soldiers, Shinpachi nearly fell off the stairs when he saw it was portrait of a giant parfait.
"Ah, Patsuan, isn't it a magnificent piece of art? I feel like I can almost eat it…"
"JUST HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT ARE YOU?! You stopped just because you saw a picture of a parfait? And whatever is something like that even doing in a palace?!"
Just then, a paperweight came flying out of nowhere, causing both of them to fall flat onto the ground to avoid the deadly projectile. Shinpachi yelled in terror, even as another 'missile' came flying. Soon enough, the thrower appeared at the top of the stairs, rubbing her eyes sleepily, her hair and clothes disheveled.
"Whoever you are, just shut up, yes? You're disturbing my beauty sleep, uh huh. I don't really feel like killing you now."
Gin looked at her red hair, blue eyes and the kunai in her hand. He asked the first question that came to his mind," Oi, are you an assassin that guards the princess? Then-"He stopped abruptly as a kunai pierced his head, blood spurting out immediately.
"I'm the freaking princess, you useless old geezer."
A few minutes later, Gin and Shinpachi were seated opposite Kagura, who had brought herself back to some resemblance of a princess. Gin could barely believe that the red haired Chinese girl, who seemed as violent as a certain gorilla lady when she was angry, was the helpless princess who had pleaded, appealed for rescue. The girl somehow managed to guess what he was thinking and said, picking her nose, "Me too, when I requested for the Yorozuya, I did not think that I'd get a glasses stand and a white haired geezer, yup. And I'm definitely trapped here; I can't get out of this tower, uh huh! Hanako chan helped me write the letter, so don't blame me for the sentimentality."
"Oi, my hair is silver, not white!"
"Gin san, please….So, your majesty, you want us to help you get out and have a fun day in the city? But, please pardon me; you seem capable of doing it yourself…"
"Of course I am, Megane! But it's a real waste of energy and I guess it wouldn't be too much fun, because the Sadist hasn't recovered and Mayora doesn't fight women; so there wouldn't be much fun in it. But a daring escape, it is always more, more fun, yes?"
"Please don't call me Megane, your majesty. I'm Shinpachi and this is Gin san."
"Then don't call me your majesty too, uh huh. I'm Kagura! Now, get me out of the castle!"
After an hour, in the throne room of the Edo palace,
"Sougo, just where do you think you are going? Get back here right now; the ambassadors will be arriving soon."
"I don't really care, so please go and die, Hijikata san. I've got something more important to attend to, than some ugly graybeards."
"So the sadist is missing his wife, eh? You're truly more hopeless at this than even Kondou san."
"I don't want to hear that from you, Hijikata san. I shall be introducing you to my deluxe bazooka if you say a word more, so keep quiet."
"Toshi is right, Sougo, well, not about the last part, though… If you really wanted to keep China san by your side, then you should just have told her so, instead of locking her up! Or better, you should have begun to stalk her-OUCH!"
"I really don't want to hear about it, Kondou san."
Hijikata simply blew out a swirl of smoke as the prince swiftly walked away, his bazooka slung over his shoulder. He was now going to have to do all the paperwork that Sougo should be doing…. It was at times like these when he seriously wondered whether arranging a royal coup was such a crime or not.
Several minutes later, everyone at the Shinsengumi headquarters began to wonder if they should have committed seppuku as Hijikata san had ordered them to, countless times before. Because, when Okita Sougo walked in, radiating a black, bone chilling aura, holding the biggest bazooka ever, they knew that they were in for much, much worse deaths.
"Where the hell is my China? Wasn't it your jobs to be guarding her, well?"
At about the same time, Kagura was happily skipping through the city, along with Gin and Shinpachi, completely undisturbed by the disaster she had brought upon the Shinsengumi. They had somehow managed to sneak out of the palace through sheer luck and also a bit of brute force, as Gin had had to beat up a few guards on the way. They had been wandering on the roads for nearly an hour, Kagura dragging them to a mega sukonbu sale and much more. She suddenly stopped, even though there was nothing interesting around, turned and said," Gin chan, I'm hungry."
"Nothing I can do about it, brat. Ain't got any money."
"Gin san, is that how you talk to a princess?! Kagura san, how about we have a small meal at that shop? We can, er, get Hijikata san to pay for it later."
Shinpachi deeply regretted his statement an hour later, after Kagura had wolfed down more than twenty courses of rice, fish, meat, sweets and was still waving cheerfully for more. Gin himself had consumed more than ten strawberry parfaits, and Shinpachi had to wonder why his boss wasn't diabetic yet. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Kagura sat back, patting her inflated stomach with a highly contented expression.
"That was a really good meal, yup! But won't you die of disability if you consume so many parfaits, Gin chan?
"It's diabetes, royal brat. You have no right to say that after eating fifty bowls of rice, and don't you know how healthy milk is, huh?"
"Um, excuse me, customers, here is the bill. Can you please pay it and leave immediately? Please don't take offence, but you are scaring normal citizens away."
Gin's face turned serious all of a sudden, as he turned towards the girl beside him, "Kagura, I'm now going to teach you an invaluable skill, which will always help you, no matter where you end up. And that skill is; how to successfully run away when you're presented a bill!" Before the manager could say a word, the silver haired man had hurtled out, leaving only a cloud of dust behind him. Within milliseconds, the girl too sped after him, her umbrella open over her head. Shinpachi soon followed them, though not before hastily consoling the livid manager that the Vice commander of the Shinsengumi would eventually pay the bill.
"That was surprisingly fun, uh huh! I've never defaulted on a bill before!"
"Kagura, you are indeed a fast learner. I'm highly impressed. However, you still have a lot to learn yet, like running away even faster, before they notice you're gone!"
"Gin san, just what the hell do you think you're teaching her?! How the hell is defaulting on a bill something to be proud of?! Just how low are you going to fall?"
"Megane, stop it; you're a defaulter yourself, yes? Do not belittle this amazing skill."
"Leave it, Kagura, he just takes his straight man role too seriously. It is one of the reasons why he has become so plain and unnoticeable."
"That is why he will probably never get a woman, yes?"
"STOP PICKING ON ME, THE TWO OF YOU! How did you become so friendly within such a short time?! And why the heck are you so similar to each other?" The three of them continued arguing with each other at the top of their voices, until they were interrupted by a calm voice.
"It is indeed a surprise to meet you here, Gintoki. And who is this young lady with you?"
"Zura, what are you doing here? You had better not planted any bombs nearby, or else…"
"It's not Zura, it's Katsura! How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"But I think Zura fits you better, yes? It's also simpler to say, uh huh."
"Young lady, it's not Zura, it's Katsura. May I have the pleasure of knowing who you are?"
"Sure, I'm Kagura, princess of Rakuyou and Edo, and also the wife of a sadistic bastard, who is your ruler! And who are you?"
"You are Okita Sougo's wife? This is indeed a divine opportunity… I'm Katsura Kotarou, leader of the Joui faction and the spearhead behind the movement to overthrow the monarchy!"
"Then we'll get along perfectly, yes? I also want to take revenge on that Sadist, uh huh!"
"That is the spirit of a true leader! I believe we can accomplish a lot together!"
"OI, ZURA! ARE YOU FREAKING TRYING TO CONVERT THE PRINCESS INTO A JOUI REBEL?! And what sort of a wife are you, trying to stage a coup against your husband?! But why am I even doing the straight man role in the first place?!"
Shinpachi sighed for the millionth time that day as he watched the three incredible idiots bicker. Kagura, for one, hardly appeared like a princess; at the moment, she was banging Gin san's and Zura's heads together for crushing a piece of her sukonbu. But he had to smile a little; the princess sure seemed to having fun.
Suddenly, a great crashing noise rang out, and everyone ceased fighting as they observed an entire battalion of Shinsengumi soldiers scatter throughout the main road, apparently engaged in a desperate search. They looked at each other and then at Kagura, before unanimously deciding to run.
A/N: So there ends the eleventh chapter, I hope you had fun reading it! I'm a little worried whether it's as entertaining as I meant it to be, because like fighting scenes, humor too isn't my strongest suit. So please take some time out to review and send me suggestions for improvement too; I love to know what you think of it. As always, follows, favorites, reviews, constructive criticism and anything else are very, very, much appreciated!
Thanks a lot for reading!
