Hello! Remember me? Not. I'm the one who started a story, updated regularly and then fell off the face of the earth for months- yep, that's me. Anyway, I'm so sorry for disappearing but I have been suffering from a crazy case of writer's block- I still am. I can promise you though. I will not disappear from neither this nor my other stories. So I hope that even with months in between every update. That you can bear with me and stay with the story. So? Everybody get it? That's great. Thank you.

"Are you sure? You know I still don't have to go. It doesn't feel right to leave you here alone."

"One." I answered Leonard who stood in the door, with his bags and on his way to leave for that whatever comic-con or whatever it was. "I'm sure. Two- You don't but I know you want to. And three, I won't be alone. I have Bernadette and Amy. Plus, my boss have kept reminding me these past two months that he too is there if I need anything. So you just go!"

"I…"

I wasn't so sure what he was trying to do. I knew he wanted to go, but like any person in a moment like this he'd feel bad for going. I had surgery freaking yesterday and he thought he should stay and feed me soup, get me yet another glass of water and tuck me into bed-not that I needed any of those things though. And right now the only thing I needed was for Leonard to leave so I would get some space for the first time in almost two months.

"Okay, fine…."

"Finally." Sheldon moaned. "Now come on Leonard. Let's go."

Leonard glanced at me again. And I could almost hear that he was hesitating again. I did my best to smile reassuringly at him. But now when he was leaving, I wasn't so sure I wanted him to. I could need him could I?

What if I would have another seizure at night and he wouldn't be there? No one would be there? What would happen then?

"Go." I told Leonard. "Now. I'll be fine I promise." Leonard nodded at last, took his bag and then turned towards the door. Then turned back to kiss me goodbye. I kissed him, then backed away while he walked through the door and closed it after him.

I clenched my hands around the fabric in my shorts. The urge to run after him crying and beg him to stay was so strong- during a few seconds I was certain I would do it. But fighting with all of my self-discipline, I could barely hear the outdoor close and without another word (seriously? Who would I be talking to?) I walked out the door, locked it and walked into my own apartment.

"OW"

When I sat down a roll formed on my stomach that went right by the wounds on the belly button. And before I had had the time to stop myself I had moaned out loud. I should have learnt that would happen by now. But honestly, it was kind of hard to concentrate on that the first few times it happened when Leonard had only looked so worried while Sheldon had been angry for me interrupting their game. So last night I had just spent most time sitting or lying down without standing up at all.

Carefully I leaned forward and got a magazine from the table. And then leaned back in the sofa and put my feet up on the table. Accidentally I kicked down a small paper bag with painkillers that I had gotten from the hospital. But I couldn't let that neither bother me. I had taken some of them last night, but right now the pain was honestly not so bad anymore.

I actually stayed on the sofa for most of the day. I called for a restaurant to send a pizza guy over here and after getting it from the door and paying the pizza and the large cola I slumped back into the sofa (ouch!) put my feet back on the table. And ate like I had never seen food before- if my mum would have seen me eat like that she would have been ashamed of me. Heck! So would dad have been- and he was a farmer whom saw pigs eat every day of his freaking life.

I couldn't have cared less anyhow. And with that I threw the pizza box in the trash before I sat back down to watch TV. And honestly, there was not much else to do that day. Well, except for answering calls from Bernadette, Amy and Leonard about if they'd want me to come (home) and be with me. (and the answer was still that I could make it on my own)

But still, telling them to stay where they were, it still screamed 'NO' in my whole body. I didn't want to be alone. What if something would happen? What if I would have another seizure? What if there was nobody there?

But I just continued to fight those thoughts away. Of course nothing would happen, of course I wouldn't have another seizure. Well… at least the risk wasn't very big… and fighting them all away during the day. When I had gone to bed for the night they all came back with full power- stronger than ever.

I reached up towards my bedside table and my phone. Then used the pillow up against the wall and started scrolling through Facebook. So I did my best to get lost in the worlds of my friends' with whatever they were having for dinner, games they played or videos that had gone viral.

"Although. The longer I stay up. Maybe the risk of having a seizure would get bigger… And I do have to go back to work tomorrow." I sighed to myself and put my phone back on the bedside table. Everything in me screamed 'NO' towards having to go back to work. And I was pretty sure that Dan would as well. But as a matter of fact, it did say on the Internet that you would probably be able to get back to work a day or two after this kind of work and I would be sitting still mostly anyway.

I laid down with another sigh and pulled the covers up to my chin. I guess, if it was tonight that I'd have another seizure then I'd have one whether I was asleep or awake. So with that I closed my eyes. And I must have been more tired than I thought because I fell asleep almost right away but still with only one thought in my head.

I really don't ever want to go through another seizure.

Random fact

Honestly, the fact that this is just another boring filler makes me feel… I can't find a word for it- but I'm sorry I couldn't give you more after all of this waiting. And this chapter too had to be done to get on with the story.