Chapter 24

"Where is she?"

After giving his answer, Giles wisely stepped aside before he could be thrown. The door to her ladyship's sitting room was flung open with such force that a large vase was sent tumbling, its shards littering the floor. Striding slowly into the room, John fixed Lady Armstead in his sights. She met his challenge without flinching.

"What did you say to her?" John's question met with no answer. Her silence confirmed what he already knew, and served as additional fuel for his fury.

"You have no right to my personal life!

"She is not for you."

"You common wench."

"I have your interests at heart when you do not!"

"How dare you!"

"You can ill afford to marry with no consideration to wealth. Don't be a fool! You have an excellent income, but no security. What if something were to happen? Suppose you were injured, or worse? Where would that leave your wife? Your children? You have not thought this out!"

John had never been so angry with her as he was now. Stepping closer, he was careful to stay out of striking distance. His words were measured carefully, but their tone revealed his emotion, "Let me make this plain to you. My life is not and will never be your concern."

Her emotion matched his own, "You are my concern. I have made you my concern!" Then, after quick pause, "Marry me."

What had been unflinching anger gave way to shock. With nothing to warn him of this unexpected change of direction, he had to shake his head to clear it. Stunned, John could only give expression to frank honesty, "I do not love you." Her ability to manipulate his emotions angered him once more, "And you, madam, are not capable of such a thing."

Her ladyship would not be dissuaded, and knew instinctively that direct reference to Arabella would not help win her cause, "Take a mistress if you must."

Just when it seemed he would most likely explode in anger, John grew strangely calm, his eyes lost their focus, "My mother..." He stopped for a moment, wondering at his candor. His voice was unsteady as he continued, "My mother was a mistress. It did not go well with her. I will take no mistress, madam!"

"You would have no need of one, I promise you," Her voice was breathless, soft, pleading.

John was mesmerized by the sound of it. Never before had he heard such open, honest entreaty. And to hear it from this unlikely source! Searching Daphne's eyes, he tried in vain to read her motives, to find meaning behind such apparent disparity.

Feeling the intensity of his gaze and understanding his unspoken question, Daphne stepped slowly forward, reached out her hand and caressed his cheek. John drew a sharp breath and closed his eyes. The scent of lavender filled the air.

"I do love you, John," she murmured, "There is no other reason. All the others, they smile and nod when I say two and two are five. You only speak truth to me," Lady Armstead closed all distance between them. Silk touched wool. Each shuddering breath brought them closer still. Her lips, a mere inclination away, were now his for the taking. Daphne continued to whisper, though John no longer knew what she was saying. Her words caressed his neck, her exhalations were languid summer sighs. The effect was heady, intoxicating, and John felt himself starting to fall.

Like most young men his age Barrow was no cloistered innocent, but his past experiences had been relatively few and by no means completely satisfying. Though savoring the act, the profound give and take of physical pleasure, he would invariably be left feeling like a starving man who goes to bed dreaming of a feast, and is all the worse for waking up in the morning. Concluding that he was not well suited for unalloyed passion, for fire untempered by gentler emotion, John had promised himself to forgo such futility. Until he took a wife.

And now, here was this beautiful woman who had all the world to give and was begging to give it freely. She who had so much on her side - independent wealth conjoined to a staggering annuity, an ancient family name and valuable social connections - was willing to share with someone who had little to give in return. He would certainly not have his love to offer her. Could he ever love her? Would it really matter in the end?

You fool! On impulse he thought, You have loved in vain and are promised to no one! The physical man sought release and presented his reasoning. Why not take what is offered? As John pondered this question he raised his eyes. Directly across from him was a mirror. His reflection showed desire plainly written, as well as doubt. And something else. Startled by what it was, John felt shame and quickly turned away.

It was as if his father's face was looking back at him.

Lady Armstead saw change, saw weakness strengthen into firm resolve and knew that she had lost. Her fingers traced the outline of his cheek one last time as she brought her hand back down to her side. What a prize he might have been, this man who would not be bought. Without parting word or glance, John turned and walked away. As Daphne listened to his receding footfall and quick decent down the main staircase, she was aware that whatever tender emotion had been newly born in her heart was now lying trampled in the dust. And, she must acknowledge, there was no one but herself to blame.

Her initial disappointment was checked, however, as she reminded herself just how overrated were love and marital felicity.

~~O~~

Author's Note: Yep, Lady Armstead just took that boy to school. She underestimated him though. Didn't think he'd pass.

I know I'm in the minority here, but I like Countess Armstead very much. She was a blast to write! She's down to earth and loves taking down anyone who thinks too highly of themselves. She's smart, witty, resourceful, and will always, always land on her feet. She and Arabella have both taken some knocks in life. However, where Arabella has retained her integrity, dignity and grace, Daphne at some point said 'the heck with it', and willingly lost her better self. I almost feel sorry for her, as did John early on in their acquaintance. At a different time or under different circumstances, she and John might have made a very good match, personally - oh, those sparks! - and perhaps even professionally. Had that happened though, this would have been a very different kind of story, and John, a very different kind of man. So even though I like Daphne I'm happy with how this played out, because I like John just the way he is. Even though I want to shake him sometimes.

Barrow is now at a crossroads. Please stay with me, as we see where his journey takes him next.