Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect or any of the characters, neither do I earn any money writing these stories.
Author Note: Some personal issues and events have taken lots of my time and my muse, but I think I am finally starting to come around again. To those that still read my little attempts to entertain - thanks and I hope you can enjoy it.
Also I want togive a huge thanks and lots of hugs and credits to Nighty, who has been a great friend to me over the last weeks and months. Couldn't have done it without you. There is also Star who has to be mentioned as a great Beta-Reader, mason of text walls and inspiration.
Thanks you two!
The excited yowls of the varren drowned the shocked shrieks and yells of the crew. Luckily, only a few people were in the cargo hold when they returned – just the usual people doing the maintenance, making sure the shuttle was secured and ready for the next time.
"He's tame, don't worry," Shepard informed her human crew mates as she ran after the varren. "He's friendly... really, just trying to get to know you," she added as the mechanics started to climb onto crates. "Urz... get back here!" Grunt only laughed heartily and shook his head at the scene.
"That's engineering and not the elevator... we really need to work on this..." she groaned as the varren made his way to the engineering bay.
"What the...," Ken gasped, while Gabby pressed herself against wall as if that would protect her from the tail-wagging varren.
"No reason to panic... he's tame," Shepard panted as she finally got a hold on the collar that she had fastened around Urz's thick neck on their way to the ship. As it was, she was now holding him in place as he squirmed with great joy against Gabby's legs, trying to get the attention he clearly thought he deserved as the newest addition to the Normandy.
"Oh... he's the one that kept following you on Tuchanka," Tali observed as she came closer to the small group. Thank goodness. Somebody that does not scream and run at the mere sight of him, the voice in the back of Shepard's head sighed with relief.
"Yes, that's him. I adopted him," and she was glad that she could let go of the collar again. Urz trotted over to the Quarian and Tali started to stroke his flank. "That's what I mean... he really isn't dangerous. He's basically just a big puppy and fond of people," she grinned as Urz suddenly turned from Tali to Ken again and tried to get the man to pat his back "... and attention."
Hesitating and clearly nervous, Ken slowly reached down and put his hand on the thick skull of the varren who, in response, yelped with joy and leaned against his legs. Shepard couldn't help but smile – this was a first step.
"I don't know why I always thought they would be slimy – kinda like a fish. The skin is smoother than I thought." He continued to run his fingers over Urz' head, "and it's warmer too," he added with growing enthusiasm. It was enough that Gabby started to breathe normally again and stopped pressing herself against the wall.
"He really won't bite?" she asked shyly and took a careful step towards Ken.
"No, he's really more of a big baby. He likes to play and fool around and sometimes he doesn't quite know just how strong he is but no biting that I know of," Shepard informed her. The petite brunette tried to smile but she couldn't hide the fear that she was still feeling.
"You really don't have to be afraid, Gabby, but you don't have to go and play with him. It's alright; I just wanted to introduce him to the crew... though Urz seems to have a different opinion on how to introduce himself," she said warmly. Shepard's genuine joy seemed to calm the other woman down a bit.
"Did you have him checked, Commander?" Tali wanted to know. Shepard wasn't surprised that she was wondering something like that, after all her people had long been fighting the problems of an immensely weakened immune system.
"I had Mordin do a check. Urz is 100% disease free and healthy!" Shepard exclaimed proudly. She'd be lying if she said that she hadn't grown fond of the varren. Every time she headed to Tuchanka, she had spent some time feeding, playing and training him and every time she left him behind, she thought those big eyes and tilted head would break her heart. Now that she was thinking about it, she realized that after Horizon, she had not taken any friendship or signs of affection for granted. She knew that Garrus and Tali were her friends and so were Joker and Chakwas but the rest... she had her doubts and maybe it was because of those doubts that the clear and honest reaction of Urz were a pleasant difference. When he came running to her, tail wagging, she knew he was happy to see her and he stayed with her even if she didn't feed him right away. It felt good to have someone at her side that would never question her or doubt her motives – even if that friend was a varren.
"Well, you all got to see him and now we'll go and scare Deck 2," Shepard smirked at her engineers. "I can't wait to see what Joker will say!" she added and Ken snorted with amusement.
"Record it!" he said and with a grin Shepard, Kaidan and Urz left the room.
"So you'll just let him go on Deck 2? Won't Joker know about it already?" Kaidan asked while they waited for the elevator.
"No, I told EDI to keep quiet on all levels," she responded with an impish grin and she knelt down next to the varren. "You'll just have to run all the way to the cockpit and find that silly pilot." She scratched Urz' head and he... purred or rather snarled friendly in response. Now Shepard was absolutely sure that it had been the right decision to take the varren along.
The doors opened and Shepard looked at her the newest crew mate again before she smacked him lightly on his behind and sent him exploring Deck 2. The varren didn't wait long and quickly started to make his way out of the elevator. The shrieks and yells told Sayen that the crew had taken notice of Urz and the first soldiers running to the elevator also told her that she was succeeding in scaring Deck 2. She couldn't help but chuckle when she saw the reaction... though she knew it was unfair. The first time she had seen Urz up close, she was impressed and very cautious... that was until he dropped on his front legs and started wagging his tail.
"No need to be afraid, he's a tame varren – the Commander's new pet." Kaidan tried to calm down the crew as best as he could but seeing Shepard's shoulder shake with muffled laughing made it really difficult to stay serious. Eventually he gave up and merely stepped out of the way of the escaping soldiers, only to hear a loud girlish scream followed by cussing and yelling a few moments later.
"What the... get away... help... Shooosh!" Joker yelled and neither Kaidan nor Shepard could hold back their wholehearted laughter.
"Commander... what the hell is this? No... leave me alone! Hey, quit slobbering over my chair. Dammit... this is real leather! Bite me but leave my chair alone... fuck off...!" the pilot yelled as he tried to push the varren away. Urz, of course, considered it as a motivation to play even more with Joker. While he had been yelling and whining, Shepard had staggered under laughter towards the cockpit.
"Urz..." she giggled, holding on to a chair to keep herself from sinking to her knees. "Urz, go easy on him," She clapped her hand on her thigh, trying to get the varren's attention. "C'mon boy." She laughed again as Urz chewed just one more time on the armrest of Joker's seat. While doing so, he looked so adorable that even Kaidan couldn't suppress a low 'awww'. Joker on the other hand continued to pour a stream of curses at the poor animal. It seemed that at some point the slanderous flow of words caught Urz' attention and the varren tilted his head, looking with his big eyes at the pilot. It was absurd enough that even Joker stopped talking.
Some hours later, most of the crew had heard of or met Urz and the first wave of panic had subsided - giving Shepard the time to set up the two litter boxes she had taken along. One was in the cargo hold, the other in her cabin and as Ratch had instructed, she had marked those location with a synthetic scent - imperceptible for the humanoid part of the crew. When she had asked Ratch about that problem, she had expected him to laugh but to her surprise he had given her the instructions and had sold her the litter boxes and by now she was aware that it wasn't such a strange question, especially if one considered how many Krogans had a varren at their side. A little nudge at her side made her look up.
"There you are! This is your new bathroom... so to speak," she said with a smile while she let her hand run over the thick skull of her scaly companion. We really shouldn't let Thane hear that... could create an interesting jealousy situation! Shepard grinned at the thought as she pushed the litter box a bit further into the corner of the cargo hold and before putting her back against the wall and sliding to the ground. She felt tired – very tired. Urz inspected his new toilet once more and then moved over to Shepard and looked at her for a moment before he lay down next to her, his head on her legs.
Shepard also instructed EDI to monitor the reactions of the crew towards the new member on the team. She wanted to avoid panics and she surely wanted to avoid acts of violence that could possible lead to a dead crew mate or varren on her ship.
"Understood, Commander." EDI fell silent for a moment. "You should get some sleep, Shepard. You look exhausted." A bitter grin wandered over Shepard's lips. Great... so the AI has noticed – makes you wonder how many of the crew have noticed already! She sighed at those mocking words and rested her head against the wall.
Over the next few days, Urz had indeed brought some interesting joys and activities to the ship. He was proudly patrolling 'his' ship, checking his new pack, making sure everything was in order and everyone was well. But once his duties were done, he found great joy in being scratched and stroked by the crew that had finally accepted his presence. During the silent hours on the ship, Grunt made it a habit to sneak out and train with the varren, though sometimes it turned into a simple game of ball throwing. The human crew was lucky to be asleep during those hours; otherwise Grunt might have torn off their heads to preserve his honor.
Urz enjoyed all of it and he never lost a word about the bits and pieces he got from Rupert. He cherished the baths he got from Kaidan and he wore the collar of leather and spikes he got from Jack with great pride. He tried to make friends with the screaming pilot. Joker was not very open to the friendship, but he would eventually give in. After all, varren were known for their resilience and persistence. Even less receptive to a friendship was Miranda. She seemed to have problems with forming friendships and bonds with humans, much less with other species and she made it very clear that she didn't want the new four legged guardian around her at any time. Her decision caused a rather humorous situation when her companion felt quite the opposite. Whenever Urz passed Jacob he always received quite a bit of attention and some gentle pats on his back. Such was the new life of Urz, former champion of the pit.
But with all the enjoyment there was, he always returned to the one place that was his new haven, the one place where his mistress and friend was usually greeting him gently. She didn't fight him when he eventually hopped onto the bed and slept at her feet and she didn't push him away when he put his heavy head on her knees while she was working at her desk, instead she let her palm run over his head and back.
The days had been busy and Shepard had had little time to leave her cabin. How in the world the news of the founding of Last Hope had spread so quickly was beyond her. The number of messages was getting overwhelming even though she could get rid of a lot of them rather quickly. Merc groups who wanted to join them to make some quick credits or to gain some fame. There were also threats and insults from all sorts of people and a lot of them seemed to be convinced that Shepard had simply lost her mind during the last two years of her... absence. Some of the theories concerning her activities during that time were able to carve a smile on her face – despite the stress and frustration.
"I wish I had been doing a lot of those things," she mumbled to herself as she closed one of the messages and deleted it. Urz rose his head in a questioning matter and it got Shepard to laugh as she patted him on the shoulder.
"It's nothing, big guy." She pushed her chair back a bit and looked at her new friend "but how about we get something to eat? I'm sure Rupert has some left overs for us." Urz got up, his tail wagging and ready to go.
They left the elevator a few minutes later but there was nobody in the mess and the light was dimmed. Only a few people sat at their workstations and she realized that she had been working for longer than she had planned. The night-shift had taken over and everyone else seemed to have gone to bed.
"Let's see what we have" she said in a low voice and began to rummage through the food that Gardner had stored for the late shift. She found some roast and casserole. "This is perfect" she said more to herself than to Urz but when he tilted his head she quickly added "Don't worry, I'll share some of the roast with you." One of Urz' unique friendly snarls sealed the deal. She put her own meal on to heat and then placed a bowl for Urz on the floor next to the table. As she rose to her feet again she suddenly noticed a dim light in the medbay. Dr. Chakwas usually shut everything off once she headed to bed and the light was too dim for an emergency. Curiosity killed the hunger, at least for the moment, and she approached the window.
She couldn't see anything at first but then she noticed a slight movement in the corner of the room. She could only see the elbow of a bent arm but it was enough for her to know who it was. One hand would be resting on his forehead, ready to shield his eyes against any possible light. The fact that he was sleeping here and not in his quarters told her that the migraine was a bad one.
There was an urge starting to tear on her insides... she wanted to go to him and see if he was alright. She wanted to run her hand through his hair, wanted to feel the skin of his face, checking if he had a fever or to simply wipe away the thin film of sweat that had formed on his skin. She wanted to put her head on his chest to hear him breathe, to hear his heartbeat and to feel his presence... his warmth. But something was keeping her. Her pride and fear chained her to a spot where she was safe from him. It's not going to hold forever, you know? That chain will shatter one of these days! The little voice told her and for once, Shepard did not argue with it but felt a bit of hope and relief.
But at that point it didn't matter. She loosened her gaze from Kaidan and returned to the waiting food, her stomach thanking her with anticipating grumbles.
The meds had worn off and the migraine was little more than a bad memory. Ever since Horizon the number of migraines had grown drastically. Seeing her again had had a great impact on him – mentally and physically. It ranged from shaking hands to sudden nausea, bad dreams and waking up in the middle of the night as well as migraines of different levels every other day.
Even after he had seen her again on the Citadel and during the Council meeting, things had not become much better. On the contrary – being aware of their little trip through the Omega-4 Relay had made the nightmares even more colorful and vivid; even if he did know that they made it back alive. His nightmares had reached almost the same intensity of the ones three years ago only that this time, his dreams usually wrapped around her being alive and not being able to reach her.
He remembered the meeting with the Council some days after Shepard had given them all their information. Anderson had suggested getting an Alliance soldier onto Shepard's team, as a contact, a mediator and if absolutely necessary, an informant. Of course there had been a discussion about it. The other councilors were not happy about the role going to the Alliance but Anderson had convinced them. He knew that Shepard would remain a soldier and she had been in the Alliance long enough to know how things worked. Once the others agreed, a discussion started on who should be sent and without realizing that he had even opened his mouth, Kaidan had volunteered. He had been dismissed shortly after that so that the Council could discuss the matter further. Some hours later, Anderson had called and informed him that he had been chosen as the Alliance's contact on Normandy. Once that information had sunken into his conscious, he had spent a good thirty minutes emptying his stomach. The nervousness and stress of the last few weeks had demanded their toll.
And now he was here. He suddenly realized that ever since he had arrived, his migraines had actually gone down in frequency and this one had been the first that demanded medical treatment. But it was gone now and he was hoping that he would be able to catch a few more hours of sleep in his quarters. He sat up slowly and made his way off the bed and out of the medbay. The light in the mess was dimmed and when he was about to move on, he saw someone. It was late and he wondered who couldn't sleep, so he walked over to the tables.
It was Shepard who sat at the table, with Urz resting peacefully at her feet, an empty bowl next to him. When Kaidan approached, the varren lifted his head just a little to see who he was. Once he recognized Alenko, he returned to his comfortable state of dozing. Shepard had not moved at all and so Kaidan was sure that she had fallen asleep. He moved a bit to the side and noticed an empty plate and two datapads next to her. She had placed her left elbow on the table, her head resting in her left hand, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted.
Even now, as she was sleeping, she looked exhausted. The dark shadows around her eyes seemed to have become a natural part of her face. She had had them on Horizon already, but they didn't have the same dark shade. Her pale skin didn't do anything to lessen the intensity – on the contrary. He'd be lying if he said that he hadn't been fascinated by the ivory color.
He remembered how it had intrigued and excited him to watch her pale hand wander over his own tanned skin and he remembered how happy he had felt when she had grabbed his hand for the first time – her white fingers intertwined with his own. Everything had gone well then... but it was only a sad memory now... like all the things of the past. Even though, when he was standing right next to her, she seemed outside his reach.
Oh, not literally of course – he knew he could touch her, could run the tip of his finger over her soft lips. He knew he could comb those streaks out of her face or rest his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging her neck with his thumbs but even if she would allow it... it would not be the same. As long as they both continued to keep the walls up that they had created since that fateful day... things would never be the same again.
But for now he would let her sleep. She'd probably be angry if she knew he was watching her and she would probably be even angrier if she knew what he had been thinking about.
The night shift would end soon and he wanted to get a bit more sleep. He had started to leave the mess when someone suddenly crossed his path.
"Morning, Commander" Rupert greeted him cheerfully. Before Kaidan could signal him to be quiet, Rupert had already thrown a small bag with supplies towards the kitchen. The noise of the bag landing on the counter was quickly followed by another loud bang, this time coming from the mess. They turned around and could see how Shepard lifted her head from the table, a long list of curses escaping her lips. The sudden noise had caused her to jump and without the support of her hand, her head had made an uncomfortable touchdown onto the table.
"I... I'm sorry, Commander, I didn't know you were sleeping" Gardner apologized over and over again but Shepard shook her head carefully, telling him that it was alright. Kaidan did his best to hide his amusement and he was surprised when Shepard didn't glare at him. Instead an ever so light smile formed on her lips for a moment.
"How's your migraine?" She wanted to know and he was startled. He didn't know that she had taken notice of his stay in the medbay.
"Gone – thank you, ma'am. But I think I should try to get another hour of sleep."
"Yeah, you do that. I'll try to get some coffee from Mr. Gardner to soothe my own headache now." While he was surprised at her friendly words, he didn't want to press his luck and so he simply nodded and left for his quarters.
