Here we go, people; some info about the dear ex monster-in-law. Hope you enjoy.
As always, bouncy 72, magnessina and OLVamptramp are angels and I love their clever brains that catch the things I don't. You're awesome, ladies; I love you.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; the rest is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. Any coping or reproduction of this work is not permitted without my express written authorisation.
Chapter 11: Let's talk
BPOV
Who knew a simple voicemail could cause so much tension in one man's body?
The second that voice filtered out of the machine, Edward's relaxed and calm posture went rigid. His arms contracted around my middle and I felt his back go straight as his chest pushed into me from behind. Where he had been soft and warm just seconds before, he was now hard as stone. I felt myself being shifted as his thighs tightened underneath me, and the gentle rhythm of his breathing stopped completely at the sound of the woman's voice.
"Hello? Maddie? Are you there, sweetie? It's me – grandma."
Grandma...?
Oh my god.
The woman's voice sent chills down my spine, for several reasons. Not only because of who she had to be, but because of the odd tone she used. Expectant, but surprised. Old and delighted, as though the prospect of talking to Maddie was the best thing she could imagine, but there was something so... just so downright creepy about it, too. They way she said 'grandma' made me recoil a little. I couldn't decide if it sounded threatening or mentally unsound. Probably a terrifying mixture of both.
"Pick up, sweetie. Please? I just want to talk to you, it's all right. Maddie? Are you there?"
I gasped as Edward's arms tightened even more around me, like steel bars forcing the air from my lungs. He didn't seem to notice. His eyes and his entire attention was directed at the phone across the room.
Edward's breathing was picking up speed. His chest moved me up and down, up and down as I listened in growing apprehension to this woman. There was so much longing in her words now, almost frantic longing. Her old, grainy and worn tones held something wholly unpleasant about them. To be perfectly honest, she sounded kind of like how I'd imagine a pervert would talk to a child, promising them that they had candy in their car and that it was all right, because they knew the kid's mom.
It was a little disturbing, to say the least. I would have never associated or labelled her as a grandmother. Grandmother's were supposed to be kind and warm and comforting. This woman was anything but that.
"Maddie, if you're there, pick up the phone. I just want to talk to my granddaughter for a little while, there's nothing wrong with that. I love you, Maddie, you know that, right?"
I felt Edward start to tremble underneath me. His muscles were shaking, downright shaking, and I could almost feel his anger radiate into my own body. Something akin to the helplessness that accompanies intense stress surged through me, making me nervous and a little scared.
I tilted my head back so I could see Edward's face. My eyes were first drawn to the contractions of his jaw as he ground his teeth together. My gaze jumped down to his throat, the skin flushed and drawn taut over veins, muscles and tendons. The angry set of his mouth was next; with his teeth on the edge of being bared, I wouldn't have been surprised if a furious growl rumbled through them. I looked up, dimly taking in one prominent vein crossing his forehead before I found myself completely trapped by the disgust and rage burning out of his eyes.
I had never seen him this livid. I'd barely even seen him angry, for god's sake. Scrambled, useless thoughts crashed through my mind, the product of me trying to find some way to... I don't know, to help him, or calm him, or just do something, but there was nothing. Nothing for me to grab on to; no brilliant idea, no soothing advice or words standing by to tumble out of my mouth. I could only watch him as the voice continued to spill out of the machine.
"Oh, Maddie. Please pick up for grandma, it's okay. You're allowed to pick up the phone, I promise. I just want to talk to you, that's all."
At this, Edward's beautiful face twisted into a mask of pure, violent rage. My thoughts all stopped as my body's instincts took over. Adrenaline exploded into my veins, my heart thrumming violently as it pushed it through my bloodstream. I wanted to cower, I wanted to get away from Edward, despite my better judgement. I knew he'd never hurt me, and I knew his anger wasn't directed at me, and I knew he would never act out against me, but I couldn't help my primal reaction. Edward was scaring me in that moment, and a small part of my mind whispered anxiously for me to fight my way out of his iron grip.
It's not the same, it's not the same, don't even think about that right now, it's not the same, Edward would never-... don't even think about it, Bella! Stop it, stop it, stop it, right now, just stop it. It's not the same.
"Maddie? Oh, Maddie?"
The old woman sing-songed the little girl's name enticingly, and I felt my face automatically move to express my dislike of it. What the hell was going on here?
There was a pause in her message; the only sound heard throughout the room was Edward's harsh breathing and the movie still playing in the background. Seconds passed as she waited in vain. She must have realised Maddie wasn't going to pick up the phone, because when she spoke again, her voice slithered out of the machine, laced with venomous accusations.
"Has your 'daddy' told you not the answer the phone? Hmm?"
She sneered the term, as if it truly offended her, and I couldn't hold back the shocked gasp that left me. She had gone from sickly sweet to disgustedly hateful in a matter of seconds, and there was no mistaking who she was aiming her feelings towards. Edward's arms suddenly went from feeling like they were holding me back, to being more like something to hold him back. As if his grip on me was the only thing restraining him from flying across the room to pick up the phone and either scream obscenities at the woman, or launch the thing at a wall.
"Your precious daddy is a bad man, Maddie. You hear me? A bad man. You have no idea what he's done, or what he's capable of doing. Don't listen to him, Maddie! He's a cruel, cruel man."
The silence after her statement lasted no longer than a second or two, but it felt like the world stopped regardless. Ice cold fear crackled down my spine, spreading quickly around my ribcage and chilling my skin. What the hell was she talking about? The ice chased the hot adrenaline through my veins, causing goosebumps to rise all over me. A bad man? Edward? No, no, that just wasn't possible, no way. Absolutely not. Edward was a good man. A really good man. I knew that. No way was he cruel...
Edward froze, just like I had done. His trembling, his breathing, his clenching muscles and grinding teeth – it all stopped at her words. His intense stillness spoke of such anger that he couldn't even move.
Edward isn't bad, he isn't cruel, he's a good, good man, a kind man and an amazing father, and he isn't bad or cruel...
"Listen to me, Maddie! You can't trust him. All he does is spew lies! He's trying to-"
Her message cut off abruptly, a high-pitched beep announcing the end. I didn't dare move or breathe, even as cold sweat pricked at the base of my skull.
Edward blinked, the furious statue coming to life. A deep growl hissed between his teeth and he started trembling again. He swallowed with great difficulty, and then I was suddenly sliding off his lap.
The removal of his iron grip around my waist automatically made my lungs fill with air. Before I'd even really been deposited on the couch, Edward was off it, striding across the room with fire trailing behind him in angry streaks. He punched the delete button so hard I half expected his finger to go straight through the machine.
With a forceful exhale, he then braced his hands on the table in front of him, dropping his head down to his chest. I sat in silence, just watching him. What else could I do?
'Oh hey, Edward, would you mind an awful lot telling me what the hell that was all about? Because I'm kind of freaking out here after hearing your former mother-in-law calling you a bad and cruel man, and even though I find that really hard to believe, I still don't really know what to think, because she wouldn't really be saying that about you unless she had a reason.'
Yeah, I'm sure that would go over swimmingly.
So I watched and waited. Watched tremors ripple down his back as he fought for some semblance of control, and waited while he decided what he needed to do now. I hoped he would decide to explain some things to me, but with something as personal as that message had been, and all the implications it brought with it, who was I to demand to know anything. This was clearly something Edward had issues with, and I could wait until he felt comfortable discussing them with me.
That didn't mean I wanted to, but I would. I could definitely appreciate not wanting to discuss ghosts from the past. It would probably be a while before I could let him know about mine.
Finally though, he spoke. His voice was strained, trembling and angry, despite his obvious effort to hold his emotions back.
"That doesn't... happen very often. I don't fucki-, I don't let that... happen. I don't like voicemails. Because of that. H-her."
He choked on the last word, his head dipping even further down as he hunched his shoulders. I nodded dumbly, fully aware of how useless the action was as he couldn't see me, but unable to not acknowledge his words somehow.
I waited for him to say more, but he seemed to still be struggling for control. After a few moments of silence passed, I hesitantly spoke up.
"Was that...? I mean, is she...?"
"Emily's mother, yes."
I drew a shaky breath and nodded again, more to myself than anything. It felt weird, thinking about Edward's ex-wife's mother. I had always, logically, known that Maddie had family-ties on her mother's side, but since Emily was such a distant part of her and Edward's lives, I'd never consciously thought about them. I had never really considered where they were or if they had some sort of role to play in Maddie's life.
I guess I sort of pushed Emily and everything that had to do with her away. It honestly wasn't that often that I thought of her; she left them, and in my mind, that was that. Obviously my mind and reality were two very separate places.
"She lives in Phoenix," he suddenly offered, quietly. Then, as an afterthought, "alone."
"Oh?"
I barely saw the affirmative bop of his head. He lapsed back into silence, and I reverted to my waiting.
After about a minute, his breathing had slowed significantly. He seemed much calmer now, as if he were over the worst of it. When he spoke again his voice had lost most of the heated anger that had lingered before.
"I'm sorry about... that, Bella. You shouldn't have had to hear that."
I floundered for words to say in response, even as my mouth went on ahead. "That's okay."
His unamused chuckle seemed out of place, warring with the residual tension in the room. "No, it's far from okay. We both know that."
Neither my mouth or my brain could think of anything to say in response to that, so I stayed quiet and watched as he slowly pushed himself upright and turned to face me.
A deep frown darkened his eyes, and he still looked troubled, but the furious and scary expression from earlier was gone. He seemed resigned and tired now, more than anything. He leaned back against the table and looked down at the floor.
"I've been planning to tell you this stuff. Eventually. I don't want you to think it's something I've been hiding from you on purpose."
He glanced up at me quickly, just in time to see me shake my head.
"I don't think that."
He nodded slowly and cast his eyes back down to the wooden floor.
"Good. Maybe you've already realised this, based on that... phone call, but it's... I mean, it's complicated. Fuck, I'm sorry, I just-... I'd been planning on telling you this stuff later, you know? When you and I were a bit more... established. Like, a few months down the line. Or something, I don't know."
"I get it."
"Yeah. But that's kind of not possible anymore. I have to tell you now, after that."
I didn't want to say no. I didn't want to say that he didn't have to explain if he wasn't comfortable with it right now. I wanted to know what was going on, because what I had just witnessed and heard was confusing the hell out of me, and it felt like something I should know more about as Edward and I became... established.
But I still said it, because I'd do that for him.
"No, Edward, you don't. I understand if you-"
"Bella."
He looked at me with raised eyebrows and just shook his head. He was clearly having none of that.
Well, okay then. Carry on.
I raised my hands in defeat, and he actually cracked a smile. With a small push of his hands, he left the table and crossed the room towards me. The couch dipped as he sat down, left foot tucked under his right, arm leaning against the back of the couch. I shifted to mirror his position after turning off the TV, and he reached over to grab my free hand.
"So... that was my former mother-in-law, Eileen. I don't really know where to start with all of this, so I'll just... from the beginning, as they say."
"That is generally a good place to start."
"Right. Well, I guess that would be after Emily left. The last time I ever actually heard from her was when she sent divorce papers to me a few months later. Through a lawyer, of course. She included these forms, where she signed off any and all parental rights to Maddie, giving me full custody of her. She promised to never contact either me or my daughter ever again, no matter what the reason might be. Basically, she eliminated all the loop-holes. She knew that leaving meant really leaving; she had to do it right. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if she suddenly regretted it years down the line and tried to come back, you know?"
I nodded and squeezed his fingers as he continued.
"So, that was kind of this huge... wake-up call or something. She was really gone. For good. And when I realised that, all these thoughts and plans and images I had of my future sort of just crumbled, because they'd all involved her. Like I'd sometimes think about when Maddie would graduate first grade – Emily would somehow be there. Or Maddie going off to college, or her first date, or getting freaking married and all that stuff. Emily was always there, somehow, even if it was only in the background. I mean, I married the woman – obviously I'd given our future a bit of thought.
"And even some of the thoughts I'd had about me being the one to leave... I still always assumed that we'd have joint custody, or some kind of visitation schedule and whatever else. Even then, Emily was there, in the background."
He buried his free hand deep into his hair, his eyes trained somewhere around my right hip; I knew he wasn't really seeing it though. He was somewhere else entirely.
"But when I realised what those documents meant, and all those images came crashing down, I didn't know what my future looked like anymore. It was so strange, suddenly having these huge holes in my plans. I realised I had to completely reconstruct everything, if that makes sense. And the quickest and easiest way to do that was to completely forget about Emily. To just ignore everything that was connected to her.
"Maddie wasn't 'our' daughter anymore. She became mine. All me. I sort of see Emily as nothing more than an egg donor at this point. She was never really Maddie's mother, in any sense of the word. And my own ties to her, husband and wife and all that... it just seems so... strange. As if it happened a really long time ago. It almost doesn't matter to me anymore. I've just completely cleaned Emily out of my 'system' or whatever."
His eyes shifted up to mine, and he almost looked a little ashamed of how he'd dealt with her abandonment. I just smiled softly and squeezed his hand again. There would be no judgement from me. He smiled back and nodded.
"So, anyway... A couple of weeks before Maddie's fourth birthday, I got this package in the mail. Or well, it was actually addressed to her, which I thought was a bit strange. And when I looked for the return address, it said ' E. Beaton'."
He shook his head with a dry chuckle. "Beaton is Emily's maiden name."
I felt my mouth fall open. "Wha-...? Did she actually send-"
"No, no. It wasn't Emily. But I definitely thought it was at first, just like you. So I opened the package, to see what it was – it was a fucking miracle I didn't rip the damn thing to shreds, I was so angry. But inside there was a birthday present, all wrapped up and with a card and everything. That's when I really lost my shit. I was just so... furious, thinking that Emily had had the nerve to send my daughter something for her birthday. But, it turned out to be this hand-knit little dress thing, and I couldn't understand why Emily would send something like that. I finally looked at the card and understood that it wasn't Emily Beaton, but Eileen Beaton who had sent it."
"Ah, her grandmother."
"Right."
"What did you do? I mean, how did she even find you?"
Edward shrugged.
"I have no idea. But I hid the gift in my room until the next day, when I could get rid of it. I didn't want Maddie to see it, you know?"
At my nod, he continued, the hand buried in his hair moving down to cup the back of his neck.
"I didn't do it to be mean or anything, I just didn't want Emily's mother in our lives, for obvious reasons. I mean, Maddie wouldn't be able to understand why Eileen could be there, but not Emily. It would have been a different situation altogether if Emily had passed away or something, but she didn't. She left, by choice, and that makes me want absolutely nothing about her in our lives anymore. And that includes Eileen."
He sounded so tired and worn, which wasn't really surprising. After his emotional conversation with Maddie earlier today, having all of this happen on top of that seemed almost cruel.
"But the damn card she'd written, it was so... it worried me. It was so..."
He struggled with words, and I dipped my head lower to try to look into his eyes.
"What did it say?"
Edward sighed and dropped his hand from his neck. It landed on the back of the couch with a dull thud.
"It was like she didn't even acknowledge our situation at all, you know? As if her daughter hadn't left us and signed away all her parental rights to the granddaughter she was doting on. A granddaughter she hasn't even met, for god's sake..."
My brow creased in confusion as he slowly trailed off.
"She's never met Maddie? Not even while Emily was still with you?"
He shook his head slowly, looking down at his lap.
"No. Emily didn't... well, she didn't really have the best relationship with her parents. She didn't even invite them to our wedding." He scoffed. "I was the one who eventually convinced her to even tell them she was pregnant. I guess that might account for her own lack of like... maternal instincts, if you know what I mean. She liked to act like whatever happened in her childhood, whatever she had to deal with when it came to her parents, didn't really bother or affect her at all. She never really told me anything, but there's always a reason behind the kind of relationship she had with them."
He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was much softer than before.
"You know, sometimes I wonder if that wasn't partly why she left. Like if she didn't want Maddie to have to grow up in the same kind of environment that she did."
"It wouldn't surprise me. It could have been a subconscious factor, definitely. Maybe she was scared of becoming like her parents."
He made a noise of agreement.
"She really hated her mother. It was so easy to see, no matter how much she insisted that she didn't give a shit either way. So there was never even a question of inviting them for a visit, or going to see them so they could meet Maddie. We didn't even send them pictures. Emily just... basically, she pretended they didn't exist, and I kind of did too. I mean, I knew them from when we were younger and dating in high school and stuff, but even then I only met them a handful of times. We never hung out at her house or anything like that.
"Then they moved away to Phoenix when she and I went off to college, and since then I never really gave them much thought. All of that made it really easy to just completely forget about them when Emily left; I just lumped them with all the other Emily-related stuff and pushed it from my mind. But that card that Eileen wrote... it was like she was just sending along another present, as if she'd been doing it all the time, and it sounded as if she was expecting to see Maddie soon or something."
Edward frowned and I could see his jaw move as he clenched his teeth worriedly.
"I threw the card away; gave the sweater to charity. And then I hoped I would never hear from her again. Clearly, that didn't happen."
He gestured back at the phone with his head and I sighed quietly. He definitely heard from her again, and she apparently just got crazier and crazier over time.
"So what happened next? More presents?"
"Yeah, she sent one for Christmas. Gift and a card for Maddie, just like before. Only this time, she included a note, to me." At this, a small flare of irritation lit up his eyes. "That fucking note-... you know what it said? The woman had the damn nerve to question how I was raising my daughter, just because she hadn't received a fucking 'thank-you'-note. She wondered if I was making sure I taught Maddie some 'proper manners', something she then insinuated that I myself might be fucking lacking."
Edward threw his hand in the air while I gaped incredulously.
"What? That's ridiculous; you're an amazing dad. Maddie has very nice manners."
He managed to give me a small smile in thanks, but there was tension in his lips and eyes that didn't melt away.
"Yeah well, needless to say, I didn't bother responding to that one either. I threw away the card, donated the gift and again hoped that would be the last I'd ever hear from her. But she called here, two weeks later."
I raised an eyebrow. I wondered if she had been a creepy old woman then too.
"She was... well, I don't know really. It was weird. I hadn't expected to hear from her like that, and she wasn't being rude to me or anything, so the only thing I could really do was keep the conversation polite. She started telling me these really random things about her life, like she was filling me in on things I'd missed since the last time we spoke or something. Which is of course weird, seeing as we never actually talked. I think I've spent a cumulative amount of like 10 minutes in her presence, ever.
"Anyway, so she told me how her husband had passed away the year before. I actually think that might have messed with her head a little, if you know what I mean. She doesn't have any other living relatives, and with Emily not talking to her... I guess the loneliness sort of got to her or something. So she apparently decided to take a great interest in her granddaughter's life."
I shook my head slowly in both disbelief and pity – or something similar to it, at least – for the woman. It was sad that she was all alone now, but I couldn't help but agree with Edward's thought that she must have gone a bit insane. I suppressed a shiver as I thought back to her voice on the phone.
"I told her, as politely as I could, that I appreciated her wishes and everything, but that I just couldn't let her into Maddie's life, at least not now when she's this young. She wouldn't understand it, and Eileen would just complicate her life too much. I told her I was sorry, but... I just couldn't allow her to have any contact with my daughter."
He sighed and stuck his hand into his hair again. "She didn't really like that. She started calling every now and then after that. She was nice enough at first, trying to convince me to come visit, or to allow her to come stay for a while. I kept telling her no, explaining why I couldn't do that, and she kept trying to use the lonely old lady angle to gain my sympathy or something..."
He trailed off then and his eyes slid over to the wall across from us, where the phone was. A beautiful selection of framed photographs hung on the wall, some in black and white, and some in colour. I had recognised Edward's hands and arms in them immediately when I first noticed them. The small feet and hands encased in his larger ones could belong to no one but Maddie. Edward had told me that Alice had been the mastermind behind them; when the two of them moved up to Seattle, she had given him a session with a photographer as a gift, to signify a fresh start for them.
The photos spoke of how much Edward loved his daughter, and how the absence of her mother didn't really matter. Edward was parent enough to fill her place, and then some.
"... but, I can honestly say that I don't really care how lonely she is. My concern is for Maddie and making sure she's okay, and I know that 'helping' Eileen with her loneliness is not what's best for Maddie. I know that Eileen has no actual rights to demand to see Maddie, especially not after Emily left and the documents she signed. Technically, in the eyes of the law, Maddie doesn't even have a mother. And on top of that, they've never even met each other either, so Eileen really doesn't have a case against us."
His gaze left the pictures on the wall and returned to me. There seemed to be a lot going on behind those eyes of his, and I caressed his knuckles with my thumb in sympathy.
"Anyway; when I continued to refuse her, she started getting a little less polite. And a hell of a lot more angry. She started yelling at me over the phone and stuff, and eventually I would just hang up on her. She doesn't like it when I do that. Sometimes she'll call like five times in a row, and then I have to answer just to get rid of her. She's now taken to sending me emails too, and calling me a 'bad' and 'cruel' man, as you heard, for what she thinks I'm doing to her."
I frowned in confusion until it dawned on me what he meant.
"Oh, she thinks you're keeping her away from Maddie to be mean or something?"
"Yeah," he said with a sigh, raising his hand to rub at his eyes.
"Wow, that's... I think you're right; she's slightly insane. And really selfish. I mean, I guess I get that she wants to see her granddaughter and that she's lonely, but how can she not understand what that might do to Maddie? There's no way in hell it won't have a negative effect on her if her other grandmother is suddenly introduced into her life like this. At least while she's still so young. Maybe when she's older, sure – she might understand then, but now? No way."
I shook my head as Edward looked at me with a grateful smile.
"Exactly. Thank you. Look, I'm not going to lie, I've been... maybe a little worried that you wouldn't understand my decisions with this. Like you wouldn't be able to see why I'm... doing this, but..."
"No, no, I get it, I really do."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, of course. But how often does she call? I mean, it seems like she's bothering you a lot. Can't you like... change your number or something?"
He sighed and nodded tiredly. "Yeah, I could change my number, but I guess I'm just being stubborn or something. It's like... I don't want to have to change my number just because of her, you know? Kind of like, she'll win if she forces me to do that. I'm holding on to the hope that she'll take the hint soon and just leave us alone or something. If she doesn't... well, then I'll do what I have to."
"What you have to? What, like... legal action or something?"
"Yeah," he hedged. "I'd rather not have to drag lawyers and shit into this, though. As I said, she doesn't have a case against me and with the circumstances as they are... I think I could easily get a restraining order if I had to. But I won't pursue anything like that until I absolutely have to. I'm still hoping I can make her understand why I'm doing this."
I nodded and squeezed his hand before we both fell into silence, doubtlessly thinking of the same things. I was mostly trying to process all of this, thinking of how Edward just couldn't seem to shake off the Emily-issue once and for all. Would he never be free of her? She clearly wanted him to be, just like she wanted to be free of him and Maddie; she wouldn't have left if that wasn't the case.
But Edward still had a lot to deal with. As far as I could tell, he was only now starting to reconcile with what she had done. Based on what he himself had told me, and his thoughts about why she did it and how it made him feel, he must have finally been able to sort through everything and organise his emotions. He didn't speak of it like a man who was still a mess, unable to hone in the central issues and see both sides of it. Edward could do that, and he had many in-depth comments and musings about it all.
He must have been a wreck in the months following Emily's abandonment, and with a small baby to take care of on top of all that... it was a miracle he was still sane. I looked over at the wall of photographs again, and I knew that he had his family to thank for a lot of things. He probably wouldn't have made it without them.
Edward's soft and repentant voice finally broke the silence, surprising me a little.
"Bella, I'm sorry."
I turned back to him; I'm sure my surprise and confusion must have shown on my face.
"For what?"
He sighed and looked down at his lap.
"For all of this. I know it's a lot to... a lot to deal with, and I-... I mean, we've only known each other for four weeks, and I'm sitting here telling you all about my crazy ex-mother-in-law. I'm surprised you haven't run out the door."
I laughed despite myself. He looked up, seeming surprised by my reaction. I shook my head and cupped his cheek.
"You're a silly man sometimes, Edward."
He continued to look surprised, so I climbed onto his lap and kissed him softly. I liked being on his lap more than the couch anyway.
"You're a silly man with a very complicated life," I told him as he wound his arms around me, "but a crazy ex-mother-in-law isn't going to chase me off. You won't get rid of me that easily. I like you too much and I think I'll stay around for a while."
I didn't know where exactly I got the courage to be so forthcoming with him in that moment; it mostly just tumbled out of my mouth before I could over-think it too much. I just hoped it was something he wanted to hear, and not something that would cause him to be the one running out the door.
Apparently it was the former, because his ears turned a little red and a shy smile broke out on his face. I wish I only blushed with my ears, too.
"Yeah? Well, that's a relief, because I kinda like you too." He started drawing circles on my back and I shivered as he continued in a whisper, "very much."
My cheeks flamed up with pleasure and a joyous feeling tickled through my chest. I leaned in and kissed him softly, both of us lingering in the warmth and comfort of it for several moments. I pressed myself closer and he sighed, sounding tired but much more calm and relaxed as I nestled my face into his neck.
We held each other close for a while; the setting sun, which had painted the whole room with a orange warmth, slowly sank and left us in a growing darkness. We didn't move until my legs turned numb beneath me and I could barely make out his face in the lack of light. We didn't speak anymore after that. With a small kiss he asked me what I wanted to do next, and I responded by taking his hands and leading him back to his room.
Perhaps it was a desire to not let the phone call completely ruin our evening that led us to connecting the way we did.
We moved slowly as we undressed each other, kissing and touching and seeing as much of the other's skin as we could. We cocooned ourselves under the covers, pressed together as closely as we could get. Arms and legs and fingers and toes caressed and wrapped around the other until all that was left to do was move. Wordlessly we moved together, letting the whisper of skin against skin and our increased breathing be the only sounds in the room. A moan would break free every now and then, but if it was from him or me, I couldn't be sure. When I finally came undone in his arms, he pressed his lips against my open mouth and swallowed the sounds that belonged to him. And when he came, trembling in my arms, he did so with his lips against my neck so I could feel him groaning my name.
When we fell asleep, we did so with arms and legs tangled together, both of us reluctant to give up on the connection we had formed. It was one of the best nights sleeps I'd had in a while.
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The next morning, Edward seemed to have let go of his frustration from the night before. He didn't say much until he was sipping his second cup of coffee, but that was completely normal; he claimed his brain couldn't deal well with words without at least one cup in his system, and I was starting to agree with that.
We ate breakfast out on his balcony and made a few plans to meet during the week for lunch. We both left at the same time – me to drive home and he to go pick up Maddie from the last of her scheduled sleepovers. I was kind of sad that she wouldn't be going to any more of those in the foreseeable future, since they had allowed us to have sleepovers of our own. But I held on to Edward's promise from last night that we would get there soon, and reminded myself that we needed to take things slow and carefully. Maybe it was for the best that sleepovers would be scarce for a while.
That's what I tried to convince myself of, anyway.
I spent the day writing a little, but found myself a bit uninspired. I kept wishing I could go be with Edward instead of sitting in my apartment with only a puppy and a few fictional characters to keep me company. That was usually all I needed to have an enjoyable time, but lately I'd found myself wanting something else entirely.
I wanted to take my laptop and go sit on Edward's balcony while I wrote. He could be inside, playing with Maddie or preparing dinner or working in his office, I didn't really care. I just wanted to be where he was; I wanted to be able to see him out of the corner of my eye every once in a while. I wanted to kiss him in passing as I got a glass of water from the kitchen, or feel his hand softly trailing down my arm in a silent gesture of companionship. I wanted him to stick his head out the balcony door to ask me how things were going and then retreat back to his own work after ensuring that I was fine.
Then I wanted to put my work away for the night and sit down with him and his daughter to eat, before curling up on the couch and spending an hour or two watching TV. Then, almost more than anything, I wished that Edward and I could fall asleep next to each other, and when the new day started, we'd do the same thing all over again.
It scared me how much I wanted that. It was crazy to want that after only four weeks of knowing each other. It was downright stupid to be wanting that when it was so important that we were smart about this and took things slow. I shouldn't want those things so early, should I? I shouldn't want to become a permanent fixture in Edward and Maddie's life when I hadn't even told him the name of the first boy I kissed or how old I was when I lost my virginity. I shouldn't want to basically live with him when I didn't know if he was allergic to anything or if he'd ever broken a bone. I shouldn't want all of that when I didn't even know how to tell him of my own ghosts from my life back in New York.
I was supposed to listen to what my brain told me was logical, because my brain was smart and objective. My brain knew not to rush into this thing and it had many solid arguments to support its case. However, I still – despite my brain's indisputable logic – found myself wanting to listen to my heart.
And my heart was becoming very loud indeed.
I'm happy to tell you guys that there is now a thread for this story on Twilighted. There's a link on my profile if you want to go there to discuss the story, look at the bunch of DILF-porn that's posted or just be on the look-out for teasers.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for reading.
Until next time,
/Vic
