'They will be wondering where we are.' Lexa said, pulling on her clothes.
Clarke popped her shirt over her head and rolled her eyes at Lexa. She doubted very much whether her friends wanted to talk to her right now anyway.
'Octavia will have told them to leave us.'
'Octavia?' Lexa asked, eyes narrowed.
Clarke hesitated a second, realising she had told Octavia more about her feelings than she had Lexa.
'She...knows we're...we worked together.' Clarke stuttered but she ploughed on when Lexa continued to look confused. 'We work together and talk things through. She probably thought you would be able to reason with me best, especially when things with Bellamy are still tense.'
To Clarke's immense relief, Lexa accepted this without question.
Lexa always accepted whatever Clarke offered her and Clarke knew that because of that, she should not feel as terrified at the prospect of finally telling Lexa just how much she cared about her. Clarke took a breath and wondered where on Earth she would begin but then Lexa moved towards her and she froze.
'You have a leaf in your hair.' Lexa noticed, fighting a smile as she brushed it out of Clarke's hair.
'Thank you,' Clarke said softly, leaning into Lexa's touch.
Clarke's eyes darted to Lexa's lips but before she could consider closing the distance, Lexa had thrown her against the ground.
'What the-'
Lexa was moving so quickly Clarke didn't have a chance to register what was going on. Lexa heaved her back up and Clarke looked at her in shock. Clarke turned around to where a thud echoed to see a grounder collapse to the floor with an arrow through his chest.
'You can come out Roan,' Lexa sighed.
Roan emerged, a bow by his side.
'I'm here for the Flame and you're in no state to challenge me this time, Lexa' Roan called out.
'I don't need to.' Lexa responded simply.
'Oh really? Why is that?'
'Put the bow down.' Bellamy said, pointing a gun to Roan's back.
Roan sighed and dropped it.
'Good timing.' Lexa commented dryly.
'If you both hadn't wandered off you wouldn't have put your lives at risk twice.' Bellamy replied.
Clarke tried not to consider just how long Bellamy had been in the area.
'Is he chipped?'
'Do you think he would have saved me if he was?' Clarke retorted.
'Only one way to find out.' Bellamy said before shooting Roan in the arm, who fell back in agony.
'Bellamy- what are you doing?' Clarke demanded.
'He's in pain.' Bellamy shrugged.
'And you don't think that he could just be pretending? The people who took the chips lost their free will, not intelligence.' Lexa pointed out.
'Then we should kill him.' Bellamy said.
'No!' Clarke shouted. 'He can help us get to Ontari.'
'Why would I do that?' Roan spat.
'Because we have what she wants. This programme, this chip has taken over everyone's mind. If we don't get the Flame to her everyone will be lost.' Clarke replied.
'And you're good with this plan?' Bellamy challenged Lexa. 'With her walking into Polis, getting herself killed for you?'
Clarke looked at Lexa pleadingly. She had to trust her. They could pull this off.
'I trust Clarke. It is her decision as the Flame Keeper. Ontari is the best plan we have.' Lexa answered steadily, not taking her eyes off Bellamy.
Finn was sitting on the bench, looking smaller than she had ever seen him. It was strange for Finn to be hiding away but it was keeping him safe, at least while her mother, Jaha and Kane worked out a plan.
Clarke entered the room and jumped up beside him, offering a small smile.
'What did you think of her?' Finn asked.
'Who?' Clarke asked, confused.
'The Commander.'
Clarke rolled her eyes.
'She asked for your death so of course we're best friends.' She replied sarcastically.
'I meant how she leads. We need her now to save our friends.' Finn said.
'I don't know.' Clarke replied. 'I don't know her really.'
'You'll find a way to save them.'
'We will.' Clarke corrected quietly.
Silence drifted over them. Clarke didn't know what to say and she suspected Finn had so much to say he couldn't think of where to start. They'd been through everything together. Even when they had argued over Raven and then Bellamy's decision to bring guns to the camp, they always talked. Clarke was never left with this feeling that there was just nothing left to say.
Finn scared her too. She couldn't stop thinking about what he had done for her but what scared her more was the idea that she could one day be that person, that they could all be so desperate that they would be driven to commit such a terrible act. If even Finn had broken then what hope did any of them have?
'Thanks, Princess.' Finn offered her a weak smile and knocked her shoulder with his own while Clarke grimaced at the resurrection of that nickname. 'Still don't like being called "Princess"?'
'It is the worst nickname ever created.' Clarke replied.
'Careful, you could end up with an even worse one.' Finn warned her teasingly.
'Not possible.' Clarke huffed and Finn laughed.
Clarke turned around at the sound of footsteps to see Raven hovering at the door. Clarke acknowledged this as her cue to leave but Raven grabbed her wrist before she could pass her.
'Having doubts?' Raven asked in a quiet voice so that Finn couldn't hear.
'No,' Clarke stammered, confused.
'It's just, you could have walked back into camp and not said anything. Nobody would know they wanted Finn.' Raven stated.
'And then the grounders would have attacked and we'd all be dead. We need a plan, Raven.'
'I hope that's all it is.'
'Of course it is,' Clarke said, stung, 'it's Finn. He's one of us.'
Clarke splashed water on her face, hoping the cold would soothe her senses and anxiety. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, perhaps from the drugs that Luna had supplied. She sighed and dried her face, exiting the bathroom.
Her quarters in Arkadia were no bigger than her old cell. There were also sweaters strewn about the place which did not belong to her. She could only assume that one of the survivors from Farm Station had moved on as they had been short of space. She could have bet her mother had reacted well to that. Her chest stabbed at the thought of her mother being put to God knows what ends thanks to ALIE. Perhaps Kane was looking out for her; he had gone to Polis to talk to Ontari. He was strong so there was a chance he had not taken the chip.
The door to her room opened and Octavia stepped in.
'Hey,' Clarke said.
'Wanheda...'
Clarke groaned.
'I hate that name.'
'I know,' Octavia replied, 'it's kind of ironic given that you've never shown any control when it comes to death.'
Clarke offered half a nod.
'You were quiet on the way back.' Octavia said, and Clarke was momentarily surprised that Octavia would have noticed.
'I was checking Roan's wound.' Clarke dismissed.
'Yeah...I saw...' Octavia drawled. 'I also saw the look on your face when Bellamy went with you and Lexa just now to talk Roan into helping. You don't trust him.'
'I trust him with my life.' Clarke replied tersely.
'You don't trust him with Lexa's.' Octavia responded. 'You know what he's become. He didn't think twice about hurting Roan because he's a grounder, just like he didn't care about locking Lincoln up.'
'I know what we've both become but we need each other.' Clarke dismissed.
'And what happens the next time Bellamy thinks Lexa is a danger to you?' Octavia challenged and Clarke felt her heart clench.
She should have known Bellamy had changed. She had stood right next to him when he hadn't hesitated to point the gun at Niylah. It was easy to believe that Pike had dragged him along to slaughter the army because Bellamy had spared Indra. She wasn't there to witness it which it meant that she could accept the best version of events her mind could come up with. It was easier to push the blame on someone else but seeing how he shot Roan so casually and with such disregard had terrified her. He had been the one to tell her that Finn had changed and that he was dangerous because of all that had happened.
In his anger, Bellamy viewed that he was capable and right in deciding which lives mattered, and who could be spared. He hadn't wanted Lincoln to die but that was merely because of Octavia. He didn't have a problem seeing any other grounder as the enemy by default. She saw with the way he looked at Lexa that he wouldn't hesitate to kill her if that's what he felt he needed to do.
She shut her eyes, trying to force away the memory of Lexa falling after Titus shot her. She needed to focus on what lay ahead. They needed to be united if they were going to pull this off.
'What do you want, Octavia?' Clarke asked eventually.
'Just don't end up like me.' Octavia suggested, turning away.
'Wait,' Clarke called and Octavia consented to turn back toward her, 'will you help me look out for her? Please, Octavia. I can't lose her.'
'You have her in the Flame.' Octavia spat.
It was true. She would always have some form of Lexa while Octavia had been left with nothing but the Lexa in the chip was out of her grasp, and in constant danger from ALIE.
'I need her here.'
'I'll keep an eye on her,' Octavia promised, giving in, 'but at some point they will make you choose.'
Clarke knew that she already had.
Clarke had yet again struggled to sleep and so at dawn she found herself on the bottom floor of the tower and in the kitchens. She had come to know some of the people that served Lexa fairly well. Lexa had not kept her entirely in isolation, she'd simply made sure that Clarke couldn't run off again and Clarke had quickly found herself bored by her tactic of sulking in her quarters.
'I thought seeing Lexa yesterday flatten Roan on his back would have been enough to give you a good night's sleep, Clarke.' Elka said, as she prepared breakfast for all of the inhabitants in the tower.
Clarke grimaced and pulled up a seat at the huge bench to watch her work. Elka had been a rare source of comfort; she never referred to her as 'Wanheda' and seemed to read through her moods quite quickly.
'It worked out well for my people,' Clarke supplied but Elka scoffed.
'Back to that old chestnut?'
Clarke groaned, resting her head on the bench. In truth, these moments reminded her of being back with her family on the Ark.
'In all the time I have served Lexa, she has never paid anyone half as much attention.'
Clarke continued to pretend that she was giving herself up to exhaustion and tried to pay no attention to the words. Lexa had left her completely enraged and perplexed yesterday. Clarke was desperate to stop the fight but Lexa ignored her, and then Clarke had felt nothing but nerves and terror when Lexa visited her that night. She had to keep reminding herself that Lexa had made her feelings clear; she had left her and Clarke couldn't afford to be distracted.
The pair remained quiet as cooks came and went. Clarke found the occasional bangs and splashes quite comforting. They only ceased (and rather abruptly) when Lexa walked in. Everyone jumped to their attention and Clarke finally raised her head at the sudden silence, and had to stop herself from gaping. She hadn't expected Lexa to follow her down here.
'Clarke, we need to get ready to leave soon.' Lexa said softly.
Clarke however, continued to stare and felt as though she had missed out on a rather important conversation.
'For Arkadia, to present Queen Nia's body to your leadership to show that justice has been done.' Lexa explained when Clarke continued to look baffled.
Oh, Arkadia, Clarke thought, excellent.
'We have to leave now?' Clarke asked, although in her heart she knew there was no way to delay.
'If we want to make it before nightfall.'
'Can't you just send some of your warriors to deliver her?' Clarke asked half-heartedly.
'Clarke-'
'Oh, fine, I'm coming.' Clarke snapped and she followed Lexa to the stables.
Clarke came to a halt as she drew closer, scrutinising the horses as Lexa hopped on her steed.
'Where is my horse?' Clarke asked and it was Lexa's turn to look confused as she gestured to the one next to her.
'No,' Clarke said, annoyed, 'Ronc, my horse that you gave me in TonDC.'
'Oh,' Lexa replied, taken aback, 'in TonDC, I suppose.'
'So you left my horse too then,' Clarke muttered before she clambered up on her replacement, without looking at Lexa.
They set off in silence although Clarke felt Lexa shoot her a furtive look every few minutes. Clarke knew she was being slightly unfair but she was inexplicably angry at Lexa for how yesterday unfolded and she was sick of feeling on the back foot every time they were together.
Her anxiety was also growing as they headed towards Arkadia. She was terrified to see her friends again. She didn't know how Jasper would react after she had murdered Maya, Octavia hated her and she had probably told Bellamy all about the missile that struck TonDC. Her mother had also clearly been furious at her decision to stay in Polis and Clarke had felt as though she had been under a spotlight when she last saw her. Abby had looked as if she had known exactly why she wanted to stay and it wasn't for her people but because she couldn't walk away from Lexa, and that was the most uncomfortable truth in all of this mess.
Despite having being dragged into Polis, she know longed for nothing else other than to turn her new horse around. She wondered if Lexa was worried that she might decide to stay at Arkadia after seeing her loved ones. She chanced a glance across but Lexa seemed as elegant as ever while Clarke felt vaguely nauseous. Having a body carried behind them did not do anything to settle Clarke's feeling of unease.
'What was she like?' Clarke asked suddenly. 'Costia.'
Lexa looked at Clarke once again as though she had lost her mind today and Clarke wondered whether she would answer.
'She was...happy,' Lexa finally settled upon, '...she liked to laugh and dance. She was carefree.'
Clarke thought they sounded nothing alike. It was even harder to picture Lexa with someone who didn't seem to wear responsibility but perhaps Lexa had been different all those years ago. Now she was more used to what was expected of her.
'Were you close with Anya?' Clarke asked.
Lexa smiled softly.
'Yes.'
Clarke nodded. She still felt guilt over Anya's death which she found particularly ironic given that Anya had been one of the few lives she'd gone out of her way to try to save.
Lexa shot her a quizzical look but Clarke did not answer it. It felt right to at least try to learn about Lexa's history and the people who had been important to her when Clarke was on her way back to those who mattered to her and she hoped desperately, that they still saw her as a friend.
