Hey, right so it's pretty much 4am and I'm tired. I'm not going to have much time over the next two/three weeks to write much. My first draft of my dissertation is due in and let's just say that's a disaster waiting to happen. Also, I was thinking of switching to third person because I find it easier but then I'd want to go back and change it all. Not sure I can be bothred with that. Anyways please review and thank you for reading.
I don't own Supernatural.
Chapter 11
I could hear voices but couldn't distinguish whose. Confusion swept over me as I tried to remember what had happened to me. I didn't have the energy to open my eyes. Instead I wanted to keep them closed and sleep. My head was pounding and my throat was dry. Sam. I'd been trying to save Sam. The hand with the cloth sprung to mind, the doctor. Attempting clear the jumbled mass of thoughts in my head was proving to be difficult. I blinked to clear my blurry vision and tried to locate the source of the voices I could hear. They were unrecognisable, my mind still playing catch up.
"Hey Dean, he's coming round," Dean was here, that must be Sam speaking. I groaned and tried to sit up.
"So is Alice," Dean stated. Instantly Sam was by my side helping me to my feet. I leaned on him heavily, not trusting my legs at the moment. He held me close as I steadied myself. Once I had control of my legs I'd be fine.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Dean showed up just in time," Sam answered.
"Oh, the doctor, what happened to him?" I muttered.
"Knife dipped in chloroform," Sam explained, "he's still alive."
"Right so there's still work to do," I wouldn't have minded curling up and falling asleep but I couldn't. I stepped away from Sam and we walked over to where they had secured the doctor to his own table. Sam placed an arm around my waist and held me to his side. A part of me was grateful, I still felt slightly dizzy not to mention my sore head. It felt like someone was hammering away at my brain with a jackhammer, how inconsiderate.
"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey," I couldn't help but smile slightly. Dean really knew how to shed light on a situation. The doctor begged for us to let him help read the formula as we looked down upon him.
Sam looked as if he was seriously considering it, I couldn't believe him, for crying out loud the doctor had tried to do him in. "Sam don't?" I mumbled as I watched Dean. He was only considering it because of Dean.
"Dean," Sam pulled away from me and gestured for Dean to follow him. I would let them sort this out between themselves. For now I would make sure the doc didn't try something stupid because it would be such a shame for me to have to drive a knife though his heart. It would certainly serve him right. I tried not to listen to the Winchesters', their whispering all that quiet. They were having another disagreement, really sometimes they're their own worst enemy.
"See what the doc is, is a freakin monster," Dean raised his voice as he walked back over and grabbed a cloth and the bottle of chloroform, "I can't do it. I would rather go to hell." I had to hazard a guess that Sam had tried to convince Dean to listen the doctor.
I moved away and leant against the wall to give them some space. The doc was muttering in a last ditch attempt to save himself before he passed out again. His pleading had been a useless attempt, neither one of us had any sympathy for him. The only one who wanted to keep him alive was Sam but that was only so he could save his brother. I still couldn't believe that Sam would be willing to see people die so that his brother could live. Serious words were needed with him and Dean for that matter. He wasn't exactly being understanding.
Dean regarded his brother, "I'm going to take care of him, you can either help me or not, it's up to you."
"Sam," I pushed myself away from the wall and stood in front of Sam. I reached up placing my hand to his cheek, "listen to your brother, he's right. You are better than this so let's just take care of him and get out of here." I wanted to say more but with Dean around it could wait till later.
We managed to get the body into a fridge from inside the cabin. After digging a deep enough hole we shoved the fridge in where it landed with a dull thud. I threw the red book down on top of the fridge and picked up my spade, "enjoy forever in there doc," Dean said as he shoved his spade into the mound of dirt. Silently we filled the hole in and walked back to the cars. Dean got in the impala and Sam and I took the hire car. I reached for the door handle on the driver's side and went to open it but was prevented by Sam's hand. "Oh you aren't driving," he declared.
"Why on earth not?" I asked indignantly.
"The chloroform is still in your system," dammit he was right.
"It's in yours too," I countered and pulled on the handle.
"I know but-"
"But what Sam?" I interrupted, "you don't trust that I feel fine enough to drive well sorry but I am driving. You are going to sit your ass in the passenger sit and talk."
Sam gave up and got in the passenger side. Dean had pulled away a good few minutes ago. I started the car and we were on our way both of us sitting in silence. As we pulled onto the main road I addressed Sam, "in case you've forgotten you're supposed to be talking."
"About what?" he tried to feign ignorance.
"About what the hell that was back there, it may have slipped your mind but Benton is a monster. What he did to people it's not right and here's you wanting to do exactly the same thing to save Dean. Could you have cut out someone's heart Sam?" we both knew the answer.
"No," he sighed.
"Right so talk," I turned my attention back to the road.
"In three weeks' time I'm supposed to say good bye to my brother as he goes to spend an eternity downstairs and I'm supposed to just sit back and let it happen. I shouldn't even be here right now. Alice I died, there should be no coming back from that," I glanced across at Sam as he shared his thoughts. It wasn't the right thing to tell him that I was glad that he was alive when his brother was dying, every day he wrestled with that guilt.
"In three weeks Sam. We still have a chance. I'm not asking you to give up on Dean, I'm asking you to be realistic. Cutting out hearts is not realistic."
Sam sighed in resignation, "I really don't want Dean to die."
"None of us do," I moved my hand from the wheel and took hold of Sam's. he had to know that we were there from him.
We met up with Dean at the motel. He filled us in on his conversation with Bela and explained that she would probably come looking for him and Sam because apparently we don't have enough problems already. The plan was to leave before nightfall.
Having topped up my batteries I walked into their room and dropped my bag at my feet. I looked up at the pair, "what in the name of..." They were blowing up dolls.
"Hey gorgeous, looking for a good time," Dean joked.
"I'm just going to wait in the car," I picked my bag and left. I really didn't want to know what they were up to. As I waited I flicked on the radio but nearly jumped out of my skin as some of the awful music that Dean loved so much blasted through the speakers. Quickly I flicked it off and settled for laying down on the back seat. I was desperate for some more sleep. I heard the car doors slam and Dean start up the engine. "Are you two finished?"
"Just leaving a gift for Bela," Dean answered.
"Where did you get blow up dolls? Actually don't answer that," I sat up so I could watch the world pass by through the window.
"They were already in the car," Dean felt the need to answer my question anyway.
"Sam your brother has issues," really, who has blow up dolls in their car? There was probably a perfectly good reason but despite that I felt it best to not know.
As midnight approached Dean called the motel room where he knew Bela would be. Her demon deal would be up at midnight.
"Lilith," Dean repeated down the phone, "why should I believe you?" We hung onto every word after hearing Lilith's name. Dean hung up and we all sat in silence waiting for him to speak first. "The demon that holds my contract, its Lilith," that just added to our already steaming pile of crap. Dean was pissed and Sam wasn't fairing much better. Lilith wanted Sam dead and she held Dean's deal, we were royally screwed.
With the days passing by, minute by minute hour by hour we were getting desperate. We worked overtime as we ploughed our way through hunt after hunt. Bobby trawled through stacks and stacks of books but never found anything. I'll be honest, for all my optimism I was beginning to think that couldn't save Dean, I never told this Sam something were better off left unsaid.
A sombre mood fell upon us as we spent hours in the Impala, neither one of us talking the only sounds were from the radio and Dean's cassette tapes. With a week and half until Dean's deadline we called a stop to the hunting and were on our way back to Bobby's for one last ditch attempt at the books. The problem was we'd been through them all at least twice so what we thought was going to help now was beyond me.
I lay down on the back seat as we pulled over for fuel, Sam was inside paying and picking up snacks and Dean had just climbed back into the driver's seat. "Alice if I die-"Dean began. I hadn't expected him to say anything, least of all what he was about to.
Still clinging to my last bit of optimism I cut him off, "You won't."
"If I die," he started again but with emphasis on the if, "then you need to take care of Sam. You and Bobby are all he has left. Both of you will go back to college and live a normal life." I took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of leather from the car seats, before sighing heavily.
"You know that Sam won't do that, he'll try to find every possible way of bring you back," I replied. If Dean died then the next few months were going to be tough, Sam would be hell bent on getting his brother back. There isn't anything wrong with that, the issue lay with the what if. What if there was no way to bring Dean back. It would break Sam and once again I would be picking up the pieces only this time I'd be putting him back together as well.
"Then stay with him. Don't go trail blazing your way through hunts on your own because you think you have something to prove," I opened my mouth to reply but Dean shot me a look that was enough to silence the thought, "You think you're helping by giving us time to look into the deal but you're not. By leaving you have Sam worrying about you so just stay together and leave your crusade for independence behind."
I couldn't believe Dean; he had hit the nail on the head. So what if I liked my independence? Was I just supposed to sit back and let Sam do everything, I don't think so. Dean stared at me with look desperation. I couldn't say no. "I'll stay with Sam. I promise."
Dean relaxed a bit, "that's what I wanted to hear, now shut up and sleep." I couldn't help but laugh slightly that had been the closest to a heartfelt conversation that I'd ever had with Dean, the sickening thought was that it would probably be the last. Once Sam was back in the car we pulled away from the gas station and were on the road again. There wasn't a single mention of our earlier conversation. The only problem I had now was putting aside my own feelings and look after Sam when this all went horribly wrong. If there was one thing I learnt with travelling with the Winchesters' it was that things always went horribly wrong.
Sam seemed to be constantly brooding over Dean's possibly death. He barely said ten words to me or Dean unless it related to a hunt. I was getting pretty sick of it. Keeping quiet seemed to be the only option. It was better, if these were Dean's last few weeks, not to argue. I'm not saying there weren't arguments because there were some pretty brutal ones but in the end we all made up. Sam and I would leave Dean to stew for a while and return to our room and come morning everything would blow over and be replaces with an awkward overly friendly air.
Two days before Dean's time was up I pulled Sam outside for a walk having got fed up of treading on egg shells with Sam. My mission was to talk some sense to him, if he carried on like this I would probably lose him and I wasn't prepared for that to happen not after I'd finally found a bit of happiness after all. "Alice I don't have time for this," he protested as we came to a stop at the entrance to the salvage yard.
"I don't care, you need a break and you also need to hear what I'm about to say and I can tell you now that you won't like it," I replied.
"Then why tell me?"
"Because you need to hear it," I sighed and prepared myself for the inevitable disagreement that was about to follow, "We both know that there is a chance that Dean might die. All you've done these past few weeks is shut me out. I'm only trying to help but if you don't talk to me I can't help."
"Alice what can you do? You can't end his deal," Sam sat down on the hood off a car in the scrap yard. I stood in front of him, my arms crossed.
"I wasn't saying I could. I was only trying to say that you need to prepare yourself Dean die," it seemed reasonable to me, "I've lost a brother, and I know what its like."
"The death of your brother is nothing compared to this," Sam snapped. As soon as Sam said it he regretted it, that didn't make it any less hurtful.
"Fine," I turned away so he wouldn't see my tears, "I was only trying to help." I took off back to the house, screw Sam.
"Alice! Wait, please!" he shouted after me but as I said a moment ago, screw him. Whatever he wanted to say could wait a while. Unlucky for me Sam could walk faster than me, I broke out into a run but he was still faster. It was those giant legs of his.
"Just leave me be. I'll talk but not now," I shrugged him off and marched up the front steps and upstairs to my temporary room leaving Sam outside.
I sat upstairs all afternoon, I perched on the window-ledge and read through a few books I'd taken up the night before but I couldn't concentrate. As nightfall encroached there was a knock on my door. It was Sam. I kept silent hoping he might leave me alone for a while longer and go look for me elsewhere but I had no such luck. Sam opened the door and poked his head around the corner before stepping into the room completely, closing the door behind him. "Alice. I'm really really sorry about early. What I said. I didn't mean it," he chewed on his lip nervously.
Snapping the book shut I looked up at him. I'd long since given up crying although that didn't stop my eyes from being red and puffy. "You shouldn't have said that."
"I know I lashed out at you. Alice I'm scared I'm going to lose my brother to demons. There's no written law on how to deal with that," Sam ran his hand through his hair.
Having accepted his apology and warned him not to do it again we headed downstairs to help Bobby out so that he could have a little break.
Sam and I had been helping Bobby for most of the evening when he finally stumbled onto something. A way to find Lilith. To be honest it was about time, Dean only had thrity hours left. We all realised that we had very little time to waste. Sam dashed from the room to the kitchen where Dean had submersed himself in a book. In different circumstances it might have been funny.
"New Harmony, Indiana. We have a winner," Bobby read from the map. A new sense of motivation filled us all. We knew where Lilith was. There was still time to ice the bitch.
"Alright, let's go," Sam eagerly stood up straight, having been leaning on the table.
"I'll just grab my shoes," I hurried for the door.
"Whoa! Hold on a second," Dean burst our motivational little bubble.
"What's the problem?" Sam was confused, he wasn't the only one.
"The problem, where do I begin? First of all we don't even know if Lilith hols my deal. We're going off of Bela's Intel and when that bitch breathes the air comes out crooked. Okay? Second, even if we could get to Lilith we have no way to gank her and third isn't this the Sam Lilith who want's your giant head on a pike. Should I continue?" When Dean put it like that he had point, not that any of us would listen.
What was about to happen was too predictable. Dean would get on his high horse and claim that he didn't want any of us to die. Honestly, he could be so stupid sometimes. "Dammit," I marched up to him and prodded him in the chest with my finger, "we're wasting time here and you know what Dean? Me, Sam and Bobby have working our asses off trying to find something like this and we've found. Now you're saying it isn't such a good idea. Newsflash Dean, we don't have other options," I poked him again and then just to prove my point.
"Sam restrain your girl," Dean backed away and rubbed his chest.
"Fine, look I have the answer," Sam sighed in frustration.
"You do?" I couldn't blame Dean for being sceptical. Their plans seemed to get more and more outrages with each passing day.
"As a matter of fact I do. A sure fire way to confirm its Lilith and get us a bonefied demon killing Ginsu," it didn't take a genius to figure out that Sam meant Ruby.
"Dammit Sam," Dean turned away from his brother.
"There is no 'dammit Sam' because he's right. None of us like Ruby but we're willing to fall on our swords and accept her help
"We are so past arguing," Sam stepped towards his brother. He could have had me fooled; this was brewing nicely to be one hell of an argument. It ended with Dean sitting at the table staring moodily at the book in front him and Sam watching him with one hell of a frown upon his face. Bobby had disappeared to try and find something else.
"Sam?" I touched his elbow. Immediately his face softened.
"Sorry Alice, he just infuriates me sometimes," Sam placed his hand over mine.
"I know but you have to understand where he's coming from. He doesn't want to see any of us die. If you die what he did will have been for nothing," I reasoned as we left the room and returned to the kitchen.
"You're siding with Dean after that little speech in their?" Sam asked incredulously. He pulled his hand away and fixed me with an accusing look.
"I'm not siding with Dean!" I snapped before taking his hand and dragging him away, "I was trying to get you to at least grasp why Dean is so set against this." Sam didn't answer instead he followed me in silence.
"Where are we going?" Sam asked.
"To summon Ruby."
