Part 11
Cullen
The sobs and screams coming from his own body woke him from his nightmare. He was wound tightly in his blankets and sheets, dripping with sweat. He sat, thankful that it was still dark. Hopefully he had not been loud enough the night watch heard him. It also meant that it was likely no one had.
He slunk out of bed, still in his small clothes, and made his way to his wash basin. He splashed some of the now-cold water in the bowl onto his face and neck, rubbing the sweat and memory of the desire demon from him. He slammed his hands on the top of the bureau and looked up at himself in his mirror.
I will let her down. He shook his head. I will let them down. It wasn't just about her. But, Maker, it was. She didn't ask for this. We forced ourselves on her. He ran a shaking hand through his hair and wandered back to his bed. He slumped back, leaning against his headboard. He didn't care that it was cold in his room. He was lost back inside his head, this time by choice, and wondering how the Inquisitor was doing on her first long expedition away from Skyhold since she had returned home, beaten and broken. So much has been forced on her. So much she did not want - did not ask for. But, he thought, she wasn't going to let it get to her.
Even during their time together, when she came back out of her shell, she fussed over him. She made sure he ate, and took breaks from his work. They didn't leave her quarters, she had repeatedly said she wasn't ready to face the Inquisition. But she remained devoted to the cause - the role she didn't even want at the forefront of her mind always.
The idea of a day out with her turned over in his mind. Maybe that was exactly what they needed. They needed to be removed, if only for a day or two, from the cause that demanded so much of them. I need to talk to her. I need to tell her I am not as strong as she needs. This would give him the chance to do that. I want to be so much more for her. She deserves more. The Inquisition deserves nothing less than my best.
The call for the pre-dawn change of the guard drew him out of his mind and back to the fact that morning would soon be at hand. With wispy thoughts of a day alone with Evie, he slid back onto his pillow, and drifted into a restless sleep.
