Chapter 11: Leave Me This Way
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews…and yea, I do kind of play that overbearing relative's angle a lot. But hopefully this chapter will explain that better, as will the next. There are dark themes in this one so tread softly if you're sensitive to the subject of suicide.
Um, what else…ah yes, I have officially lost track of how this lines up with 'This Love' n.n; Going back and counting the months, I'm admittedly a little puzzled. Hoshiko started at RD before Jyun started at Kikanki which is kind of getting me the most…I think that really, the part where Roomi thought she was pregnant has passed and I definitely wanted that to line up, ugh. Well, whatever the case may be, it will be properly fixed in final edits.
There are some pretty bombshell and simple hints in this for how the climax is going to go…sort of, but not really. At least an aspect of the climax anyway. You'll have to remember some things from 'This Love'…
Speaking of 'This Love', on my Deviant Art, I have posted a picture of Jyun, Roomi, Kamon, and Fujiwako at one of the latter's famed tea parties. They're an adorable family n.n I hope to have the picture I'm drawing of Carrie and Kurt up soon too…I was a little disappointed that the point in Leave Out All the Rest I reffed, she'd be a brunette but I'll have her blondness up soon…
Enough of my notorious rambling, enjoy.
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"She's doing this on purpose" Shimizu Julius thought angrily.
Yagami Hoshiko and her other girlfriend, Candy, were chatting and giggling and flirting with the new guys…
Hoshiko and he had gotten into a bit of a tiff earlier about her giving him a kiss when she shut the door. He was a little wary, thinking his aunt might have been crazy enough to bug the joint. She insisted he was being ridiculous and he insisted he wasn't. She knew that had to be in the privacy of…his house. Only his house.
She was increasingly miffed, stating that she was like his dirty slutty secret. He assured her that he didn't think that at all nor was it what was going on here. She gave him that sad look that broke him to pieces before slamming down at her desk and quietly working. His aunt did come in for a visit and Hoshiko's upset probably depicted the lie he'd told Mira about them breaking up wonderfully. Too bad it made him feel like absolute scum.
Course, now she was laughing and giggling with Hiro and his bumbling buddy Fumino to piss him off…
"She's mine. Mine, mine, mine" he whined irritably in his head.
He slumped after a moment though. Course, if this kept up she might be Hiro's. Hiro, Hiro, Hiro…
Hoshiko wandered back into the office and sniffed, staying away from him. He growled, standing, "Hoshi-"
"You shouldn't talk to me at work, it might be suspicious" she spat sarcastically.
He gave her a look, "Hoshiko."
"I'm going with Candy and some other coworkers to have some drinks after work so I won't be coming over."
Julius stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyes narrowing, "I haven't been able to spend any time with you all week and, finally, when we both have time, you're going to get spiteful on me?"
He expected some snippy remark or 'yea, sounds about right'…but she gave him a rather unhappy look that managed to make him feel like an asshole. Wincing, he scratched the back of his neck. "…I mean, if you want to go-"
"That's not it" she mumbled, "You think I'm being spiteful. Well, I'm not. I'm just…just sick of this. I didn't think I'd ever have a relationship honestly, Julius, but I definitely didn't think if I had one it'd be like this, where my boyfriend has to pretend we're broken up to appease his aunt and we can't risk going anywhere or even go to my apartment! I'm…I'm sick of it. I just want us to be normal. I want to go to the movies and out to eat and-and be a normal couple, not secret agent pretend we're not together."
He buried his face in his hands, "…It…just can't be that way right now, Hoshiko."
"And when is it going to change?" she demanded, "Your Aunt apparently hates me a lot, y'know? Why's that going to change?"
"Hoshiko-"
"Maybe I should quit" she mumbled.
Julius growled, "Hoshiko."
"Why are you yelling at my Hoshiko, you drag queen hussy?"
Julius' eyes narrowed even more, shaking his head. This day could only get better now. Her attack midget was here which meant he'd hit rock bottom. Hoshiko frowned at Seiwa Roomi, "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighborhood" the purpled haired woman sighed, holding RD bags, "That Hiro fellow is rather hot, honey, you need to look into that."
Julius seethed and they both traded glares, "I mean, I'm sure Hiro wouldn't be whipped enough to let someone decide who he could see and have the balls to stick up for his girlfriend."
"I bet you'd know, you've probably done everyone in this office" he snarled.
"Guys!" Hoshiko groaned.
"Well if you were a real man and actually care about her then you'd actually care that you're hurting her!"
"Of course I care! Don't you think I know that?!"
"If you knew, then you'd do something about it! Get your head out of the sand, asshole, no woman's going to wait around forever playing f—king games with you."
Roomi grabbed Hoshiko's wrist and tugged her out of the office. Julius stood there, utterly miserable. That stupid bitch-
…Was absolutely right.
Slamming down at his desk, he clutched his ears. What was he doing…? Hoshiko's first relationship and…it was like this.
…
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"Roomi, for God's sake, you didn't have to yell at him like that!"
Roomi crossed her arms as she slammed down at the bench in the café at RD, "This is your first ever relationship, right?"
"…Yea."
"First ever relationships aren't supposed to be smokescreens and riddles and pulling ninja tricks to be able to actually spend time together" Roomi shook her head.
"…Don't you think if I didn't really wanted to, I'd break up with him?" she mumbled, twisting a paper napkin.
Roomi sighed again and looked away, "I know. But I just don't want you to fall into the same trap I have and just be perpetually unhappy."
Hoshiko gave her a knowing look, "Just tell Jyun how you feel. I don't know what his reaction would be but I know you can't stand keeping things to yourself."
Roomi laughed shortly, "Yea, seriously. This is the one time though that…I can't bring myself to do that."
Somewhere along, her companion seemed to have fallen deeply in love with her brother, of all people. Hoshiko didn't know what to tell her on that one. At least her problem actually wasn't that complicated in retrospect. If Jyun found out Roomi loved him, he'd probably never want to see her again, jerk that he was. Of course that meant that Roomi had to act as if everything was normal.
…But then, Roomi had oddly ended up at one of their family dinner nights and her eldest brother weirdly seemed content to snuggle with her. And in front of people, at that! It was just so weird!
So she had to play secret agent with Julius in order to peacefully be with him and Roomi couldn't tell Jyun her feelings in risk of him just…ending everything. Maybe. They came to one conclusion…
"…Men" they sighed in unison.
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…It was cold.
Wrapped up in his Transformers blanket, he gazed up, shivering a bit. He was a bit confused to find…
…His mother.
She sat by his window, her purple hair reflecting in the moonlight, her red eyes unreadable. She was smoking again, something he hated without knowing the side effects. It smelled funny was about the extent of what he knew then.
Plucking the butt out of the window, she walked back over to him and sat on the edge of his bed, covering him back up. He frowned up at her as she tucked him in.
"Mama, I'm cold" he informed.
"It's just the window was open" she said monotonously.
He wasn't so sure…but she smoothed back his hair, kissing him tenderly on the forehead. He blinked up at her as she whispered.
"A part of you will always be with me, okay? I love you."
Julius stared at her, puzzled, as she stood and closed the door, enveloping him in darkness except for the street lamps outside the small window.
In his consciousness, he moaned 'no' for it to stop. He couldn't live this again.
But it played out like a movie, an awful horrid movie that had no pause or stop. He had to pee, he remembered, and he opened the door, the light in the hallway overtaking his eyes for a bit.
His throat tightened as the boy version of himself stared, confused, at the doorway in the kitchen.
She just…hung there…
"Mama, what are you doing?" he asked, painfully naïve.
She just…hung there…
Whatever force of motion made her swing around towards him…and her face…God, he'd never forget that.
But like the nightmare it was, it wasn't complete until she said: "Julius…go back to bed."
Julius' eyes popped open and he screamed, soaked in layers of sweat, his body stiff with horror, jumping straight up and clenching his throat as it felt like it was closing. Curling up into a tight ball, he rocked and rasped. He sniffed and sobbed, tears soaking his face in streams. He…he couldn't breathe…
He grabbed his phone, his hand shaking violently as he pressed 'send' without dialing, falling over to his side as he still tried to force breaths.
It rang for a while but at about the last ring, a sleepy voice answered, "Julius…? What's wrong? It's 3 am..."
His lips were dry as he choked, "P-please…help-"
He could tell he alarmed her as he heard the bed creak loudly, "What? Are you okay? What's wrong!?"
He coughed violently, flashes and flashes of that horrible scene continuously running through his head. He couldn't breathe, he sobbed in an incomprehensible whisper.
The line went dead and he winced. Figured. Everyone was always the same, he realized as his head started to clear up a bit. Slowly, his throat started to open again and he could breathe evenly.
Able to come to his feet, though wobbly, he frowned when there was rapid ringing at his door. Slumping and weakly limping towards the entrance, he opened it and found Hoshiko there, panting. Grimacing, he swallowed, covering his eyes with his hand, and mumbled.
"S-sorry, false alarm…"
"Are you kidding?" she demanded, pulling his hand away and grasping his cheeks, "You look awful! What happened? Let me call an ambulance!"
"No!" he blurted, grabbing her wrist, "It-it's nothing, Hoshiko. I'm-I'm sorry I woke you. It always passes, I just…freaked."
He slammed down on his couch and gaped a little, still a sweaty mess, his face sticky and tear stained. Hoshiko stared at him helplessly before rushing to his bathroom. She returned with a cool wash cloth and sat face forward in his lap and pressed it against his burning face. It was pretty relieving, he thought faintly. And…it was relieving that she was here too.
"I'm sorry" she murmured, "My-my stupid phone died again in a situation and-and I just drove over here as fast as I could."
He shook his head, "I didn't mean to scare you like that…"
She frowned, setting the washcloth down and staring at him, "What's wrong?"
"…It was just an anxiety attack" he admitted.
Hoshiko stared at him more and hugged his neck loosely, "…Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"
"Positive" he murmured, resting his face against her neck.
"What was it over?" Hoshiko frowned, pulling away.
He shifted his gaze in the other direction, "Nothing."
"It wasn't about nothing!" she scowled, "What was it?"
"Nothing, Hoshiko!" he snarled, setting her down on the sofa to go and pace.
She flew to her feet, "You don't have to lock me out, y'know? I don't know why it kills you so but I do actually care about you."
Pausing, he clenched his forehead, taking a deep breath before muttering, "You…shouldn't. I'm crazy."
"What are you on about?" she asked gently, coming near him.
He stared at the closed doors of the shelves in front of him. He'd been fighting it all day. All damn day, he swore he wouldn't. He wouldn't…and she comes after him in a dream like that because he refused. He hated her.
Walking forward numbly, he opened up the doors on the shelf area near his television. Hoshiko gasped faintly.
It was a little shrine. He hadn't been the one to set it up. His aunt had, insisting he had to be respectful. He'd rather she just disappear.
Grabbing a lighter that was inside of it, in fact, the same lighter she used to light her cigarettes, he lit the incense burners around her picture, a picture of her laughing and happy. A lie.
"When I was five, my mother killed herself. Today is the anniversary."
Hoshiko was silent before whispering, "Julius…"
"She wasn't dead right away, I think. She hung herself" he said plainly, "I…I don't really remember but I think she told me something. I was so dumb, y'know? I sat beside her for at least three days before someone came and found us. I-I tried to give her food and…and talk to her and…"
He bit his lip, having decided long ago that he wouldn't cry about this ever again but yet, he always did. He just didn't want to cry in front of Hoshiko. Stroking his hair back away from his face with one hand, he cleared his throat. "My Aunt Mira and my mother weren't actually on speaking terms because of…me."
"…Why?" she asked softly.
"…My mother was a secretary for this like…assistant CEO or something. His wife was away a lot or something and Aunt Mira had said mum told her they…clicked" he scowled, "…They had a brief affair and…I was the result. But…the guy already had a family. My mother thought she could get him to leave them but…understandably, she couldn't."
He stared at the softly billowing smoke and murmured, "My aunt thought the man needed to be called out. His life would have been a wreck if…she'd just informed everyone. My mother didn't think so…so they argued about it and weren't talking most of my life. Aunt Mira was crushed when she learned about her committing suicide and them having ended on a bad note. I think they were going to put me in the system but my aunt demanded custody."
Turning to finally face her, finding her staring at him attentively, Julius pursed his lips, "…I feel like…I owe a lot to her, y'know? She paid for five years of art school, the best art school. And hell, she RAISED me. But…"
He walked towards his recliner and sank down, slumping, "You…your parents never made you feel like you owed them anything, did they?"
Hoshiko frowned and walked over to him, sinking down on the arm, "Not…really? My dad extremely hated when I paid him back in full for college. He said he felt it was his duty as a parent to make sure I got a complete education, that he wasn't looking for a hand out. But I insisted, because…well, I felt like I owed it to them. It wasn't like that was cheap, y'know? And that was their well-earned money, so…"
He nodded and stared at his lap, "The difference is she always made me feel like I did owe her. That…if it weren't for her, I'd be living out on the street or dead or something. And hell, she could be right."
"But she took the duty of raising you" Hoshiko insisted, "You didn't ask her to. Being a parent is a thankless job and she shouldn't hold anything against…"
Julius just sighed miserably and Hoshiko bit her lip, "…Can I ask you something though?"
"Sure…"
She looked anxious before shaking her head, "Never mind."
"No" he sighed again, "I'm sure you have questions."
He hadn't realized it but he'd just told her his pretty much life story. That wasn't like him. It was rather disconcerting. But she looked at him cautiously.
"…Do you not…trust women because of…this?"
He paused and glanced at her, rather surprised before he shrugged awkwardly, "Well…yea. My…mom just made promises, y'know? We weren't rich when she was alive. She quit her job as a secretary, pretty much convinced my father would come back to us and just scraped by on temp jobs. But…she promised he'd come, that we wouldn't really struggle anymore. Little stuff…"
He tilted his head and smiled sadly, "…She promised she loved me. And I can't really to this day understand how that could be possibly true if she had to kill herself, that she even killed herself with her son in the house. I…I don't…trust…"
Hoshiko bit her lip and rested her chin on his shoulder, "…I can't understand a mother who'd do that to their child. I'm…sorry if that offends you. But…I don't know if I'd be able to forgive her either."
Julius nodded, melancholy, turning his face to kiss her, "…I'm…glad you understand that. I've met a lot of people that don't understand why I'm angry with her."
She shook her head, "You have the right to feel anything you want."
Feeling warm, he hugged her tightly. He felt…so much better, he thought weirdly. He probably would have just stayed up all night and popped sleeping pills if she hadn't come over. Swallowing, he buried his face into her shoulder. She hadn't left him. She was impatient with this whole 'you have to pretend to not be my girlfriend around people' and rightfully so…but she was still here. She…she hadn't left him.
…Maybe he could actually trust Hoshiko. He…he had never felt that with any other woman. And his aunt wanted to split them apart. Gritting his teeth, he grumbled:
"You're damn right I do."
She blinked and pulled away to gaze at him and he scowled, "As of tomorrow, you're my damn girlfriend. We're going to go to movies, we're going to go out to eat, we'll have a choice between our places. I'm not going to let her run the show. I'll even pay her back like you did with your parents. 'Course, it might…take a while, but still!"
She smiled some, "You don't have to do that, baby."
"Of course I do" he muttered, "I hate being controlled."
"Aww, but I kind of like being dominant from time to time…" she echoed absently.
"Well, you can because usually it involves me being pleasured" he assured, hugging her waist even tighter, "And anything that aids in my pleasure…"
She snorted and snuggled with him, "…Are you feeling better?"
"I feel fine, kitten. A lot finer than I usually feel after that dream…"
"Good…" she murmured, "You didn't sound like…you on the phone. It scared me."
He grimaced and sighed, picking her up, "…It…won't happen again."
Hoshiko scowled and hugged him tighter, "Idiot. I want you to call me if you need me. I…just want to fight you having to feel like that again, if I can."
His heart kind of skipped at that and he pinked, sighing, "…I don't think anyone's wanted to 'fight' anything for me…but thank you."
He started to rest her in his bed but remembered he probably sweat off ten pounds in it. Disgusted, he peeled off the sheets after setting her on the chair, tossing them into a neat pile and grabbing his maroon sheets.
"What do you want to do tomorrow?" he asked, tucking the mattress sheet first.
"Watch a movie here?" she yawned.
"That's private. We're sticking it to my aunt by doing public" he pointed out.
She laughed tiredly, "I don't know then. I'm out of practice with planning public things."
He yawned, shifting his pillows down in their cases, "I guess I am pretty exhausted to plan something coherent…"
"Mm…"
"…So Hoshi, I'm going to tell my aunt about you and not caring whether she decides to disown me" he remarked smoothly, "Will you tell your parents and brothers about me?"
Hoshiko was silent before laughing nervously. He glanced back at her and sulked, "What?"
"Not saying this to freak you out or anything but that'd probably only happen if we were engaged."
He pouted, "You almost sound ashamed of me. I swear, I'd leave the pink striped jacket at home."
She giggled, "I'm not ashamed of you, Julius, my father and brothers are just nuts. They'd probably beat you up."
"You neglect to tell me your family's the mafia?" he smirked sarcastically, spreading the sheet.
She just smiled rather anxiously and his eyes widened after a moment, "…Uh…they're…not, right?"
"Of course not" she assured before coughing, "They just…have a lot of power."
He stared at her and she swung her legs, shifting her gaze, "Um, remember Hoji looking like he got mauled by tigers?"
Julius brows fused but he nodded slowly as she looked upward, "…Yea, my…dad and his twin brother, my uncle, they…kind of did that."
"…What?"
"Yea, my Uncle Shin actually works in law enforcement when he's not on active military assignments and he allowed them to pass by security to…beat the crap out of him" she laughed airily, coughing again, "Just don't tell anyone."
…He went to Hoji's trial with Hoshiko since she apparently didn't tell anyone but her dad about the attempted rape. Hoji looked like he was horrified by his own shadow and just about peed himself when a chair creaked in the court room.
Well, Julius definitely felt he deserved anything he got but somehow, knowing his girlfriend's family was responsible for invoking that kind of fear in someone was a tad intimidating. Staring at her blankly for a long couple of moments, he finally smiled and patted the bed.
"…Well, I guess we can wait on that then."
He wasn't sure he was ready to meet the Corleone family yet.
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People had tough lives, didn't they?
Hoshiko opened her eyes faintly, glancing at Julius' alarm clock and sighed. Did she ever think her boyfriend had such a difficult thing occur in his life? No…
It kind of made more sense, his behavior before. His mother had lied and then killed herself pretty much right in front of him. His aunt made it so that he felt like he owed her for his entire life.
…Why should he trust her?
Sighing, sitting up and rubbing the back of her neck, she glanced to where Julius had been and shook her head. And he was awake. She always noted he was an extremely light sleeper. She wondered if that had something to do with his mother's death as well. She died when he was asleep…
Wandering into the main area, she blinked when she found him cooking, singing loudly.
"You don't have to be rich to be my girl, you don't have to be cool to rule my world. Ain't no particular sign I'm compatible with. I just want your extra time and your kiss!" he sang, adding the loud smacking sounds in before 'kiss'.
She smiled softly. She had the most flamboyant boyfriend in the universe. Roomi had questioned curiously wasn't she worried that, well, he'd suddenly come out of the closet? She'd never really known a man comfortable enough to wear a cheetah print pair of pants…
Hoshiko had flushed, coughing, "Well…I mean, gay guys don't usually get aroused if they're having sex with a woman, right?"
Roomi seemed to ponder this, "I suppose…"
…Well, he could be bisexual perhaps. Either way. He just was extremely comfortable with himself. That was…cute.
"Ah, good morning, kitten" he said when he noticed her, setting down his spatula and walking over to her.
"Morning…" she frowned, glancing at the clock that read 12 p.m.
"We'll just say it's morning" he replied simply, leaning down to kiss her chastely on the lips.
"Okay" she smiled.
"You were sleeping like a log, cutie. Were you comfortable?" he frowned.
Hoshiko nodded and wandered over to the stove to stare at the food. She'd kind of wanted to make breakfast for him. Her mother had taught her how to make omelets recently.
"I…I don't know, I guess I was tired" she laughed nervously.
She blushed as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed the back of her neck, "Mm, me too…"
Hoshiko bit her lip, "You…had more reason to be."
He stilled his movement for a moment before murmuring, "I was thinking about what you said last night, about how I have the right to feel what I want to. And for some reason, I had to wonder if…if maybe my anger is expired."
She turned her head to look at him curiously and he gazed at the hood of the oven before him absently, "I…It's been over eighteen years, y'know?"
Hoshiko squeezed his hand, "Maybe it would help you deal better if you could forgive her. But…I know that's easier said than done. I feel a little upset myself that-that a mother could do that to her child, to just…leave them. I-I don't think I'd be able to just do that, especially with my child in the next room. I'd…I don't know."
Julius was quiet for a moment before giving her belly a little rub, "You'll be a good mommy to our baby."
She snickered, flushing, "What baby?"
"Our baby, silly" he purred, kissing her cheek.
"I do believe I'm about five months late but eh" she snickered.
He held her tightly, "…It has been a year, hasn't it?"
"Yea…" she murmured, "I've barely noticed."
Julius was quiet before squeezing her tight, "…I…uh…"
She frowned and turned around to face him. Blinking at his rather profoundly red face, she cocked a brow, "What is it?"
"…I'm-"
Hoshiko cocked a brow as she saw him visibly swallow, "I…I'm so not good at this type of thing, Hosh, it's ridiculous."
"What kind of thing?" she questioned curiously.
"…This."
Hugging her waist, he pressed his lips against the side of her face near her ear and whispered, "…I love you."
Hoshiko's heart skipped a few beats as she pinked, stunned. "Really…?"
"Yea…" he mumbled sheepishly before blurting, "And I don't want you to say it just because I have, okay?"
"What if I mean it?" she asked shyly.
He stared at her wide-eyed and she smiled some, "I love you too."
Julius stared at her before laughing. She pouted, "What! I didn't laugh at you!"
"I'm sorry, bunny" he chuckled, pulling her against his chest, "It's just imagining us a year ago."
Hoshiko blinked before laughing herself, "Yea, times have definitely changed. Would you freak if I cut my hair like that again?"
"I'd have a near aneurysm" he said plainly.
She snickered but he kissed her forehead, "But then, I think I could live with it. You're still my kitten underneath it all."
…For some reason, she was taken back to that stone back in the caves of Mineral. She appreciated that stone for what it was. It wouldn't really have mattered what it'd look like, she'd be fond of it. Hoshiko tugged him down to give him a kiss on the lips. And she'd found the guy that felt the same thing about her.
"Julius, I promise, no matter what happens, that…I'll be here as long as you have me" she murmured.
"Silly…" he sighed, "You're different. I'm not going to give you up. You're…the first woman."
She felt assured in that…
But somehow things just didn't always work out that way, it seemed.
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The Corleone family is a reference to the movie The Godfather…this is the Italian mafia family. And y'know, the Yagami are kind of intensely violent from time to time …
I don't own Prince's 'Kiss' song…
