A Few Weeks Later.
Saturday mornings at The Lima Bean were usually Brittany's favorite. No one really had a place to be so people were more easy-going and relaxed. People didn't have the usual hustle in their steps or impatient bounces in their legs as they waited for their morning fix.
But today was different.
The morning sky was already changing to a foreboding shade of dark gray to signal the coming of the already predicted snowstorm. People ran in and out of the coffee shop grabbing their orders and heading out to probably stock up on snow shovels or cases of water or whatever they thought they needed to prepare for the coming storm. Brittany could feel and taste the snow in the bitter air that burst through the door with each new customer.
She couldn't deny that the weather people were probably right. But this was the midwest. Snow was kind of a thing here and even through the weather people predicted a few feet, people shouldn't have to be extra impatient and grumpy today.
Brittany watched a man bundled in a plaid scarf and dark coat practically sprint out the Lima Bean, almost colliding with a woman.
"It's like we've never seen a snow storm before." Brittany grumbled .
She turned her attention back to her friends. Rachel and Kurt exchanged a worried glance.
"Well they say its going to be a pretty big storm." Rachel said. She spoke in a low careful tone, as if speaking too loud would scare Brittany away. "Are you sure you are going to be okay in your apartment alone?"
"I'll be fine." Brittany said. She stared down at the drink in her hands and wrapped her fingers around the once hot cup and found that it had long lost the ability to warm her frozen fingers.
"It's just that we could get snowed in for a few days and I don't think you should be in that apartment all - "
"I'll be fine." Brittany snapped. She looked up to see the tail-end of another glanced exchanged between Kurt and Rachel. Kurt shrugged at Rachel.
Ever since the incident at Breadstix and her mini breakdown in Rachel's car, Brittany was starting to sense that Kurt and Rachel felt like they were walking on egg shells around her.
"Brittany." Kurt finally spoke after another glance in Rachel's direction. "What Santana did - or is doing - it's horrible for everyone-"
"Oh you slept with her too." Brittany grumbled.
As soon as she saw Kurt's eyes widen she regretted it. This wasn't her. She wasn't this spiteful angry person that made her friends feel sad and uncomfortable. She wasn't going to let anyone change that about her.
"I'm sorry." Brittany said. She met Rachel's eyes before looking back to Kurt. "I just really liked her. I think I still do. I can't stop and I don't know why."
"Oh honey." Rachel said. Kurt and Rachel leaned across the table and pulled Brittany into an awkward embrace. She didn't even know she had been crying until her tears left wet stains on Rachel's sweater.
"All the more reason you should stay over tonight." Rachel added when Brittany pulled back to wipe the wetness from her cheeks.
"We can have a girls night!" Kurt added as he clapped his hand ethusiastically.
"Yes!" Rachel said. Kurt and Rachel turned their attention to Brittany who could only shrug in response.
"Can I think about it?" She said.
Santana crossed her arms as she stared out the large bay windows. It was late morning but the overcast of clouds made everything look dark. The forecasters weren't fucking around.
Something big was definetly coming.
And of course it was coming today of all days. It was fucking poetic really.
There was a loud knock at the door that stirred Santana from her thoughts. Santana glanced up at the stairs as if willing the sound away from her mother's bedroom. Her mother liked to sleep in on bad days and the only thing worse then her mother on a bad day (and today was going to be one of the worst days) was her mother pissed off on a bad day.
Santana practically sprinted to the door and ripped it open before the person could knock again. She was surprised to see Quinn standing there with pink cheeks and even more surprised to see her carrying a box of crap. Quinn practically body slammed Santana to push herself into the house.
"Well its good to see you too, Quinn." Santana said as she closed the door.
"Well its fucking freezing out. Santana." Quinn said with a snarl. Her voice was a little louder than Santana wanted it to be. She chanced a glance up the stairs.
"See this is why I don't invite you over. You have no manners." Santana said. "And can you keep your voice down?"
"It's almost noon." Quinn said.
"Seriously just keep it the fuck down." Santana shot back. She looked back at Quinn to find her dropping the box down on the table.
"What is that shit?" Santana whispered as she stepped closer to peer into the box.
She recognized some of the stuff. A pair of earrings that she had let Quinn borrow, a pair of Cherrios shorts that she kept at Quinn's for when she was too drunk to get home. She picked up a facedown picture frame that was at the top of the pile. She turned it over and recognized it as the two of them from Sophomore year. Quinn had always kept this picture on her nightstand.
"What is this, Quinn?" Santana felt her voice break a little at end of her name.
"We're done, Santana." Quinn said.
Santana placed the picture frame gently back in the box. "We?" She echoed.
"I thought I would get over the thing you pulled with Puck. Like I always do." Quinn said. "But you didn't even like him. I know you didn't because you never like anyone. You just wanted him because I did. And I can't do it anymore Santana. Mercedes-"
"Mercedes?" Santana croaked. She felt a pang in her chest, like something was sitting on top of her making it harder to breath.
"-Mercedes, Sugar and I have been talking. And we all agree that its best if we just cut off all ties with you." Quinn said. She gestured to the box now sitting on the kitchen table. "This is everything of yours that I or Mercedes or Sugar had so you shouldn't be needing to contact any of us."
"I can't believe you're doing this." Santana felt the vulnerable words pour out her mouth.
Not today of all days. Not when she needed someone the most.
She swallowed the rest of her words. Quinn looked away for a second before she turned back to look at Santana.
"You bring out the worst in people." Quinn said. "And we don't want to be dragged down by you anymore."
Santana felt Quinn's shoulder brush hers as Quinn headed towards the door. The touch set Santana off like a bomb and all of a sudden she started to sputter the most horrible things that came to her mind.
"Because you're such a saint, Quinn?" She snapped.
Quinn had stopped walking but her back was still facing Santana. The words flowed through Santana's veins like poison she had no choice to get rid of it. And Quinn was her only available target.
"Because you're daddy's little girl and you do whatever he tells you do to?" Santana added.
Quinn whipped around. Santana saw fire in her eyes. She couldn't help the smirk that graced her lips when she realized that she had struck a nerve.
"Is that really what your problem is?" Quinn said as she took a step closer towards Santana, bumping her chest against her in a threatening manner. "You can't hold that against me, just because my father is around when your own father couldn't deal with your shit either."
Santana swallowed a lump in her throat as Quinn stepped back with a evil grin.
"And the only person crazy enough to be around you-" Quinn started.
"Don't you fucking dare call her that." Santana shouted as she took a threatening step towards Quinn. Santana took deep breath to calm herself before she spoke again to a startled Quinn.
"See the only difference between you and I is at least I'm fucking honest about how much of a bitch I am." Santana said. "I don't walk around on my high and mighty horse pretending to be something I'm not."
"I don't start a chasity club at school and then get pregnant a month later." Santana said. "And I don't get an abortion because my daddy tells me too and then lie to everyone as I walk in pro-life-"
All Santana saw was white as a loud smack rang through her ears. Quinn stepped back, her hand falling back to her wide open mouth. Santana eased her palm against her already burning cheek.
"We always knew something was up for you." Quinn said. "All the things you'd say and do and we just figured it was high school thing and you'd get better. But you'll never change."
The frozen wind bit through Santana's thin sweatpants as Quinn stepped out of her house slamming the front door behind her.
Even with her ears still ringing she could still manage to hear a groggy voice call her name from up the stairs.
"Mom?" Santana called back.
"Why are you making so much fucking noise?" Her mother said from the top of the stairs. Santana glanced up but could only get as high as her mother's feet before she froze.
Her mother took a few stomping steps before she was standing in front of Santana.
"I'm sorry." Santana said. She felt her mother's breath on her and met her angry eyes. She searched for her mother in them but saw the same nothing that had been in there for years.
It was a worse day.
Of course it would be. It was the anniversary of the worst day of their lives.
"Don't be fucking sorry. Just don't do it Santana." Her mother snarled. She bumped Santana's shoulder she headed straight towards the coffee pot.
"Have you ever thought about maybe seeing someone or something?" Santana said.
She flinched as soon as the words left her mouth. She heard the coffee pot slam agaisnt the laminate and didn't even bother to turn around to look into her furious eyes.
"Excuse me?" Her mother snarled. She took a few steps forward and Santana felt herself flinch again.
Santana turned to face her but looked everywhere but into her mother's eyes. "It's just that sometimes things are really good and then they're really bad, maybe if-"
"Today is the anniversary of my son's death." Her mother bellowed. "I don't have the right to feel upset about it?"
Santana swallowed the lump in her throat and suddenly realized how small she felt even though her mother and her were almost the same height.
"I-I-I know its just-" Santana stammered over her words.
"Get out." Her mother said. She turned around and turned her attention back to the coffee pot.
"W-what?" Santana fumbled further. She was saying all the wrong things.
"Get out of my house." Her mother echoed. She turned her attention back to Santana and took a few steps towards her. "You don't have a right to come into my fucking house and tell me there's something wrong with me."
"Get-The-Fuck-Out!" Her mother shouted as she pointed towards the door. Santana threw the pink hoodie over her head and slipped on her tennis shoes before stepping out the door. The door closed and locked behind before she could think to go back and grab a warmer jacket.
It was too late by then and she just hugged her arms around her body and walked. She wasn't sure where she was going to go or how she was going to get there but as the first few snow flakes started to fall she decided to go to where ever her legs wanted to take her.
The snow was soaking through Santana's shoes and she was shivering from the cold by the time she realized her feet had dragged her to Brittany's apartment. She didn't hesitate as she walked over the fresh snow that covered the walkway leading up to Brittany's door. She listened against the door and was relieved to hear the telltale sounds of a TV.
She was home.
Brittany was the one and only person she needed and wanted right now. She knew Brittany would make everything feel better even when it didn't seem like it was ever going to be.
Even though she was too terrified to admit it, she needed Brittany. Especially today, especially now. She needed Brittany and that's what scared her more than anything. She had needed people before and when she got comfortable enough to rely on them. They were gone.
If she just explained everything, she knew Brittany would listen and maybe she would understand because Brittany was kind and gentle. Because Brittany was the most amazing person Santana had ever met.
Santana knocked softly on the door.
She bounced on her feet to beat the cold as she looked down to see the shadow of Brittany's feet through the crack on the base of the door.
"Brittany, it's me." Santana said. She tried to hide the way her voice cracked in her throat but she knew if Brittany was standing there she could probably hear it too. "I know you're probably mad at me. I don't blame you. But I just could really use someone and I don't have anywhere to go. E-Even if I did, I don't want to be anywhere else."
She waited for a few seconds and watched the shadow pace in front of the door.
"Please." Santana begged. She felt tears trickling down her face. She looked down and saw the shadows had disappeared.
She was gone.
"Okay." Santana said. She crumbled to the ground leaning agaisnt the door. "I'm just going to wait here and you can open the door when you're ready."
Santana ignored the wet snow soaking through her sweats and she ignored the snow piling up on her shoulders and she just waited because that's what she'd always do.
Brittany stepped off the sidewalk of Arlene's Grocery and felt her feet plunge deep into the snow. They must have been in the store a lot longer then she had planned.
"Well it looks like you have no choice." Rachel smiled at she led Brittany and Kurt towards her car.
"What?" Brittany exclaimed.
"I'm not driving you across town in a foot of snow." Rachel said. She grabbed the bags Brittany was carrying and dropped them in her trunk. "And its only getting worse." She gestured to the snow swirling around them.
"I live like two blocks away from you." Brittany asked.
"Still, It's too dangerous." Rachel said. She popped open her trunk and dropped in her plastic bags. She waited as Kurt and Brittany dropped their bags in too.
"Did you plan this?" Brittany snapped.
"What?" Rachel made the high pitched voice she makes only when she gets caught in one of her schemes. When Kurt avoided her eyes she knew this was a scheme.
"You totally planned this." Brittany said.
"Okay, yes it was planned." Rachel said as she inched her way into her car being careful not to slip on the slick ground. "But its for the better. You shouldn't be home alone."
"I wouldn't have been home alone!" Brittany said. "Lord Tubbington is there and now he's all by himself!"
"Oh he's a cat, Brittany. He'll be fine." Rachel said with a flick of her wrist.
"No he won't!" Brittany crossed her arms and let out a huff of air as she sat down in the back seat. "I won't be there to feed him."
Kurt let out a laugh. "Brittany I'm pretty sure your cat would be fine if he missed a few dozen feedings."
Brittany ignored Kurt's statement and turned her attention back to Rachel. "And what if he misses me?"
"Did you leave the TV on for him?" Rachel asked.
"Of course. He loves the Saturday morning cartoons." Brittany said. "But he's going to to be waiting for me by the door like he always does because I told him I'd come home and he's going to be mad if he thinks I lied. He didn't talk to me for a week last time I didn't come home when I promised I would."
"He'll be fine, Brittany." Rachel said. She turned the key in the ignition and started to back out of their parking space. "With the TV on he won't even notice you're missing. You know how men are when the TV's on."
"He's not a man, he's a cat." Brittany said.
"He's a mancat." Rachel said. "And you're staying over. That is final."
"Off to the Berry residence." Kurt exclaimed.
Brittany let out another huff of air and stared out at the falling snow as they drove.
Santana waited.
And She waited.
And She waited
She could have even swore she almost caught Brittany peaking through the blinds of her living room window but by the time she looked up she just saw the blinds smacking against each other.
The snow was much deeper now and it pretty much soaked through her entire sweatshirt. The wet lump was probably hurting more than it was helping. She took it off and threw it over the railing.
"Its okay." She said. She wasn't sure if she was speaking to Brittany or herself anymore.
She took off down the road and walked without much of a purpose.
She had nowhere to go.
The plows hadn't even bothered to hit these roads yet and Santana found herself walking through snow up to her knees. It was exhausting and her sweatpants were completely soaking thorough. So was the t-shirt she was wearing. It really was a fucking brilliant idea to take off the hoodie she was wearing.
She heard the brakes of a truck screech as a pickup truck skidded and fish tailed to a messy stop several feet in front of her. She heard someone call her name from cabin. She gingerly approached the door and met eyes with Puck.
"What the fuck are you doing walking around in this?" He said. He met her with those concerned eyes again and she had to pull away from his glare.
Santana stared down at the cushions of the seat.
"Erm." Puck cleared his throat. He pushed open his door. "Get in." He said.
"It's a fucking blizzard and you're dressed for a stroll in the park." Puck added when Santana hesitated.
As they drove She could feel the heat of the truck radiating her body she warmed her frozen hands against the vents.
"Are you okay?" He asked. "It kind of looks like you've been crying."
Santana didn't look at him but she felt the words start to flow out of her mouth. "Today's my birthday."
She could see Puck's eyes flick over to her for a second before he turned back to the road. Once his eyes were off her she felt safe enough to speak again.
"It was my thirteenth birthday." She stared out the window as she spoke. She wasn't sure she was saying these things. It just poured out of her mouth and she couldn't stop herself.
"And my brother, my brother Dominic, h-he usually sat in the front seat because he was older and he was bigger but my mom, she let me sit there that day. It was a big snowstorm. Kind of like this one. My mom didn't like to drive in the snow but my dad was stuck late at the hospital and we never spent a birthday apart so we were going to have a stupid dinner in the hospital cafeteria. But this hugh truck that was driving behind us slipped on a patch of ice and slammed right into us. It should of been me. I should have been in the back seat. B-But it wasn't. It was him and he was gone."
Puck cleared his throat and shifted the car into park. Santana looked up to see the snow covered sign for Arlene's Grocery.
"Santana." Puck started. Santana stared out the window and up at the flakes falling against the windshield, she looked at anything to avoid his eyes. "I have to be honest with you. I'm not the smartest person in the world. I'm not really great with words or sentences or stringing them together in supersmart ways. I mean I had to sleep with my English teacher just to graduate. If only my history teacher was so easy..."
Santana let out a tearful huff. She wasn't sure if she should laugh or be repulsed by his comment.
"I'm so sorry about your brother but maybe you should talk to someone smarter than me about this because I'm just going to say something stupid and make it worse. Like maybe your friend Quinn or-" Puck said sadly.
Santana let out a frustrated huff and glanced over at Puck's eyes. They were concerned again but there was a hint of something else there. She wasn't sure if it was sadness or something else.
"You aren't stupid Puck." She said.
Puck smiled sadly. He cleared his throat. "I need to grab a few beers for my buddies but then I can take you whereever you need to go alright?" He closed the door behind him and she watched as he threw his hood over his head and waved as he stepped back from the truck.
Santana watched him up until he disappeared through the sliding glass doors and instead she turned her attention towards the slow accumlating on the frozen windshield.
. Maybe there was a reason no one wanted to take her in. Maybe there was a reason Brittany was ignoring her and maybe there was a reason she had no where else to go.
Maybe Quinn was right.
A familary voice came through the radio station and poked a whole through Santana's thoughts.
How many of you are in need of some hope here tonight? How many of you are at the end of your rope? How many are ready for an encounter with the Lord? At Love Can Win-
The driver's side door pulled open with a loud creak. Puck hopped in and placed a case of beer between them before he turned to Santana.
"So where will it be?"
/* Author's note: Sorry for the delay guys. Things have been busy with real life but I recently broke my foot :( and my schedule blew wide open. You might see some updates to my other story as well. I know you guys are looking for an end to the angst and I promise this story has a meaning and a goal and message and things will happen. Thanks for all the reviews and follows etc I love hearing from you guys and check me out on tumblr: .com.*/
