In Which Love (And Ash) Is in the Air
So many people were watching.
The stone was hard against his knees.
He begged.
He cried.
Father's touch was hot with flames.
"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher."
oOo
Zuko woke up with a choked sound. His heart raced and his body—his child's body—felt clammy with sweat. The bean's power had long worn off. His nightmares were getting worse. His father visited him every time he slept, reminding him with fire and merciless eyes that he was a worthless disappointment. Every day that Zuko didn't capture the Avatar was another betrayal to the Fire Nation. It was a confirmation that Zuko had deserved his banishment, that he still needed to learn the necessary qualities to become a prince worthy of his father's respect.
Azula wouldn't have hesitated. She would have succeeded by now.
Zuko thrust the blankets off him. He carefully stepped over the bodies of his sleeping companions and stepped out of the tent. The night air greeted him with welcome coolness, ruffling his hair and easing some of the clamminess from his skin. His unmarred skin. Funny how losing the scar had not given him any comfort. His face was whole, but his heart had never felt more divided. Sometimes, it almost felt like Xiwang was purposely taunting him, like being given a punishment disguised as a gift.
Don't fool yourself, a voice that sounded like his father's whispered every time he saw his reflection. You're just a coward, a fake, just like this unscarred skin.
"You alright?"
Zuko flinched and spun around, instinctively dropping into a bending stance. Flames sparked around his fists.
Sokka held his hands up in an appeasing gesture. "Easy. It's just me."
Zuko relaxed his posture and averted his face, though he still kept the flames going on one hand for light. "I'm fine," he mumbled.
"Didn't sound like it back there."
Zuko tensed. There was a long, uncomfortable pause.
Sokka moved closer and cleared his throat. "Wanna talk about it?"
Zuko shook his head. Sokka seemed a bit glad that he wouldn't have to do the whole heart-to-heart thing. Neither of them were touchy-feely people. It was awkward just to think about discussing emotional subjects with each other. Still, the concern in Sokka's eyes was obvious. For some reason, that made Zuko feel worse.
"I'm fine, Sokka," Zuko said a bit more firmly. "Just go to sleep."
Sokka gave him a shrewd look. "You're not going to run off again, are you?"
A bitter laugh. "Where would I go? I'm back to being a kid. No one would recognise me."
"I dunno. Even when you got bigger again, you didn't have the scar. Most people wouldn't expect that." Sokka coughed. "It was, uh, kind of noticeable."
"No kidding."
Zuko's flat tone suggested that Sokka was being tactless and should shut up. Sokka didn't take the hint.
"What was with that anyway? It's been bugging me for a while. I mean, I just assumed the curse returned your body to how it was when you were a kid and maybe that was before you got injured, so it made sense you wouldn't have the scar when you're small like this. But then why—"
"I don't know. I don't know why my scar didn't come back, okay? It just didn't."
Sokka must have realised he'd hit a nerve. He closed his mouth and held his hands up in that same appeasing gesture. "Okay, okay. I won't mention the scar."
Zuko sighed loudly and shook his head. "I'm going back to sleep."
"Hey."
Zuko paused. "What?"
Sokka made awkward noises and seemed to have difficulty formulating words.
Zuko repressed another sigh and faced the other boy. "What? Just spit it out."
"Aw, hell." Sokka rubbed the base of his neck. His cheeks looked a bit pink. "I just … it just seems like you're really struggling with something." He made a back-pedalling motion with his hands. "I get you don't want to talk about it, and that's fine. It's just, well, I just wanted to say that we're all here for you." He inhaled a breath and his tone got more confident. "So don't do anything stupid."
Zuko scrunched his nose. "Was that supposed to be a pep talk?"
"Shut up." Sokka pushed him lightly.
Zuko's mouth twitched, but he couldn't deny that there was a part of him that felt pathetically warm after listening to Sokka's speech. Unfortunately, it was because of these same kinds of moments that he felt so conflicted and unhappy. Everything would have been so much easier if Sokka, Katara and Aang weren't so frustratingly likeable.
"I mean it, you know," Sokka said in a softer voice. He placed his hand on Zuko's shoulder and their eyes met. "Don't do anything stupid."
Don't make us fight you. Don't make us regret letting you stay.
Zuko let out a breath. He almost wished he hadn't heard those unspoken words. "Let's just get some sleep," he suggested.
Sokka nodded, content to leave the matter there, and followed him back inside the tent. Aang and Katara looked like they were still fast asleep with Momo curled up between them. Zuko closed his eyes in a silent sigh and made his way to his own spot on Katara's other side. He tugged the blanket up over him and lay staring into the darkness.
And lay there.
And kept on staring.
Stay awake, he ordered himself when his eyelids started to droop.
It was the only way to stop from dreaming, to stop from reliving a nightmare of fire and pain over and over. But his body was so tired. He couldn't keep his eyes open. Eventually, he drifted off out of sheer exhaustion. Then he was back in the stone arena and crumbling to his knees at the sight of his father.
"Coward. Rise and fight!"
Zuko never did. He couldn't. So he pleaded and he cried. He felt his face get torn apart by flames that had been shaped to his father's hand, got choked by the smell of his own burning flesh. Except the flames kept on spreading. They caught his clothes, the rest of his body, turning everything black and raw and making him scream and scream and scream.
"Father, please!" Zuko begged. "Please! I'm your loyal son!"
His voice broke on the last word. Ozai loomed over him, tall and powerful and with the five-pronged headpiece he wore in his hair glinting in the firelight.
"Then prove it," his father hissed. "Prove you have learnt your lesson. Prove you will do what is necessary to serve your Fire Lord."
But Zuko couldn't. He had nothing to show his father except an endless string of failure, weakness and hesitation. The flames swallowed him whole.
oOo
"You're not eating."
Zuko blinked at the sound of Katara's voice. He realised he'd just been staring at the bowl of congee resting on his lap. Spirits, it was so hard to focus on anything. He would have happily passed out right then and there had he not known he'd only have to suffer through more nightmares. That was the last thing he wanted. So he rubbed his eyes to try wake himself up more and muttered that he wasn't hungry.
Katara pursed her lips. "You can't just not eat."
"I told you I'm not—"
She leaned forward and grabbed him by his face, holding him still so he had to meet her gaze. "If you don't eat something now, I'm going to start force-feeding you myself. Is that what you want?"
He tried to push her hands away and, when that didn't work, twist out of her hold. She stubbornly held on and raised her eyebrow.
"Well?" she prompted. "What's it going to be, Zuko?"
He scowled dreadfully at her. Being back to kid size seemed to have given her a sense of entitlement, like she could be all bossy with him again. It was frustrating, and not just because he was so much smaller and weaker than her. She should know better than to treat him this way. He was sixteen for spirits' sake.
"What's with you?" he snapped. "Just lay off!"
"You barely ate anything yesterday or even the day before that. Don't think I didn't notice."
"That's not—"
Katara was suddenly very close. Their noses were almost touching. "Eat," she said in a tone that did not allow room for any argument. "Now."
Zuko sucked in a breath and his cheeks heated at her unexpected proximity. This girl really was a demon. From out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Sokka coming back from the trees. "Sokka," he called, "get your sister away from me. She's gone crazy."
Katara snorted and released him. "I'm just trying to keep you healthy so you don't pass out from malnourishment. Do you even realise how much weight you've lost since we first ran into you?"
He frowned and glanced at his arms. They were thin and bony, but then he had always been on the scrawny side as a child. Azula had used to mock him about it.
"What's this about my sister?"
Sokka had joined them, yawning and stretching his arms above his head.
"Don't listen to this idiot," Katara said, rolling her eyes. "Zuko is just being difficult."
Sokka shrugged, sat down, and started picking at his teeth with his fingernail. After a moment, he noticed that Zuko still hadn't made a move to touch his food. "You gonna eat that? 'Cause I'll—"
"Don't you dare take his share!" Katara snapped. "Zuko is not allowed to leave that spot until he eats something."
A wave of heat spread across Zuko's cheeks, reaching all the way to the tips of his ears. "Are you kidding me? Who do you think you are, you—"
A spoon of congee got shoved into his mouth. Zuko's eyes widened in outrage. Katara had just fed him. By hand. The spoon was removed and he was forced to swallow unless he wanted to spit the rice porridge everywhere. Her lips curved into a far too smug smile.
"Act like a child and I'll treat you like one," she told him.
Zuko's scowl became even more pronounced. "I hate you," he said darkly.
Katara was unmoved and handed him the spoon. "Just eat." Her voice softened and even her eyes took on a hint of concern. "You should really try to take better care of yourself, you know. What will you do if you get sick?"
Some of the fight died out of Zuko. That was the kind of thing his uncle would have said if the old man wasn't still stuck as an inanimate teapot, except Uncle's phrasing would have been infinitely more convoluted and featured some kind of metaphor or animal analogy. Ugh. It was giving Zuko a headache just thinking about it. He much preferred Katara's directness.
"Yeah, alright," he muttered. Then he glowered at her again. "But don't push your luck, waterbender." He pointed the spoon at her as if it were a knife. "Try to feed me like that again and I'll make you regret it."
Her lips twitched. "Alright, tough guy."
Zuko gave her one last scowl and then slowly, very grudgingly, forced himself to eat. It was like chewing on paper and did not give him any pleasure. Katara watched him with a tiny smile. Thankfully, all the smugness had gone from her expression, so it wasn't half as annoying to see her look at him like that. He might have even thought her pretty if he wasn't still grumpy with her.
Sokka raised his eyebrow at the both of them. "Please tell me that was not some weird flirting ritual I just witnessed."
Katara and Zuko both flushed and spluttered about how Sokka had it all wrong. All wrong.
"I was just worried and he was being stubborn," Katara insisted. "Besides, look at him. Why would I even want to flirt with that? He's a little kid!"
Zuko stood up. "For the last time, I'm not a kid! Even if I'm cursed to look like this, I'm sixteen. Sixteen! That's older than you!"
Katara was on her feet in an instant. And towering over him. "Alright, Mr I'm Sixteen, so what—"
Sokka laughed. "Oookay." He held his hands up as if to say he was pulling out of the conversation. "Seems like there's some tension here, so I'm just gonna—"
"Shut up!" Zuko and Katara snapped, rounding on him with identical scowls.
There was a rustling from the trees and then Aang came bounding towards them with Momo on his shoulder. "What's up?" he asked, blinking innocently. "Why do Zuko and Katara look so mad?"
Zuko groaned and pressed his palm to his forehead. "Why is this my life?"
Sokka snickered. "Must be tough when you're tiny, huh?"
Zuko responded by punching the other boy in the arm. Sokka's small "ow" was the most satisfying thing he'd heard all morning.
oOo
"Okay, why haven't we left yet?" Zuko demanded. "The rain hasn't started. There's no reason for us to stay in this forest."
It was like the trio wanted to move at the speed of snailsloths. They'd been wasting time all morning, content to splash around in the lake near the campsite or laze outside the tent and chat. The explanation they gave for why this was a perfectly reasonable thing to do wasn't doing much to win him over either. Aang kept needing to pee because he'd been drinking too much water, Katara wanted to spend more time by the lake so she could practice her waterbending, and all Sokka cared about was the fish he might find in the lake. In short, they were all useless and incapable of travelling with any sense of urgency. None of them would have survived on his ship.
"Oh, come on, Zuko," Aang said in an annoying, wheedling tone. "There's no harm if we relax for a bit today. Besides, Appa is tired."
The bison missed his cue and needed an extra prod from Aang before he managed a half-hearted rumble. Appa was not tired. They were all being lazy, and Zuko told them as much as well.
"Says the guy who looks like he's going to keel over any moment," Sokka retorted. "Just chill. You look like you need it."
Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. Of course he was well aware that he was exhausted, but the last thing he wanted to do was sleep. Not that he was going to say as much to these idiots. They'd get all nosy and in his face again.
Katara leaned back on her palms and her lips curved into a teasing smile. "It's three against one, Zuko. Suck it up. You're just going to have to learn to relax."
He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously, wondering if she had somehow set this up because she thought he was the one who needed a break. It would be just like her to do something so interfering and irritating.
A loud noise came from the trees. Everyone froze.
"That didn't sound good," Sokka observed.
Momo fluttered off to investigate with Aang close on his heels. Zuko and the siblings exchanged a glance before they also followed. What they found was a man being attacked by a platypus bear. The man was also clearly insane since he smiled and greeted them like there was nothing out of the ordinary happening. He didn't even try to escape. It was left to Aang and Appa to drive the bear off before he could lose a limb.
"Who's this nut job?" Zuko muttered in an aside to Sokka.
Then he realised Sokka was hugging the stinky egg that the platypus bear laid when it had got a fright after hearing Appa roar. Zuko scrunched his nose in distaste.
"Never mind," he said, shaking his head and taking a step away from the boy.
The others questioned the man about why he hadn't tried to protect himself from the bear. The man revealed that he'd had nothing to fear because the local fortune teller had predicted he would have a safe journey.
"Oh," he added, "and Aunt Wu said if I met any travellers to give them this."
He handed Aang a long, thin object wrapped in cloth and then walked away. Katara was all very excited and suggested they should go see this Aunt Wu person. She thought learning their fortunes would be fun. Sokka was not so impressed, not even when Aang discovered the object was an umbrella and opened it just in time to shield himself as the sky darkened and rain began to pour.
"That proves it," Katara said, using her bending to ward off the raindrops as she dashed to join Aang under the umbrella.
"No it doesn't," Sokka retorted, trying and failing to use the egg as a form of protection against the increasingly heavy rain. "You can't really tell the future."
Katara smirked at him. "I guess you're not really getting wet then."
He scowled and ended up with egg all over his head after losing his grip on it. Zuko took one look at the boy before moving to seek shelter with the others under the umbrella. Sokka's reaction to this simple act was one of utter shock and betrayal.
"Not you too, Zuko!" Sokka cried, clutching at the air in a far too dramatic manner. "Don't tell me you believe in this fortune telling mumbo jumbo! You're supposed to be my buddy in reason, my—"
"You have egg in your hair and you look like an idiot," Zuko said bluntly. "I'll take the umbrella."
Katara and Aang burst into laughter. Sokka called him a serpent-fox he'd nursed in his bosom, among a whole lot of other nonsense. Zuko ignored him and set about steaming his clothes dry. He hated being stuck in wet clothes when there was no need. That was also how he ended up with Momo snuggled inside the front of his shirt. The lemur had been intrigued by the heat radiating from him and didn't seem much to care for getting wet either. Only Sokka and Appa were left with no cover: Appa, because the bison was just too big, and Sokka because he was a stubborn idiot.
"Just admit you might be wrong and you can come under the umbrella," Katara said while they walked to the village and Sokka got wetter.
Sokka refused. He also ended up looking even more like a fool when he tried to make a prediction that it would keep raining—just to prove his point that fortune telling was nothing special—only to have the rain stop instantly and the sun come out. Appa clinched the matter by shaking off all the droplets that had gathered on his fur and soaked the boy even more.
"And that's why I picked the umbrella," Zuko muttered.
Sokka glowered at him. "I heard that, traitor."
Zuko's mouth twitched a little, but he kept walking. Momo left the burrow he'd made for himself in Zuko's shirt to go annoy Appa, content to enjoy the sunshine again and explore. Eventually, they reached the main gate to Makapu Village. A snow-capped mountain overlooked the settlement, though the peak was obscured by clouds. Zuko almost found the sight comforting. It reminded him a little of home. When they arrived in the main square, a man in black greeted them from outside a house with a circular door.
"Aunt Wu is expecting you," he said.
Zuko was instantly on his guard. "Really?"
Katara blinked at Zuko; she'd said the same thing, only much more excitedly than his suspicious tone. Zuko frowned and followed the others inside the house. There was no point in trying to warn them to be cautious. Katara was too enthralled by the thought of meeting a fortune teller, Aang was too easy going, and Sokka had a vendetta to prove the whole art of reading fortunes was nonsense.
They were greeted by Aunt Wu's assistant, a girl named Meng, who seemed quite taken with Aang and was especially fascinated by his big ears. Zuko thought this a bit odd, but the girl seemed harmless enough. So was the young woman who appeared soon after and babbled about true loves and panda lilies. Zuko started to relax. Nothing in the fortune teller's house suggested they were in danger—unless the bean curd puffs were poisoned, in which case Sokka was screwed. Still, Zuko doubted they had any reason to worry. It just seemed like a normal fortune teller's set up.
He leaned his elbow on his knee and propped his chin on his palm. Aunt Wu appeared soon after in yellow-coloured robes and looking suitably mysterious.
"Welcome, young travellers," she greeted. "Now, who's next? Don't be shy."
Katara was almost bouncing off the cushion in her eagerness. Aang and Sokka both looked uninterested. Aunt Wu's eyes lingered on Zuko for a moment. He straightened, conscious of the intensity of her gaze. Had she sensed something about him?
"How about you?" Aunt Wu suggested.
Katara actually pouted and her shoulders sagged. "Oh. Um, sure. See him first."
Zuko shook his head. "I didn't plan to have my fortune read, so—"
"Ah, but I insist." Aunt Wu beckoned him with her finger. "Come. You may find it enlightening."
He swallowed and got to his feet. It was true that he'd never put much stock in fortune telling before, but then he'd also experienced some pretty crazy things of late. After getting cursed and seeing his uncle turned into a teapot, not to mention meeting Xiwang and discovering magic spirit beans, anything seemed possible.
Aunt Wu guided him into the chamber where she made her predictions. It was a surprisingly simple room. Four red pillars rose to the ceiling to create a square that bordered the slight depression in the floor. Cushions had been laid around the inner part. A fire burned in the centre, and next to it was an urn that looked like it contained bones. He could see the ivory-coloured points sticking out from the top. Aunt Wu ignored the urn and sat on one of the cushions. She gestured for him to sit on the cushion next to hers. Zuko frowned but did as instructed.
"Let me see your palm," she said, holding out her hand.
He let her take his hand and run her fingers over the lines that traced his skin. Zuko couldn't say that it was a comfortable experience. She made lots of humming noises in her throat and seemed to deliberate for a long, long time.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
Her eyes flickered up to meet his. "As I thought," she said softly. "You are no ordinary child."
Zuko tensed.
"You've been spirit-touched. I can sense it all over you." She shook her head. "But there is a great darkness as well. It clings to you like a sickness and burdens you with much suffering."
Zuko wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. He wished he could have been like Sokka and just thought the lady was speaking nonsense mumbo jumbo to him, but the shiver down his spine prickled with a recognition of truth. Aunt Wu tightened her grip on his hand and pulled him closer.
"You must let go of that darkness," she warned. "You will be tying the noose around your own neck if you don't."
Zuko's heart pounded in his chest. "What do you mean?"
"Darkness comes in all shapes and forms: that which we cannot control, that which we fear, and that which we create ourselves." She held his gaze. "You cannot escape it, but that doesn't mean you have to embrace it."
She was speaking in riddles. It was like being with his uncle again. He didn't understand, but a part of him also didn't want to understand.
"Okay," he said in an attempt at levity. "So, darkness is bad. Got it."
Aunt Wu stared at him with solemn eyes. "I'm afraid this is no joking matter." She traced his life line: broken, barely visible, and with many shorter lines split through it. "Fortune has not been kind to you. Even now, your life is hanging by the barest thread. Be careful in whom you place your trust. Be careful you do not lose your way. Not all decisions can be undone."
His mouth felt too dry. She really favoured the doom and gloom angle.
"Um, thanks. I'll keep that in mind." He tried to pull his hand away. "So, if I could just—"
Aunt Wu retained her grip. "I have one more piece of advice for you."
"Is it going to be as depressing as everything else you've said? Because I think I'll pass."
Her eyes warmed into a smile. "Believe in yourself."
"Huh?"
She clasped his hand between both of hers. "No matter what, you should never forget who you are. That will be your light."
Zuko's breath caught in his throat. The words she had spoken were almost identical to what his mother had told him before vanishing from his life.
"No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are."
"Okay," he said slowly. "I'll remember. So, are we finished?"
Aunt Wu released his hand. "Unless there is something else you wish to ask me?"
The knowing glint in her eyes suggested she knew his mind was buzzing with questions: about where he could find the Waters of Healing, about how he was supposed to complete his mission and regain his honour without hurting Aang, Sokka and Katara in the process. There were so many things he wanted to know, but the words remained locked in his throat.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing."
"Then may good fortune be with you." She dipped her head in a bow. "Perhaps the next time we meet, you'll be feeling more like yourself, hrm?"
His gaze darted to her in alarm. Aunt Wu smiled enigmatically and then stood, gesturing for him to follow her out of the room. The reading was over.
Zuko resumed his spot on the cushions next to Aang and Sokka. His stomach was still twisting into knots when Katara practically skipped away with Aunt Wu to have her fortune read. The boys were left alone to wait.
"Well?" Sokka said. "How'd it go? I bet she was all"—he wriggled his fingers and put on an exaggeratedly mysterious voice—"you should be careful of black cat-bats. Your lucky number is eight."
Zuko didn't respond.
"Hey." Sokka poked him with his foot. "What's up?"
"I think she might be the real thing."
Sokka choked on the bean curd puff he'd just put into his mouth. "What? Puh-lease. That woman is a big fake."
"She recognised I'm not a normal kid. She called it being 'spirit-touched'. How do you explain that unless she realised I have a spirit's curse on me?"
"She probably says that to everyone." Sokka rolled his eyes. "You know, it's the whole 'a special destiny awaits you' thing; the spirits are watching over you. Blah, blah, blah." He waved the words off with his hand. "It doesn't mean anything."
"You weren't there." Zuko's fingers dug into his palms. "The things she said … it sounded like she knew what she was talking about."
Aang tilted his head in curiosity. "How so?"
Zuko shook his head. "It's hard to explain, but I don't think you should take her lightly. That woman knows things."
"Are you even listening to yourself?" Sokka stuffed another bean curd puff into his mouth. "Thash woman'sha phony." He swallowed. "It's all lucky guess work and playing on her audience. I can't believe you were gullible enough to fall for it."
Zuko hugged his knees to his chest. He hoped Sokka was right, because the things Aunt Wu had told him had not been pleasant.
"Even now, your life is hanging by the barest thread. Be careful in whom you place your trust. Be careful you do not lose your way. Not all decisions can be undone."
"What do you reckon she's telling Katara?" Aang asked.
"Boring stuff, I'm sure," Sokka said in a disinterested voice. "Love. Who she's going to marry. How many babies she's gonna have."
Aang was biting his fingernails by the time Sokka had finished speaking. "Yeah. Dumb stuff like that." He shot to his feet. "Well, I've gotta find a bathroom!"
Zuko watched the boy go running down the hallway. "That was weird."
"Aang is a weird kid." Sokka made a happy sound as he chewed on yet another bean curd puff; the tray was almost picked clean. "Mm, these are good."
Zuko sighed and rested his chin on his knees. Eventually, everyone got their fortune read—Sokka's not even requiring a palm reading of any kind—and they were able to leave the house. Both Aang and Katara had stupid smiles on their faces, clearly pleased with whatever they had been told. Sokka was only more driven to prove that Aunt Wu was a fake. It was obvious that none of them planned to leave Makapu any time soon.
"Just great," Zuko muttered.
He resigned himself to staying in the village and followed the others to where a crowd had gathered near a stage in the main square. Apparently, Aunt Wu was about to do a cloud reading. They watched as the woman interpreted the clouds and talked about harvests and other such matters. The big finale was when she said the village would not be destroyed by Mount Makapu that year. Everyone cheered and called for celebrations. Zuko, however, was distracted by a voice to his right.
"Since I got you here," Aang said, looking down and rubbing the base of his neck. "Uh, there's something I want to tell you. I like you, but more than normal."
Zuko blinked. "Excuse me?"
Aang started and looked around him. Katara was running off towards the stage where Aunt Wu stood talking to the villagers. Aang's shoulders sagged. Realisation kicked in for Zuko. Aang had not just confessed to him. (Thank goodness, because that would have got awkward.) Of course it was to Katara. Seemed like the girl hadn't heard the kid either.
"That's rough," was all Zuko could think to say.
Aang sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do. I like her, but I don't think she's realised it. Don't s'pose you have any advice?"
"About girls?" Zuko scrunched his nose. "I've been living on a ship with only men for almost three years. I can tell you a lot of things about girls and how to please them, but I don't think any of that will help you with Katara. She's not like those women."
"Like what women?"
Zuko's brow creased. "If you can't figure it out on your own, you're too young to know."
"Oh." Aang's cheeks suddenly coloured. "Oh."
"Yeah."
There was an awkward pause.
"Um, yeah," Aang said, tugging at his collar. "I don't think that kind of thing will help me with Katara. We're way too young for that stuff." His ears went pink. "Not that I haven't thought about it. I mean, I've sometimes wondered what it would be like, but, um … say, have you ever—"
"Let's not have this conversation," Zuko suggested.
Aang's blush darkened. "Right."
Zuko resisted the urge to facepalm. Seriously, why was this his life? He was supposed to be capturing this kid, not having awkward conversations with him about prostitutes and sex.
"So, you really don't have any tips?" Aang asked, once he managed to get his embarrassment under control. "About how I can get Katara to see my feelings, I mean."
Zuko didn't. He'd never spared much thought for the opposite sex. Back at the palace, he'd been more interested in learning sword fighting or how to improve his bending. Then he'd got banished and his entire being had been focussed on finding the Avatar. Sure, sometimes he'd recognised a girl as being attractive, but that was about it. He'd never bothered to talk to any of the girls. He'd certainly never cared to pursue anything with them. Everything he knew about females was thanks to his uncle and crew, and he could have done without overhearing those conversations.
"Look," Zuko said frankly. "You really want my opinion? I don't think this is the time to be worrying about romance. You're the Avatar. You're supposed to be mastering the elements—and I can't believe I'm saying this to you right now," he added with a groan, struck yet again by the irony of the situation. He shouldn't be encouraging the boy to get more powerful.
Aang looked disheartened. "I guess. But, still, Aunt Wu told me that if I trust in my heart, I'll be with the one I love. Right now, my heart's telling me I need to let Katara know how I feel."
Zuko raised his eyebrow. "You sure that's not just your hormones?"
"Huh?"
Zuko sighed and shook his head. "Never mind."
He guessed Aang still had yet to hit that phase of puberty.
Aang's shoulders sagged even more. "Well, I guess I'll just have to try something else. Maybe Sokka will have some ideas."
"Don't know why you're getting so worked up about it. It's just Katara."
Aang got a dreamy look on his face. "You don't understand. She's my forever girl."
"Forever girl?" Zuko repressed a snort. "You sure you want to spend forever with that? You know how bossy and annoying she gets, right?"
"Katara isn't bossy or annoying! She's sweet and lovely and caring and—"
Zuko actually did snort that time. "Are we even talking about the same girl?"
Aang's expression remained serene. "I don't care what you say. I think she's perfect."
Both of Zuko's eyebrows disappeared into his hair. The boy was clearly besotted. Katara was nice enough—even he could admit that—but she was far from perfect. He pitied Aang for not being able to see past whatever strange vision the boy had conjured of her. He pitied Katara as well. Eventually, that ideal bubble was going to pop, and it probably wasn't going to be very pleasant for either of them.
Zuko left Aang to his besotted brooding and went in search of Appa. He knew he'd be able to find some peace and quiet if he stuck with the bison. He was just passing some market stalls when he heard a "psst" and a hand latched onto his arm and yanked hard. Zuko yelped and got tugged behind one of the stalls. The hand released him and he looked up to see Meng inches from his face, pigtails sticking up out of her head like horns.
"You," Zuko said flatly. "What do you want?"
She was lucky that he hadn't been shocked into bending at her. His instinct was normally to do that when he got taken off guard.
Meng fidgeted with one of her pigtails. "You were just with Aang, right?"
Zuko's eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"Did he … did he say anything about me?"
A groan escaped Zuko's lips. Oh, hell no. He was so not getting caught in the middle of this.
"Look, talk to him yourself if you have a crush on him. I'm not an interpreter for his feelings."
Meng's cheeks bloomed with colour and she smacked her hand over his mouth. "Not so loud! What if he hears?"
Zuko pulled her hand away. "Do you mind?"
Just who did this girl think she was? They didn't know each other and here she was busy manhandling him like it was nothing. Ugh, this was why he hated being the size of a child. He missed being able to intimidate people with just a glare.
Meng lowered her gaze and drew circles in the dirt with the toe of her shoe. "Sorry. I know you probably think I'm weird. I just want to know if he's at least shown a little interest before I say anything. You're his friend. You must know something of what he feels, right?"
Pity stirred in Zuko's chest. "You might be wasting your time," he said, though not at all unkindly. "Aang likes Katara."
"The girl in blue?"
He nodded.
Meng sighed. "I guess he would. She's really pretty."
Zuko scrunched his nose. "She's alright, I guess."
For all the times Katara had taken him off guard with her cute moments, he still didn't understand why people like Jet or Aang were so crazy about her. Sure, her eyes were big and blue, and he guessed her lips did look soft and kissable—at least when she wasn't ruining it by being all bossy. He liked it when she wore her hair down, and he knew it would be nice to unwrap the white cloth that covered her curves and …
Zuko frowned. "This conversation is over."
"Wait."
Meng grabbed his wrist. "Can you tell me if Katara likes him back?"
His brow creased. He hadn't intended to satisfy the little brat, but his mind, quite unbidden, still ended up trying to picture Katara returning Aang's feelings. The image wouldn't click into place. As Zuko considered all of the interactions he had witnessed between the two, all he could say was that Aang's crush seemed rather one-sided. Katara either had no romantic feelings for him or she was just very oblivious.
"I don't know," he said truthfully.
Meng brightened and flashed a toothy grin. "Then there's still hope! I just need to work hard to get him interested."
Zuko wished her luck with that and made his escape. He passed Sokka, who was still trying to convince the villagers they were crazy for believing in Aunt Wu's predictions, and continued on his way to the village outskirts where he found Appa sprawled in the sun. Zuko was content to tuck himself against the bison's side and hide there for a while, but Appa had other ideas and rolled over to bare his furry stomach. The plea for belly scratches was obvious.
"You're a demanding one, aren't you?" Zuko observed in amusement.
Still, he climbed on top of Appa and indulged the bison in all the attention he wanted. Appa rumbled in contentment. It was oddly relaxing. The sun felt nice as well—a soothing caress against Zuko's skin to fill him with energy. The downside was that it also started to make him feel a bit too warm and sleepy after a while. He slapped his cheeks to fight off the tiredness. He didn't want to dream. Appa made a huffing sound, as if to ask why Zuko had stopped petting him.
"Sorry," Zuko mumbled, and absently continued running his fingers through the bison's soft, fluffy fur.
Appa went back to making those contented, rumbly noises. Zuko smiled, though the expression didn't last for long.
"If only pleasing Father were as easy as making you happy."
The words slipped out before he'd even realised what he was saying. Once they'd been uttered aloud, however, there was no taking them back. They were a piece of the small, wounded part of him that he tried to keep silent and buried deep inside. The part that was weak. The part that surfaced now, dragged up after days of nightmares and being hounded with guilt and unease and so many other conflicted feelings.
Zuko bit his lip, fighting back the lump that formed in his throat. "I know I shouldn't question him," he whispered, as if fearing someone other than the bison might overhear his most treacherous feelings being put into words. "He's my father and he's the Fire Lord. He knows best. I know that. It's just … I just …"
Sometimes, he wondered why his father had chosen such a harsh punishment. He'd only been thirteen. He'd only tried to spare a regiment of new recruits from being slaughtered for a victory that would have brought the Fire nation no honour.
Was that really so wrong?
Or maybe it was because he hadn't fought when commanded. Maybe it was because he'd begged for forgiveness instead of attacking during the Agni Kai. Father had wanted him to fight, to rise up and prove that he wasn't a coward, but love had kept Zuko prostrate. There was no way he could have raised his fist or even the smallest puff of flame. Not to the man whose approval he wanted above all others.
Was that why Father had looked at him with such contempt before burning his face? Because all he had seen was weakness instead of loyalty?
It was unfair, the tiny voice whispered. Father knew you would have stood no chance even if you had fought. He was always planning to punish you.
Zuko squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face into the bison's fur. It didn't matter now either way. There was no point in getting upset or even thinking such treacherous thoughts. Father was difficult to please, yes, but that was only because Zuko was such a failure. He'd still be in the palace if he'd just kept his mouth shut. It was his heart that had got him into trouble. Still did. If he could just be more like Azula, if he could just stop being so emotional and needy, so stupid and soft as to get attached to people who were supposed to be his enemies, then maybe this wouldn't be so hard. Maybe he wouldn't feel so awful and like he was stabbing himself in the chest every time he touched the two beans in his pocket.
Maybe he would be able to become the son his father wanted.
"No matter what, you should never forget who you are. That will be your light."
Zuko gritted his teeth. The fortune teller's words—fused as they were now with his mother's—were just a taunt in his mind that made him feel hollow and crushed. He knew exactly who he was: he was the son of Ursa and Ozai, and that meant he should be the rightful heir to the throne. Except he wasn't. He was just a banished failure. He couldn't even step foot on Fire Nation soil unless he wanted to be imprisoned, and that wasn't going to change unless he captured the Avatar. There was no other way. He had to stop hesitating.
"I just wanted to say that we're all here for you … so don't do anything stupid."
Zuko's eyes burned and stung, but he didn't let the tears fall. He knew they only prickled free from exhaustion anyway. What he really needed was sleep. His bones ached with weariness, and even his mind was starting to feel slow and heavy—just a mushy weight stuffed in his head. He'd been fighting the urge to pass out all day. Now, it was too hard to resist the siren's call of rest. His body longed for it like a starved plant reaching for the sun. All too soon his eyelids drooped and he was drifting off to the land of dreams, except this time it was not fire or a stone arena that greeted him. This time, he saw only darkness. It was endless and choking, going on and on and on, no matter how far he ran.
No one ever answered his calls. Zuko was alone.
He woke up with a start and realised Appa was standing on alert next to him. The reason for this was soon explained by a loud explosion. Mount Makapu was erupting. Ash and smoke spewed into the air like a poisonous snake. A deep boom rocked through the earth and reverberated through Zuko's body. He scrambled to his feet.
"No way," he muttered in horror. "Aunt Wu was wrong?"
Then Katara and Aang were running towards him, words tripping from their tongues. Zuko barely understood what they were saying. Something about clouds and bending. Either way, they had come to get Appa. Zuko left them to it and joined Sokka in the main square where the boy was trying to persuade the villagers to do something—anything—to protect themselves from the eruption. No one cared to listen, not until a shape started to form in the clouds.
"Clever," Zuko said under his breath, realising what Katara and Aang had done.
Sokka got the fortune teller to interpret the new skull-shaped cloud as the sign for volcanic doom. After that, the villagers were finally spurred into action. Most followed Sokka and Aang to dig a trench either with shovels or the help of earthbending to redirect the flow of lava away from the village; others got an evacuation plan into place.
"Everyone needs to leave now!" Aang cried as lava spilled down the mountain and fresh ash was spewed into the air. "We'll come for you when it's safe!"
Zuko stayed with the trio, his eyes narrowed as he watched the lava's progress. They realised too late that the trench was not deep enough. The lava was overflowing and the village would be destroyed unless something could be done.
Growling in frustration, Zuko darted forward and seized hold of any heat he could sense in the burning, molten mass. He was a firebender. It was his gift to control the flames that warmed the world. So he glared at the lava as if to tell it that it was part of his element, that he was not going to let it go wild. Then he exerted all of his willpower upon it and willed it to cool. Instinctively, his body sucked the heat up into himself. It was hot. Hotter than he could handle. He was going to be cooked alive faster than he could count to five unless he could get rid of it. Instinct kicked in again and made him channel the heat through his chi paths, letting it all flow and escape into the air through his fingertips in a harmless hiss of steam. He exhaled and saw that a part of the lava in the trench had hardened to rock.
"Woah!" Aang exclaimed. "How'd you do that?"
Zuko didn't waste time explaining and continued to do what he could to stop the lava. Another explosion rocked the earth. Burning boulders and projectiles were thrown out of the volcano as if a toddler was throwing a tantrum inside. The ash got thicker and fell like black snow. Soon, it would be too dangerous for any of them to linger.
"We have to get out of here!" Sokka shouted.
Out of the corner of Zuko's eye, he saw Sokka and Katara run for cover. They urged Zuko and Aang to hurry, but neither boy moved. Zuko wasn't sure what drove Aang to stay, but he knew what made him stand his ground: he hated to give up. It was one of the things that had never changed about him, not even after all these years of banishment. He would not give up. Not when he could still fight. This village was home to so many people. It would be burned to the ground unless the lava could be stopped. Zuko was a firebender and still capable of making a difference, so he did. It was as simple as that.
"Watch out!" Zuko yelled.
Aang nodded grimly, also having seen the massive boulder heading straight for the trench. It hit in an explosion of rock and heat. Zuko worked fast to control what he could, and then Aang was there to blow the spraying swell of lava up with a blast of air, helping to keep it away from the village. Together, the two boys cooled the molten mass right down into a solid wall of rock. Now no lava could get through. The mountain continued to erupt from afar, but the danger to the village was gone.
Zuko collapsed to his knees and clutched at his chest. His body felt far too overheated. It was hard to breathe.
"H-hey, you're steaming!"
Aang was at his side in a moment, hovering anxiously and asking if there was anything he could do. Suddenly, a big pile of icy water splashed over top of Zuko. The coolness of it was a relief. He glanced up to see Katara holding her empty water flask and smiling at him.
"Idiot," she said in a voice that could only be described as affectionate. "Try not to overdo it."
Zuko pushed the sopping wet strands of hair from his face. "I'll keep that in mind."
Her smile widened and for a moment—just a tiny moment—he felt his own mouth twitch in response. Then Sokka was there and fussing over him, saying that he should have just let Aang do his Avatar thing. Anyone other than the master of all elements had to be crazy to actually try taking on a volcano.
"But, man," Sokka said, grinning at them both, "that was some powerful bending. I've never seen anything like it! The way Aang was all whooosh, and then you were all—"
"What did you say?" Katara asked in a dazed voice.
Sokka froze in mid-gesture. He blinked. "Uh, Aang went whoosh?"
She shook her head. "No, before that."
"I dunno. I don't remember now." He lowered his arms. "What does it matter? The point is Zuko and Aang kicked that lava's butt!"
Zuko struggled to his feet. "Right now I feel like the lava kicked my butt."
"That's because you did that weird cooling thing." Sokka frowned. "What was that anyway? I didn't know firebenders could do that."
Zuko shrugged. "I didn't know either."
"Wait," Aang said, "that was your first time doing something like that?" He blinked in open amazement. "That's really impressive, Zuko. I mean, you might have just created a new firebending move."
Heat spread across Zuko's cheeks, though this time he knew it was because he was blushing. "I doubt that," he muttered. "My bending isn't that good. I just sensed the heat in the lava and willed it to go away."
"Aww." Sokka looped his arm around Zuko's shoulders. "Is someone getting embarrassed?" He poked him in the cheek. "Look at you being all tiny and cute and fighting off volcanoes. I almost feel like a proud papa."
Zuko shrugged off the boy's arm. "I will hurt you," he promised with a glare.
Sokka laughed. "Yeah, yeah. I'll quit with the kid jokes."
"We should probably go let the villagers know what happened," Katara said. "They'll be worried."
Zuko and the others nodded and soon stood in the main square while the villagers gathered around them. Aang returned the cloud book to Aunt Wu with a sheepish confession that they had borrowed it. Sokka, in turn, told the villagers that he hoped they had learnt their lesson about relying on fortune telling. He might as well have been talking to a wall.
There was a light tug on Zuko's sleeve. He turned to see Meng.
"You were right," she said with a sigh. "I was wasting my time. Aang doesn't like me."
Zuko wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he just mumbled an awkward sorry. Meng eyed him with interest and then leaned forward. It took him a moment to realise she was examining his ears.
"Uh, what are you doing?" he asked.
Meng pulled back with a sigh. "Well, I guess you're too young anyway."
His brow creased. "What?"
But Meng was done with him and trundled off to go say goodbye to Aang and the others. Zuko was still trying to puzzle out what that had been about when Aunt Wu approached him.
"You did well," she praised.
His eyes narrowed. "You knew we'd be able to stop that lava, didn't you? That's why you called us to this village."
Aunt Wu smiled enigmatically. "Perhaps."
She took his hand and pressed something into it, closing his fingers around the object. He frowned and opened his palm to see a small bottle. Curious, he uncorked the top and was conscious of a pleasant but also rather potent scent. Was that perfume?
"A gift for you," she explained, seeing the question in his eyes. "You'll know when to use it."
Zuko put the stopper back in the top and slipped the bottle into his pocket. "Why do all this? What are you hoping to gain?"
"Not every deed or act is made with personal gain in mind, young man. You would do well to remember that."
"Hey, Tiny Boy!" Sokka yelled from where he now stood on top of Appa's saddle. "Come on, we're leaving!"
Aunt Wu smiled and once more dipped her head in a slight bow. "Farewell."
Zuko started to walk to the others, only to freeze when he heard the rest of Aunt Wu's goodbye—softer, almost missed.
"Young prince."
He spun around in surprise, but the woman had already disappeared into the crowd. Sokka called to him again. Zuko's breathing quickened. Had he just imagined that?
"Oi, Tiny Jerk!"
Zuko let out a breath and hurried to join the others on the bison. He punched Sokka in the arm for the stupid nicknames, earning another satisfying "ouch" from the boy, and then found a spot for himself on the far side of the saddle. Soon, they were flying and leaving Makapu Village far behind.
"What's wrong?" Katara asked as she came to sit near him. "You look a bit pale."
Zuko shook his head. "It's nothing."
At least he hoped it was nothing. After all, there was no reason an Earth Kingdom fortune teller would want to help the banished prince of the Fire Nation. No doubt he had just imagined those last words.
Phew, this ended up being a long chapter. Anyone who remembers Book III should know that Zuko didn't actually create a new firebending move. He just discovered the same move Sozin used on the volcano that erupted near Roku's house.
Next up: bounty hunters and decisions. Now, ask yourselves just who might have enlisted June's services and for why? Hohohohoo. I'm so subtle.
