Disclaimer: Ya'll should know by now that Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami.
Author's Note: Late again. But, I think you guys are getting used to it! Haha! Anyways, a mix of writer's block and a social life has made this delay possible. What I busy break I've had...Between Christmas and my birthday, I've had my fill of plans. But, as promised, I would never give up on this story. I'm determined to finish for all my fans out there (however few you may be!) So, here it is! Chapter 11. It was fun to write this one. I hope you all enjoy it and thanks for your understanding. I can't promise that I'll be any more or less hasty with the next chapter but, keep a look out, folks!

The couple stepped out of the taxi and into the fresh open air, absorbing the organic beauty, looking out onto the small villages that lay nestled in the valley. The scene was much like a postcard; the brilliant white of the untouched snow, the deep natural viridescence of the wooly evergreens, cloudy puffs of smoke billowing from the neatly stacked brick fireplaces of the homes below. Yuki took the justice of removing the luggage from the trunk of the taxi as Shuichi stood in absolute awe of the beauty that was presented before him. The atmosphere alone was enough to bring hope back into Shuichi's heart although he could not forget his silent promise. His gaze quickly turned to the ground, his footprints scarring the once perfect snow. Shuichi didn't know why, but a small feeling of regret seeped into his optimism, his eyes still staring into the blinding white snow and the heavy footprints, wishing he could erase the small imprints, wishing unfold the postcard and regain the masterpiece.

Yuki stood next to the pile of luggage, watching the yellow taxi vanish behind the trees. Nothing could be heard here; the silence was startling. Standing here, not even the wind seemed to make a sound. Yuki reached his hand into his coat packet, retrieving a cigarette and lighting it, looking out on the horizon. The sun's last rays poked out from behind the mountaintops in the distance, bidding the sky farewell. The smoke of Yuki cigarette reached for the sky, chasing the last rays, dissipating before getting to close to its fantasy. Yuki turned his stare to Shuichi's cherried face and puzzled expression. Although the cold of the wind and snow cut through them like knives, there was an unmistakable warmth that could not be denied. Alone, the two of them; they had made it so far to be in this position, but a foreboding undertone hid beneath the warmth and amazement, strangling the life from such hope so long as they would allow.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Yuki's soft voice broke the silence, his deep tone lingering for a second before returning to the depths of the cosmos. Shuichi heard the crunch of snow as Yuki took a step toward him but he dared not to miss the death of the day's last light. He raised his head, meeting the darkened sky as Yuki wrapped his heavy arm around Shuichi's shoulders, his padded coat adding to his warmth. "It's nothing like home…" Yuki took one last drag from his cigarette before flicking it into the frigid snow.

With those words, the two men stood, completely engulfed in the moment. Shuichi was too aware of his fluttering heart, the seconds ticking by almost becoming too much. Let's just hope this lasts…so I can break my promise…Please just last…Exhaustion mixed poorly with this overwhelming feeling of felicity doused with anxiety, Shuichi's tears sliding silently down his cold face leaving hot trails behind them. Shuichi praised the sky for such darkness as the day finally ran out, the moon taking its place amongst the stars, the specs of light from the village blending into the night sky. If they hadn't known better, Yuki and Shuichi might have guessed they were standing alone in the galaxy; just the two of them in the wide expanse of the universe, the fate of creation in the palm of their hands.

Yuki took his weight off Shuichi, returning to where the luggage sat and retrieving the key to the cabin from his pocket. He dragged as much luggage as he could handle up the wooden steps leading to an expansive patio which wrapped around the cabin. Shuichi broke his mystic state of mind and grabbed the rest of the suitcases from the driveway, struggling to take them up the stair. Yuki fumbled with the key, slowly opening the door and dropping their things in the foyer. He flipped the light exposing the interior of the private cabin. Upon walking in, one was met with a large foyer which branched off into the kitchen. Past the kitchen was a large open dining room with a spacious entertainment room adjacent to it. Branching from the foyer was a guest bedroom. Once into the entertainment room, one would find stairs leading up into two large bedrooms and a full sized bathroom complete with shower, bath, and jacuzzi. The interior of the cabin was strictly wood; a dark rustic colour that gave a warm, old fashioned feeling. A large, intricate oriental rug dressed the living room floor. From the living room, there was a large slider leading to the back patio looking out onto the snowy forest. The lighting was dim but there were many lamps scattered through the cabin if one sought more light and plenty of windows to welcome in the natural sun.

After giving the cabin a thorough once over, Yuki and Shuichi hauled their luggage upstairs into one of the vacant rooms, throwing themselves onto the unbearably comfortable king sized bed that waited for them. Feeling dirty from the long plane ride and desperate to relax his still very anxious and tense nerves, Yuki began to undress himself, grabbing a towel from his bag and walking to the bathroom. Shuichi perked up.

"Taking a shower?" He asked, holding himself up by the elbows on the bed.

"I'm gonna hit the jacuzzi. Wanna join me?" Yuki responded, giving Shuichi a come hither look. Shuichi took a second to think but ultimately decided to break his pity party. Leave our problems at home…He nodded and stood up, throwing his clothes on the couch that sat against the wall in the room. He grabbed his towel and followed Yuki to the bathroom. It took a few minutes for the jacuzzi to fill; as they waited, they stood in silence, completely naked and vulnerable to each other. Still silent as the beginning of their trip, Shuichi shied his face away, the awkwardness, though thin, still present. They had been naked with each other plenty of times but this felt different to Shuichi. For him, it felt as if it was the first time all over again.

Once the jacuzzi was filled, Yuki took no time to jump in, sulking down into the steaming hot water, submerging his whole body and breathing deeply with contentment. Shuichi stood on the numbing tiles, looking at the water, contemplating his course of action.

"What are you waiting for?" Yuki questioned but before Shuichi could answer, he had him by the arm, dragging him forcefully into the hot water. Shuichi landed in the jacuzzi face first, frantically bringing up his head and coughing as he regained his composure.

"What the hell?" Shuichi demanded between his coughs. "I was coming in!" Yuki looked at Shuichi's ruffled face, trying hard to retain his amusement but failing. "Why are you laughing?" Shuichi frowned, hating himself for blushing at a time like this; no matter what the circumstances, Yuki's smile was irresistible.

"Lighten up! You've had that puss face on all day." Yuki said jovially, rustling Shuichi's wet hair. "This is what we've been waiting for, right?"

He's going to try to make the first move…Shuichi thought as he gazed at Yuki sitting directly across from him, close enough to lean in for a kiss. Well, I'm not gonna let him. Shuichi brought himself in close, wearing the same flustered expression, overcome with uncertainty as his face hovered close to Yuki's. Instead of accepting his lover's fitful kiss, Yuki gently took Shuichi by the shoulder and eased him off back to where he had been sitting.

"Listen. I know you're still thinking about what happened yesterday." Shuichi's look of astonishment brought home Yuki's suspicions, "I know you said you didn't want me to say it unless I meant it but… I do mean it. I'm…not really at the point yet where I can just speak my mind like you do but…I don't want you to think that I don't feel bad about what happened, ok?"

Shuichi sat in amazement, shocked by the sincerity in Yuki's voice. Though he hadn't planned on bringing the matter up again, it had been stuck in Shuichi's brain. If anything told Shuichi that Yuki was changing, this was it. He may have been over thinking it but, to Shuichi, this apology was no subtle thing. Yuki never apologized for anything, ever. Not only did he find the confidence to apologize to the likes of Shuichi, he was sitting there naked, completely unguarded, and unable to hide behind his many faces. Shuichi still didn't understand what these outbursts were but he didn't need to understand them anymore; Yuki was making an effort to make things right, to make the trip enjoyable. With this, Shuichi finally took initiative to do the same. He pushed up from the bottom of the jacuzzi, launching himself toward Yuki, draping his wet, slender arms around Yuki's neck. In the same instant, Shuichi took Yuki's lips up in a spellbound kiss, his inner light radiating uncontrollably as he let his mouth dance. Their lips separated but Shuichi moved his body in close, their skin gliding beneath the steaming waters. Shuichi kept his face close, his misty eyes staring into Yuki's, his lips curved into a permanent smile.

"I love you so much…" Shuichi uttered, so overcome by emotion that he couldn't think of anything more to say. Finally his worries were brushed aside; he could relax for the moment. But hidden in the back of his mind were the incidents leading up to this trip, to this point in their lives, as well as his promise to himself. It was impossible to forget those things but, when Yuki was like this, it was impossible to tame his wild passion. Nevertheless, Shuichi would remain cautious, thinking it best to treat Yuki normally unless something happened. Any change in demeanor might send Yuki over the edge. We'll just carry on normally and hopefully we can make it through this…push through like we have every other time.

Yuki responded to Shuichi's words with a long, tempting kiss, his lips still unable to form the words that Shuichi longed to hear. He drew Shuichi close to him, enabling him to move and keeping him as if he were his possession. The couple stayed cuddled, chatting about what they would do during their stay until the water turned cold. When they finally stepped out into the chilly air of the cabin, the effects of jet lag hit them and hard. Just before Yuki cashed in for the night, Shuichi caught his hand, demanding his attention. Yuki looked back with an inquiring look.

"Don't forget your pills…" Shuichi reminded, feeling guilty for doing so. Even though it seemed Yuki was in an improved state of mind at the moment, Shu couldn't help but feel the pills were the cause of all these problems. He felt even guiltier for thinking that way but, before the pills, Yuki had never acted as rashly as he had during the past couple of weeks. At this point, for Shuichi, it was more than just a hunch, but Yuki didn't see it yet. With this thought, Shuichi devised a mission: make Yuki realize the seed of his problem was this good-for-nothing medication. But he had to be clever; if he was too forward in telling him, the consequences could be lethal. Yuki will be normal. So help me God, I will change Yuki back to his normal self. Shuichi thought to himself, looking over as Yuki stuck his head under the faucet in the bathroom, getting water to drink down the pills. With all his flaws…I'll bring him back.


Back in Tokyo it was already afternoon and the sun shown brightly over the busy city as it always had. The intense light of the orb burst into Dr. Tanaka's office as he leafed through the paperwork on his desk. The research on the new drug was turning in an eerie direction, many of the unknown problems coming to an ugly head. He had been receiving phone calls all morning from the research center, gaining more and more new and disturbing information about the development of the effects.

"We've already had to detain a patient for attacking one of our nurses here! None of our patients show any signs of improvement." The frantic voice came from the phone as Tanaka continued to leaf through his paperwork.

"Elaborate on that, please. What exactly do you see happening in these patients? I understand the violence but why do you think it's coming to be this way? I thought this drug was supposed to be close to finalization. So, what's the problem?" Tanaka said anxiously, looking through the names of the patients he had prescribed the drug to already.

"What we're finding is that the drug is reacting with the traits the patients are trying to eliminate as opposed to what they are trying to strengthen. The perfect example is with the violent types we have found here. If there is someone with a dual personalities and one of their personalities is violent or even just has traces of anger issues, the drug will react to that and…and…just turn them into an animal. There is no other way to describe it."

"Is that the only symptom you've been finding? Or is there something else strange? Have you been able to talk to the patients about their experiences?" Tanaka leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples as he listened to the disappointing news.

"Many of the patients are very conscious that there is something wrong but they don't want to say anything about it. What I have heard or seen is that many of these patients black out completely when they are enraged and many of them participate in unusual, unexplainable behavior. But, when we try to talk to them about what is happening to them, it often turns violent. If there was anything I could compare this to, I would say it's much like what you would find in someone with a serious drug addiction." The researcher sighed thinking back on the experiences at the research clinic involving this drug. It was more like a psych ward than anything. No one could believe that the drug they were so confident in would take such a turn. Not only would they lose funding but they also might lose the wellbeing of the patients or even lives depending on the severity from patient to patient.

"What do you suggest we do about this?" Tanaka asked.

"The only thing we can do is to stop treatment immediately. We're still unsure if the patients will go into withdrawal but we are offering a recovery service for all those affected by this drug. Please, contact all the patients you have prescribed this to and get them off it immediately. There is nothing else we can do right now."

After hanging up with the researcher, Tanaka started contacting his patients, telling a loved one in the household of the current status and new information and what they should do to wean them off the drug. Eventually, he reached Eiri Yuki's name. When he called his phone, no one answered. Yuki's phone buzzed expectantly on the coffee table in his apartment. Tanaka sat puzzled. He tried the landline but still nothing. He gasped, the sudden realization startling him. Yuki is overseas…alone with Shuichi…and taking 4 pills a day. This explains it…


The road was vast, the pavement a crumbled mess of tire-tracked snow. No cars came in either direction; whether it was fear of the storm or something else, Yuki couldn't tell. Perhaps they knew of the events to come but no one could say for sure. Or maybe time had stopped altogether and no one acknowledged the phenomena save the two young men whose fates would clash. Yuki pulled his car over, the distinction between the road and the rolling fields disappeared under the pillow of freshly fallen snow. The place was unfamiliar and quite, nothing at all like home. In any case, Yuki felt as if he knew the place but his discomfort persisted. He opened the door and stood in front of his beloved Mercedes, lighting a cigarette and leaning against the door. The sky was clear, the atmosphere unpolluted, the only light coming down from the moon and its flock of domesticated stars. The snow continued to fall, submitting to Earth's gravity and begging at Yuki's feet as the smoke from his cigarette reached for the heavens. The urge to continue waiting in the spot was overwhelmingly unexplainable but something told Yuki he needed to stay here, right here in the endless expanse of the road, the end of reality.

Off in the distance, a pair of headlights slowly approached on the flat terrain. Yuki didn't move, but shifted his eyes to the approaching vehicle. Was this what he had been waiting for? The amount of time it took for the car to approach felt as interminable as the scenery in which Yuki stood, as unknown as the sky. The only gauge of time was the time it took for Yuki's cigarette to ash and even then, Yuki couldn't tell. He took a deep drag, the embered tobacco glowing in the black night. It was a freezing night but Yuki felt nothing but warmth beneath his flesh, his light, black jacket sufficing.

His wait finally ending, Yuki dropped his cigarette butt, crushing out the dying flame beneath his slick black shoe, putting it out of its misery, bringing it the salvation of a quick death. The car approached, the headlights blinding as it pulled up in front of Yuki and his Mercedes, the only two things in this white universe. The driver's door flung open but the driver was still not revealed, only a shadow behind the blinding, unnatural light. Car still running, the figure flung himself into the space between the car and Yuki. Now he could see; it was Shuichi. It was no mistake, the dumb, flustered expression, the glisten of his unnaturally pink hair, his misty eyes, and his childish stance. There was no mistake. Just seeing him made something unpleasant stir in Yuki's heart. Shuichi's faltering steps persisted, Yuki's expression unchanged. Yuki would not even grant the gift of acknowledgment as his overexcited partner approached him.

"Yuki." Shuichi's breathless voice muttered. He stopped a few feet in front of Yuki, his brows furrowed upward in his classic concerned expression. "What are you doing here all alone? Come on, let's go back. Hurry, before you freeze to death out here."

"I'm not going with you." Yuki responded flatly, his answer absolute. This was his world now, his reality. He wouldn't go back with the one person pulling him back into his depression. "I'm not going anywhere. This is where I belong. So get out of here." The silence fit the atmosphere as if time had truly stood still. Shuichi stood in disbelief, his eyes glued to his cold lover.

"What are you talking about? You can't stay here!" Shuichi pleaded in desperation. "There's no way you can make it alone. You must come back with me." Shuichi moved forward, taking Yuki by the shoulders. Shuichi's hands were ice to Yuki's warmed exterior, the magma boiling further inside him but still, he did not move.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I don't need you? I don't need anyone. This is where I'll stay. You'll forget me soon enough and I'll disappear. I don't need you or anyone else so get your hands off me and leave." Yuki said, looking down at Shuichi. His normally spectacular golden eyes now showed black, his face harder than diamonds, and his beauty fading behind the fog of his words. Shuichi's hand began to grope and burrow, anything to bring Yuki back. He tugged using all the force his small body could muster in an attempt to move Yuki himself but it was of no use; Yuki was not moving. Shuichi's efforts took Yuki closer and closer to the edge but he stood.

"YUKI! COME ON! STOP KIDDING AROUND! WE NEED TO GO!" Shuichi started to shout, his voice disturbing the balance of the white world, his face growing nearer to Yuki's. Shuichi pushed Yuki's back hard against his Mercedes, a familiar look of determination on his face. Yuki stood. The pressure of Shuichi's frozen hands felt like truck loads on Yuki's thinly protected chest, the heat from within dissipating as Shuichi persisted. He moved one leg between Yuki's, bringing his body impossibly close, his face centimeters away from Yuki's, his icy breath stinging his partner's face. Before he could come in for a kiss, Yuki thrust forward, knocking Shuichi to the snowy pavement. Disgusted with Shuichi's perseverance and desperation, Yuki planted his unforgiving foot hard on Shuichi's abdomen, knocking the wind out of him and keeping him down as he fished at his back pocket.

Shuichi's eyes glittered in the moonlight, his fearful tears melting the snow as they fell. "Yu…ki…" Shuichi said weakly, lifting his head and breathing hard, catching his breath from the sudden blow. Yuki placed another cigarette firmly between his teeth, lighting it and dragging on it slowly. His hand continued to fish in his back pocket, his eyes still nailed to Shuichi. Shuichi lie frozen on the ground, daring not to move in fear of another painful blow. Yuki's lips curled up into a curious smile as his fingers stroked the cold, smooth metal. Planning his course of action, Yuki stood frozen, his foot idle on Shuichi's stomach, his hand wrapped behind his back, the cigarette burning slowly and smoothly between the confines of his smiling lips. He took one last deep drag and flicked it into Shuichi's face, letting it burn instead of stomping it out. Instinctually, Shuichi's hands flew up, wiping the burning tobacco from his face. Just as Yuki had timed, his hand dashed from his back pocket revealing the gun that not even he knew was present and shot Shuichi hastily in his teary eyed face, then again and again all across his body until it was nothing more but a bullet encrusted corpse, completely faceless, nameless, nothing.

Yuki looked down at the mess, the contrast of Shuichi's deep red blood on the pure white snow fascinating to Yuki. The close range shots scattered Shuichi's insides, bits and pieces freezing on top of the bloodied snow. Yuki knelt down and observed Shuichi's remains closely, the smell of blood the only thing present in the vacant world. At first his fingers teased Shuichi's stationary organs, the slippery rubber masses feeling unexpectedly pleasurable beneath his insulated skin, the warmth of Shuichi's life lingering and fading. Before long, Yuki began to pick up the pieces, trying to ease Shuichi's body up by what was thought to be his shoulders. But Yuki stopped, frozen by the sound of crunching snow behind him. It was distant at first but drew closer then stopped. He heard a thump on his car but he dare not turn around to meet what lurked behind him. He eased Shuichi's mutilated body down and knelt, staring out into the darkness, waiting. He heard the cock of a gun and the cold barrel resting on the back of his head.

"I told you to come with me." The person whispered. Yuki took a sharp breath.

"How…how?" He stammered, recognizing the threatening voice.

"This won't stop until you come with me. Just give up." The voice said peppered with sadistic joy. Yuki whipped his head around but as quickly as he had killed his prey, the prey killed him. In the milliseconds before the gun was fired, Yuki could see Shuichi's grinning face looking down at him from atop his Mercedes, the sound of the shot resonating endlessly in the vacancy.

Yuki jolted awake from his disturbed sleep, his body drenched in a cold sweat and his arms grabbing tightly around Shuichi who had already awoken. Though he clung to him, Yuki couldn't help but feel resentment. Out of embarrassment, Yuki quickly retracted his limbs and rolled over, looking up at the pastoral cuckoo clock that hung in the cabin's room. It was early considering the both of them still felt the subtle effects of the jetlag.

Shuichi stared at Yuki's back with concern, the feeling of his grip still lingering. Unsure of whether or not he should say anything, Shuichi sat up in the bed, flinging open the curtain of the window above their bed. The brisk winter sunlight burst into the room, hitting Yuki's dormant face. He squinted back his tired tears and rose, his back still to Shuichi. Without looking back, he began to get up but Shuichi stopped him, tugging like a child at the sleeve of his pajamas.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Shuichi asked innocently, trying his best not to sound like he was implying something deeper but Yuki couldn't be tricked.

"I told you not to worry about what was going on with me. Stop asking, you idiot. Do you want to piss me off?" Those words lingered in the room and Yuki slipped from Shuichi's grasp and made his way to the bathroom. From where he sat, Shuichi could hear Yuki use the bathroom and the sound of the water running in the faucet. A hot flash of dread washed over his body. Pills again…Shuichi felt guilty for being upset but he couldn't let go. He just couldn't bring himself to trust that pill after seeing Yuki transform into something he was not. But still, it was only the beginning of the trip, only the middle of December, and Shuichi was willing to give Yuki the chance he deserved to redeem himself for his recent actions.

Yuki stood in the bathroom, looking at his flushed face as he guzzled down his morning pills. What on Earth? These dreams again? Yuki thought in disappointment. Things are supposed to be getting better but I feel like I've gone a hundred paces back. This can't be right. Among his vivid dreams, Yuki couldn't help but notice he could remember less and less of his days. Any time anger sparked within him, long periods of blackness followed. Not to mention the visions he would see during the day. Yuki cupped his hands under the sink and splashed the cool water on his burning face, snapping out of his thoughts and moving forward. No use harping on the subject.

Yuki heard Shuichi's light footsteps tapping against the hard wood floor but ignored them, continuing to get ready and brushing his teeth in front of the bathroom mirror. Shuichi snaked his arms around Yuki from behind, resting his head on his back, trying to keep the Yuki he loved close.

"What are we doing today?" Shuichi asked.

"There's a snowmobile in the shed in the yard of this place." Yuki answered, taking his toothbrush out of his mouth and taking a moment to spit. "We'll ride it into town and pick up the rent-a-car. Then we have the rest of the day free." Shuichi let Yuki free to get dressed. Shuichi followed him in the room and decided to do the same.

"Hmm. Well, if you want, once we get the car, we can drive the snowmobile back and the head back into town. Explore a little. Find a mart and get something for the fridge." Shuichi suggested. He waited until he was done talking before he pulled his shirt over his head and went back to the bathroom to fix his bed-head.

"Sounds like a good idea." Yuki called after Shuichi unenthusiastically. No matter how impractical it seemed to Yuki, he couldn't shake his resentment. The impact of his dream seemed to be too much. He had done what he always did in those dreams; he killed Shuichi. But Shu had re-spawned and turned his back on the one he supposedly loved. Yuki didn't know why but it picked at his brain, the uneasy feeling refusing to leave his cortex.

After the two were finished primping themselves, they bundled up and went down to the shed a little ways in the yard. Yuki used the key and revealed a plethora of useful tools, the main one being the snowmobile. Tin barrels of gas stood in the shed ready for use in the snowmobile. Yuki took the justice of filling her up before putting the key in the ignition and easing her out. Once out into the snow, Shuichi hopped onto the back, pressing his marshmallow body against Yuki's and holding on tightly.

"Ready?" Yuki said, looking back. Shuichi stared at the snowy ground, immersed in thought. Irritated, Yuki elbowed him hard to get his attention. Shocked by the sudden blow, Shuichi looked up, gasping. "Ready?" Yuki asked again, sneering at Shuichi.

"I've been ready." Shuichi sharply replied and they were off. Though small, the snowmobile was fast and, despite his current distaste for Yuki, Shuichi couldn't help but be scared enough to hold him in a death grip. They buzzed down the steep hill of their driveway and drove for many miles on snowy mountainous paths, snow kicking up behind them as they sped through the forest. When they reached the town, they parked the snowmobile and Yuki fished in his coat pockets for the map of the small village. Even though the village was small and homely, the cabins surrounding it were popular vacation spots and the village accommodated the needs of the vacationers. Unlike the city, it was easy to navigate and everything was relatively close to each other. It took no time for Yuki and Shuichi to locate the car rental building and it was equally as easy to fill out the paperwork.

Shuichi let Yuki deal with this business and wandered outside to look at the small but busy little village. It looked as if it was straight out of a story book, Shuichi could hardly believe he was standing in the middle of it. No matter what his status was with Yuki, Shuichi was determined to have a good time and enjoy what this beautiful town had to offer, even if it would be better to spend such times with Yuki. Shuichi sighed. I need to stop feeling like it's his fault. Shuichi thought, watching the villagers carry on with their simple lives, carefree smiles spread across their faces. This trip was supposed to be about us…why does it feel like it's only separating us even more? Is there nothing I can do to turn this around? Shuichi, feeling a little down on himself, returned into the building and met up with Yuki again right as the deal was being finished.

"You drive the car and lead the way back to the cabin. I'll follow behind in the snowmobile, okay?" Shuichi said, waiting for the key to the snowmobile.

"I'd rather just hitch it to the back and take it up." Yuki replied, going out the building.

"Wait! That doesn't make sense! Look at the car we have; it's not equipped to pull it back up!" Shuichi retorted, getting a little antsy at Yuki's mistrust. "What's the big deal?"

"Look, I don't trust you doing much of anything let alone driving a vehicle which my wallet is responsible for, ok? Just get in the car and stop making a scene, k? Brat?" Yuki said dryly, opening the driver's side door and popping the trunk in the hopes of finding bungee cords.

"Yuki!" Shu whined. "I'm perfectly capable. This car doesn't even have a place to hook anything. It makes more sense for me to-"

Before Shuichi could finish, Yuki grabbed him by the arm and pushed him back, pinning him against the icy metal of the car. "Like hell I'm taking orders from you. Get in the car and shut the fuck up if you know what's good for you." Yuki's eyes had the look of a madman, those empty eyes Shuichi had seen before. He's not going to push me around this time. Shuichi thought. With his vacant hand, Shuichi quickly snatched the key to the snowmobile and wriggled out of Yuki's grasp. He ran down the road to where the snowmobile sat parked and shoved the key into the ignition hurriedly, buzzing off before Yuki could catch up.

"That bastard!" Yuki said aloud, the peek of his anger reached. He ran back to the rental place and jumped into the car, starting it immediately and zooming off onto the plowed roads back to the cabin. Smartly, Shuichi had taken the way they had come through the paths between the trees, following their track back home. Without the worry of traffic signs or twists and turns, Shuichi beat Yuki back with a considerable amount of time and since he had the keys, he was able to get in the apartment and relax for a moment. Even so, he had a bad feeling about how Yuki would react when he got back. Still bundled, he sat on the couch and waited nervously until he could hear the crunching snow and motor of the car coming up the driveway. His muscles tensed. Yuki's hulking footsteps pounded on the wooden patio outside, the front door slammed open. Shuichi stood abruptly, looking toward the door like a deer in the headlights.

Yuki stammered in wearing nothing but is undershirt and jeans having completely stripped from the immense heat pouring out for the inside. Before he could get a word out, he dropped to the ground, kneeling in the foyer on all fours, watching as his hands trembled. His emotions took the best of him but he couldn't figure out which was flooding him. Everything came crashing in on him until he just didn't feel anything at all; not worry for Shuichi, not anger, not apathy, nothing. The emptiness took him to a place he had been once before.

Shuichi ran to the front door, gathering Yuki up in his arms, feeling his whole body quivering against his. Not this again. Shuichi remembered the attack he had not so long ago. He couldn't pinpoint the reason for these unexplainable attacks but he knew the root of the cause. How long can we put up with this?

"Yuki! Snap out of it" Shuichi shouted, shaking Yuki but he didn't respond. He just kept staring, his body hot and trembling. "Come on, Yuki! You're gonna be ok, alright? So snap out of it!" The wind blew hard in from the front door and even though he was bundled, Shuichi still felt the piercing cold and wondered how Yuki could stand to just sit there in only an undershirt. His tactics exhausted, Shuichi held Yuki, placing a hand on the back of his head and bringing it to his shoulder. After a moment, Shuichi could feel Yuki reach up with his juddering arms and grab at his back until his whole body went limp.

"Yuki?" Shuichi said, holding Yuki's body out in front of him. With all his strength Shuichi gathered Yuki up and placed him on the couch, checking his pulse to make sure he wasn't dead. Between the jetlag and his breakdown, he's probably better off sleeping right now. Shuichi thought as he rummaged through the cupboards, finding a zip lock back and filling it with ice to place on Yuki's burning forehead. Well, looks like I'll go get groceries alone. Shuichi wrote a quick not to Yuki explaining where he had gone and locked his passed out lover safe and sound before hopping on the snowmobile and dashing off into town.


Yuki woke slowly, taking in his surroundings as he did. Realizing he was back in the cabin, he then began to search for traces of Shuichi, immediately being greeted by the short note Shuichi had scrawled and left on the coffee table beside him. The not was direct, lacking the normal flowery obnoxious diction his notes normally carried. Yuki didn't care, tossing the note in the trash and taking a glass of water from the kitchen faucet. His head buzzed, a small but painful headache forming behind his forehead. He looked around; the apartment seemed normal. Yuki breathed a sigh of relief, thanking the gods that nothing violent had ensued. If he was being honest with himself, Yuki couldn't remember anything past taking the keys from the rental man and, even then, the events before that were a little fuzzy. It began to scare him more and more that he couldn't remember things that only happened a few hours ago and scared him even more that he couldn't control himself or his anger towards Shuichi.

Yuki sat back down on the couch, sipping religiously at his water. The cabin was eerily silent, nothing like back home. No matter how empty the apartment was, the busy city could always be heard, the sound of people comforting to Yuki. Now it felt like he was completely alone in the world, not even Shuichi by his side, and his mind started to play tricks on him again. He stared up at where the ceiling met the wall, trying hard to focus on the dark wood but unable to keep the merciless shadows from taking form. He closed his eyes but it didn't help; the feeling of tiny legs all over his body becoming more and more intense.

"Yuki? Are you awake?" Shuichi called out, breathing loudly as he dragged the groceries into the house.

"Yeah." Yuki called back, seemingly uninterested but inside he knew he was saved from another horrible vision, pulled back into the light. "Need help?" Yuki asked, seeing Shuichi struggle with the copious amount of bags.

"No, it's ok. You just rest." Shuichi said with a forced smile.

"I'm fine, Shuichi. I can carry a couple groceries." Yuki said with annoyance, his anger kicking up. Shuichi sighed. Nothing pleased him now; every little thing set him off.

"Ok, Yuki. I'm not trying to undermine you. If you want to help, start putting things in the fridge. There are only a couple bags left outside. I'll grab them." Shuichi looked up at Yuki before walking past him and going outside. Yuki sneered, uncovering the bags contents and putting them in the fridge. Again, the feeling of resentment was sparked in the depths of his soul.

After putting all the groceries away, the couple flopped onto the couch, both exhausted from the day's events. Yuki reached out for the remote to the TV but Shuichi stopped him abruptly.

"Listen, you need to tell me what is going on with you." Shuichi demanded, sick of having to deal with this non-sense on what was supposed to be the trip of a life time.

"I don't have to tell you shit and I'm not going to tell you again." Yuki said, cigarette dangling from his unsatisfied lips.

"Do you even know what happened today? Tell me, what's the last thing you remember before passing out?" Shuichi said, keeping Yuki's hand in his, urging him with a gentle squeeze, hoping to break through to him.

"Of course I remember what happened, asshole. Stop coming up with assumptions that something is wrong with me. You're the degenerate." Yuki said, his eyes growing stiff and cold again, a look Shuichi was well accustomed to by now. He knew he should back off the subject but he needed to know what was going on in Yuki's head.

"You know, you are supposed to be getting better but you are getting worse. It's becoming…it's…it's becoming hard to love you, Yuki." Shuichi's words faltered with his falling tears, his stern expression quickly turning to one of agony. "I…I don't know how many chances I can give you before…before I give up…and something tells me….you wouldn't…wouldn't even care." Shuichi hiccupped between words, his hands flying up to wipe away the legion of tears spilling onto his face. Although his expression was unchanged, the words drove deep into Yuki's heart affecting him astronomically. He won't wait forever.

The pressure in the room was too much for Shuichi. He stood and ran to the door, flinging it open and slamming it shut again, sitting on the snowy porch and crying his heart out to the silent spirits of the forest. Shuichi felt lucky to be in such a serene place where no one could find him or judge him. He had a lot on his mind but he just let it flow, his hot tears leaving holes in the cold snow. He could hear Yuki inside, his footsteps lumbering toward the door. A spike of fear hit Shuichi as he remembered Yuki's animal like rage earlier in the day. He buried his head in his arms, his body quaking with the onslaught of tears that badgered at his eyes. He heard the creak of the heavy wooden door opening behind him, a breeze of warmth coming from inside as Yuki closed the door behind him. Without a word, Yuki took a seat next to Shuichi on the porch, nudging him. Shuichi looked up, his eyes swollen and wet, his face flushed, his nose looking like a little cherry on his rosy face. Yuki took a drag of his cigarette, looking up at the lazy sky, and reaching out his hand toward Shuichi. A tissue. The pure white material a subtle sign of Yuki's surrender.

"Come on. You'll catch a cold out here." Yuki said standing and extending a helping hand to Shuichi. Shuichi looked up, his face so innocent and trusting, taking his hand and pulling his drained body up. "I can't answer all your questions." Yuki said as the couple stood on the reticent porch. "I don't know the answers yet. Maybe you can help me." Yuki looked at Shuichi's messy face and watched as it transformed to the normal look of determination and passion. Shuichi nodded, dropping the subject after that and walking back in the cabin. They replaced themselves on the couch where they had begun and flipped the TV on. Shuichi couldn't understand any of the programs, all of them being in English, but he wasn't interested in television anyway. He had an even harder time understanding Yuki. Help? It seems impossible…but…I have to try. Shuichi's focus was solely on thinking of tactics to make Yuki realize his problem without getting killed in the process but he was too drained and sore from crying to continue these painful thoughts. He cocked his head back and closed his eyes, envisioning the vacation he had hoped for, the tears coming back at the thought of his harsh confession to Yuki.

Yuki shifted his eyes, peeking over in Shuichi's direction. He saw the pain on his face. Yuki shook his head, running his hand through his hair before reaching over and bringing Shuichi close. Shuichi nudged over on the couch to get closer to Yuki, nuzzling his head into Yuki's chest. His heartbeat was slow but reassuring. No matter what kind of beast Yuki turned into, he was still merely a human and Shuichi needed to bring him back. Uninterested in the TV, Shuichi closed his eyes, enveloping himself in the sound of Yuki's heart beating stoically beneath his ear. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep and soon Yuki joined him, both enjoying the warmth of each other's bodies as they shared a much needed sleep, the sun still clinging to the sky, shining on the couple as their minds picked apart the day's happenings and forming their dreams; the dreams that held a key.

Thanks for reading! Love you my babies!

To be continued...