Chapter 10 – Lessons Learned
"It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head."
- Sally Kempton
The journey back to Crystal Tokyo by way of the transporter is quicker than they remember. It could have everything to do with the fact that each of their little minds is a blur. After a brief team meeting and discussion with Usagi about their next move, the princess told them they should head home, instead of attempting a second battle to free the older warriors. Even though returning is nowhere near as bad as it would be without Usagi, the Sailors still reek of defeat. Smiles are hard to conjure, even amongst themselves.
King Endymion and Neo-Queen Serenity are thrilled to see their daughter again, regardless of the manner of her return. They embrace her tightly. Serenity mutters sweet words of welcome, overcome with happiness to see her. Endymion's smile speaks volumes and he doesn't need to say anything.
Tera, who looks on from the sidelines, is seized with a spate of longing for her own parents. It is hard to swallow her tears and sobs in her already fragile state. Tera thought she lost her best friend, and in the process of hesitating to save her, she discovered her biggest weakness - the most glaring flaw in her fighting strategy. And now, there is a growing crack in her confidence, quickly yawning into a chasm.
They all go their separate ways after reporting the disastrous results of their mission to their king and queen. There is nothing but sympathy and understanding in their eyes, but the Sailors cannot bring themselves to accept their pity. There is nothing to commemorate their skill, their talent, because up until now they were ready and rearing to go. They were convinced that they were prepared to fight for real. But like many, they learned the hard way that battling in the open air is much different than sparing in an arena.
Three hundred years of training, and for what?
They are examined and treated by a medical team. The royal family offers the young Sailors sanctuary in the palace. The Sailor Quartet accepts their offer, deciding to settle in the basement chambers, the lowest levels of the palace.
Sailor Earth elects to head back to her house, the one she shared with her parents. She needs to be in a familiar environment. She needs to be home, to feel her parent's presence. She needs reassurance from those closest to her, but they are not there. Worse yet, they are beyond her reach in a place she cannot seem to infiltrate. They are depending on her, even at a time when she so desperately depends on them.
The Sailor Quartet settles into the basement, needing to be somewhere dark and secluded. They need to be alone with their thoughts, but they need to be alone together, as an entity. They are a family, almost like a collective consciousness: one being in four bodies. They are inseparable, especially in times of trial. The Sailor Quartet does not have parents per say, or siblings.
They have each other… and that's it.
Sailors Juno, Vesta, Ceres, and Pallas, in their minds, have one purpose and one duty. They exist solely to protect their princess. They exist to safe keep her, to be the four feet of her throne, to be the four facets of her scepter. They almost lost her today. She survived by her own means, not by theirs. Technically, she did not need them. Not in the slightest. Does not their failure underscore their insignificance? Wouldn't she be better without them? She would be no worse off, that has been proven.
It's obvious.
The basement level of the Crystal Palace is a room of relics, a place to put forgotten pieces of lost history and useless items of the present. Confiscated weaponry and ammunition line the walls. Crates filled with miscellaneous items are piled high at the north end of the room. The level just above them, given to the girls as sleeping quarters and properly outfitted with beds and other furnishings, is too well lit, too kind of an atmosphere to bear in the midst of their depression.
Sailor Vesta has no jokes to lift their spirits. Sailor Juno can conjure no pitchy remark to buffer the sullen mood. Sailor Ceres cannot reason her way out of their despair. And Sailor Pallas can find no cause to make a game of the sadness. All their individual strengths are rendered useless by the gravity of their failure.
Formerly, the question was what good is a soldier with no one to protect? Now, the question has changed to what good is a soldier who cannot protect her charge?
Surely, the King and Queen not only doubt their training, but the strength of their hearts as well. What does this say about their fealty?
Sailor Juno shoulders the wall while Sailors Ceres and Vesta situate themselves on crates. Sailor Pallas finds a corner and huddles up with her knees against her chest. Their togetherness brings some comfort, some soothing balm to the burning of their souls, but not enough to snuff out the fire.
Perhaps they were better suited for the Dead Moon Circus, a place of trickery and deceit, instead of the vibrant light of justice and peacekeeping. Can villains truly change once they have been tainted? Corrupted?
If there was a time of happiness and cheer, they cannot bring it to mind now. They feel older, wiser, and worse for the wear. Saying anything is futile. They are all thinking the same thing.
None of them are anticipating the burst of light that suddenly blazes to life in the corner closest to Pallas. They watch a silhouette take shape at its center and step out onto the floor. She wields a long slender scepter. She has more poise in her little finger than a white crane has in its entire body. Her long emerald green hair runs down past the dark ruffles of her skirt. They stare in a stupor, wide eyed and breathless, at the Guardian of Time.
"Sailor Pluto," Sailor Juno whispers, coming away from the wall.
They gawk unceremoniously. She smiles knowingly, the way a dotting grandmother might smile at her beloved grandchildren, but without the telling signs of age. The woman does not look a day over twenty five by that could be because of the Silver Moon Crystal's magic or the fact that as the guardian of time, the passage of time has no effect on her. It is evident in her inscrutable face that she has something important to say to them. She knows them, perhaps better than they know themselves. At least, that is what her aura radiates.
The gravity of her presence collides with them. No one has seen Sailor Pluto for hundreds of years, not since she parted from the core group of Sailors to safeguard other parts of the galaxy. The fact that she is here is a statement, a testament, in itself; and it cannot be a coincidence.
Can it?
"Ah, so you do know me," she greets with a congratulatory smirk. She stands like a chapel spire - a radiant vision in the gloom of impurity. She is as mighty as she is beautiful. She is everything they want to be; the Guardian of Time, the ultimate warrior, devoid of attachments and reservations. No regrets. The steadfast soldier, brimming with conviction and duty. The girls glance at one another, awestruck.
What does one say to a living legend? What words can one formulate when perfection pays a visit? In their eyes, she is flawless; and they are hard pressed to envision and scenario that would blemish, even scratch, her reputation.
"Of course we do," Sailor Ceres whispers. "We're-"
"The Sailor Quartet," Sailor Pluto finishes. "I am well aware of that."
"We should inform Neo-Queen Serenity of your arrival, right away!" Sailor Vesta prompts, jumping to her feet as though she is eager to have something to do. But Sailor Pluto has other plans. Her staff changes hands and its glow swells, seeming to roll off the formidable weapon in pulsing waves. The energy washes over them; and, it could be their imagination, their aches and pains are lessened by the mere power of its presence.
"Vesta, Juno, Ceres, and Pallas," she identifies softly, seeking out each girl's eyes in turn. Sailor Pluto does not look away until she certain that each young woman can handle the gravity of what she is going to say to them. "I come with glad tidings, if you care to listen." The girls couldn't move even if they wanted to. Sailor Pluto inclines her chin reverently. Yet, she still maintains an air of compassion, much like a teacher.
"There is a slim margin between victory and defeat, as slim as the difference between a liquid and its frozen state. The difference is but a degree. And there are many forces acting upon the temperature, many outside influences beyond the water's control that contribute to it. But I ask you: when water freezes, or when ice melts, does that mean it has been defeated?" She pauses for effect to let the question soak in. The Sailors exchange puzzled looks, but rapidly come upon the same conclusion.
"No?" They try.
"Precisely. It has merely changed. It still retains all it once was along with the new properties. Each defeat changes us as soldiers, but it does not mean we are defeated for good."
"No offence, Sailor Pluto, but we weren't exactly defeated by a slim margin..." Sailor Vesta mumbles, suddenly interested in the floor.
Juno's eyebrows jump up in sullen agreement, "it was a pretty sound thrashing."
"We failed to protect our princess," Sailor Ceres adds.
Sailor Pallas sniffs and rubs her wrist under her nose. "That's our one and only duty. Our one and only purpose."
"Did you do your best?" Sailor Pluto inquires, tilting her head just enough to convey interest. "Did you try your hardest?"
"Yes," they all say eventually.
She nods affirmatively, wearing a proud smile. "Then there was nothing more you could have done."
"No. You're wrong. We could have died," Sailor Juno says tensely. She grits her teeth and suddenly slams her fist into the wall, spidering it with cracks. "I could have died to protect her. I should have... But we didn't. Instead, we ran away."
Sailor Pluto seems unfazed by the outburst. She continues calmly, "What use are you to your princess dead, Sailor? Imagine the state Usagi would be in if she returned alone. You were meant to survive, to regroup, and to retain your ranks. Every storm braved makes us better captains of our souls." She purses her lips. "You have come away from this fight, your first real mission, looking at everything upside down."
"How should we look at it?" Sailor Vesta laments, shifting in place to slump over. "We failed. We couldn't get the older Sailors back. Usagi almost died."
Sailor Pluto outright laughs. The girls look stunned by the show of emotion. Her eyes twinkle with glee, "do you have any idea how many times our Usagi Sr. almost died, my dear? I wager I couldn't count them on two hands, let alone one. That risk comes with the job description and she knows that. She trusts you. You are not losers. You are survivors. You have lived to fight another day, and have learned much at little cost. Be thankful."
Sailor Juno scoffs. "I didn't learn anything, other than I'm not fit to—"
Sailor Pallas' hand shoots up into the air. "I did!" she exclaims. "I learned something." Sailor Pallas gradually lets her tiny hand down and smiles timidly, kicking her feet after climbing up on one of the crates. "I learned that I rely too much on illusion, and not enough on my fighting skills. I get tired too quickly when I overuse my tricks."
"Hmm… I learned I need to strategize better, not to barrel into a situation without thinking about it first. Taking on two of those beasts alone and playing lookout at the same time was a bad idea." Sailor Vesta nods to herself.
Sailor Ceres' brows knit together, considering the topic carefully. "I learned that I cannot always rely on my teammates to make all the decisions. I need to make some on my own, and accept whatever comes of it." Sailor Ceres looks to Juno who is standing out of reach with her lips pursed and her arms folded. Sailor Pluto waits patiently, because she already knows the conclusion nudging at her heart.
Sailor Juno huffs. "Oh, alright," she mumbles, "I should never underestimate an enemy based on appearance... and I may or may not have a female superiority complex..."
Sailor Vesta chuckles for the first time since their arrival. Their spirits are lifting. She can feel it. Moreover, they are lifting to a higher peak than they hinged on even before their first battle. Sailor Pluto was right. They're growing.
"It's sort of like school," Sailor Pallas remarks thoughtfully, watching the ceiling.
Sailor Vesta jumps down from her crate with her fists at the ready. "And every lesson better prepares us for protecting the princess!"
"If we focus on our strengths, analyze our losses, and see each battle as a new challenge," Sailor Ceres adds, "then we can hone our skills and sharpen our talents, instead of beating ourselves up over what cannot be changed."
"Like a blade with a whetstone," Sailor Juno smirks. Sailor Pluto smirks proudly, observing.
"What are we waiting for?" Sailor Pallas chimes in excitedly.
Sailor Juno strikes a pose. "Let's go get out friends back!"
"Right!" The others echo.
Meanwhile, high above them all, Princess Usagi sits in the axis of the lush garden maze that crowns the Crystal Palace. The colorful foliage does well to obscure her from view, but not to boost her spirits. As the leader, there is so much weight on her shoulders. Everyone is always relying on her and trying to protect her. She has to wonder if she is worth it. Can she become the type of leader people should protect?
How would it feel to have someone die for her?
She doesn't want that. Not ever.
How backwards is it that a princess' duty is to protect her people, and her people's duty is to risk their lives for her? It's all wrong. How can she balance out expectations like that? That is how it has always been done, and she knows that. But is she worth the sacrifice as their future leader? Currently, her responsibility as a leader extends as far as her teammates and fellow Sailors. But what will happen when she is expected to assume the safeguarding of the rest of the planet?
Seated on an ornately fashioned concrete bench, Usagi pulls her knees closer to her chest.
"I'm just not cut out for this princess thing," she mumbles, trying to keep the tears in her eyes out of her tone.
"According to whom?" Asks a familiar voice. Usagi quickly wipes her cheeks with her wrist.
"Hi mama," Usagi mutters. She shakes her head and resumes sulking. "Me," she quips. "I'm not a good leader. I trained for three hundred years, and for what? I couldn't save our friends. I couldn't even win the battle. And everyone was so scared when I was gone..."
"They may have won the battle, sweetheart, but not the war." Serenity crosses over the pathway, the folds of her white gown whispering over the stones, and seats herself next to Usagi.
Usagi resists the urge to hug her mother. "I'm too afraid to fight again. What if I say the wrong thing? Give the wrong orders? Someone is going to get hurt."
"Ah," Serenity remarks. "And it will be all, your fault, is that it?"
Usagi nods, sniffing.
Serenity shakes her head fondly. "Shouldering responsibility is part of being an incredible leader. But you may shoulder a little too much responsibility, my love."
Usagi looks up. "What do you mean?"
"You forget to take into account that Tera, Vesta, Juno, Pallas, and Ceres do not serve and protect you because they have to. They do it because they want to. You may be their Princess, but you are also their close companion. For them, it is more a matter of love than duty. And getting hurt in the pursuit of protecting a loved one, trust me, is well worth it. To deny them that opportunity is cruel." She chuckles. "Plus," the Neo-Queen continues with a twinkle in her eyes, "I highly doubt you could stop them even if you wanted to."
Usagi frowns. Her mother is right. What does that say about her leadership capabilities? If she ordered them not to protect her, would they listen? How can she be a leader and a friend at the same time?
"But what about when I have to lead the rest of the world? The whole world… If I can't even defend my teammates, how do I know I can rule earth? You and father have created such a beautiful place. How do I know I can handle the responsibility of keeping everyone safe and united when you're-?" Usagi cannot bring herself to finish. She idolizes her parents. Talking about their future demise makes it too real. The last thing Usagi wants to do is disappoint her mother and father, especially considering their openly high expectations.
Serenity turns her head and smiles at her daughter, beholding her like a precious gem. "People do not follow you because of your title, Usagi. They follow you because of your heart. They need you, not because of where you sit or stand, but what you stand for. You are goodness and truth. You are happiness and light. You symbolize virtue and courage. You are a beacon of hope, especially in the wilds of this world where light is so limited. You could prepare for a thousand years, but the true test of leadership will only come when the danger is real and you are caught unawares. What you need to lead, you've had since birth. And by anyone's measurement, especially one who has been in the same predicament many times over, you passed the true test."
"But—" Usagi tries to interject.
Queen Serenity holds up her finger, effectively cutting her off. "Your team is alive and well. You found where the other Sailors are being held captive. You confronted the enemy and did not back down until you had to. You have done well, my little princess. Now, tell your toughest critic to give it a rest. We're very proud of you, of all of you, and so grateful to have you here to tell you so." Serenity reaches out and hooks a strand of hair behind Usagi's ear. "To lead those you love, follow your heart. Your good heart will lead you in the way of the light. And the light, darling, is always victorious in the end."
Usagi's eyes swim with tears. Her lower lip quivers when she tries to smile. She throws her arms around her mother's waist and clings to her for dear life. Serenity strokes her head, cradling her fingers through her hair.
"Thanks, mama," Usagi sniffles.
Tera clutches the picture frame tightly against her chest, only an ounce or two from potentially cracking the glass. She is sitting in the middle of her bed, in the midst of what was once a comforting space. Now it brings only haunting memories. She knows they cannot hear her, but that does not stop her from apologizing over and over into the empty air.
She trembles, fighting sobs.
Tera is not a fragile person, but the events of yesterday, coupled with nearly losing Usagi, were enough to melt her resolve. She wishes her parents were here. She wants to crawl into her father's lap and curl up like a toddler. She wants to spend every evening cooking with her mother again. She wants some semblance of normalcy, a reminder that she is not alone.
Her symbiote separates her from her friends in a way. It makes her different. The union of Hybrid and Sailor Jupiter was always so reassuring that differences didn't matter, but they're not here now. Tera wants life to return to the way it was, before the real danger and the real battles started.
Admitting that to herself is a stone in her stomach.
Wasn't she the one gunning for real field tests? Pushing for action? Certain of their abilities as Sailors? How did she manage to emerge the inverted image of her former self?
After almost seeing the black symbiote a second time up close and personal, Tera is half convinced that her symbiote is not a part of her at all, but a separate monster waiting to pounce. And now she's at home, alone, with it. She can practically feel it watching her, stalking her, waiting for the right moment to strike. She has to block it out. She will never let that side see the light of day.
Tera is seconds away from vowing never to fight again when two fluffy friends leap up from the ground outside onto the window sill behind her. Luna and Artemis exchange wary glances after seeing her is such distress. The girl is utterly distraught, so much so that they are not convinced she even heard them arrive.
Luna gracefully slinks down from the window and onto the coverlet of Tera's bed. Her tiny paws sink into the well cushioned surface.
"Tera," she prompts authoritatively. Tera, startled, wipes her eyes, immediately hiding her face. Tera shakes her head and buries her face in her knees.
"Go away," she croaks hoarsely.
Luna sputters with indignation. "We will do no such thing," the cat quips, leveling Tera with one of her concerned half scowls.
Luna looks up to the window sill at Artemis who sits back on his haunches with worry brimming in his big blue eyes. Luna has never been one for sentimental moments. Even during her time with the young neo-queen, she was always rather crass and sarcastic with her. That was what Usagi Sr. needed. Now, with Tera, she is not so sure her normal tactics would work as effectively.
Luna has to assume that it is the absence of Tera's mother and father that has her so upset; until Tera clenches her fists so hard that her nails bite into her palms.
"I froze when I saw it," Tera bursts out tearfully. "It was my job to battle it, to defeat it, and I just stood there. I stood there like a child, like a baby. I stood there and watched Usagi almost… almost…" She can't finish. She shakes her head and sobs into her knees. "I don't even know if I really saw even it, or if it was just a stupid shadow."
Luna creeps closer, carefully. "Saw what?" she pushes.
"Th - the black symbiote, the one who l-l-looks like my father! The m-m-monster who looks like me!" She chokes, "that th - thing!" she sobs, on the verge of going hysterical. Whatever dam that was holding her together has ruptured. "That awful, ugly thing! That thing that could t - take over m-m-me. That thing that made my father k - kill all those p - people. It's in m-m-me too. If I u-u-use it… I cou - could—" Her voice stutters as she breathes rapidly, unable to still the quivering of her lungs.
Luna sighs sadly, her brows lifting at the center. What a horrible predicament…
She prays she will know what to say and the right words to say it with will come to her. She catches a glimpse of the photograph clutched against Tera's chest and suddenly she knows exactly where to start.
Luna sits down. She paws at Tera's leg to get her attention. "You know, Tera… your father locked himself up and wanted to be forgotten by the people of this kingdom for the crimes he committed."
"That's right," Artemis chimes in, "but do you know why he came out and struggled for years to rebuild his honor and trust of the people?" Tera sniffs and shakes her head, hardly invested in the conversation at the moment. She's too busy wallowing in her own misery.
Luna answers for her, "it was you, Tera. Your mother showed him a picture of you and the paternal love he had for you convinced him that he needed to accept what he was so that he could be there to raise you and defend the kingdom."
Artemis smiles sympathetically. "You can't change who you are physically, but you can become something greater by your actions and your belief in both yourself and others."
Tera peeks over her knees, eyeing Luna and Artemis with shimmering watery eyes. "Really?" She chokes. "H - he did that?" She inhales sharply, her breathing staggered.
Luna nods, "and he would do it again in a heartbeat."
"But I'm different," Tera croaks, rubbing the heel of her palm into her dripping cheek. "I'm different from all my friends. I'm the only one like this. I'm part alien. You saw what happened at the party back then… Won't they start looking at me differently if I use my symbiote?"
"So are we, Tera," Luna says with a secretive smile.
"We're aliens too," Artemis clarifies. "There are no other cats like us on Earth. We have each other, sure, but that's still only two in the entire world. If anyone understands what it's like to be different, we do." Luna inclines her chin and puffs out her chest proudly.
Tera sniffles, looking at them with newfound affection. "I n – never thought of that before." She manages what she can of a smile.
"You were made from the union of two extraordinary people, Tera," Artemis explains. "Your parents are wonderful from every angle. So are you."
"And every piece of you is also part of them," Luna adds. "You must accept yourself, like your father did."
Tera hugs her knees tighter. She grits her teeth together. "Why?"
Luna inclines her chin, "because you cannot be fighting two battles at once, especially when one of them is internal. Your father understood this. The symbiote is a gift from him. Even if you never acknowledge it, it is still there as surely as the dark side of the moon is ever present and not seen. He knows how to wield it, therefore you will too. It is a tool of great power. With it will come great responsibility. Find the balance between human and alien and you will achieve peace enough to wage the wars that must be fought, to help the friends who need you, to defend a kingdom worth fighting for."
Tera whimpers and sniffs, blowing her nose for the umpteenth time and dropping the tissue into the growing pile at her feet.
"And for heaven sake," the cat exclaims, "stop being such a crybaby!" To her surprise, Tera chuckles, light gradually reappearing in her eyes. Luna smiles dutifully and stomps her paw against the comforter. "Get out there and kick some monster-!"
She is interrupted by a knock at the door. Wiping her eyes and dumping the wads of used tissue into the waste basket, Tera slides out of bed and goes to answer it. Both cats follow at her heels. She opens the door. Usagi and the Sailor Quartet stand before her. She meets each of their eyes in turn, landing last on Usagi's. The princess smiles, reaches out, and takes her hand. Her touch floods Tera with confidence. Luna and Artemis' words resonate with her. Her father would want this.
"Ready for round two, T?" Sailor Juno asks, cracking her knuckles.
Tera nods, mustering more resolve at the conclusion of the motion. "More than ever."
"Then let's go and get your parents!" Usagi agrees.
"The rest of the Sailors are counting on us," Tera adds. "We're going to do whatever it takes to rescue them this time!"
Usagi beams triumphantly and Tera feels as though they have already won. "Right!" The princess proclaims. "Let's do our best, everyone!" They nod.
End of Chapter 10
