Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If u don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?
-9 Crimes by Damien Rice-

Blood dries rather quickly, how I could forget that little piece of information astonishes me. I was in the bathroom, trying my best to get the blood off my shoulder.

I still felt unbelievably dizzy, every once in a while I would have to sit down and steady myself. It probably wasn't a good idea to let a vampire drink your blood when you're a severe anemic who has to live off of iron pills just so you wont pass out.

Hey, I never claimed to be smart.

I threw the paper towel, stained with my blood, in the trash can and stared back at the mirror. My eyes were that eerie pale blue they turn when I'm weak, my lips lacked all color.

I splashed cold water on my face, trying to stop the sick feeling in my stomach. I stood straight, trying to balance myself. The room started spinning, I grabbed at the wall, I needed something to hold. I felt my legs giving out, I fell forward and felt my head hit the corner of the counter, and I was out.

-Ten Minutes Later-

"Bella, wake up..."

My head hurt, I didn't want to open my eyes, but I knew that voice wasn't my mothers. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite place it.

"Come on, wake up."

I slowly opened one eye, Josef was staring down at me, his brown eyes filled with worry. He had me laid on the couch in his office, he was holding my head in his lap protectively. I could feel a ice pack placed on the top of my head.

"You had me worried."

I didn't say anything, my head was hurting to bad to put words together, I just shut my eyes and enjoyed the fact that I was so close to him.

"Are you alright?"

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes once again. "I think so...my head hurts..."

I could tell by his facial expression that he felt that this was his fault. "Well you hit it pretty hard."

I started to sit up, the room spun before my eyes and I quickly laid back down. "Holy shit."

He laughed a bit, I glared up at him. "Why didn't you tell me that you were feeling bad?"

I shrugged.

"I didn't think I had taken so much...I'm sorry."

I shook my head, then grimaced from the pain. "It's not your fault, I should have told you, I'm anemic."

He stared down at me. "Yea, that's generally something you inform a vampire of..."

I bit my lip. "I knew you wouldn't bite me if you knew."

"You're right, I wouldn't have. It's to dangerous."

I smiled. "Oh come on, what's life without a little danger? Life's to short to live in fear...or at least, humans lives are to short...you're going to be alive forever."

He laughed. "I hope to be."

I sighed. "I don't see how anyone could wish to live forever, I personally, have no desire to live for 20 years much less forever."

He didn't speak for a while, I could tell he was thinking up something to say.

"I'm not going to argue with you anymore Bella, but I can't handle hearing you speak like that."

I sighed again and tried to clear the fuzziness from my brain. "I've never been one to bite my tongue Josef, I say what I feel or think, and I never feel guilty about it."

He stared down at me, I knew what he was going to say, but it didn't make it any easier to hear.

"Then I think it would be best for us not to talk to each other anymore."

I tok a deep breath and nodded. "Yea, that would probably be better for both of us." I attempted to sit up again, this time the room didn't spin and I was able to make it to my feet without falling.

He stood up and gave me a small smile. "Goodbye Belinda."

"Goodbye Josef."

He bent down and placed a quick kiss on my cheek. I couldn't help but feel like I was losing a big part of myself by walking out of his office. In the past few months he's affected my life so much, and just because he can't accept my life style I'm losing that.

But I'm a stubborn person, so is he, I guess this is how it will be.

I shut his office door behind me and stifled a laugh. I was able to make it out to the balcony before bursting into loud hysterical laughter. My mom always told me a suffer from 'church giggles'. I laugh at funerals, I laugh at the worst times, I laugh so I won't cry.

I held tightly to the railing, it was the only thing keeping me from jumping. My laughing quieted, and I started to calm down. I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped the rail even tighter.

I fell to my knees, my whole body shaking, all I wanted to do was run back to him.

But I can't, because that means he wins, and I don't lose.

"God dammit." I bit down on my lip as the realization hit me.

I had fallen in love with him. Somewhere in between the arguing, kissing, and bloodshed I had fallen for him.

I shook my head, no I can't, love doesn't happen for people like me. I had never been in love before, I don't deserve love because I wouldn't appreciate it. I can't be in love with him. It's impossible.

No, I'm not in love with him, I am attracted to him, that's all it is. It seemed like the more I said it the more unbelievable it became.

My hands were numb from holding the rail, I let go and tried to get the feeling back. I needed to do something to get my mind of off him. I sat back on my butt and tried to think of anything but him. My head was pounding, I tried to focus on that, I'll take physical pain over mental pain any day.

I scooted back until I felt the cool concrete on my back. I was tired, maybe I could get some sleep, and then when I wake up I'll realize that he is a asshole and I don't want anything to do with him.

Somehow I don't think that's possible.