Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. You know the drill.
Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?
Posted: 11/11
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All that Jazz
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The office was silent as Naruto stared at Satoshi, mouth agape. The redhead ignored the junchuuriki in favor of sorting through the monstrous pile of travel brochures covering his desk.
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"Actually, I'm not," Satoshi replied, pausing at a particularly bright pamphlet advertising the new Itchi Itachi Resort.
"But...But I've only been training for two weeks! And now you decided to up and leave to do Kami only knows what!"
"You sound like a hormonal girl, Naruto-chan. What's wrong with going on vacation? You do know you're coming with us, right?"
"I, well..."
With a sigh, the Akatsuki leader forced himself to set down the extremely appealing advertisement. "We might be extremely powerful, bad ass missing-nin, but even the Akatsuki can't work all the time. We are only human... Scratch that. Most of us are only human. Anyways, from time to time we take a nice, simple vacation."
The blond frowned. Since when did Satoshi do anything in moderation? "Simple? As in what?"
"Oh, nothing special, just renting out a five star resort or two. This year we're going to... Suna!" Satoshi announced, staring intently down at a rather drab flyer.
"Tobi said you hadn't decided yet."
"Well, yeah, I decided just now."
Naruto resisted the urge to facefault. "Why Suna? Wouldn't that be a little, I don't know, idiotic? You almost killed the Kazakage!"
"Almost. He's not dead, now is he? But we're going none the less; Sunagakure's holding it's world-famous Sake Festival!"
The blonde's eye twitched, "...Sake?"
As he was asking this, a blue head poked through the door. "Hey! Can we go..."
"Sake Festival," Satoshi replied, not waiting for Kisame finished his question.
The large man grinned. "Even better," he commented before wandering off, presumably to update the others.
Naruto blinked a few times. "Okay... So when are we leaving?"
"Monday."
"And when are we getting back?"
"The 30th."
Naruto groaned. "This is going to be a long month."
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Nine days of almost nonstop walking later, the rather large assortment of missing-nin arrived in Suna just before midnight. After checking into a resort on the edge of town, the group slit up as everyone went their separate ways. While a few opted to go to bed, the majority of the Akatsuki went off to drink, gamble, cause mass chaos, or just eat.
Naruto, however, remembered little of this. Completely exhausted from the extensive traveling, he collapsed on the first bed he saw upon arrival. While he was one of the few to get any sleep the previous night, he wasn't exactly thrilled about being woken up by someone jumping on his bed.
"Go way. 'M tryin' to sleep," he muttered, pulling a pillow over his head.
"But...but...but...I'm bored! UBER BORED! I want someone to spar with. And sugar; I want more SUGAR! Ohmigod, you took the sugar, didn't you? The Spanish Inquisition WILL GET YOU! BE SMITTEN BY THE WRATH OF MY MUTANT WEASEL ARMY! ATTACK HIM, ITACHI-KUN!!!" Grudgingly removing the pillow, Naruto was met with a very worrisome sight. Kaida, eyes wide and laughing maniacally, was practically vibrating in place and pointing at Naruto, commanding her nonexistent minions forward.
"How much coffee did you drink?" he asked wearily.
"Only twelve pots! I would have had more, but there was only DECAF LEFT!" Towards the end of her reply, the caffeinated blond had broken into song and started pirouetting across the room. As Naruto prepared his retort, Daidara strolled in. Grabbing Kaida by the waist, he slung the babbling girl over his shoulder and exited the room. Kisame, who had entered the room moments before with Satoshi and Itachi, gave the Akatsuki leader a pointed look.
"I told you we'd need a strait jacket," he commented, plopping himself in a nearby chair.
Satoshi chose to ignore the swordsman. "So, Naruto-kun, what are you planning on doing today?"
Naruto thought for a minute. "I'm not sure; I hadn't given it much thought. I guess I'll go into town and get something to eat. Maybe I'll visit Gaara and spar or something."
Satoshi blinked in surprise. "You're friends with him?" Naruto nodded. "I didn't know that. I knew you on the rescue team, but... When did this happen? Did you know about this, Itachi-kun? You did? Why didn't you tell me?"
The Uchiha looked up from his fingernails, which he was in the process of repainting again. "I assumed you knew. After all, everyone else in the Akatsuki did."
"Oh." The redhead was silent for a few moments. "What was I going to say? Oh, yeah: you need a chaperone!"
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Why do I need a chaperone when a person like, say, Kaida gets to run around uninhibited, being a menace to society?"
"Because I way so. Kaida-chan is getting a chaperone, by the way. Tobi-kun is, too; he has to stick with Zetsu. Not that he wouldn't do that anyways, but..."
"Who's watching Kaida?"
"Kisame, Daidara and Hidan!"
Naruto blanched, eyes widening. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Satoshi, however, wasn't listening; he was preoccupied with trying to filch Kisame's copy of Itchi Itachi Violence. Rolling out of bed, Naruto started looking for his bag so he could get dressed. "So, who's my chaperone?"
"Itachi-kun!"
The blond stopped his search. "You've got to be kidding me."
Itachi stopped what he was doing as well. "I thought Ayame-chan was to be his chaperone."
Satoshi rubbed the back of his head absentmindedly. "That was the plan, but unfortunately she's feeling sick this morning. So I figured Itachi-kun was the next best choice! You can bond and what not." Itachi's eyes narrowed at this suggestion. "I'll send Ayame-chan out to join you if she feels better." The Uchiha, obviously unhappy with the situation, continued to glare.
Naruto, thinking along the same lines, countered, "I think people are going to notice a mass murderer walking around, especially considering he was one on the ones who kidnapped and almost killed their Kage."
The Akatsuki leader humped. "I thought we went over this back at the headquarters. He's not dead anymore; that Chiko person, or whatever her name was, brought him back. Plus, Itachi-kun can use Henge."
The dark haired shinobi crossed his arms. "I highly doubt Sand shinobi are incapable of detecting and dispelling genjutsu as elementary as Henge."
"Not if you use a Kage Henge they can't!" Satoshi replied, grinning evilly. Naruto's attention was caught by the mention of an unknown jutsu. Curiously, he asked what it was. "A Kage Henge is basically the Kage Bunshin of Henge. Instead of simply appearing like someone else, you physically take their form. It's... sort of like your Sexy no Jutsu. You don't just look like a hot, naked girl; you are a hot naked girl! Now hurry up and change, Itachi-kun!"
Sighing in compliance, Itachi stood and removed his Akatsuki cloak, revealing the blue outfit Naruto was accustomed to seeing the Uchiha in during training. Bringing his hands together, they flashed through a long series of handseals, much too quickly for the blond to identify any. When the handseals were completed, there was a small puff of smoke, and in Itachi's place stood a tall man with eerily green eyes.
"Are you supposed to look like me?" Naruto queried, observing Itachi's new form. "'Cause you look like my older brother or something."
"That was my intention," the Uchiha drawled, flicking a strand of his now bright blond, and much shorter, hair from his face. "Now, where is our first destination?"
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Slurping happily away at a bowl of ramen, Naruto watched the residents of Suna bustle about, making preparations for the upcoming festival. His guardian sat beside him, making his way through a pile of dango. Much to his surprise, Itachi was much more talkative that Sasuke. Granted, a rock still had better conversational skills. Inhaling yet another bowl of ramen, Naruto paused in his gorging when he spotted a familiar, pineapple-shaped head.
"Shikamaru? Is that you? What are you doing here?"
The brunette geniuses stopped and glanced over in his direction. Doing a double take, he shook his had and joined the blond at the ramen stand. "I could as you the same thing."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Kakashi has attempted to hold several unofficial funerals in your honor, claiming you're either dead or soon will be, and I find you eating ramen in Suna with... another blond."
Itachi looked up from his dango, raised an eyebrow, and continued eating. Naruto, recognizing the unspoken question, began introductions.
"This is Nara Shikamaru, Konoha chuunin and my former classmate. And Shikamaru, this is... one of the people helping Kaida-chan train me. His name... um... His name is..."
"Moriko Kenji," Itachi offered, saving Naruto from further stuttering. The shadow user observed Itachi suspiciously, and was about to make a comment, when a third blond come bounding up.
"Naruto-kun? Chi-Chi-kun? Where ARE you? Chi-Chi-kun? CHI-CHI-KUN!" The still hyperactive blond attached herself to Itachi's arm and continued her caffeine fueled rant. "Chi-Chi-kun, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you! You'll never guess what I found: edible paper! It tastes like strawberry! Want to try some? No? Well, more for me! Oh, there was this shop that... that... sold nothing but COFFEE! All kinds, too! They had all these different flavors! I think it was called Farducks. Isn't that name AWESOME? I think we should buy our coffee there! And then there was a HUGE... Why is your hair yellow? And who's that?" she questioned, pointing pointedly at the shadow user. Naruto decided to intervene before she let anything major slip.
"Yes, Kenji. Why don't you tell Kaida who this is?"
"Kenji? What do you mean Ken...Oh! Kenji! Gotcha. And I do know who this is; I'm not a numbskull. He's that troublesome kid who was with Asuma-teme when I beat up that old store person dude!"
Shikamaru stared at the blond for a few moments. "You're Kazama Kaida?" Kaida nodded enthusiastically. Naruto, however, looked perplexed.
"Kazama?" he asked in bewilderment.
"Yeah; didn't I tell you? You'd be a Kazama, too, but apparently no one in Konoha has common sense. I mean, come on. If they can't tell you're a Kazama they must be blind." The Nara watched the exchange in amusement. So Naruto didn't know yet. This could be interesting. Yet this Kenji person... Something was odd about him. He looked faintly entertained as well, as if he knew what the name Kazama implied. Which should be impossible. Few people in Konoha knew the Yondaime's full name; even fewer outside of the village knew. Yet this man continued to watch, chuckling even, as Kaida continued to ramble on about how Naruto was a carbon copy of his father, tactlessly announcing to the world who Naruto really was. "Anyways, I've got to go. Places to go, people to piss off, you know the drill. See you latter, Chi-Chi-kun! Naruto-kun!" The blond skipped off, pigtails swinging, leaving behind and even more befuddled Naruto, smirking Itachi, and a curious Shikamaru.
"What idiot let her out when she was still that hyper?" Naruto asked out of the blue.
"I don't think they let her out," Itachi replied. When Naruto sent him a questioning look, he elaborated. "Just watch."
Moments later, a frazzled silver haired shinobi rushed past. "Kaida? Kaida?! Where are you? Has a blond girl come by here? No? Are you sure? She has pigtails and she's insanely hyper. Are you positive you haven't seen her? Aw man, Satoshi's going to kill me!"
Naruto chuckled slightly. "Well that explains everything," he commented before digging into his next bowl of ramen, unaware of Shikamaru's wide eyed stare as the missing-nin faded into the crowd.
"They lost Kaida, didn't they?" a soft voice inquired from out of nowhere. The trio turned to see a petite, blue haired woman standing behind them. Dressed in a loose, light blue kimono, she more closely resembled a noble woman than a shinobi. Yet even Shikamaru, whom had never met her, could tell that she was a seasoned fighter by the way she held herself.
"It would appear so," Itachi replied.
Seeing the shadow user's questioning glance, Naruto once again initiated the introductions. "This is Tanaka Ayame, another one of my teachers. And Ayame, this is Nara Shikamaru."
"Pleasure," she replied, nodding her head in acknowledgment. "Would you two come with me? I need to talk to you." Placing money on the counter, Naruto waved goodbye to Shikamaru as he followed Itachi and Ayame into a nearby alley. Turning to face the two males, Ayame's expression became irritated. "Have you two been sitting there this whole time? I've been looking for you for ages! Anyways, even though I still don't feel that well, Satoshi-kun wants me to switch with you, Itachi. Apparently he needs your help with something. From what I've seen, I'm guessing it's Kaida."
Bringing his hands together, the Uchiha released his Kage Henge. "I wasn't expecting you to be this... compliant about having babysitting duty."
Ayame laughed. "Please. I'm just happy he's letting me do anything. How long has it been since I've had a missing?"
"I don't keep track. But you should hurry up and tell him; it's been almost two months."
The blue haired kunoichi frowned. "If he's too dense to figure it out on his own..."
"He has figured it out or at least has his suspicions. Why else do you think he's not letting you go on any missions? But you should go ahead and tell him, anyways."
"Oh... Who else knows?"
"Kaida-chan might, but no one else has figured it out."
Naruto, completely mystified by their conversation, decided to interrupt before the topic could change. "Maybe I'm just completely dense, but I have no idea what you are two talking about." Ayame crossed her arms and stared down at her feet, muttering something under her breath. "Sorry, but I didn't catch that."
"I'm pregnant," she repeated, continuing her examination of the ground. Naruto blinked a few times. Okay, so she was pregnant. This just meant Satoshi... The blonde's eyes widened as the information finally sank in. Satoshi was going to be a dad? What was the world coming to?
"I almost forgot: Do either of you know why Shikamaru was smoking?"
The two Akatsuki members shared a look. After a long staring match, Ayame reluctantly answered. "Just before you arrived at the headquarters, Hidan and Kakuzu were on a mission in Fire Country to find you. They were confronted by a group from Konoha; I think it was lead by Sarutobi Asuma. Hidan claims the leader was still alive when Satoshi called them back, but you've seen the way he fights. Kaida-chan's always complaining about how Sarutobi-san was always smoking, so maybe your friend started in honor of his sensei."
"Oh." There was an awkward silence following this revelation, until Itachi eventually broke it.
"I will leave you two to your 'bonding.' I need to find Baka-chan before she starts a war." The Uchiha vanished with a slight swirl of leaves alien to Suna's parched desert climate. Turning to look at his new guardian, Naruto was instantly on guard when he spotted her overly cheerful grin.
"Come along, Naruto-kun! We need to hurry and start shopping before all the stores close."
"But I was going to visit my friend..."
"We're going shopping," the kunoichi growled.
"Um, right. Shopping."
"Good boy. Now you only have to carry my bags!" The blond sobbed quietly as the blue haired woman dragged him off.
When the pair was out of sight, a figure slowly emerged from the shadows. "So troublesome," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head.
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So, yeah. I didn't meet by deadline. But I was close! This chapter isn't particularly long, either, but a lot got done in way of the plot. In fact, even more is going to happen next chapter. Anyways, a big Thank You to PirateCaptainBo and TangDoh for reviewing. I tried to keep everyone more in character this chapter, but I still have a problem with seeing the Akatsuki as one big, dysfunctional family. Especially after reading chapters with Tobi and Daidara.
Next chapter should be up on Friday; I'll do everything in my power to make it so.
Hasta pronto!
--- Evil Clone Number 7
